Bitterness is really ugly & so"WAS" I-success stories pls!

breeZrizi

AMAZING story, you're freakin awesome!
im at 167 today lol its not pretty.one day I hope to get to 133!

Well I've dropped weight twice, so here's my story -

In Fall 2009 I was the maid of honor at my friend's wedding. Dress size 16 (they warned me they were UK sizing, not sure why in America, but ok!) I was the biggest one. One was a size 4, Two was a size 10, I was a 16. After looking at those photos, I figured "the camera adds 10 pounds, I am not fat!". Oh how wrong was I. I started undergrad school that same month and I was eating a TON... 2 sandwiches a day for lunch, and eating out constantly. I was exhausted, overwhelmed with studies, and working on the weekends. I thought I had my life all together and things were going great (I was in school, had a decent job, and my health seemed fine!). Sometimes my friends would ask how I was feeling and the answer was always fine. One day a good friend pulled me aside and told me straight up. "You're hiding behind the food and I don't know why. You've ballooned in the 3 years I've known you. It's getting out of hand and you need to figure out why you feel the need to eat so much". Needless to say, I didn't talk to her for a few months. I was not fat! Yeah so I gained a little weight. Everyone does in college!

At the end of the semester, I was up to 167 pounds (57 pounds heavier than when I graduated high school, in 5 years time).Nothing I owned fit me anymore, but I still managed to squeeze into it so I didn't have to buy new clothes (and that was my saving grace - "I'm not fat, look, I'm wearing a size 8!, same pants I wore last year, I told you I'm not fat!"). And at the age of 24, I dreaded summers going to the beach with friends and stopped dating all together because I started feeling horrible about myself, let alone what anyone else thought of me. If I didn't like me, why would anyone else? I became a hermit, shut out most of my friends, and just tried to stay out of everyone's way because I didn't want to be told I was fat anymore. If no one could tell me, I must be doing fine, and if they wanted to tell me I would change the subject and/or avoid them for a few weeks so I didn't have to hear it.

I would be graduating college in spring 2011 with a degree in law, and I wanted to be a police officer. Kind of tough to do when you're overweight. I met a wonderful friend who was also training to be an officer, and we had all our classes together that semester. I started eating healthier and going to the gym with her every other day. I was slowly dropping weight, and gaining back energy! As an early grad present, my parents got me a 6 month membership to Crossfit. At this particular crossfit they used the paleo method diet with crossfit exercises. I dropped 37 lbs in just 4 months then maintained that for about 4 months.

Insert medical problems here. I was out on disability for debilitating headaches and extreme weakness. I could barely move most days. Since I was stuck at home, having difficulty driving with the headaches, I started eating pizza, chips, soda... I needed to be comforted! No one could figure out what was going on. I was tested for just about everything under the sun (Lyme's disease, Multiple Sclerosis, Lupus). Everything was negative (including my outlook on life, the doctors didn't believe I was always in pain, maybe I am just crazy...). The doctors told me it was in my head, that maybe I needed psych counseling. I went and got a second opinion and finally, an answer. 6 months after the whole ordeal, I was diagnosed with moderate Fibromyalgia. I think this was when everything really hit me. I needed to change my lifestyle so I didn't end up being in more pain and being a martyr all my life. I could either let this bring me down the rest of my life, Or I could do something about it.

Those first few months I did act like a martyr. It took the meds time to kick in, but once they did, I slowly gained back strength and confidence that I can do a lot more than the limits I put on myself. I found my dream job working full time as a dispatcher (I had to realize I couldn't be an officer anymore, and I couldn't continue being a medic with the county because of the stress and the pain I was enduring every day on the job from my Fibro). I began volunteering 2 days a week after work, and taking yoga. I've met the love of my life (who has stood by me at my heaviest and the lightest, through all the Fibro issues and is a wonderful support for me). My life has changed in so many way!

At age 24 (167 pounds) - Hated myself most days, Ate to hide the pain, didn't listen to my friends when they said it's getting out of control, and was suicidal for a while. I figured "I'm 24, single, and no one wants to be with me because of my weight. I'll never get married and have a family and I hate going out with friends because they are all skinny and I'm the big one". Most of my friends at this time were getting married, and I hated that I was left out. I figured I would never experience life if I kept hiding behind the food. I was controlling, everything had to be my way or no way at all and it had to happen on my time. That was my way of coping with the pain.

At age 27 (today - 133 pounds) - I have a wonderful job and even more wonderful friends. I've found my passion in my volunteer work and I look forward to it each and every day. I'm eating healthier options, have more energy, and the doctors are talking about slowly decreasing my Fibro meds because I've learned to manage the pain with yoga, diet, light exercise (walking mainly), and essential oil usage. I'm working on my controlling ways, and have learned through yoga to let things go and fall into place on their own.

It may not seems like a lot, or like I didn't have to go through a lot to realize my ugliness, but I can honestly say now that I love life, medical issues and all, because that's what makes me who I am!

December 2009 - 167 pounds
July 2011 - 137 pounds
January 2012 - 150 pounds
Today - 133 pounds

Wow...just WOW! You Rock, period. :drinker: :drinker:

NewLIFEstyle4ME

- when I am happy with myself, I am kinder to the rest of the world -

Well said.

I LOVE this too--so much! I'm at the place in my life that rather I'm happy with myself or not...I refuse and find myself constantly refusing to "allow" bitterness, and comparing myself with others ANY place in my heart, mind and mouth. This is helping me tremendously in so many areas and helping me to become more and more beautiful inside and thus outwardly too!