Smokin' Hot Green Pepper's 5/21 wk 21

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  • kelly_a
    kelly_a Posts: 2,010 Member
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    Hello my dearest wt loss buddies. I have really been missing you all…..Thank you for your caring messages, they truly touch me. You are the best pepper’s around…I would not be back here if it wasn’t for all the support and concern from you ladies….. I love each and every one of you. :heart:

    I have been trying extra hard the past few days to get motivated again….have spent some time reflecting and getting recharged… I am determined to find the excitement I always feel when first starting…over. Getting back on track. Time and time again I have done this, & failed. I can’t believe that after all these years, all this time, all the things I ‘know’ how to DO, I am still trying to get control of my wt. I am so mad at myself & I am embarrassed. Thought I had found that formula for me…that ‘healthy’ lifestyle? Yup, still learning, still trying to change…but most of all, to ‘live’ that change. Things are not balanced at all for me…

    Starting late last Fall, I gradually was not making myself a priority, nor was I being honest with myself. I was thinking, and not doing. I don’t know…I may not have a ‘wt’ problem, but a ‘self-care’ problem that manifests through wt (gain). I guess that no ‘self-care’ means that I am not loving my ‘own-self.’ When I DO care about myself, and make better choices, no doubt, I am moving towards the life I want & then all seems great in my world. I have learned my over wt self does not stand before me craving food, she’s craving love, respect, & care.

    So, my food addiction is still ongoing…and I eat for any feelings or no feelings at all. That’s right, I am stuffing myself when I am not hungry, or even so, when I am so full & miserable, I don’t stop eating. Food is my DRUG. And my vow is to change that, this, what ever it is. It is what I need to figure out. I need to stay fully conscious & aware of every bite, and seriously need to be focused on being connected in every area of my life. Right Now. I want my body to be strong, healthy, & fit. To be ‘itself’. Each day I want to embrace it and be grateful for what it has given me.

    I’m not going to give up and ‘fat’ is not going to win. I’m going to try harder to give myself love…to care for myself so that I can be healthy, well, & whole. I long to get back to myself, ‘me’. I need to be accountable and write down my goals, to look at them frequently and daily ask myself “did I get it right today?”

    It is time for me to take the reins back….beginning this moment.
  • ittybittybadonkadonk
    ittybittybadonkadonk Posts: 11,634 Member
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    Kelly I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOO PROUD OF YOU for taking the 1st step which is admitting you have a problem ...2nd for coming back to us so we can help you or commend you .... YOU WILL DO THIS ... JUST TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME , ONE MEAL AT A TIME ECT ECT ECT ... YOU CAN DO THIS HUN please dont give upppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp .. love you girl :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :flowerforyou:
  • MissVitaVonCherry
    MissVitaVonCherry Posts: 709 Member
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    Kelly so prud of you! Everything that you said hit true to my heart as well..there is an addiction in me, and I LOVE food there is nothing wrong with that....BUT there has to be a boundary between LOVE and OVERindulge for me! I have to still work on it and am not happy with my food choices the end of this night...;(
    \but on to a new day
    GLAD to have you back and anggie cant wait to see baby pictures and to hear ALL about it:) So happy for you mama
    ~So I am doing relay for life with my derby team not this weekend but next, just putting the link out ther if anyone wants to donate to it or pass it on to friends :) Thanks
    http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/RelayForLife/RFLFY10GW?pg=team&fr_id=21944&team_id=740225

    find us on facebook :Whidbey Island Roller Girls
    I will check in tomorrow :)
    got a million things to do
  • jacque509
    jacque509 Posts: 978
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    Hey all!!
    Wow it seems like two steps forward and two steps back. Went to the gym Monday night and boy did it feel great!! Was so proud of myself! Then woke up Tuesday early morning with a nasty cold:cry: Stayed in bed all day, thank god for dear Mom brought me soup and it was great. Started feeling a little better yesterday but still stayed home didnt want to get anyone at work sick. Then my nephew came over and took my computer away:sad: :sad: :sad: He is trying to upgrade it and clean it up for me so I will be without for a couple of days :grumble:
    I will try to write while I am at work.
  • PlumCrazyGirl
    PlumCrazyGirl Posts: 1,463 Member
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    Kelly - glad to see you back. I am in the same boat as you.... eat for any feelings. Is there a support group "Hi, I'm Barb, and I'm an foodalcholic." Cuz, I certainly could use one. I'll do one good healthy day then BAM, reaching for the sweets. Soo damn frustrating. Of course my custody issues is not helping any. Pushing my emotions all over the place and then well, you can guess what happens next.

    Hey Miss V -- my Girl Scout co-leader & daughter are doing a canoe for relay in June. Amazing how many relays are out there. I wanted to participate w/my daughter but we have counseling scheduled for 9am next day.... don't think up all night paddling a canoe will be a good idea prior to counseling. I'm going to talk to co-leader, perhaps we can canoe for a few hours or at least leave at 11pm.

    Jacque - I was home sick yesterday too. Just wasn't feeling myself. Unfortunately, my two girls ended up out of school for different reasons. No rest for me.

    I'm off Friday & Monday. We have a busy weekend due to Girl Scout/Cub Scout activities.

    Take care.
    b
  • kelly_a
    kelly_a Posts: 2,010 Member
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    afternoon team...

    had to go to the city today and pick up contact lenses for both sons...got a few groceries. dh is leaving for Canada tomorrow. it is also our last day of school here. YAY! I am not driving the bus this summer, so that will be new for me. I am so excited about that b/c I have driven for many, many summers. I say no better time than to work on myself and get some healthy habits created! Gonna try real hard and plan my meals and get my exercise done early in the day. I think that is the only way it will work for me.

    Barb ~ I have seen those shows... sometimes it is hard to watch and sad...but it does motivate me. Don't ya just hate this roller coaster ride of emotions? C'mon stop it, NOW! I feel like I am 2 different people? the healthy one and the I don't give a damn one? Let's see, who am I today?? Your reunion weekend sounded like a good time! Very good for the heart and soul!

    Jacque ~ hope you get to feeling better soon. take it easy, drink lots of fluids and rest that cold away. when is your dd's grad? thinking of you and sending vibes your way to get thru it!! we're here...day or nite! {{{{hugs}}}}

    Vita ~ we have a relay for life next Saturday too. I am going to a pug meetup that day, so can't participate. but I am becoming more and more interested in doing a 5K. it's just like, dang, I want to do one before I turn 45. SO, I best be getting busy!! I think if I start now, I should be ready by Fall? A goal. ok, I'm gonna do it!

    HI CINDY~~ hope all is ok with you....did you start the shred up again? I want to get to that point where I feel I can do that without killing myself. ahhhh, to be trim and tone!

    Angie ~ thinkin of you and your little guy.....oh the smell of newborn skin...

    hello to everyone else out there....keep on keepin on! stop in and say hi. thinkin of you and missin you!

    have a great day ladies!!
  • kelly_a
    kelly_a Posts: 2,010 Member
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    TGIF :flowerforyou:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/98843-smokin-hot-green-pepper-s-5-28-wk-22

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