Ever Wanted to Give Up on a Goal Because of Someone Else?

swopen
swopen Posts: 165 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have a goal that I'm working toward (doing Tough Mudder in 2014). My friend got wind of it and the fact that my husband and brother-in-law (her bf) want to do it too and she just invited herself. That, if and of itself, wouldn't bother me. But she loves attention. If you aren't paying attention to her, she makes sure you do. I think it boils down to the fact that she doesn't want me to get acknowledgment for something that she can't get attention for. This means she will be complaining the whole time during training (so that people know exactly what she's doing) and during the event and afterwards (so people know every little thing she felt). I want to do this to prove to myself how determined and driven I am and how hard I can work. I don't want to do it to get attention. I am dreading it now. I'm about to just drop this goal and find something else. Any advice?

Replies

  • betsyr13
    betsyr13 Posts: 45 Member
    I don't think you should give up on your goal because of one crazy person.

    She sounds obnoxious, but if you let her b.s. stop you from doing what you want to do then she wins. Don't let her win.

    I know it's hard to ignore behavior like that, but I think you have to find a way to tune her out and do your thing.
  • clareyoung80
    clareyoung80 Posts: 177 Member
    Let her do it for her own reasons.

    It's sounds like you wanted this goal for yourself, and even though you say you're not doing for attention, it does sound like you'd rather she didn't come along and ruin things by getting ALL the attention.

    But, her doing the race has absolutely no affect on your ability to do the race and to prove to yourself how determined and driven and how hard you can work.

    Or, in other words, do the race and be pleased you don't have to have outside validation for everything you do.

    (Seriously, do the race! And good luck!)
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    Train to be faster than her. That way, you won't have to listen to her whining.
  • BflSaberfan
    BflSaberfan Posts: 1,272
    I understand your frustration with your friend (and I do know people like that as well) but to quit something because of someone else seems incredibly immature - You're an adult. Do what you want.

    ETA - her boyfriend is your brother in law then I dont really consider it "inviting herself" she probably just wants to be a part of the group. Not to mention, you dropping out isnt going to prevent her from whining about the training regardless so why would this make you consider dropping out anyways?
  • Ramberta
    Ramberta Posts: 1,312 Member
    You're thinking about this all wrong. Instead of "dreading" the challenge because someone has stolen the limelight from you, take it as a sign that you are being a good example to those around you, and that your decisions to be healthy have in turn affected others who are wanting to be healthy too. That is a good thing!!

    If she is turning into too much of an attention hog during it, simply comment on her Facebook statuses (or however she shares this with people) saying, "Aren't you glad I got you into this? :smile:" And leave it at that.

    If you're ready to throw in the towel because of someone else, then you're not really in it to win it. You can't let someone else -- even an annoying someone else -- dictate what YOU do!
  • lausmit4477
    lausmit4477 Posts: 30 Member
    I want to do this to prove to myself how determined and driven I am and how hard I can work.


    ^You gave yourself the best answer already. This is why you SHOULD do it! Don't worry about other individuals...just YOU!!!
  • yanniejannie
    yanniejannie Posts: 1,090 Member
    There are going to be people you dislike for various reasons throughout your entire life; hopefully you won't cut and run from all of them............BUT if she truly irritates you to the point it seems like she does, maybe you'd be better off finding another event of this type and making sure she doesn't find out about it. For myself I understand because I do avoid these people; it's just not worth the stress it causes you.
  • swopen
    swopen Posts: 165 Member
    Unfortunately I can't avoid her-in addition to being my brother-in-law's gf, I work 40 hours a week with her. Thank you all for your advice. I really didn't want to give this up, and honestly I don't want to have these negative feelings. I just needed a little push to stick with it and remember what's really important and why I wanted to do it in the first place. one obnoxious person isn't going to affect my success nor my determination. Thank you all, you helped me get my head back in the right place. I can't control other people but I can control my reactions to them:)
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    Great job!
  • kgerm317
    kgerm317 Posts: 191 Member
    I can't control other people but I can control my reactions to them:)

    YOU GOT THIS, girl!! She's insecure and you KNOW you've worked really hard to get to where you are and you know WHY you're doing this! Yes, a little recognition for your hard work would be great, but you'll get it in more heartfelt and meaningful ways than the girl begging for it!!

    Good Luck :happy:
  • kgammage86
    kgammage86 Posts: 15
    YOU GOT THIS, girl!! She's insecure and you KNOW you've worked really hard to get to where you are and you know WHY you're doing this! Yes, a little recognition for your hard work would be great, but you'll get it in more heartfelt and meaningful ways than the girl begging for it!!

