I have had ENOUGH (binge-eating)

_Frankie_

I just can't take it anymore. I cannot take the way that binge-eating makes me feel. It WILL end up killing me, I'm being honest and I am not overreacting. I'm nearly 23 - only managing to keep at a healthy weight through lots and lots of exercise. I do not want to be one of those people at 50, having binged for the last 30 years (I've already been doing it for 7!)

My boyfriend always rolls his eyes at me when I talk of abstinence from my trigger foods. He believes that it is not necessary, and that I just need to 'be strong.'Problem is, my self-esteem is now at an all time low. 50% of the time, I wake up near-on suicidal with guilt from last's night binge. The only reason I am depressed is because of my binge-eating - but now it is starting to effect my 4-year long relationship (I love my boyfriend so much, but I am now quite regularly in a bad mood due to overeating)

Tonight, I'm going to go home and I'm going to talk to him. I'm going to tell him that I WILL practice abstinence until I feel comfortable enough to start re-introducing trigger foods back into my diet. I am not mentally strong at all right now - I honestly feel that abstinence, though hard for the first couple weeks, is the only way in which I can get a hold of my eating. Believe me, I've tried EVERYTHING. By abstinence, I do not mean deprivation, by the way. I will strike for 1800 or so calories a day - give or take a few. But I simply cannot consume trigger foods (sugar, refined carbohydrates) without wanting to go on a wild eating binge half an hour later.

I just think this is the only hope I've got. My life is important to me and food has taken over. If I have to give up cake for a few years/whatever, I don't care. Living my life happily and healthily is better than any cookie!

amynicole0410

you only have 21 pounds to go according to your ticker.. you couldn't be THAT overweight? Don't be so hard on yourself!

That said, do what you need to do. if abstinence is what you feel you need to do for you to feel better and get this under control, put your foot down. Your partner should be supportive.. though, consider that it may also be an insecurity thing on their part - afraid to lose you if you do lose the weight and get into shape. (Again, I say this without knowing what your current stats are, but it IS a common issue in relationships when one partner takes the leap forward. In this case, reassure the heck out of him, but make it clear that you still need support. You feeling better = better for the relationship.)

eep223

I totally understand this, and good luck. It's taken me a long time to realize there are some foods that I just can't eat right now. And honestly, now that I haven't eaten them in a while, I'm kind of grossed out by the idea of them. I fully believe I'll be able to come back to the snack foods that are causing me trouble down the road and eat in moderation, but for now, I'm picking different, healthier snacks. And that IS "being strong," if you ask me!

And also a note on the depression issues... I hugely recommend talking to your doctor about it if you haven't already. It doesn't matter what is triggering, sometime you just need a little extra help to move past it. I've been there as well, and I know how draining it can be. Just remember suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, and many forces in your life (including your food choices!) are completely within your control! Good luck to you, you'll do great!

_Frankie_

@AmyNicole I'm very lucky in that I'm not overweight - but it's a bit confusing, I have no idea why I'm not overweight yet. I binge on average anywhere from 3-5 times a week (we're talking 8000-10,000 calories daily) and I've been doing it for nearly 7 years. However, my weight remains relatively stable, if not going up or down 5 lb every now and again. I'm 5'6 and 136 lb.

But this isn't really about weight for me anymore - I'd like to be a little slimmer, but more important to me is my happiness. Binge eating makes me feel DISGUSTING and very, very inferior. My confidence and self esteem is torn to shreds.

My partner is an odd one; he's lovely, but he's very, very slim (6' 2 and 154lb!) - he has a healthy diet most of the time, but also loves to bake and indulges in cake a couple times a week. He bakes TONNES of bread though, which would be great if I didn't binge on it all the time. He knows that I struggle and comforts me, but the way he sees it is, that I just need to be 'normal' around food and blah blah blah. The problem is, after 7 years of disordered eating, I can't just 'get normal!'

