Why good friends are so important

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taunto
taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
in Chit-Chat
In my younger days, I fell in love. I fell in love with someone who left me shortly after and in my desperate attempt, I did something drastic. Something stupid. Something irrational.

I got a Gorilla.

A pet Gorilla. I named him Barnacles. B and I got close. We were best buddies. Everywhere we went, people talked about us.

They feared us at first but then they saw what we both did. They saw the love for each other in our eyes. There was some hate. Some folks thought it was unnatural. But I didn’t cared. B didn’t cared. We were 2 bros, broing it out.

Eventually, people realized that its time for society to accept us. We both become closer than ever. He’s helping me with the ladies. I am helping him get mad freaky chimpanzee girls he so likes. We both become super popular. I became popular for the first time in my life. Anywhere I go people point at me and say “oh cool, that’s the guy with the gorilla”. “Hey man, wheres B today?”. “Bro you bananas man. Here, have some bananas for your Gorilla!”.

Everything is going by the plan so far. He’s well trained by now. I send him to the love of my life’s new boyfriend with a sticky note saying who he’s friends with. The guy freaks out. I send him next to the girls parents house introducing himself. They’re old folks and they get scared easily.

I immediately change my phone number and address and move away. Now the girl is looking all over the town for me. To her I seem like a psycho monkey man who’s trained a Gorilla to intimidate her parents and seduce her boyfriend. But to the entire world she seems like yet another obsessed girl who’s dreams are to be with the monkey man.

Eventually she sees B walking down the road to get us some Scotch and starts talking to him. B explains to her how I am a nice guy who could have any girl he wants yet I am still in love with her. She actually understands his point of view and comes running back to me.

Aren't good friends the best?!?!
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Replies

  • weevil66
    weevil66 Posts: 600 Member
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    That's awesome. My best friend just takes me to the casinos.

    ps be careful of your bestie. I hear that those primate types like to eat faces and man-junk (and not in a fun way)
  • MNA76
    MNA76 Posts: 1,541
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    Yes. They will go buy you Scotch. Hopefully, some Laguvelin 16 or Oban 14.
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
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    I don't get why you ate your friend.
  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,487 Member
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    I used to really, really want to have a trouser snake for a BFF, but snakes make me sceeeeered.
  • ThorneDust
    ThorneDust Posts: 189 Member
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    :flowerforyou:
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 12,939 Member
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    What kind of scotch? Something decent??
  • elenathegreat
    elenathegreat Posts: 3,988 Member
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    But...what happened to Mr. Barnacles B after you and the hot chick hooked up?
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
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    But...what happened to Mr. Barnacles B after you and the hot chick hooked up?
    This! We, the public, must know!
  • Crankstr
    Crankstr Posts: 3,958 Member
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    pics
  • dirtnap63
    dirtnap63 Posts: 1,387 Member
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    This thread is divisive against:

    People without friends

    People without Primates

    Primates not named Barnacles

    People without scotch

    Reported.
  • downsizinghoss
    downsizinghoss Posts: 1,035 Member
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    So when he is bad and doesn't get you the girl, I guess you spank the monkey?
  • just4nessa
    just4nessa Posts: 459 Member
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    You have a talking gorilla? OMG I know what I want for my next birthday... :bigsmile:
  • timpicks
    timpicks Posts: 151 Member
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    Now you have to choose between the love of your life and the gorilla your dreams.
  • violettatx
    violettatx Posts: 230 Member
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    I just want to know how you can afford enough bananas to pay him for getting chicks for you. It must cost you thousands per month!
  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
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    But...what happened to Mr. Barnacles B after you and the hot chick hooked up?

    Yes. What's it going to be Taunto?

    This
    gorilla_zps11282642.gif]

    Or this?
    jessicarabbit3_zps447c17fe.gif
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
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    Ted
  • mockchoc
    mockchoc Posts: 6,573 Member
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    But...what happened to Mr. Barnacles B after you and the hot chick hooked up?

    Yes. What's it going to be Taunto?

    This
    gorilla_zps11282642.gif]

    Or this?
    jessicarabbit3_zps447c17fe.gif

    wow I'm impressed. You're almost as good at gifs as Taunto. Me I don't even know how to put a gif up or a pic yet. sad but true.
  • FloyMcCaudie
    FloyMcCaudie Posts: 1,132
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    GOOD FRIENDS FTW! Now lets do elephant walk son!
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,735 Member
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    i call shenanigans.

    this sounds like fan fiction to me.

    there are no liquor stores in Saudi Arabia, so there is nowhere your gorilla friend could go to buy Scotch.

    shenanigans!

    :angry:
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
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    But...what happened to Mr. Barnacles B after you and the hot chick hooked up?

    We're still the best of bros. Him and I chill out often. He moved out finally though and went back to the jungles of Washington DC. He's a Senator now! He still get crazy monkey sex though but he doesn't send me anymore pictures. Something about election scandals or something

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