becoming 'unsingle'...

Ramberta

It was only AFTER I had resigned myself to the fact that I would be single and miserable forever (a resignation that I made at age 21) that I finally started having meaningful relationships. Haha.

The truth is, other people can and will notice if you seem to be "looking", instead of just letting your life happen and taking a more casual approach to dating. Literally the only times that I've been asked out is when I'm already in a relationship! :laugh:

You have gone through some rough times and come out on top-- I would imagine that you exude confidence naturally, because you have had the ability to turn your life around. Use that to your advantage, and don't seek approval from others-- instead, simply enjoy their company. If something happens, it happens. If not, it's not the end of the world.

Also, as an aside, dating sites are only 'sleazy' if you go into it with that mindset. I met my ex on the internet (though not through an official "dating" site), and I have gone out with several guys from Craigslist (yeah yeah, hush). As long as you are smart and cautious about it, you have nothing to worry about! And it is often a much easier and stress-free way to get to know someone rather than "going out" all the time.

Ramberta

read this, you'll find your answer.

http://jezebel.com/****-fate-and-date-like-a-grown-up-472976491

That was a good read, but the first comment under it is pretty much how I feel

tas3980

Bump for later!

trudijoy

[/quote]

My only thoughts on this are that relationships are always a two way street. Very few relationships end because one person was wrong and the other was right without a mix of "blame" or whatever you want to call it. And if you have 3 go sour in a row and you don't look in the mirror, you may have just found your problem.


[/quote]

so many kinds of wrong.

1 decided he was still in love with his ex. 1 had a massive personal drama he chose not to put me through. 1 had to move overseas due to familial tragedy.

so yeah, not my fault.

trudijoy

I can relate.

I was in a bad relationship a few years ago. My sister died of cancer a few years back too, and now my father and aunty have terminal cancers. Life changes quickly sometimes and sometimes I don't feel like I am keeping up with everything. I have learned so much about myself since 2009-10, probably more than I did the previous 10 years before that. Slight exaggeration maybe, but that's how it honestly feels. Some of the things that have happened the past few years have completely reshaped my life and changed me as a person.

Lots of negative things have happened and it would have been easy to run rampage on many occasions, but I have never really been that sort of character. Quite an introvert at times really, I thought a lot about how all of these changes would affect me and wanted to make changes that would bring positivity back in to my life. I re-connected with old friends, the better people that I had lost touch with. I studied nutrition because my diet was awful. Threw myself into learning and picked up a lot of new hobbies in that path. Now I'm exercising and striving to be in great shape, but I'm just at the start of that journey.

I look younger than my real age too. Nothing much to be said on that, than to take it as a blessing. It would feel strange for me to date now because I feel quite pre-occupied and content with things. That being said, never close the door unless you want it closed for a good reason. I had my time for focusing on myself and I got a good deal back from that. I'm sure that through the not so good times you saw other people furthering their lives, most people at most times are just going with the flow. It doesn't hurt to put your toes in, sometimes you reap the most rewards by giving yourself permission to advance. Sometimes you only reap rewards that way. You don't need to be fully committed to dating, just being open is good enough.

thanks that makes a lot of sense. I think that sometimes it's something you can only understand if you've been there (as evidenced on this thread by some stupid comments lol) but at the end of the day like anything sometimes it helps knowing that other people get it.

trudijoy

Best advice I got and I realise it now that I'm with someone younger than me was "always date younger guys because they never grow up anyway!" It is true, my boyfriend now is no different mentally than any older guy I've dated ;D so maybe age should be less of an issue?

Is say just chill, go out, socialise and meet new people and eventually someone will come along. It always happens when you least expect it. ;D

thanks x

trudijoy

It was only AFTER I had resigned myself to the fact that I would be single and miserable forever (a resignation that I made at age 21) that I finally started having meaningful relationships. Haha.

The truth is, other people can and will notice if you seem to be "looking", instead of just letting your life happen and taking a more casual approach to dating. Literally the only times that I've been asked out is when I'm already in a relationship! :laugh:

You have gone through some rough times and come out on top-- I would imagine that you exude confidence naturally, because you have had the ability to turn your life around. Use that to your advantage, and don't seek approval from others-- instead, simply enjoy their company. If something happens, it happens. If not, it's not the end of the world.

Also, as an aside, dating sites are only 'sleazy' if you go into it with that mindset. I met my ex on the internet (though not through an official "dating" site), and I have gone out with several guys from Craigslist (yeah yeah, hush). As long as you are smart and cautious about it, you have nothing to worry about! And it is often a much easier and stress-free way to get to know someone rather than "going out" all the time.

thanks yeah i'm not 'on the prowl' but probably have been guilty of trying to push things along too fast in the past. I always was naturally confident but depression took that from me and i'm only now getting it back - i have it at work because i faked it because i had to but i only started applying the same principle to everything else this year. Plus I still feel fat and have to check myself and be like um no you're hot now :Laugh:

Skinny_minny_mo

hey trudi,

congrats on achieveing all that you have!

for me, one sentence stuck out:

"I spent so long trying not to be noticed so I could hide from the world and I'm over that now, but I don't know if the world realises! "

dont wait for the world to realise it. have you REALLY realised it?

:flowerforyou:

trudijoy

hey trudi,

congrats on achieveing all that you have!

for me, one sentence stuck out:

"I spent so long trying not to be noticed so I could hide from the world and I'm over that now, but I don't know if the world realises! "

dont wait for the world to realise it. have you REALLY realised it?

:flowerforyou:

yeah i've realised. depression is a mire and you tend to languish at the bottom of it and once you start to pull yourself out it takes a while but despite the crap life keeps throwing at me i feel essentially back to my own self except this area - i used to be a flirt and never really struggled to hit it off with people, was always quite popular etc and now i'm kinda having to rebuild myself socially is all.

pkw58

I was in the same boat at your age. I found that the more I did the activities I enjoyed (sports, singing in my church choir, volunteering in my community, traveling) the more interesting people I met. I started a weekly dinner club and invited other singles to it. It was fun. Several of us decided to get summer musical tickets together. In real life, it is good to just get out and enjoy life. I loved my Saturday morning dance class, several of us would go have brunch occassionaly afterwards. It gets harder and harder to make new friends as we get busy with work, etc. after we are unsingle so enjoy the time to do so.

Lots of my friends got unsingle through on line dating and just practiced safe meeting in person. It is good to have the friendships to fall back on as you meet people to date and consider becoming unsingle with.

xstarxdustx

bump.

NormInv

Have you tried MFP?