preteen is over-weight
Replies
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As a Doctor:
1) Get her to a pediatrician to determine if this is normal and make sure her physical health checks out. Do what that Doctor says.
2) Get your daughter a counselor. Weight can be lost, emotional scars cant.
3) Be reassuring and supportive but back off.
4) Let physicians and therapists decide what to do. Even if you were one of these, your not capable of being objective.
call me crazy but taking an 11 year old to a therapist because they are a bit heavy seems like it would be adding fuel to the fire.
as long as there is no health issues the kid should be left alone to grow.0 -
As a Doctor:
1) Get her to a pediatrician to determine if this is normal and make sure her physical health checks out. Do what that Doctor says.
2) Get your daughter a counselor. Weight can be lost, emotional scars cant.
3) Be reassuring and supportive but back off.
4) Let physicians and therapists decide what to do. Even if you were one of these, your not capable of being objective.
call me crazy but taking an 11 year old to a therapist because they are a bit heavy seems like it would be adding fuel to the fire.
as long as there is no health issues the kid should be left alone to grow.
She said the kid cries about it. If shes in emotional distress because of what her body is going through a counselor is a feasible support source for the child. Parents can be supportive and reassuring and provide security by they cannot be confidants. Especially when they are actively trying to 'fix' a perceived issue.0 -
You should be counting calories not 'we'. Your daughter has got this way because of your poor choices and example and she should not be made to count calories and feel like she is on a diet - this is why she is saying things like 'she will always be fat'.
Well done you, for breaking your bad habits and trying to get healthy but this is something you should be worrying about and not your 11 year old. So make fitness into fun activities and make healthy meals for everyone so she doesn't feel like she is being singled out.0 -
why the therapy phobia?As a Doctor:
1) Get her to a pediatrician to determine if this is normal and make sure her physical health checks out. Do what that Doctor says.
2) Get your daughter a counselor. Weight can be lost, emotional scars cant.
3) Be reassuring and supportive but back off.
4) Let physicians and therapists decide what to do. Even if you were one of these, your not capable of being objective.
call me crazy but taking an 11 year old to a therapist because they are a bit heavy seems like it would be adding fuel to the fire.
as long as there is no health issues the kid should be left alone to grow.
it's hardly a huge deal for her to have an hour a week with someone who is going to listen without judgement and without getting emotional. i think we could all do with a little therapy at some point.0 -
My 13 year old step-daughter (JUST turned 13) talks about wanting to count calories and stuff because she's on the heavy side and she has seen me control everything about my diet and fitness for well over a year now, but she's also tall and will be even taller soon... I keep reiterating to her that I don't believe kids should be counting calories. I suggest she find sports and activities she can continue to enjoy all year long. She plays volleyball and basketball at school and she has just taken up 1 night a week running with girlfriends while her siblings are at soccer practice (she doesn't like soccer). I have also been teaching her about how the body works and the benefits of doing some strength training as she comes into high school next year. That way, she won't have to focus on calories and much of the excess she may consume here and there can be used to add some muscle as she grows.
I don't think kids should aim to lose weight unless they are ridiculously obese. Overweight kids should be encouraged (in my opinion) to choose healthier foods, limit candy/junk and get outside to play every day... weight maintenance while growing is a better aim than weight loss.0 -
At 11, kids are still having growth spurts as in they grow up and they grow out, but not necessarily at the same time. You also don't say how tall she is, or if she's putting on weight that would be normal for things like breast development, which, at 11, is about the right time.
You're already modeling good choices with food and exercise, right? Because here's the thing: As women, we are the first and strongest influence on our girls. If we obsess over our own weight/food issues to an unhealthy degree, our daughters (and sons) can be all too quick to pick up this same habit. If we constantly focus on what's wrong with our bodies, chances are that they will, too.
