Healthy When Significant Other Isn't

xiamjackie

Just was curious about others' opinions on this topic.


Often times I see people post on here that they're really trying to lose weight/ be healthy/ exercise, but their significant other doesn't want anything to do with it. Sometimes they say that it's just impossible for them to lose weight since their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend continues to eat McDonalds and Doritos every day. I can see the frustration in that. I consider eating healthy and exercising to be two HUGE, very important parts of my life. I couldn't imagine being as passionate as I am about them now and being with someone who didn't like to do either. I'm not saying that they have to exercise like me or eat like me, but I just don't think I could be with someone that didn't do either at all, since it's such a big part of my life. I don't know what we would do for fun since most of my dates consist of physical activity, ie- kayaking, hiking, running (yes running dates haha), fishing, hunting, going for walks, etc.

I was curious to how others deal with this. Maybe you have been with someone for a long time and you recently made the change to be healthier and they didn't. Or maybe you just started dating someone and found out that all they eat is junk and they hate exercise. How do you deal with it? If you are trying to eat healthy, does it slow down your progress if you are constantly spending time with someone who likes to eat junky stuff?

quirkytizzy

My SO doesn't work out, doesn't watch what he eats. It doesn't bother me, BUT -

I'm not as on fire for fitness as other people. If he didn't enjoy nerd stuff the same way I did, with the same passion that you have for fitness, it wouldn't have worked out.

So I could see where, if you're really really into fitness, that could be a problem for a couple.

mylittletribe

Yeah, this. My SO could lose 100, but he eats horrible foods, and working out? No. I ask him at least twice a week to go lift weights with me, and I constantly give him alternatives to the junk he eats, and while sometimes he takes it, most of the time he doesn't. He sometimes jokes and calls me a myriad of names like Jack Lalaine, Richard Simmons, Princess Pushups, etc.... not mean, but it's the way he is.
I try to reinforce that this isn't vanity... it's health, and push for him to do the same so that we have a long life together. So far it's not working

OH, one success I did have, is getting him to cut back the sugary drinks and take in more water. And last night he suggested that he should work on losing some of his belly. I commented on the food he eats, and how that's the only way he'll get rid of it, and I got no response. Baby steps.

jo_marnes

My hubby has lost a lot of weight since I've started eating better - because I'm the cook. He eats well because I eat well. It's taken a few years and a few family health scares but now he is exercising 2-3 times a week too. I'm glad my lifestyle is rubbing off

Tuesday20

I live with a true crap food addict. My other half of 6 years has the WORST sweet tooth!!! If it is high in sugar he will eat it!! Cookies are now a common place grocery in our house! He loves all fast food! We used to have take out at least once a week. We would eat huge slabs of cake, because we didn't want to throw it away. Same with any left over food. He is still the same, but I love him nevertheless (btw he is a string bean!)

I do the cooking, and he isn't a fussy eater, so most of my healthy meals he eats too. There are many foods I prepare for him that I don't eat. For example I would quite happily pick up a McDonalds for him, but eat a homemade lunch instead. I am not saying that the temptation isn't there, but I don't think anyone can say their other half is STOPPING them from losing weight, unless they are literally hiding the salad bag! LOL

99% of the time I take myself out for lovely walks and take in the scenery (camera is a must!) and I attend the gym 3 times a week under my own steam, so I don't consider him to be crucial to my weight loss at all. If he tags along that's nice, and will make a lovely day of it, if not, I don't mind.

I think if people depend really highly on their partners to be healthy its due to an under confidence. yes you can do it on your own, all of it. People not taking responsibility is frustrating. We all have bad days, we all binge from time to time, you cannot blame that on anyone else but yourself. (Again, if your other half sits on you, force feeding you junk then OK, but you may want to consider therapy )

To all those who do struggle: you are one of many, we are all in this together. If one can do it so can we! Believe you can do it and you will, and you're worth the effort. (Whether your other half will support you in that or not!)

Whipppets

When I married my wife she was teaching aerobics at night.. So imagine the shape she was in.
I have talked till I am blue in the face about being in tip top shape. I have come at it from all angles from
the health, to confidence, to not carrying around an extra 20lbs all day. It works for a while and then its
back to dunkin donuts and mcdonalds.

