Would you do this for someone else?

amaysngrace

Ever since I have lost nearly 50 pounds, my mom has been infatuated with questions on what I eat, how am I eating it, blah blah blah. It has drove me crazy, I tell everyone that ask me about my weight loss about MFP and it is like they are too lazy to even try to manuveur the site. I do not believe this site is that hard to operate, I mean yeah, sometimes you have to convert cups into decimals and all that complicated stuff or try to find a match for something you eat if it isnt on there, but it still is not that hard, and I am no technology wizard here. I feel my mom is being a little lazy because even after I told her about the site, she said she didnt know how to do it, so she wanted me to create her an account and log in stuff for her. Now, she wants me to cook her meals. I told her I would charge her because I am on a fixed income and I cant keep taking from my stash of food to make her meals. Plus, it takes me about an hour or longer to cook her meals homemade plus my own meals, and I am in school full-time as an online student, on top of being a single parent taking care of my son, who has autism and is non-verbal.

My mom is driving me nuts. I told her weight watchers would charge her way more and she could just do all this herself. What is your take on this situation, and am I wrong? I mean I was 240 pounds, when I started this site, now I weigh 193, maybe less because I only weigh myself once a month, I took control of my life and I did not get any help from anyone but this site. Now my mother acts as if I am suppose to cook breakfast, lunch and dinner for $100 a month, and that is not even enough for all that. Plus, for that price, I would basically be cooking all this for free because the money would go on buying all the ingredients she needs to make breakfast, lunch and dinner for the whole month. I would not be reimbursed for my time in the kitchen doing all this cooking and I am trying to find balance in my own life. Please Help! What would you suggest?

LeahT84

I would say "Mom, I am so glad that you are interested in getting healthy. I would be more than willing to show you how to use MFP, and share my recipes with you, but I am unable to do it for you. Weight loss is about hard work and smart decisions, and it won't rewarding for you if I am the one taking charge. I love you, but please understand that I want to teach you, not do it for you."

Latiffany31

I TOTALLY understand. I have a similar situation going on. Perhaps, you could offer to sit down with her and show her how the website works and how to download the app to her phone. Maybe you can take an afternoon and go grocery shopping with her and figure out some quick, but nutritious meals that she can make on her own.

You are a great daughter, but this is your mother's journey and it sounds like you have a very full life. Let her know that you care and are willing to help to certain extent.

endoftheside

You have to feel like it is a fair deal, and so does she. Keep negotiating until you find something that works for both of you. Do you live with her? Maybe you could split groceries 50/50 and trade household chores (her) for cooking (you)? It might be worth something to you to help your mom be healthier and hopefully live longer and better, but at the same time you can't let her drag you down if she won't take enough responsibility for her own well-being. You sound like you care for her a lot in that you are even considering this type of arrangement, so hopefully you two can work something out. :flowerforyou:

axialmeow

Do we have the same mom?????

gmallan

Why not just split the cost of the groceries 50:50. In terms of the time, it really doesn't take that much longer to cook for two people rather than one. Tell her if you're going to cook for her you expect her to pick up the slack in some other area to compensate for your time. Baby sitting, laundry or maybe she has to do all the cleaning up (that's the worst bit of cooking anyway). Make meals in bulk so they last more than one day

BarackMeLikeAHurricane

I would say "Mom, I am so glad that you are interested in getting healthy. I would be more than willing to show you how to use MFP, and share my recipes with you, but I am unable to do it for you. Weight loss is about hard work and smart decisions, and it won't rewarding for you if I am the one taking charge. I love you, but please understand that I want to teach you, not do it for you."

Spot on. Listen to this.

Willowana

I would say "Mom, I am so glad that you are interested in getting healthy. I would be more than willing to show you how to use MFP, and share my recipes with you, but I am unable to do it for you. Weight loss is about hard work and smart decisions, and it won't rewarding for you if I am the one taking charge. I love you, but please understand that I want to teach you, not do it for you."

^^^ This. Teach a man to fish and all that. I'm lucky that my mother joined MFP after seeing my progress, and she's already lost more than half the extra weight she's carrying around. Your mom might just be overwhelmed and need you to show her the ropes of MFP, but there's definitely a line between needing help and asking for you to be her personal chef.

MelsAuntie

Do you live with her? Is she supporting you? Then you probably owe her. Otherwise, just refuse. Tell her you haven't the time and she can do it herself.

ShandaLeaS

This is a life change not a yo yo diet. If she isn't doing it herself she won't learn and therefore can't change the habits that got her to where she is today. I'd sit down and explain how to use the site while she takes notes but no way would I be shopping, cooking, portioning and inputting her stuff. If you do it, she still isn't taking responsibility for her life or health.

amaysngrace

You have to feel like it is a fair deal, and so does she. Keep negotiating until you find something that works for both of you. Do you live with her? Maybe you could split groceries 50/50 and trade household chores (her) for cooking (you)? It might be worth something to you to help your mom be healthier and hopefully live longer and better, but at the same time you can't let her drag you down if she won't take enough responsibility for her own well-being. You sound like you care for her a lot in that you are even considering this type of arrangement, so hopefully you two can work something out. :flowerforyou:

Thanks, no we live 30 minutes apart from each other. I live by myself with my son.

amaysngrace

Do we have the same mom?????

That is hilarious!

amaysngrace

Why not just split the cost of the groceries 50:50. In terms of the time, it really doesn't take that much longer to cook for two people rather than one. Tell her if you're going to cook for her you expect her to pick up the slack in some other area to compensate for your time. Baby sitting, laundry or maybe she has to do all the cleaning up (that's the worst bit of cooking anyway). Make meals in bulk so they last more than one day

The thing is my mom does not live with me. I buy groceries in the form of ingredients in bulks and I made my meals so that I can have a homecooked meal every day. Therefore, I make enough for me to eat for the week before I have to cook something new, which I do about mid-week for variety. I also cook a separate meal for my son because he has a sensory disorder and only eats 4 foods. I buy my own groceries on a different day. I went to the grocery store with her this past time to tell her what to get. I also made dinner for her to last her the whole week, but it came out of my stash because the money she gave me only bought things to go in her lunch and stuff for her breakfast, so she did not have enough and I just used what I had already.

amaysngrace

Do you live with her? Is she supporting you? Then you probably owe her. Otherwise, just refuse. Tell her you haven't the time and she can do it herself.

I live by myself, just me and my son. My mom and her boyfriend live in their own household.

amaysngrace

FYI: I do not live with my mother.

amaysngrace

This is a life change not a yo yo diet. If she isn't doing it herself she won't learn and therefore can't change the habits that got her to where she is today. I'd sit down and explain how to use the site while she takes notes but no way would I be shopping, cooking, portioning and inputting her stuff. If you do it, she still isn't taking responsibility for her life or health.

Amen to that!