Genetics, bad relationships, self loathing, FRESH START.

xRachTasticx

Hello! My name is Rachel.

I've decided to introduce myself, as a way to let the past out of my mind and heart and hopefully seek some resolve. So I guess, here we go!

I'm 25 years old, and I've almost always been a big girl. My father is 6'4" and ~350 most of his life, although now he is down to about 310. My mother is 5'3" and about 220? She hasn't been on a scale in 30 years or so, so that is a guesstimate. I'm 5'7" and at my heaviest, which was earlier this year, I weighed 271. For the past 4-5 years I have been hovering around 260.

I've always been large, though when I was younger my big revelation came when I weighed 230 and wore size 22 jeans. I did manage to loose about 88 lbs and finally got down to what at that point was my goal weight of 142. I was very happy with myself, and the way I looked. I was 16 years old and for the first time in my life could wear a size 10 in jeans.




I had just then started a relationship that would end up being one of the toughest ordeals of my life. He and I were together nearly 8 years, it was on and off and emotionally destroying. His previous girlfriend was a 5'5" 110 lb blonde haired blued eyed cheerleader so I always was compared to her. Our relationship was so rocky and so depressing I ate. A lot. I was even dumb enough to make over 30 cuts with a razor up both my arms from wrist to shoulder. Which you can see the scars in the picture with the red tank top. I was young and dumb. From then on I managed to get up to 260 and when I was 22 I finally broke it off with him. He had flat out told me we were never going to get married and our relationship would never progress as he wasn't THAT attracted to me.



So I tried the dieting thing, I could never stick too it. I hated myself so much, and for so long that I essentially lost hope in finding the will power. I just kept getting bigger... and bigger... and eventually stopped going out with friends. All I wanted to do was go to school, go to work, come home and hide from the world.



Then one day when I saw 268 I was so angry and I vowed to start working hard! I started using a different fitness app named noom. I managed to lose about 15 lbs and I was feeling great!





That is until one day I couldn't walk. I was in so much pain for a few weeks and that's when I found out I had 2 badly herniated discs in my lower lumbar spine, and a couple bulging ones as well. The only option to alleviate my pain was xray guided injections of steroids into the discs themselves. With all the bed rest, and the steroids I ballooned right back up and surpassed 268 to 271. I was devastated.

I again vowed to work it off. Someone had told me about MyFitnessPal, so I decided to give it a try, as noom wasn't that spectacular. What a difference that has made!!!! I managed to loose 11 pounds in 2 months, right before my best friends wedding.



And since then I have continued my weight loss. As of this morning I have lost just over 22lbs. I don't have any recent photos of me, but I can say that some of clothes are becoming quite baggy!

Each day, I try my best to motivate myself to continue on my path to becoming healthier. while also learning to love myself for who I am. I find myself becoming a bit more confident, and not so embarrassed to be me.

Thank you MyFitnessPal for being such a strong and essential tool to my daily goals.

pastryari

You have to change the uppercase IMG to lowercase img to get the pictures to work.

juliana0813

Hello! My name is Rachel.

I've decided to introduce myself, as a way to let the past out of my mind and heart and hopefully seek some resolve. So I guess, here we go!

I'm 25 years old, and I've almost always been a big girl. My father is 6'4" and ~350 most of his life, although now he is down to about 310. My mother is 5'3" and about 220? She hasn't been on a scale in 30 years or so, so that is a guesstimate. I'm 5'7" and at my heaviest, which was earlier this year, I weighed 271. For the past 4-5 years I have been hovering around 260.

I've always been large, though when I was younger my big revelation came when I weighed 230 and wore size 22 jeans. I did manage to loose about 88 lbs and finally got down to what at that point was my goal weight of 142. I was very happy with myself, and the way I looked. I was 16 years old and for the first time in my life could wear a size 10 in jeans.