Not going to lie it bothers me and our marraige. You really can not do it for someone else because I would do it for her if I could.
I love to exercise and eat healthy but she says I do it just for me and I am selfish.

irishblonde2011

It has never bothered me. He is free to eat want he wants. I am not the food police
Started out on my own he would buy/eat whatever. I made the change for me. He started wanting to taste what I was eating lost a few pounds and started coming out for walks with me just to spend time together. His mates started saying how much weight he had lost and then he was hooked. Once he decided he wanted to join in he did and I was more than happy to help. He has lost over 50 pounds and I am so proud. Yes it is a little bit easier with him on board but would be still doing it even if he was not. Sometimes the best thing isn't to make a big deal of it.

Bennyflippy

I was so glad to see this post. I have had a battle with weight most of my married life and my hubby doesn't help at all. He needs to lose about 70 pounds and I do to. I have tried the entire fad diets, WW, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem and just watching what I eat. Trying to convince him to eat better and exercise with me is impossible. I want to get out and walk or take the pups for a walk too. We do well for about 4 days then some lame *kitten* excuse comes up why we can't. I even got Xbox and some fun games that make us move and yes I do them as he just sits there. His doctor told him that if he doesn’t lose weight he will not live much longer. He has heart disease. Please any suggestions can help.

JenniBaby85

My hubby is definitely not as keen on exercise as I am, but he'll eat what I cook. Just by doing that he's lost 11lbs and is officially in the healthy weight range. I'd love for him to work out a little bit, but it still doesn't bother me. I can't force him to do that, and I love him regardless.

ladypitek

One of the (many many many) reasons that my husband and I separated a few months ago was lifestyle. Before we met I exercised regularly, was very outdoorsy, and had really good eating habits. He was overweight when we met but I thought that my healthy lifestyle could inspire him to want to make positive changes in his life. It backfired and he ended up dragging me into the unhealthy eating cycle and sedentary life. It was just easier to order food for both of us everytime he got takeout than it was for me to cook for just myself. He was always sedentary but when we were dating seemed to enjoy the hikes or long walks we would take. It is definitely difficult to life healthily when the person who is supposed to be there to support you doesn't seem to care about their own health or future.

LoraF83

I think it's like anything else......when you have a wide gap in belief systems, goals, and priorities, it can make it difficult to have a relationship. Not saying it's impossible, but it's definitely not as easy as it is with two people who are more compatible.

I'm lucky in that my husband was a high school and college athlete and has to maintain some level of fitness for his job. He does power lifting about 3 times a week and run a couple miles a few times a week as well. He hasn't complained about our lack of junk food in the house or my switch to healthier meal choices. But he still likes to get McDonald's now and then and will stop at a gas station for a small bag of chips occasionally. I don't care - he's a grown man and can eat and do what he wants.

We are active together - we go rock climbing (indoor), we go running. We like to take our daughter to the park or just run around outside with her. We lift together. He's awesomely supportive and never complains about how much time I spend exercising. We have a lot of other common interests too and we work in the same field. So, we're pretty compatible all the way around.

SarahBeth0625

As healthy as I am, he's even healthier! He eats no junk, whereas I workout every day and am SO dedicated to that, I do allow myself a treat as long as it fits into my calories for the day. He could stand to GAIN weight as he's 6'2" and 150 lbs, but he has put on about 5 pounds since his lowest where he looked ill because he was so skinny. It's so hard for him to gain weight and it's not like he wants to eat junk to do so. He eats a ton of fruit and veggies.

AprilLove125

I live with a true crap food addict. My other half of 6 years has the WORST sweet tooth!!! If it is high in sugar he will eat it!! Cookies are now a common place grocery in our house! He loves all fast food! We used to have take out at least once a week. We would eat huge slabs of cake, because we didn't want to throw it away. Same with any left over food. He is still the same, but I love him nevertheless (btw he is a string bean!)