_Frankie_

Thank you very much @eep223, good luck to you too! It's nice to have someone understand.

toutmonpossible

At least you don't have a weight problem -- yet. I think you should seek professional help. And if you plan to stay with your boyfriend, maybe some couples therapy, because he isn't giving you any support.

mamasmaltz3

You need to get in therapy now for your eating disorder. The binging may be causing the depression but you need to find out what is causing the binging. This is serious, please get professional help.

sean_d33

Do what you feel you need to do to be successful! Abstinence doesn't make sense to someone who does not have issues with food. My wife can eat whatever she wants whenever she wants and she cannot know what it feels like to have "trigger foods". A lot of people on this site know exactly what you're talking about and will support you! Good luck to you!

Bekahmardis

The worst part is having a partner who doesn't "get it" or understand your issues. You have to do what YOU have to do to keep happy....even if HE doesn't understand!

_Frankie_

At least you don't have a weight problem -- yet. I think you should seek professional help. And if you plan to stay with your boyfriend, maybe some couples therapy, because he isn't giving you any support.

'yet' is exactly it - there's no way I can go on like this without eventually gaining! I've been to a therapist for 6 months - twice. But the thing is, I do not have any deep dark emotional monsters that make me binge eat. I binge eat because I restricted my diet far too much (400 calories a day, never lasts long!) as a young teenager and developed a very unhealthy relationship with food. Whenever I go to therapy, they always try and find some hidden secret memory as to why I binge - but there isn't one. I had a pretty happy child/teen hood! Therapy works for many, but I believe my binge-eating is due to the way I've wired my brain over the years, and also perfectionism - which is a curse!

And I do not want to lose my relationship with my boyfriend - he is my best friend, and does TRY to support me in the way he knows how. He, just as many others, does not understand the complications behind the eating, that's all.

eep223

I'm 5'6 and 136 lb.

That does sound like a perfectly healthy size. Good for you for recognizing the need to change your habits despite before it has affected your weight. Getting healthy isn't all about weight. I will repeat what I said though, talk to your doctor about this. Tell him/ her what you told us and ask for some help.

_Frankie_

You need to get in therapy now for your eating disorder. The binging may be causing the depression but you need to find out what is causing the binging. This is serious, please get professional help.

I've been to a therapist for 6 months - twice. But the thing is, I do not have any deep dark emotional monsters that make me binge eat. I binge eat because I restricted my diet far too much (400 calories a day, never lasts long!) as a young teenager and developed a very unhealthy relationship with food. Whenever I go to therapy, they always try and find some hidden secret memory as to why I binge - but there isn't one. I had a pretty happy child/teen hood! Therapy works for many, but I believe my binge-eating is due to the way I've wired my brain over the years, and also perfectionism - which is a curse! And as for a therapist attempting to 're-wire' my brain, it hasn't worked before. I've tried CBT therapy - no go.

_Frankie_

The worst part is having a partner who doesn't "get it" or understand your issues. You have to do what YOU have to do to keep happy....even if HE doesn't understand!

Thank you for this, he tries...but he has a pretty healthy relationship with food. He doesn't understand what it is to be in my position food-wise.

chicbuc

You need to get in therapy now for your eating disorder. The binging may be causing the depression but you need to find out what is causing the binging. This is serious, please get professional help.

This. And if therapy is not an option, look into Overeater's Anonymous. Good luck on your journey.

_Frankie_

Do what you feel you need to do to be successful! Abstinence doesn't make sense to someone who does not have issues with food. My wife can eat whatever she wants whenever she wants and she cannot know what it feels like to have "trigger foods". A lot of people on this site know exactly what you're talking about and will support you! Good luck to you!

Thank you, you've all been very kind. Your wife sounds like my boyfriend - he can have a cookie and be satisfied, where as I can't stop obsessing until I've finished the bag! I'm both glad and sad that there are folks out there that understand - I wish disordered eating wasn't so hard to tackle!

pluckabee

Abstinence at first sounds like a good idea to me!

When I first started I completely cut out foods I know I cant eat just a little of and I'm doing fine.

For some triggery but not as triggery foods i will sit down and make a conscious attempt to eat that thing in moderation. Make sure to measure out a portion, put the rest away, sit down in front of it, take a sip of water, and eat it slowly.

If I feel the need to eat more of it, I will just go for a walk.