I had just then started a relationship that would end up being one of the toughest ordeals of my life. He and I were together nearly 8 years, it was on and off and emotionally destroying. His previous girlfriend was a 5'5" 110 lb blonde haired blued eyed cheerleader so I always was compared to her. Our relationship was so rocky and so depressing I ate. A lot. I was even dumb enough to make over 30 cuts with a razor up both my arms from wrist to shoulder. Which you can see the scars in the picture with the red tank top. I was young and dumb. From then on I managed to get up to 260 and when I was 22 I finally broke it off with him. He had flat out told me we were never going to get married and our relationship would never progress as he wasn't THAT attracted to me.

[img]"https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/14769_569885403168_8334161_n.jpg"[/img]

So I tried the dieting thing, I could never stick too it. I hated myself so much, and for so long that I essentially lost hope in finding the will power. I just kept getting bigger... and bigger... and eventually stopped going out with friends. All I wanted to do was go to school, go to work, come home and hide from the world.

[img]"https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/39782_412815733963_297475_n.jpg"[/img]

Then one day when I saw 268 I was so angry and I vowed to start working hard! I started using a different fitness app named noom. I managed to lose about 15 lbs and I was feeling great!

[img]"https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/545834_789627413418_1865502451_n.jpg"[/img]

[img]"https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/425470_774442144818_1976764449_n.jpg"[/img]

That is until one day I couldn't walk. I was in so much pain for a few weeks and that's when I found out I had 2 badly herniated discs in my lower lumbar spine, and a couple bulging ones as well. The only option to alleviate my pain was xray guided injections of steroids into the discs themselves. With all the bed rest, and the steroids I ballooned right back up and surpassed 268 to 271. I was devastated.

I again vowed to work it off. Someone had told me about MyFitnessPal, so I decided to give it a try, as noom wasn't that spectacular. What a difference that has made!!!! I managed to loose 11 pounds in 2 months, right before my best friends wedding.

[img]"https://fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/484069_10151422048853964_985012234_n.jpg"[/img]

And since then I have continued my weight loss. As of this morning I have lost just over 22lbs. I don't have any recent photos of me, but I can say that some of clothes are becoming quite baggy!

Each day, I try my best to motivate myself to continue on my path to becoming healthier. while also learning to love myself for who I am. I find myself becoming a bit more confident, and not so embarrassed to be me.

Thank you MyFitnessPal for being such a strong and essential tool to my daily goals.

fixed it for you :-)

juliana0813

great :-)

xRachTasticx

Aghhhhhhhh. I used to know how to do all this img stuff! Lol. I'm going to upload the photos to photobucket instead of linking from my facebook. Temporarily deleting my first post!

marciebrian

I wish I had some magic words to make everything okay but I don't. The thank goodness is that you know what has gone one and own it rather than hide from it which can only make you stronger and healthier. You've taken major steps already by losing the loser and not cutting anymore. You'll do this I really have no doubt. Be strong and when you're not, reach out for help. Hugs to you and give yourself one as well :flowerforyou:

metallison

Thank you for sharing your story! So many times, I have lost motivation to keep losing, or I have gained back what I lost, so I end up losing the same weight over and over, and it gets discouraging. I started using My Fitness Pal at about the time I had almost given up hope, and I am doing really well.

Good luck to you!

Monarchgirl

Rachel, I wish you all the best in your fresh start. It sounds to me like you have the courage and the reasons now to get to where you want to be. You have been through a lot, but it doesn't own you now. You do. You have a beautiful, warm smile, and the world needs more smiles like that!

xRachTasticx

All the pictures are fixed! I think I get it now!

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It helps me feel so much better, and less crazy.

xRachTasticx

Also, I've started to not only watch what I eat but I walk 3.5 miles a few times a week as well. With my back the way it is I want to be careful before I just jump into strenuous exercising. Any suggestions on calorie burning exercises that are bad back friendly?


Thank you!

xRachTasticx

So it has been about a months since I posted this first entry. I wanted to deeply say thank you to everyone who has stuck by my side and offered me advice. Pictures of my progress will be posted in the next couple days.

Again, I can't begin to thank you all enough for the help and support you have offered.

marciebrian

really looking forward to seeing your pictures but more important is that you are taking care of yourself.... hope you continue to love yourself enough to just be safe and never hurt yourself. you're a beautiful gal :flowerforyou: