Ever Wanted to Give Up on a Goal Because of Someone Else?

swopen

I have a goal that I'm working toward (doing Tough Mudder in 2014). My friend got wind of it and the fact that my husband and brother-in-law (her bf) want to do it too and she just invited herself. That, if and of itself, wouldn't bother me. But she loves attention. If you aren't paying attention to her, she makes sure you do. I think it boils down to the fact that she doesn't want me to get acknowledgment for something that she can't get attention for. This means she will be complaining the whole time during training (so that people know exactly what she's doing) and during the event and afterwards (so people know every little thing she felt). I want to do this to prove to myself how determined and driven I am and how hard I can work. I don't want to do it to get attention. I am dreading it now. I'm about to just drop this goal and find something else. Any advice?

betsyr13

I don't think you should give up on your goal because of one crazy person.

She sounds obnoxious, but if you let her b.s. stop you from doing what you want to do then she wins. Don't let her win.

I know it's hard to ignore behavior like that, but I think you have to find a way to tune her out and do your thing.

clareyoung80

Let her do it for her own reasons.

It's sounds like you wanted this goal for yourself, and even though you say you're not doing for attention, it does sound like you'd rather she didn't come along and ruin things by getting ALL the attention.

But, her doing the race has absolutely no affect on your ability to do the race and to prove to yourself how determined and driven and how hard you can work.

Or, in other words, do the race and be pleased you don't have to have outside validation for everything you do.

(Seriously, do the race! And good luck!)

likitisplit

Train to be faster than her. That way, you won't have to listen to her whining.

BflSaberfan

I understand your frustration with your friend (and I do know people like that as well) but to quit something because of someone else seems incredibly immature - You're an adult. Do what you want.

ETA - her boyfriend is your brother in law then I dont really consider it "inviting herself" she probably just wants to be a part of the group. Not to mention, you dropping out isnt going to prevent her from whining about the training regardless so why would this make you consider dropping out anyways?

Ramberta

You're thinking about this all wrong. Instead of "dreading" the challenge because someone has stolen the limelight from you, take it as a sign that you are being a good example to those around you, and that your decisions to be healthy have in turn affected others who are wanting to be healthy too. That is a good thing!!

If she is turning into too much of an attention hog during it, simply comment on her Facebook statuses (or however she shares this with people) saying, "Aren't you glad I got you into this? " And leave it at that.

If you're ready to throw in the towel because of someone else, then you're not really in it to win it. You can't let someone else -- even an annoying someone else -- dictate what YOU do!

lausmit4477

I want to do this to prove to myself how determined and driven I am and how hard I can work.

^You gave yourself the best answer already. This is why you SHOULD do it! Don't worry about other individuals...just YOU!!!

yanniejannie

There are going to be people you dislike for various reasons throughout your entire life; hopefully you won't cut and run from all of them............BUT if she truly irritates you to the point it seems like she does, maybe you'd be better off finding another event of this type and making sure she doesn't find out about it. For myself I understand because I do avoid these people; it's just not worth the stress it causes you.

swopen

Unfortunately I can't avoid her-in addition to being my brother-in-law's gf, I work 40 hours a week with her. Thank you all for your advice. I really didn't want to give this up, and honestly I don't want to have these negative feelings. I just needed a little push to stick with it and remember what's really important and why I wanted to do it in the first place. one obnoxious person isn't going to affect my success nor my determination. Thank you all, you helped me get my head back in the right place. I can't control other people but I can control my reactions to them:)

likitisplit

Great job!

kgerm317

I can't control other people but I can control my reactions to them:)

YOU GOT THIS, girl!! She's insecure and you KNOW you've worked really hard to get to where you are and you know WHY you're doing this! Yes, a little recognition for your hard work would be great, but you'll get it in more heartfelt and meaningful ways than the girl begging for it!!

Good Luck :happy:

kgammage86

YOU GOT THIS, girl!! She's insecure and you KNOW you've worked really hard to get to where you are and you know WHY you're doing this! Yes, a little recognition for your hard work would be great, but you'll get it in more heartfelt and meaningful ways than the girl begging for it!!

Good Luck :happy:
[/quote]

You give such good advice Kristen!!! That's why you're my friend!!

eduff3

don't tell here about mfp

ctpeace

I get what you're saying, and honestly, her whining will actually highlight your toughness! Hubby will notice, even if others don't, and will be thanking his lucky stars that he got the cool tough chick! Some people are like that, and it's kinda fun to throw out things like "I'm so glad everyone's getting tough together" to cut off the whining. You totally got this!

colapopmusic

I would totally do it! Show her up! Make it yours and not hers You got this

highervibes

I would definitely pick another goal. I have someone in my life who is like this and it's just going to frustrate you to no end. My guess is that once you drop the goal, so will she. Pick something else and watch the magic unfold!

ldrosophila

During training become anti-social focus only on you buy head phones crank the music and zone the rest out.

decreasing_me

Try to remember the reason you wanted to do it in the first place and focus on that. You and everyone else around you will know how hard you are working without you having to toot your own horn (as it seems she will be doing). If it was important to you and it still is don't let ANYTHING stand in your way. Just saying !! :flowerforyou:

NavyKnightAh13

Do it for yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly, if all she wants to do is whine, then let her and let her see how much hard work and dedication it takes to be able to do it and she will eventually not want to do it. Do it for you :bigsmile:

highmaintnance

Let her do it for her own reasons.

It's sounds like you wanted this goal for yourself, and even though you say you're not doing for attention, it does sound like you'd rather she didn't come along and ruin things by getting ALL the attention.

But, her doing the race has absolutely no affect on your ability to do the race and to prove to yourself how determined and driven and how hard you can work.

Or, in other words, do the race and be pleased you don't have to have outside validation for everything you do.

(Seriously, do the race! And good luck!)

^^^^ Agree 100%.

palmerar

Whenever I am angry or annoyed at someone I get it out during my workouts. So if she is getting on your nerves, let yourself get mad then run or lift it out. I think you will find that it helps you be with her all the time.