bad advice from dr. regarding my young teen daughter

meadow_sage

IMO, there are MUCH better sources of protein than protein shakes. Natural peanut butter or better Sunbutter (YUM), beans, cheese, Kashi cereal (again, YUM). Those are few suggestions but you can look it up. 108 is perfect for her height...the weight/height charts start at 103 for a healthy weight for a small frame women...and correct me if I'm wrong but she is only 13 and should still be developing so, should probably not go that low. I'm really surprised at these recommendation of this NP.

Terry903

I am the mom of a 14 yr old and I work at a MDs office. A NP is not a doctor, a PA is not a doctor and is not a nutritionist. This N:P overstepped. This person should not have said that in front of your girl who is not over weight per my figuring. PS I am 5ft. Your daughter has more growing to do, and she is not obese. To give a 13 yr old with no weight problem the encouragement to diet at this stage is just wrong. Your girl may go overboard! Too many young people are too worried about their looks; this is not good. Good grief! You might want to find a real doctor to see instead of the NP. Dumb, dumb, dumb!

Sunshine2plus2

Personally I would not give a second thought to what they have to say. I would do what I think is best for my daughter!!

littlebudgie

I have been told some pretty appallingly incorrect things by RN's, unfortunately.

One thing that might help her general attitude towards food is if when you count calories you talk about nutritional content. Basically, if she hears you saying things like "Oh, I'm pretty low on iron today, looks like we're having steak salad for supper!" rather than "Wow, I'm close to my calorie goal, better just have a big salad for supper.", it might help her shift her focus from "fewer calories = better" to "more nutrients=better". For me at least, that shift in focus was the first step in avoiding chronic undereating.

LAMypie

I have an 11 year old daughter, she is not stick thin either. She also sees her dad and I counting calories. We tell her we have to do this as adults because we didn't learn ( or didn't care about how to treat our bodies in a healthy way. We only talk about being healthy with her, not losing weight. We tell her kids don't worry about calories because they are still growing, and their bodies fluctuate all the time. Mom and dad aren't getting any taller so we have to do something else.

Some people said she is in the normal range? If she doesn't believe you, look it up and show her. That will be another source that isn't her "mom". Because what do we know

This ^^^ I have twin 12 year olds. One has always been very thin, the other chunkier. They walk or ride bikes to school, and we never have junk food in the house. We have told all 3 of our kids the same as above. We didn't do it right, and now struggle. They need to eat the good stuff, and remember to stay active as they get older, which we did not. The chunkier of the 2 had gained some weight, (not a lot, and still in the normal range), but when she started drama, she had to walk to school, because I had to pick her up after drama (and couldn't transport a bike). She slimmed down a bit, and since drama is over, she's still walking. I think she realizes the difference, but isn't obsessed with losing. I also agree with the ppl who have said that NO child, unless grossly overweight, should be counting calories. Help her make better food choices, and do fun stuff to stay active.

iggyboo93

This is awful. Young girls have enough issues with body image so they don't need to hear this crap. My eight year old daughter told me yesterday she needs to go on a diet to lose her belly fat. :huh: She is 4'9 and 70 pounds (yes - she is tall for her age - her dad is 6'7" and I'm 5'7"). She eats a lot of fruits/veggies and is semi-active (gymnastics, swimming and soccer). I sat her down and told her that she is perfect and beautiful just the way she is. Hoping it will sink in.

HudaSaman

She's too young to be counting calories and worrying about weight - She's still growing, her weight is going to continue to fluctuate throughout her teens. It's just better for her not worry about, and make sure she's healthy.

castelluzzo99

According to http://www.livestrong.com/article/298523-the-ideal-weight-for-a-teenage-girl/, her BMI should be between 15 and 23. I calculated hers at 21.8, so she's on the higher end, but still in ideal range. MY BMI is at the higher end of ideal, and I need to lose, no question. The thing they don't factor in is bone structure. My bone structure is fairly small, but not as tiny as some, so I need to be on the lower end but not at the bottom.

HOWEVER, she probably should be eating more than 1000 calories a day. I would talk to a nutritionist, and also make sure she has lots of healthy options. I'm vegetarian and often vegan, so I know that you can't just eat the non-meat parts of a meal and always get a healthy, balanced meal. See about having options available for her, like beans or tofu, that she can fix herself (she is old enough to learn to cook) to replace the meat-filled main dish. And make sure she gets a variety of veggies.

Is she scared of fat? If so, I would be concerned. If she's not bothered by eating a (veggie) pizza slice now and then, she's probably not anorexic. But if she is obsessing with certain foods, especially those that are healthy in moderation, and ESPECIALLY with fat, then she might have some issues.

For sure, I would talk to the pediatrician or see another doctor if you must. I know you don't have to see the doctor if the nurse practitioner saw the child and was satisfied with what they saw, but you can ask to see the MD anyhow. I usually do. Or go see a naturopath. That's what I would do (DO do!).

Sakura_Tree

I calculated her BMI and she need about 1300 calories a day to maintain her weight

calibriintx

I feel like I'm fairly well qualified to chime in on this as at 19 I remember those years VERY clearly still. The biggest and most important thing I think to mention is to TALK TO HER ABOUT IT. Make sure she keeps you in the loop on everything she's doing. Once secretive behaviours start, it diminishes by a huge amount what you can do to help. Even if it's not entirely healthy, making sure she tells you everything she's doing in terms of calorie restriction, BEFORE you slowly try to get her to come around...telling her straight up not to obsess and that she's being an unhealthy or silly won't make her stop, it'll just make her hide her behaviours, making any bad decisions exponentially more dangerous.