If it was my daughter, and I am thankful every single day that both my kids are healthy eaters at healthy weights, I would stop counting her calories immediately. Kids at this age, if they are active, will eat when they're hungry and (usually) stop when they're full. If she's sneaking food, which is what I did at that age, talk to her about WHY. There was never any junk food in my house growing up, my mother was always very weight conscious as she'd been an overweight teen herself. So on my daily bike rides, I would ride across town and buy giant blueberry muffins or chips or whatever salty/sweet thing I was just dying for. There was no sense of moderation, just good food and bad food. And honestly, when I look at pictures from when I was younger, I realize that I was not fat. I was athletic, and had some extra padding for sure, but I was not the "fat kid" that my family made me out to be. I honestly believe that if there had been less focus on my size I wouldn't have expanded so rapidly once I hit high school.
And the thing is, if we want our kids to develop healthy attitudes towards food and nutrition, we have to teach them WHY some foods are less healthy than others. I mean, look at all the crap food that's specifically targeted at our kids! In our house, we talk very openly about why fresh is better than boxed or processed, portion sizing, and the necessity of adequate protein. We also talk constantly about sugar and how sneaky it can be. But what we don't do, is talk about being fat or thin, just healthy versus unhealthy. We also talk A LOT about eating for our mouths versus eating for our bodies. And I am very honest about my struggles with emotional eating.
So I guess my bottom line is, talk to your daughter. Without judgement. Put the focus on her health and happiness and not on her appearance. And above all, be the person you want your daughter to emulate. Because she will, for better or worse.
Best of luck to you both!0 -
I have been overweight since I was a young girl. I got made fun of by the other kids and my childhood was hard. I wish my parents had taken an active role in my health like you are doing for your daughter. I wish I would have went to a therapist who could have helped me deal with my feelings instead of using food as a coping mechanism to make the feelings and troubles go away. I am 43 years old now and I am finally learning how to use food as fuel for my body and not as a way to avoid feelings or to celebrate in my life.
I think being active and encouraging your daughter to be active with you is a big help. I have a neice that has struggled with her weight. She is 10 almost 11. Her parents have been teaching her about portion size, healthy food choices and being active. Her dad competes in triathalons and after watching him she decided she wanted to do one. He helped her train and prepare for it. Over the last three years she has lost the excess weight just by being active and making better food choices. She now loves to compete in triathalons, ride her bike, swim and be active. Her dad taught her about calories in helping her to understand about making healthier choices with food. It has made all the difference for her.
Each child is different but I think the woman who is a doctor had the best advice. Seeking professional help if she is gaining weight after changing her food and activity level is a good decision. I personally feel that giving a child the tools to remain healthy, active and learn to make good food choices is so important. I wish I had learned earlier. Life is just harder as an obese person. I have missed out on a lot. Best of luck.0 -
At 11 years old I was sneaking food and eating alone in my room. I was covering emotions with binge eating and then subsequent meal skipping to compensate. Do you think your daughter may be doing this as well? Just something to consider if gaining is still occurring and the healthy food and exercise aren't working and there are no underlying medical causes. Please see a doctor!
Also consider school food and snack machines if they are available to your daughter, as well as eating at friends houses.
I know it seems silly at 11 years old, but look for other signs of depression or anxiety as well, such as under sleeping or over sleeping (teenagers usually sleep more but I mean to excess), poor grades, decline in social activities or friends, more time spent alone, or lack of care about appearance and higeine. Just something to consider.0 -
I agree with this. Making a big deal about her weight is going to make her weight concious for the rest of her life. Teach her about health and good food choices, not about counting calories. When I was 8-11 I put on a ton of weight... and then suddenly I GREW. Chances are she's about to get taller.the girl is 11 years old and you are going to add the pressure to her to be a certain weight. preteen and teenage girls already have enough problems and you are only adding to her problems
This
and calorie counting? OP - do you know how many calories a child of her age needs to eat in order to grow? I don't, and I have a degree in human sciences. It's not like adults where you just calculate the BMR then add on an activity factor... with kids you have to also factor in growth calories. Children should *not* be losing weight as this may affect their growth and development, paediatricians usually give kids eating plans that enable them to grow into their weight, not lose weight. Maybe in extreme obesity cases it's different, but the vast majority of cases, that's how it is.