I do the cooking, and he isn't a fussy eater, so most of my healthy meals he eats too. There are many foods I prepare for him that I don't eat. For example I would quite happily pick up a McDonalds for him, but eat a homemade lunch instead. I am not saying that the temptation isn't there, but I don't think anyone can say their other half is STOPPING them from losing weight, unless they are literally hiding the salad bag! LOL

99% of the time I take myself out for lovely walks and take in the scenery (camera is a must!) and I attend the gym 3 times a week under my own steam, so I don't consider him to be crucial to my weight loss at all. If he tags along that's nice, and will make a lovely day of it, if not, I don't mind.

I think if people depend really highly on their partners to be healthy its due to an under confidence. yes you can do it on your own, all of it. People not taking responsibility is frustrating. We all have bad days, we all binge from time to time, you cannot blame that on anyone else but yourself. (Again, if your other half sits on you, force feeding you junk then OK, but you may want to consider therapy )

To all those who do struggle: you are one of many, we are all in this together. If one can do it so can we! Believe you can do it and you will, and you're worth the effort. (Whether your other half will support you in that or not!)

This is me, too. My husband eats all the things I can't eat - or if I did, I'd weigh a lot more. There are always Doritos and other chips, cookies, and other junk food in the house, but I make sure I have plenty of my own food there, too. Most time he'll eat what I make for dinner, but a bigger portion. He has tried a lot of new foods these past couple of years, and enjoys all of the healthy food I make, even if his salads consist of lettuce, cheese, more cheese, croutons, and full fat dressing to go along with my nutritious dinner. :-)

But, he is the owner and sole operator of a lawn treatment company, so he is constantly outside doing physical work and burning a ton of calories. He's actually lost about 50 pounds since we got together, so it's not all bad.

I also make food for him that I don't eat. Just last night he was working late on the computer and I made him 2 grilled ham and 3 cheese sandwiches with tomato soup. I would never make that for myself.

He is supportive of my weight loss but still teases me about what I eat sometimes. He doesn't go to the gym with me but that's fine, it's MY time for ME and it doesn't make me less motivated about my own goals.

I do wish he ate better, but only because I want him around for a long time and I want him healthy. It's not about how his food choices affect me.

vesselofclay04

It is challenging trying to eat healthy while my hubby eats whatever he wants. But I love him anyway regardless if he decides to join me or not. If you truly love that person, then you love that person regardless of their flaws. Just my opinion.

lcvaughn520

My boyfriend is 6'6" and has always been really active, meaning that he has literally NEVER had to worry about eating right. When I first realized that I couldn't eat the same stuff (and in the same amounts) as he can, I started cooking "healthy" food that tasted terrible! Not surprisingly, he really wanted nothing to do with it and was kind of resistant. I mean, I can't really blame him - he had no reason to eat bland grilled chicken and steamed broccoli every meal, why would be want to!!

Since then, I've learned how to make healthy food that actually tastes good. And I've learned a lot about what an appropriate portion should look like. This means that when I cook dinner now, I know it's healthy, but he still loves to eat whatever it is and he even compliments how much better my cooking has gotten. He also likes knowing that what we're eating is healthy and nutritious. And I've learned that it's okay to still eat "junk" sometimes if I'm careful not to eat too much of it. Finding this balance has been a huge help. But yeah, at first it was really tough. Luckily, he never flat out refused to change - I know that's a different situation, and I can't imagine how hard that would be to deal with!

Bekahmardis

One of the (many many many) reasons that my husband and I separated a few months ago was lifestyle.

Ditto. 13 years of marriage and he sat on his butt with World of Warcraft and kept gained weight while I tried valiantly to either stay the same or lose, and I ended up gaining 20 pounds I didn't need or want. He even scoffed when I bought my treadmill - he wouldn't go anywhere with me and didn't like it when I left the house without him, so I thought it was a good compromise. "You'll never use it!" he claimed. I left him, took my treadmill with me, and dropped most of the weight I gained; just working on the last couple pounds now. *whew!*

ellepribro

Husband hasn't chosen a healthier lifestyle (yet).
He likes to eat high calorie foods. We both do the cooking in our house and he’ll eat whatever I make, but he usually suggests something pretty high in calories when he’s making dinner. I still manage to cope pretty well and if he knows that I don’t have many calories left he won’t suggest poor meals. I know he’s trying and I can’t fault him for wanting to eat some of his favorite meals just because they’re high in calories.
He doesn't like to ‘work out’, but he remains pretty active. We try to stay active outside in the spring/summer. He hates the idea of going to a gym or attending a fitness class, but motivates and encourages me wonderfully.
Maybe someday I’ll inspire him to choose a healthier lifestyle too.

