Time for change

BlessedAndTotured

Depression has set me back, again.
Im a comfort eater..
I look at myself and cry, i think of the way i look and cry.
My boyfriend refuses to talk to me about it because he hates hearing me put myself down. so i feel alone.
I gained 4lbs because ive slipped back to how i used to be. Although i only lost 14lbs to start with..
i feel like im just stuck in this prison of a body; and i cant escape.
Ive never had to lose weight before and its turning out to be one of the hardest things ive ever had to do. ive been trying sinse january after having my son in september last year i finally plucked up the motivation to change things.
after trying my hardest for a month or so and loosing 14lbs i looked no different. no inches lost.. no change. i slipped back to how i used to be, annoyed and upset and the lack of difference.
Its time i gave myself a slap in the face and started again. i mean...i cant always be this big right? it has to change. it will change. ill make it change... eventually

skorpio1030

Loosing 14 pounds is a huge accomplishment!! You should be proud of yourself for that!!

It's easy to get down on yourself, but you can't let that hold you back.. I see where you are coming from though, as I am a comfort eater too.. Perhaps you can change up those snacks to something healthier for you? I am a huge chocolate fan and that is my go to food when I'm down, so I've tried switching chocolate to something like a Fiber One 90 Chocolate bar or something.. That's a lot better than eating a whole 300 calorie candy bar..

I've been struggling to loose my baby weight also (I just had a lil boy in December) and I gained around 55 pounds during my pregnancy.. I'm only 5'2" so you could really tell I gained a lot of weight.. I just look at it like this, the weight gain was just a little price to pay for my beautiful, healthy baby boy.. It's easier to think of it that way : )

Feel free to add me though!

annahlotr

Depression is hard. You need support. Have you thought about therapy? It's hard that you can't talk to your boyfriend about it. Could the two of you compromise? Maybe do a check in with him two or three times a week about how you're feeling, but avoid putting yourself down. It's important that he support you in working to beat the depression, but he probably can't take hearing you put yourself down. Therapy is good, and antidepressants can also be good. They don't mean you're a weak person. They mean you're strong enough to work on fixing your life. For many people, antidepressants get them to a point where they can work in therapy. I don't know if depression has always been a difficulty, but you said you had your son last September, and PPD can surface any time in the first year.

Congratulations on losing 14 pounds! That is a huge accomplishment!

Feel free to add me

BlessedAndTotured

ive struggled on and off with depression since the age of 14. I hate the thought of therapy, i feel like they're my problems so i should be able to fix them. I'm extremely shy too and would hate to express my full self to somebody like that. It has gotten a little worse after having my baby but its mainly my weight that makes me feel like this. I try to talk to him but as soon as i start he tells me to shut up and just accept who i am now. I think hes stuck thinking im still the 120lb girl he met 3 years ago. He doesnt see anything wrong with my body but maybe if he spent one day in my body he'd realise.

auburnlady78

Hi 14 pounds that's awesome! I do understand the depression I have battled that myself and it just made me eat that much more. Then I step on the scale and seen I was at my highest weight I have ever been. That just depressed me that much more so I decide it was time for a change. I have since lost some weight and incs off my waist and not to say that the walking and exercise has really helped with the depression. So now when I get down in that dark place I grab me a water and a healthy snack and take a walk. If it's raining and this hit's you Leslie Sansone has a great walking video that is on YouTube it helps a lot when the weather is not good and you feel depressed..

Feel free to add me I will help you any way I can!!
Goof luck..

BlessedAndTotured

i gained about 45lbs in pregnancy. but i was 20lbs over my usual weight before i got pregnant because of birth control. i tried swapping snacks to health bars etc but i found it easier to just not snack at all. i would rather feel hungry than know ive just eaten some unnecessary calories. im 5,5 and 177lbs. im normally about 120 so its a big change for me. the most weight is around my middle, i look disproportionate because my legs have always been slender. my arms have always been quite large though so i feel huge on the top section. which sucks because i think if i lift weights or something ill bulk up hugely and be like the hulk or something haha. when i did exercise my muscles really started to define in my legs and not any change on the top half though. I thought about joining the gym but im a stay at home mom so i have very little time to myself and my bf works 8 till 6. i spend as much time with him as i can and would hate to have to shorten that time. i'll get there eventually, hopefully.

annahlotr

I know the thought of therapy is scary, but it can really be a good thing. If people could fix their problems on their own, therapists wouldn't exist They have heard it all, and nothing you say will surprise them. You don't have to start by expressing your full self to them. Most people don't. It's a relationship, and it takes time. A good therapist gets that. If you don't like the first therapist, you can always try another.

My husband thinks my body is great too, even though I definitely don't . I choose to think of it as a good thing. But there is no reason you have to "just accept who you are now." It's your body. If you want to change it, that is entirely your choice.

crazybookworm

Hang in there! 14 lbs is an AMAZING accomplishment! And when you are feeling down and unmotivated, think about that amazing motivator you mentioned in your post...Your son! Use him as your motivation. Think about the days you can see a fitter you running around the park with him, playing soccer or catch, etc. Use that awesome little boy of yours to keep you going!

Good luck, you can totally do this!