Additionally, for kids who are only a little bit obese, the advice is usually to increase the activity that they do, not to restrict food. i.e. simply to provide healthy food options, eliminate junk food from the house, eat junk food once in a while (out of the house is better so the temptation isn't there 24/7, e.g. a trip to a restaurant) and sign them up for whatever physical activities they are interested in and will most likely stick to.
Parents should not put their kids on diets, ever. Take your child to a paediatrician, or even better, a paediatric dietician. If they say she needs to be on a diet, then put her on a diet. And the paediatrician can advise you on how to do that, while avoiding causing her to have a bad relationship with food.
Bear in mind what's been said in the quoted post, the long term psychological effects of being put on a diet and having food intake restricted can be a lot worse than the health problems from being overweight. It's a psychological minefield, and I would not go beyond providing healthy food choices and encouraging physical activity, without consulting with a paediatrician first.
I agree about not putting a kid on a diet, but you can teach her to eat well. I think one of the most important things that a lot of American kids do not learn is how to enjoy a variety of foods. I see so many picky eaters complain about not liking vegetables on this forum... And you bet they all learned to like only a handful of easily likable foods in their childhood (insert salt, sugar, fat trope here).
Focus on the positive--start a "new vegetable of the week" club with her, learn how to cook a variety of things together from a good healthy cookbook... Build good habits.0 -
Has she had her thyroid levels checked? I have been hypothyroid since well before puberty but man did it go into overdrive at that point. I weighed more than everyone else my age, NO MATTER how hard i tried. And losing weight, what was that?! totally wasn't getting anywhere.
Other health concerns that can cause issues with weight despite proper exercise and nutrition is estrogen dominance and progesterone deficiency. Though youre much more likely for a doctor to check thyroid than anything else. Unlike the good olde days, thyroid issues are running rampit in the US. It's actually becoming extremly common, even in young folks, and thats due to all of the excessive estrogen exposure in our daily lives and the foods we eat.
I think the other suggestions here about eating a vareity of foods and finding fun in exercise are great ideas and never hurt to teach your child about them. But i also think sometimes there can be medical reasons for problems like this as well. Not that it's an excuse but it is something worth checking if you feel she is truly doing her part and nothing is working. Either way, the effects of learning about nutrition and health are good for anyone, so in the meantime thats always a good thing. Just keep it positive and be sensitive to her age (teen girls are very impressionable and i think they are so hard on their body image bc of the media and such. so you do have to be careful but i think there are ways to go around that)
If it turns out to be a medical condition, be careful with your suggestions to her. There is nothing more frustrating when you know you are overweight, you are trying everything possible, and it's just not working. It's horrible not being in control of your body.0 -
My son is about 15 pounds overweight and at his last check up I was told to help him maintain his weight and that at this age (he's 11) he should not be trying to lose weight. He doesn't like sports so we joined a gym together and I pay for him to go to the kids personal training sessions 3 times a week. There are 4 kids in his group and he really likes it. The trainer also talks to them about nutrition and healthy food choices too. The doctor never mentioned his weight in front of him so he doesn't know that's the reason he got signed up. I told him I thought the class sounded fun and that I wanted to work out and noticed the kids class when I signed myself up. Fortunately for us he does like it and he's learned a lot about healthy foods too.
You might have something similar in your area for your daughter. Maybe your local hospital has children's fitness and nutrition classes. Ours do here as well as some of the gyms. I also agree that you should talk to her doctor about everything and see what they recommend.0 -
Maybe a personal question..but has she started her monthly yet? About a year before my oldest started hers, she was over weight by a bit and seemed like the weight was just hanging on....Once that started the weight seemed to come off as quick as it came on...Talk to her dr though about putting her on any type of diet. And always tell her she is beautiful.0
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Sorry, but 11 years old and 148 pounds is not just "a little weight gain". And gaining a pound a week is definitely not normal. She's already heavier than most grown women at 11 years old. Sorry to be blunt, OP, I know you're struggling with this, and I commend your efforts to get her on track. Either she's eating food outside of the home and unbeknownst to you, or she has a medical issue.