Cassea7

My hubby needs to lose about 60 lbs ..He was drinking alot of pepsi and junk food and fast food etc.

So since i joined MFP , I tell him ..no sorry i cant eat that because its too many calories and then i wont be able to eat for the rest of the day and i tell him you know there is 1200 cals in that burrito so i can cut off like one inch and eat it.

Anyway..he said he is being good at work and not drinking soda as much . yesterday I came home from work and he was frying fish and he told me he only used a LITTLE oil..He is trying and its cute..I dont push him..I just tell him what i am learning and I tell him how important it is to be healthy and that I want him to be healthy so we can do things together. He likes going for walks..so we will do that together when its warmer..snowed here yesterday..

I agree baby steps and kindness and love work well!

mmddwechanged

I have been with my SO for 25 years and here's my two cents: we are separate people. We support and love each other and we also accept each other. It is not healthy to try to change people, especially people we love. I am pretty lucky my SO accepts me for who I am and what I'm interested in, because I tend to bounce all over the place. I am always trying new things, sometimes getting a bit obsessed, and constantly changing. We both have shortcomings and and unhealthy habits, but neither of us is the type to dwell on the negative.

drchimpanzee

Just was curious about others' opinions on this topic.


Often times I see people post on here that they're really trying to lose weight/ be healthy/ exercise, but their significant other doesn't want anything to do with it. Sometimes they say that it's just impossible for them to lose weight since their husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend continues to eat McDonalds and Doritos every day. I can see the frustration in that. I consider eating healthy and exercising to be two HUGE, very important parts of my life. I couldn't imagine being as passionate as I am about them now and being with someone who didn't like to do either. I'm not saying that they have to exercise like me or eat like me, but I just don't think I could be with someone that didn't do either at all, since it's such a big part of my life. I don't know what we would do for fun since most of my dates consist of physical activity, ie- kayaking, hiking, running (yes running dates haha), fishing, hunting, going for walks, etc.

I was curious to how others deal with this. Maybe you have been with someone for a long time and you recently made the change to be healthier and they didn't. Or maybe you just started dating someone and found out that all they eat is junk and they hate exercise. How do you deal with it? If you are trying to eat healthy, does it slow down your progress if you are constantly spending time with someone who likes to eat junky stuff?

I think both people in a relationship have to be mostly on the same page when starting out a relationship, though not really carbon copies of each other, or else it causes problems. I tried dating a girl a few months ago that was roughly the same weight I am (225ish). I found out really quickly her lifestyle just didn't gel with mine and the weight was just a symptom of that. She lived off junk food and hated that I worked out (she called the gym my mistress). The girl I'm seeing now is really supportive of my lifestyle even though she doesn't really work out as much. She also is very food conscious and watches what she eats most of the time like I do.

sammid21

My husband used to weigh quite a bit more than he does now; he used to be a McDonald's manager and the convenience of eating at work got the better of him. Not long after he got a new job we started living together and he was eating my home-cooked healthy meals instead of grabbing food at the gas station or McDonald's after work. He dropped weight unbelievably fast at first. About 50lbs lost so far since his diet first began a few years back, and his healthy eating habits are here to stay.

It has been a multi-year battle to get him back to a healthy weight, and I'm very proud of him. But he is SO stubborn about exercising. He says he wants to start toning up and living a more active lifestyle, but he just won't put in the work even though I offer tons of support and suggestions. I can get him to go on walks with me, but I can't get him to do a single workout video.

