Divorced/Separated

Chiefsinner95
Chiefsinner95 Posts: 4
in Chit-Chat
Just a question: Why do some people wait until after they are divorced or separated to start working on themselves (Mentally/Physically)? KEYWORD: SOME

Replies

  • kbweigl
    kbweigl Posts: 3
    IMO, because they are "forced" to now. When you have a spouse, you have security (for most healthy relationships). What happens to your confidence and self image when that relationship ends? You then focus on the only thing you can control -- yourself.
  • _noob_
    _noob_ Posts: 3,306 Member
    I would work out a LOT more and do more things actively if i didn't have my "duties".

    I can't play basketball 2 hours a night with a family though...
  • Junken_Diraffe
    Junken_Diraffe Posts: 716 Member
    I lost a bunch of weight while married. I asked him to join me in working out, eating healthy, etc, but he wouldn't. Now that we're divorcing, he's decided to try to get fit as well. He's lost a bunch of weight and is thinner than i've ever known him to be. It's partially due to the stress and sadness of the divorce, as he did NOT want it. But, he told me, "If I'm going to have to start dating again, I need to look good."

    Makes sense, really. I'm not offended by it. I figure it'll mean he'll be a more active dad to my kids, and likely live longer for them. If divorce is what it took to get him there, it's okay with me.

    ETA - oh, yeah, and like Noob said, more free time.
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    Only they who do so know why
  • shezzzzz
    shezzzzz Posts: 119 Member
    my 2 cents from experience.

    When a relationship is breaking down, a person in not in a good place mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. Many times, the person has also been emotionally, verbally, sexually or physically abused, and as a result, don't feel they are worth taking care of.

    Once away from the relationship, the person begins healing from the damage, and get to a point that they start taking care of themselves again. It is a big step for someone to start making themselves a priority.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    sometimes it's a wake-up call?

    when the person who swore to love you their whole life gets sick of you, and/or is no longer attracted to you to the point that they cannot keep that promise, that probably is a swift kick to the ego that you need to assess what you could have done better.
  • ness8484
    ness8484 Posts: 42 Member
    I worked on myself during my marriage and it was more noticed and appreciated by my male friends than my husband. I think that was one of the flags my marriage was coming to and end. I too wanted my husband to work out and be healthy with me. His workout was walking the dog and smoking a cigar at the same time.

    Once I got through the emotional stuff from the divorce (after I'd gained back all of the weight I had lost). I went back to making myself a priority and making time. And it wasn't to look good for a new guy. I was finally doing it for me and no one else.
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    my 2 cents from experience.

    When a relationship is breaking down, a person in not in a good place mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. Many times, the person has also been emotionally, verbally, sexually or physically abused, and as a result, don't feel they are worth taking care of.

    Once away from the relationship, the person begins healing from the damage, and get to a point that they start taking care of themselves again. It is a big step for someone to start making themselves a priority.

    I agree with this
  • LaSutopia
    LaSutopia Posts: 1,164 Member
    my guess....you don't depressed/stress eat as much anymore! That would be my situation....plus more free time to do what you want with out having to worry about some one else.
  • FitnessGirlD
    FitnessGirlD Posts: 58
    Its not that people wait until they are seperated/divorced to start.. sometimes our significant other brings us down so much we are unable to achieve anything even when we try. At least thats what happened in my case. =/
  • mestacy010
    mestacy010 Posts: 577 Member
    my guess....you don't depressed/stress eat as much anymore! That would be my situation....plus more free time to do what you want with out having to worry about some one else.

    This, I was unhappy for a long time, because my ex was very unfaithful to me, I just couldn't prove it. I felt worthless and alone.... Kind of like I was drowning. I didn't want us to break up because we had a family and I loved him.

    But he regret cheating now because
    A. I brought sexy back
    B. I'm confident and he can kiss my *kitten*
    C. I hope he has fun with his troll looking girlfriend....who also used to be my good friend
  • melindasuefritz
    melindasuefritz Posts: 3,509 Member
    thats the best time for a new start
  • Dr_Waffles
    Dr_Waffles Posts: 141 Member
    sometimes, its for sweet sweet revenge. The best way to get back at a former love, is to live your life better.

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