First, I would get her a thorough check-up with her doctor. Explain what's been going on, and see what the doc says. Next, check out sparkteens - it's like MFP for kids. I've heard great things about it. Supposedly, it's very supportive and non-judgmental.
Best of luck to you and her.0 -
I can understand being I was a overweight pre teen not as heavy but I really wish there was a MFP back when I was young all the teasing I dealt with made my self worth rather low I still struggle to this day I would nicely encourage her to be more active stray her away from video games and tv invite her to join you at the gym for mother and daughter bonding
I found out my problem was PCOS my parents neglected to take me to the dr after starting my period then not getting it for over two years ugh now as a result of that neglect I can't have children so please take her to the DR :ohwell:0 -
As a Doctor:
1) Get her to a pediatrician to determine if this is normal and make sure her physical health checks out. Do what that Doctor says.
2) Get your daughter a counselor. Weight can be lost, emotional scars cant.
3) Be reassuring and supportive but back off.
4) Let physicians and therapists decide what to do. Even if you were one of these, your not capable of being objective.
^^This0 -
1. go to the doctor and get a check up asap
2. Be a positive role model and get rid of all the junk food in the house .... they will probably still sneak food at school/friends but at least you set the tone
3. encourage her to take up some type of fitness activities, or even more activities if she's already in some0 -
I wish my parents taught me how to calorie count and about portion control. My mother knew how to do it, but never taught me for fear I would have a bad body image.
You know what gives a kid a bad body image? Being fat and overweight.
Once I learned to track my food, the weight came off and I no more feeling like crap about myself. Problem solved.
Why folks tip toe around this subject I will never know...0 -
Can you tell us a bit about your diet? What foods do you eat, and how much? My problem is that even when I try to eat "healthy" foods, I eat too damn much! And then there's all the foods that seem healthy/low cal but really aren't...
I don't really like the idea of your daughter calorie counting - I like the general healthy ilfestyle approach better - but I guess you could do regular quiet checks on her diet, and tweak accordingly.
Does she help to prepare/cook food? I think this is an important skill for young adults, and makes them much less reliant on processed foods.0 -
what most people dont usually check is the throid. A lot of people believe that problems only accure in adults but it happens in kids and teens as well. You might consider getting the thyroid checked out just to be on the safe side. all it takes is a test0
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Take her to the doctor to get a check up.
Personally, I wouldn't recommend teaching her how to count calories.. I know it works for some people, but I think the main emphasis should be on healthy eating. Does she eat out of boredom? Is she watching tv or surfing the internet for several hours? What foods are available for her to eat? These questions you have to answer by observing your daughter's habits.
Physical exercise pretty important. She might be discouraged to exercise at first because of the fear of how she's perceived, but try to make exercise fun for her. Something small like swimming or riding a bike. Anything that would make her move for 30 minutes. As of for nutrition/food, it helps to let her become involve in the food process. Let her help out cooking, it makes her involved and gives her something to do. It might even encourage her to cook healthy meals for the family instead of resorting to unhealthy snacks.