I often times hear that some people with weight loss success end up feeling uncomfortable in their new bodies; I feel he may be one of those people. Yes, he's happy with his progress, but he has no idea how to dress anymore; he seems so overwhelmed whenever he even looks in his closet for a weekend outfit. He completely shuts down when we go shopping for him. He refuses to get rid of his old bigger clothes. He knows he can't finish his weight loss mission without exercise, but he looks for excuses to not do any exercise. Whenever we talk about fitness he becomes quiet and distant.

It tries my patience at times, but all I can do is keep offering support and love. I've tried being pushy, I've tried being nurturing, I've tried dragging him to the gym. None of it sticks right now. I keep looking to the future--he'll come around when he's ready and only when he's ready.

lcvaughn520

My hubby needs to lose about 60 lbs ..He was drinking alot of pepsi and junk food and fast food etc.

So since i joined MFP , I tell him ..no sorry i cant eat that because its too many calories and then i wont be able to eat for the rest of the day and i tell him you know there is 1200 cals in that burrito so i can cut off like one inch and eat it.

Anyway..he said he is being good at work and not drinking soda as much . yesterday I came home from work and he was frying fish and he told me he only used a LITTLE oil..He is trying and its cute..I dont push him..I just tell him what i am learning and I tell him how important it is to be healthy and that I want him to be healthy so we can do things together. He likes going for walks..so we will do that together when its warmer..snowed here yesterday..

I agree baby steps and kindness and love work well!

Haha that's kind of how my bf is too. I don't want to push anything on him, but I do talk about what I'm doing and he tries, in his own, slightly uninformed way to help out.

MizTerry

My SO doesn't work out, doesn't watch what he eats. It doesn't bother me, BUT -

I'm not as on fire for fitness as other people. If he didn't enjoy nerd stuff the same way I did, with the same passion that you have for fitness, it wouldn't have worked out.

So I could see where, if you're really really into fitness, that could be a problem for a couple.

^^^This is me any my husband. I try to watch what comes in the house because of my efforts and trying to watch what the kids take in, but my husband is a junk food junkie. Thankfully, he's not TOO bad, and he supports my efforts.

hannahthesoundgirl

My husband and I have been married for a little over two years. He could stand to lose about 200-250 lbs and I could lose about 50-100 lbs. We both eat fairly healthy (although he does love his Chinese buffets...) with lots of veggies and lean meats. His job is incredibly stressful and he's working on his masters in Math on top of working full time (taking two classes a semester--if you've ever looked at grad school math classes, you'll know this is insane). He doesn't always take time to exercise as much as I do, or as intensely as I do, but he's doing as much as he can manage with the rest of the things he has going on. He's changed his way of doing things sooooo much since before we were together. I'm so proud of him.

KKessler055

My SO does not eat healthy or exercise. He is always asking me if I want donuts for breakfast or pizza for supper. I just say no thanks I'm trying to eat a little healthier! After a few days of saying no he stops asking. I started jogging in the mornings before he goes to work. At first he was against it, but I stood my ground and now he encourages me to go run! I also ask my kids to workout with me and make healthy food choices. They love to be included in my daily routines and we can have fun and be together. I don't need my SO to do everything I do. I have to make my own choices to get healthy. It's usually 20mins out of 24 hours!!!!

flitabout

My DH is helpful and a hindrance all at the same time! It has taken 10 years of marriage and watching me struggle with my weight since we have had kids too get it through to him that I don't like being fat. He wants to be helpful but he just doesn't know how. He is very active and never has a weigh issue. He is the same size now that he was when we met 13 years ago. DH is an over the road trucker so when he goes different places he will pick up special yummy food. I have a terrible sweet tooth! So when he brings me May West cakes and Kinder buenos from Canada I am at a loss to say no! Not to mention the huckleberry syrup. He claims not to be to into sweets but well he is! After 10 years I finally got him to stop bringing the stuff home for me. Don't get me wrong I love it, but I have no control at 10pm and I will eat anything with sugar that isn't nailed down!
I finally have gotten it through to him and he stopped bringing me crap home. It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I have stopped making all the junk. I am an amazing baker, and I love to do it. He is picky as all get out. and thinks he needs meat and potatoes in every meal. I am Italian and I was raised to eat mostly veggies and fish. For us it is a weird kind of melding. But we are getting there. He stopped bringing the stuff home and I have had to stop making it here. Now I just have to get my 19 and 21year old stepsons to stop coming to ask me every night if I have anything sweet in the house. I just have remember just breath through it and if it's really bad tylenol pm is my friend. I can't shove food in my face if I am asleep!