It's working so far but I haven't tried to touch crisps or ice cream yet, which are my biggest problems

Emar11

You may be at a healthy weight but its all about how you feel about yourself. That's ultimately what will make weight loss a success or failure. I started my weigh loss journey about 2 years ago and lost 40 lbs in the first year. I have made drastic changes in the activity level of my lifestyle and have maintained the weight loss for about a year. My problem, like you is my trigger foods and binge eating.

I will admit today (to my horror) that last night after working incredibly hard at boot camp, I came home and proceded to eat almost an ENTIRE bag of Doritos. It has come to the point with me that I understand where my triggers are, and no matter how much I try to convince myself that I can stop, and have these items in my house. I am proved wrong every time.

I'm not really one to give relationship advise, but try to stress how important it is to not have your trigger foods in the house. If you were a heroin addict, I doubt he would be making a big deal about having that in the house. (Not the same thing, but food is an addiction too)

_Frankie_

Abstinence at first sounds like a good idea to me!

When I first started I completely cut out foods I know I cant eat just a little of and I'm doing fine.

For some triggery but not as triggery foods i will sit down and make a conscious attempt to eat that thing in moderation. Make sure to measure out a portion, put the rest away, sit down in front of it, take a sip of water, and eat it slowly.

If I feel the need to eat more of it, I will just go for a walk.

It's working so far but I haven't tried to touch crisps or ice cream yet, which are my biggest problems

Ideally, I'd like to get to that point where I can comfortably eat my trigger foods - but I know myself too well, and if faced with eating only a small portion of my trigger - at the moment, I know it'd just set me off! I'm glad things are going well for you, keep smiling and keep it up!

mamasmaltz3

Check out this blog:

http://www.youreatopia.com/

So much good info for all types of eating disorders.
Also check out:

http://gokaleo.com/

There is also a group on Facebook called "Eating the Food" that was started by the woman, Amber, who writes the Go Kaleo blog. There are a lot of women on there who are healing from all types of eating disorders. One of the biggest things that has been healing for me is learning that food is not evil or my enemy. And that once I get that, and remove the stigma and restrictions from my food, I can approach eating in a much healthier and freeing way.

Obviously, you have some healing to do in regards to your relationship with food, but I think with proper support and education you can be set free from this compulsion.

_Frankie_

You may be at a healthy weight but its all about how you feel about yourself. That's ultimately what will make weight loss a success or failure. I started my weigh loss journey about 2 years ago and lost 40 lbs in the first year. I have made drastic changes in the activity level of my lifestyle and have maintained the weight loss for about a year. My problem, like you is my trigger foods and binge eating.

I will admit today (to my horror) that last night after working incredibly hard at boot camp, I came home and proceded to eat almost an ENTIRE bag of Doritos. It has come to the point with me that I understand where my triggers are, and no matter how much I try to convince myself that I can stop, and have these items in my house. I am proved wrong every time.

I'm not really one to give relationship advise, but try to stress how important it is to not have your trigger foods in the house. If you were a heroin addict, I doubt he would be making a big deal about having that in the house. (Not the same thing, but food is an addiction too)

Don't feel too guilty, it's alright - my binges are more around the calorific value of FIVE bags of Doritos haha! But yes, I do try and have him understand how hard it is for me (especially as he works nights and I'm often left alone in the house with the bloody food!) but he's a major foodie and loves to bake and cook. I feel guilty is I ask him to stop making bread, etc, as he's so passionate about it. He wouldn't stop anyway!

Emar11

We should start a support group for binge-eaters like us. haha. I live alone with my daughter and she is too little to really hold me accountable. I know when I am around people I don't binge. Even at parties. I avoid the food table because I feel like people can tell I want to binge on certain things. I also certainly never log a binge on MFP.

_Frankie_

We should start a support group for binge-eaters like us. haha. I live alone with my daughter and she is too little to really hold me accountable. I know when I am around people I don't binge. Even at parties. I avoid the food table because I feel like people can tell I want to binge on certain things. I also certainly never log a binge on MFP.