Secondly, you need to instill in her as strongly as you can that she's at a healthy weight, and that is what is important. When I was that age (just a few years ago!) I developed a serious eating disorder, but had absolutely no-one to talk to about it, and so it just got worse and worse until I landed in hospital, with my mum absolutely distraught and beating herself up about it because she'd had no idea what was going on (she assumed for a while that it was the natural thinning out of early teen years, and didn't realize anything was wrong until it was far too late). If we'd been in a constant, comfortable communication pattern with openness about body image, nutrition and all things calorie-related, I feel like it might not have happened, or at least, sense would've been banged into me before I wound up in hospital with tubes stuck in me.

If she's anything like how I was, trying to steer her completely away from the obsession with calories etc. will just result in her thinking it's something to be ashamed of, and doing it obsessively in secret, with no guidance. I'd say, while this would not necessarily be a good idea for your average early teen, if she's already picked up some obsessive behaviours with calorie-counting, all you can do is steer them in the right direction, possibly by making her a profile on something like MFP, or similar. That way, she'll be bombarded with the right (usually!) advice, and if she is obsessive, at least it'll be "healthy" (yeah, oxymoron, I know, but I'm speaking in relative terms) obsessive rather than unhealthy obsessive: resorting to ED forums, pro-ana sites etc., and doing her own calorie restrictions, which can end up ridiculously low.

Also, appealing to logic was one of the things that eventually helped me out. Articles on metabolism slowing from netting too low, "starvation mode" etc, and about how keeping your metabolism going with high enough calorie levels can result in healthy weight loss, while still maintaining adequate nutrition, really made logical sense to me. As much as right now she might want to lose weight, she hopefully realizes that as she's 13, she really does have to think about the future, and how what she's doing now may result in her finding it HARDER to lose weight at a later stage (story of my life...) due to metabolism damage.

Sorry for the very long and possibly rambling post, this is just something that I feel I can really identify with and need to chime in on. When I was 12, I was about 5'4 and close on 150lbs. By the time I was 14 I was 5'7 and probably right on 100lbs (by that point mum had taken all scales out of the house so I wasn't entirely sure). Major metabolism damage later, and I wound up MAINTAINING at about 130lbs, on only about 1000 calories a day. If she goes down this route, that might be reality for her, which isn't fun!

Markers to watch out for, (from experience!):
-often saying she's just eaten, when she comes home from being out with friends
-taking food to her room or somewhere else in the house to eat it rather than eating with family
-her looking tired all the time
-her being dizzy and/or passing out
-drinking lots of diet soft drinks and/or coffee (appetite suppressants! I'd sometimes go days on a few black coffees, 6 or 7 bottles of coke zero, and maybe an apple)
...i'm sure there's lots more but i'm having a bit of a mental blank now.

Anyway, I hope any of that has been helpful, I just really would hate to think of another young girl going down the same route I did!!!

^ This. If ditching the calorie counting will just make her hide it, you could check out spark teens. But, gosh, 13 is young to be counting. I'm pissed at that np!

HotrodsGirl0107

What the NP is advising is dangerous and I really think the NP got too big for her britches and over stepped. NPs are not doctors and dang sure not nutritionists. You daughter is young and if she gets in a pattern of under eating now she could mess up her development. Plus if she damages her metabolism now she will likely have proplems controlling her weight as a grown adult. I was severely under eating when I was a teen and not only did I mess up my metabolism, I also ate so little for so long it weakened my heart (damage is permanent and I have to manage it daily.) I am also now going through fertility issues but I don't have all the facts so I don't know what damage has been done at this point. Still more tests...

Your daughter is too young and not even overweight! If I were you I would run the NPs recomendatopn by the doctor cleatly this NP should NOT be giving advice on nutrition.

Queen_JessieA

I am the mom of a 14 yr old and I work at a MDs office. A NP is not a doctor, a PA is not a doctor and is not a nutritionist. This N:P overstepped. This person should not have said that in front of your girl who is not over weight per my figuring. PS I am 5ft. Your daughter has more growing to do, and she is not obese. To give a 13 yr old with no weight problem the encouragement to diet at this stage is just wrong. Your girl may go overboard! Too many young people are too worried about their looks; this is not good. Good grief! You might want to find a real doctor to see instead of the NP. Dumb, dumb, dumb!

In my defense, we went in for a sports physical / well visit so she can try out for Pep Squad at her school. We didn't go seeking nutritional advise.

Queen_JessieA

Thank you guys. I just sat at the appointment listening to all of this and getting more peeved by the minute because I don't see a problem at all. She is pretty curvy and she compares herself to the thinner girls. But I am very pleased by the advice I have gotten here and also thru pm. Thank you so very much!!

stephaniemejia1671

Seek a second opinion. And another vote for trusting your mom instincts.

elyelyse

The Nurse Practitioner who i see as my general practitioner is amazing. She is supportive and takes the time to talk to me and I do owe some of my success to her support... but... having said that... she knows jack about weight loss other than eat less, exercise more.

when she tells me that i need to eat breakfast to get my metabolism going for the day, I just smile and nod because no amount of debating with her that this isn't necessary will do any good.
when i mentioned that i ate fast food once over the course of a month and i was pretty proud of that, she told me i really should cut it out completely if i want to be successful. again, I smiled and nodded.

It's true that most Drs (and nurse practitioners and physicians assistants, who often work as primary care providers) do not know enough about weight loss and nutrition to give good advice. It's unfortunate.