The most important thing is to be supportive and to foster a positive environment. The worst thing to do is to compare a child to another child's image.0 -
Do you know why she got to 148lbs in the first place? Curious.. I hope things work out and she starts to feel better about herself.0
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As a child I was heavy, I also developed an eating disorder because of pressure to be a certain weight. I think it is more important to be active with your child, have healthy food options in the house (along with the occasional treat). She is a child and she doesn't need the amount of calories in food running through her head. I also feel that kids are going to be mean, and therefore teaching her to stick up for herself and LOVE HERSELF would be good too. All I can say is be a good role model.0
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I'd make an appointment with the family doctor and/or a dietician. First to make sure that's she doesn't have an underlying condition that is causing weight gain and second for help with what does and doesn't need to be changed.0
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Oh, and what kind of regular exercise are you doing? How long each time, how many times a week, what kind of activity?0
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I so understand how you feel. I have a teenager who is overweight also...imagine that, huh? I haven't always been the best example as to how to eat, and move, move, move! But recently she was at the doctor and he mentioned it. so we talked about it on the way home. I asked her how that made her feel. She told me she wants to lose some weight, but needs help to do it. I have always struggled with my weight, so I know I do not want her to go through the same things I did. She knows that I am calorie counting, but I will not allow her to. I do not want her that conscious about it. She has enough problems. All teens do! So we have made some changes in our kitchen. Healthy snacks, because she is always wanting a snack. I only allow her to have one snack out of the pantry and one from the frig (cheese or yogurt, or cottage cheese) and then a piece of fruit later in the day if she is actually hungry! We have also started walking as a family. Every day (except Sun.)!! It helps our teens to know we are on their side...not just by words, but actions too! What we will do in moderation, our kids will do in excess...therefore if we are eating just a little more than we should, they will eat a lot more than they should! I hope this helps you and your daughter, pray that you guys can get healthy together!0
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i'm so sorry to hear this!
remember that it's 80% diet, 20% exercise.
make sure that she's staying active with something that she likes to do! if she hates running, don't force her to run. let her take up ice skating, something new - yoga, pilates, cycling, rock climbing, hiking, cross country, track, ballet. whatever!
let her eat very healthy - the calories don't matter.
it's what you put into her body that does.
quality > quantity.
if you need help / inspiration for healthy foods, feel free to search it up online. don't restrict her - meaning, don't tell her "you cannot eat this/that" - that will only make it more frustrating when she DOES. let her eat whatever she wants in MODERATION.
teaching moderation is so important.
remember, eat a lot of nothing and a little bit of everything.
feel free to add me if you need support or advice.
i'm here for the both of you! 0 -
I have a 4 year old who is obese, so I can truly empathize with your situation. I kept thinking he would outgrow his weight, but he kept gaining. His pediatrician recommended a wonderful diet. It's called the Red LIght Green Light Eat Right Diet. There are no calorie counting, it's learning to eat right. It's a simple plan to follow-even school lunches can be adapted for the plan. It is less stressful than calorie counting. Joanna Dolgoff is the doctor who wrote the book. The thing that is great about the diet is that red light foods,(treats, fries, cakes, cookies, etc) are allowed. (Two red lights a week). My son has lost 2 pounds so far. I am most concerned about my son's self esteem. Right now the kids don't care about his weight, but I know that soon it will be and it will be an issue for him. I have tried to make changes for the whole family and not just for my son and myself. This is a rough road for me and I know it will be hard for you, too. Try to be consistent. Good luck, and know that there are many of us here who can empathize.0
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Your pre-teen is in the stages of puberty, so of of course she is going to gain weight!! Her skeleton is growing and she is gaining muscle and breasts. Stop being concerned with the scale and be more concerned with teaching her how to lead a more healthy lifestyle. Ask her if she is interested in team sports, and if so, sign her up and support her.0
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148 sounds pretty massive for 11 years old though.0
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Not to be rude, but is she overweight or overfat? Does she have a more stocky frame and build or is this just excess fat that she has gained? I only ask because at 11 years old I went through a growth spurt when I hit puberty, and I was already very muscular and stocky. I grew a few inches, gained about 20 pounds, and suddenly had the body of a woman. In fact, I was about 150 pounds. I wasn't "fat" though, most of it was muscle as I was very active. After that growth spurt I pretty much stopped growing or gaining weight until I was an adult. (Yes I am the same height now as when I was 12 years old). People grow at different rates - focus on making sure your daughter is eating well, getting plenty of exercise, and forget what the scale says. If she's still gaining a lot of weight in 6 months or a year, then I would have her see a doctor or nutritionist.0
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