jenns1964

My hubby has put on 30 lbs since we got married 3 yrs ago. He gets a good healthy dinner every night and takes the leftovers for lunch the following day, but that I,am afraid, is the extent of his healthy lifestyle. He has a very physical and stressful job comes home exhausted every night. The last thing he wants to do is exercise. I do not nag him. He tells me everyday how proud he is of me for making exercise and eating healthier a priority in my life. He has recently stated that he needs to do something about his weight. I will be out of the state for a month or more and am hoping it is the catalyst for him to start taking his health seriously. I want him to feel as good as I do now and I want him around for the long haul.

iecreamheadaches

My boyfriend and I are nerds. Our relationship was really solidified around World of Warcraft at one point (we live in the same neighborhoods, so no I didn't meet him on WoW, we just spent a lot of the beginning of our relationship playing it together). He was not all about jumping completely on the wagon with me when I decided to start being healthier, but he does enjoy making smoothies with me and trying to find (and try them himself with me) healthy alternatives to some of our favorite foods, and to me thats all that matters. He can still throw down some mcdonalds, and tons of junk and soda, but he's generally supportive of me and understands that I'm just not about that lifestyle anymore. I mean he gets out, he loves to play to basketball, frisbee, throw the football around and do stuff like that, but he doesnt do it EVERYDAY (I'm sure he'd play basketball everyday if the rims at the court in the neighborhood weren't completely f**ked.)

I was fat when we got together and he loved me then, he's still gonna love me when I'm at my goal weight and every milestone in between. And I still love him even if he is kind of a disgusting lazy pig sometimes when it comes to food and exercise, he's my disgusting lazy pig and I don't know what I would do without him. (:

misseseaj2010

I am dealing with this with my husband. But I am fortunate that I can cook for him/prepare his lunchbox for work without craving the food I make him or being tempted to eat it. I am determined to get to a healthy weight/improve my health, that's more important than that delicious food I just cooked for him.

One downside though is having to basically buy 2 sets of groceries, cook 2 different meals, pack 2 different work lunches. It's twice as much work but what can you do? You can't force someone to eat differently. Your option is eat the same *kitten* as them or make 2 meals?

My husband is pretty considerate though and I of him. I don't make him skimp on going to restaurants, we just compromise and go to a restaurant where I can get a healthier meal. Since doing mfp every Saturday we go to subway around "brunch" time and then later in the day go to taco bell and I get the fresco chicken soft tacos and we both get to enjoy our meals and I stay under my calories.

Since I have started though trying to lose weight, my husband mentioned starting going to the gym and trying to lose weight also. I think most significant others will get on board at some point, it's probably just better to let them do it their pace than forcing them to do it at yours.

misseseaj2010

My hubby has put on 30 lbs since we got married 3 yrs ago. He gets a good healthy dinner every night and takes the leftovers for lunch the following day, but that I,am afraid, is the extent of his healthy lifestyle. He has a very physical and stressful job comes home exhausted every night. The last thing he wants to do is exercise. I do not nag him. He tells me everyday how proud he is of me for making exercise and eating healthier a priority in my life. He has recently stated that he needs to do something about his weight.

This sounds alot like my husband. Of course they don't feel like working out after doing physical work all day, and I live in a very hot climate, he started getting sunburnt in April . I feel bad that he has to endure this while I sit in an air conditioned office. That's why I don't push mine/nag either.

ingeh

my OH doesnt exercise, eat junk, doesnt count any calories/fat. He works as a security officer and walks 5 miles twice a day/night shift 3-4 days a week and Is 6ft2 so if he cut back a little hed lose weight easily. Its hard when he buys doughnuts and cakes or his mum gives him junk food to take home for the kids and him. Iv just had a bad 2 days cos of it and I need to buckle down and get my head on straight again!