    Good Luck :happy:
    [/quote]

    You give such good advice Kristen!!! That's why you're my friend!! :)
  • eduff3
    eduff3 Posts: 15 Member
    don't tell here about mfp :)
  • ctpeace
    ctpeace Posts: 327 Member
    I get what you're saying, and honestly, her whining will actually highlight your toughness! Hubby will notice, even if others don't, and will be thanking his lucky stars that he got the cool tough chick! Some people are like that, and it's kinda fun to throw out things like "I'm so glad everyone's getting tough together" to cut off the whining. You totally got this!
  • colapopmusic
    colapopmusic Posts: 50
    I would totally do it! Show her up! Make it yours and not hers You got this :)
  • highervibes
    highervibes Posts: 2,219 Member
    I would definitely pick another goal. I have someone in my life who is like this and it's just going to frustrate you to no end. My guess is that once you drop the goal, so will she. Pick something else and watch the magic unfold!
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    During training become anti-social focus only on you buy head phones crank the music and zone the rest out.
  • decreasing_me
    decreasing_me Posts: 40
    Try to remember the reason you wanted to do it in the first place and focus on that. You and everyone else around you will know how hard you are working without you having to toot your own horn (as it seems she will be doing). If it was important to you and it still is don't let ANYTHING stand in your way. Just saying !! :flowerforyou:
  • NavyKnightAh13
    NavyKnightAh13 Posts: 1,394 Member
    Do it for yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, if all she wants to do is whine, then let her and let her see how much hard work and dedication it takes to be able to do it and she will eventually not want to do it. Do it for you :bigsmile:
  • highmaintnance
    highmaintnance Posts: 215 Member
    Let her do it for her own reasons.

    It's sounds like you wanted this goal for yourself, and even though you say you're not doing for attention, it does sound like you'd rather she didn't come along and ruin things by getting ALL the attention.

    But, her doing the race has absolutely no affect on your ability to do the race and to prove to yourself how determined and driven and how hard you can work.

    Or, in other words, do the race and be pleased you don't have to have outside validation for everything you do.

    (Seriously, do the race! And good luck!)

    ^^^^ Agree 100%.
  • palmerar
    palmerar Posts: 489 Member
    Whenever I am angry or annoyed at someone I get it out during my workouts. So if she is getting on your nerves, let yourself get mad then run or lift it out. I think you will find that it helps you be with her all the time.
  • RobP1192
    RobP1192 Posts: 310 Member
    I have a goal that I'm working toward (doing Tough Mudder in 2014). My friend got wind of it and the fact that my husband and brother-in-law (her bf) want to do it too and she just invited herself. That, if and of itself, wouldn't bother me. But she loves attention. If you aren't paying attention to her, she makes sure you do. I think it boils down to the fact that she doesn't want me to get acknowledgment for something that she can't get attention for. This means she will be complaining the whole time during training (so that people know exactly what she's doing) and during the event and afterwards (so people know every little thing she felt). I want to do this to prove to myself how determined and driven I am and how hard I can work. I don't want to do it to get attention. I am dreading it now. I'm about to just drop this goal and find something else. Any advice?

    Nah. Don't drop the goal. Just blow her out of the water. Leave her in the dust while your brother-in-law can hang back waiting for her to climb a rope. Don't let her ruin your experience.
  • veganbaum
    veganbaum Posts: 1,865 Member
    Don't EVER let someone else affect your own choices when you know exactly what you WANT to do (provided what you want to do isn't something that is really stupid or dangerous).

    If she's going to be training with you, that can present an annoyance, I understand. There are a few options, depending on your temperament and relationship with her. 1. Train with music. 2. Train only or mostly with your husband. 3. Have a sit-down with her and just be honest - not rude, but honest - about how some of her behaviors make you feel. 4. Learn to ignore it, especially if there's the potential for her to be in your life a long time, which it seems like there could be (but this can also be said for option #3).

    You chose this because it would make you feel good, so don't let her need to be in the limelight change your mind. And I'm glad to see that at this point your head is back in the right place. If you feel doubt about it again in the future, just come back to this thread.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    she's doing it to be in the bandwagon. not to do things for herself - don't worry about it, failure is almost sure to be in her future (unless she lies/uses unhealthy methods...which is still failure).
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    I hate to admit it, but yes. It is usually when I get a really negative comment about how I look when I am not prepared for it and gets me down. Then I realize that the best "revenge" is to keep working at it as a huge middle finger to that person and to ensure I don't feel that way again.
  • garrisonwife
    garrisonwife Posts: 129 Member
    I get what you're saying, and honestly, her whining will actually highlight your toughness! Hubby will notice, even if others don't, and will be thanking his lucky stars that he got the cool tough chick! Some people are like that, and it's kinda fun to throw out things like "I'm so glad everyone's getting tough together" to cut off the whining. You totally got this!

    ^^^Absolutely, THIS!!!!^^^

    Train your *kitten* off. While she's whining about breaking a nail, you'll be showing her how sexy it is to break a sweat! If she posts on Facebook about how "hard" it is, and blah blah blah...then you post on your Facebook that yeah...it may be hard...but you are loving getting stronger with every training session, and you can't wait to kick *kitten* on that course!! Show her by example how a REAL woman toughs things out! A woman who has confidence, and doesn't whine about getting dirty, and doesn't gloat about her accomplishments are incredibly admirable qualities! There's a reason it's called the "Tough Mudder"...and you are going to show her what a "tough mudder fudder" REALLY looks like!!! Kick some muddy tail, girl! You got this, and if she needs to do this for attention, then so be it. But I have a feeling the person who will get the BEST attention will be the woman who shows every other pansy out there how it's DONE!!! Kill it!! Just ignore her girlie insecurities! :-) Good luck on your training and on facing that tough mudder!! ;-)

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