BlessedAndTotured

thanks, im scared, exited, and angry at myself for being this way.
i rememer how much happier i felt when i was actually losing weight and i want that back.
Im starting again tomorrow. I know it should start now but i feel a new day comes with a fresh start.
-sigh-. i will do this, its so happening. I guess just hearing all these good words is making me better already.
Thanks everyone..

crobl

ive struggled on and off with depression since the age of 14. I hate the thought of therapy, i feel like they're my problems so i should be able to fix them. I'm extremely shy too and would hate to express my full self to somebody like that. It has gotten a little worse after having my baby but its mainly my weight that makes me feel like this. I try to talk to him but as soon as i start he tells me to shut up and just accept who i am now. I think hes stuck thinking im still the 120lb girl he met 3 years ago. He doesnt see anything wrong with my body but maybe if he spent one day in my body he'd realise.

Here's a little tough love for you...and please take is as LOVE. If you've been struggling with this since you were 14, then it's time to get help! Asking for help is usually the hardest part, but if you're seeking advice on here, then you've already taken a baby step.

For many people, depression is a chemical imbalance that benefits from the right medication. And there's NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! Out of 5 people in my immediate family, 2 are medicated for depression. After years of fighting it, they are finally back to being themselves.

For other people, depression is about finding a release - that can come in the form of talking (therapy), artistic expression (painting, singing, etc..), working out, writing in a diary or something of that sort.

You are stronger than the depression, you just have to believe in you! The longer you keep everything bottled in, the more control it will take over your life!

BlessedAndTotured

Here's a little tough love for you...and please take is as LOVE. If you've been struggling with this since you were 14, then it's time to get help! Asking for help is usually the hardest part, but if you're seeking advice on here, then you've already taken a baby step.

For many people, depression is a chemical imbalance that benefits from the right medication. And there's NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT! Out of 5 people in my immediate family, 2 are medicated for depression. After years of fighting it, they are finally back to being themselves.

For other people, depression is about finding a release - that can come in the form of talking (therapy), artistic expression (painting, singing, etc..), working out, writing in a diary or something of that sort.

You are stronger than the depression, you just have to believe in you! The longer you keep everything bottled in, the more control it will take over your life!

It was suggested by my mum that i start therapy when i was 15. I down right refused. i cant stand the thought of it. Maybe one day i might man up and face the fear of sharing it with a professional. i guess i feel like they'll judge me for feeling like this, although i have plenty of reasons to be sad.
i would also hate for the people i know to know im on medication and therapy. I wear a thick mask infront of my family and friends, they all think im a very strong individual with no problems. im quite the opposite really but getting rid of that mask makes me so fearfull, like being naked in public. by now i would say it has a ton of control over my life.

JeepBaja

You are not going to see much of a psychical change over 14lbs, which is very good BTW.

Tell me this, did you gain weight overnight? How can you expect to lose it all overnight?

Looks like you just started MPF in April, 2013. How many days did it take you to lose 14lbs.? Do YOURSELF a favor and give it another chance with the same amount of time.

Then come back and tell us how you rock with losing 28lbs!

BlessedAndTotured

You are not going to see much of a psychical change over 14lbs, which is very good BTW.

Tell me this, did you gain weight overnight? How can you expect to lose it all overnight?

Looks like you just started MPF in April, 2013. How many days did it take you to lose 14lbs.? Do YOURSELF a favor and give it another chance with the same amount of time.

Then come back and tell us how you rock with losing 28lbs!

i dont really remember how long it took me, i started in january i would say it took me less than a month and i realised how easy it seemed to lose it and i thought "well if its this easy maybe i can get away with eating a few bits of junk" i started to slip back to how i used to eat. i just started MPF today. i gained most of the weight in 9 months, somebody said it took 9 months to gain the weight, it will take 9 months to lose it. my son is nearly 8 months ive lost a quarter of what i should have lost if thats true.

JeepBaja

Well to put things in perceptive, I have logged in to MFP daily for over 855 days. Yet I've only lost 30 pounds. The past year has been a total waste... but a total waste by my own making.

I walk, I hike and I am active. I also still have a *horrible* diet when it comes to what I eat. Yes I do eat less but I could do better.

For all the things I know I am doing wrong the one thing I do right is not beat up on myself. Some people may do the tough love thing and be harsh for those not following "the rules."

Your boyfriend appears to know you better than yourself. His refusal to not talk about what you perceive as bad or ugly should be a sign for you to focus on. He doesn't agree with the way you think about yourself and doesn't want to hear you say bad things about you any more than he would want to hear someone say something bad about you.

Get some friends here on MFP to help you with your progress and continue the good progress you've made. 14lbs. is good and you shouldn't be hard on yourself.

BlessedAndTotured

thanks. i just see all these amazing weight loss stories and think 'what the hell why arnt i like that?'

i know that ill get there one day because i dont want to live like this forever. i have good days and bad days.. mostly bad. but still. its gunna happen.

JeepBaja

Of course you are going to bad days, weeks, months... that's life. The key is how you look at it. I'm the last person who should give any type of advise considering my diet habits or the fact that I didn't stay at a Holiday Inn last night!

But what I do know that is that being hard on myself only leads to bad things. From eating to how others feel around me. A method that works from one person may not work for another so the key is to find that spot in your life.

Don't ask us why you are not happy or why you are depressed looking for an answer. Ask yourself. In the end it all comes down to you. No amount of anonymous people on the internet telling you that you are making great progress, that you have a supportive boyfriend you is with you for who you are and a child who loves you will mean anything if you don't feel that way yourself...

But the great thing about MFP is that there are plenty of know-it-all's who will be glad to talk all day long