Nor do I! If someone were to judge me based on my MFP account, they'd think I was a full on 100% healthy eater 24/7! If only! I don't binge around others either, although I have actually been binge-eating more at work (at my desk) and in secret at home (I'll binge when my boyfriend is upstairs) etc. I'm pretty sure it's getting worse.

miissnessa

Whatever you do, do not let your boyfriend hold you back of anything. Do this for you. What makes YOU happy. If he loves you enough, he should understand. I know how it feels to binge eat, I'm struggling with that but if you have goals set in your mind and motivations, it shouldn't be too hard. It will be at first, but once you see the weight coming off, it'll get easier and easier for you and by your tracker, it looks like you're doing well. Keep it up and remember, you're strong enough to do this if you put your mind to it. Do what makes you happy and in the end, you will be.

_Frankie_

Whatever you do, do not let your boyfriend hold you back of anything. Do this for you. What makes YOU happy. If he loves you enough, he should understand. I know how it feels to binge eat, I'm struggling with that but if you have goals set in your mind and motivations, it shouldn't be too hard. It will be at first, but once you see the weight coming off, it'll get easier and easier for you and by your tracker, it looks like you're doing well. Keep it up and remember, you're strong enough to do this if you put your mind to it. Do what makes you happy and in the end, you will be.

Thank you for this. I hope I have not made out my boyfriend to be a bad person - he's my best friend and a genuinely thoughtful and caring soul, but he just DOES-NOT-UNDERSTAND. Full stop. But I think that it's difficult to get your head around something like this if you haven't been through it personally. I just need to tell him that I'm doing this for me (so that I can be a nicer person for him to be with haha! I can be a major depressed grouch when I've had a binge, not exactly the most amazing girlfriend to be around!)

howardheilweil

The eating is symptomatic of other issues that you really need to address with a professional as soon a possible. You mention that you are depressed from eating. It is very possible that it is the other way around and trying to change your eating habits will probably not improve the depression. Please talk to someone about this as soon as possible.

kalyse

i had this same exact moment a few days ago - i starting writing about my days as an emotional release (mfp blog) - made it known to everyone what i was doing to help myself take control of my relationship with food. it has only been 3 days BUT the emotional aspect of it has already changed significantly. you need to be proactive - and remember this is FOR YOU - no one else matters. its ok to be be selfish right now so you can get better. you dont need permission from ur boyfriend to stay away from trigger foods - sure his support would be awesome but if he doesnt understand find someone else who does. ( i dont mean dump him - just find someone else who can be supportive in this aspect of your life). my boyfriend doesnt understand it either. ive tried to help him "get it" but he doesnt. i realized that me trying to get him to understand was just an excuse for me to keep doing what i was doing and prolonging my unhealthy relationship with food because underneath it all i wasn't ready to change.

the relationship you have with food wasnt created overnight and its going to take time to develop a new one. try to focus on one day at time and be proud of the small accomplishments you make everyday.

herblackwings39

Try showing him a day from your food diary when you didn't consume trigger foods and then a day when you binged.

eep223

Something else you might try is logging your foods before you eat them. You might be less likely to binge if you see how much you can eat and stay in calorie range. This is something else that helped me.

kalyse

Try showing him a day from your food diary when you didn't consume trigger foods and then a day when you binged.

she said she doesnt log binges - i didnt either until recently. i think it helps to log them/log EVERYTHING even if your ashamed of it - especially when you have mfp friends who are looking out for you.

Sparlingo

I have never had to deal with binge eating personally, but I have had my own disordered eating and certainly could never pass judgement (secretive eating, night eating, anorexia in the past).

I do have a few binge-eating prone friends in my friend list, though, and it appears that something that helps them is to make sure their MFP friends understand that they need support and not judgement . . . and then log their binges with full and complete honesty.

Putting something in the light takes away some of it's power and shame. Acknowledging what has happened as you move on and not allowing that event to rule you seems to be a good step for a lot of these friends.

All the best to you as you grab hold of your health!

woodsygirl

If you are binging and not gaining, you might need to increase how much you eat. I mean, if you do not gain weight after eating all that food, you really just might not be eating enough and it is making those binges much worse. It's just something to think about.