I feel a little guilty....

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craigmandu
craigmandu Posts: 976 Member
in Food and Nutrition
My father-in-law and I are real good friends. I'm kind of the only guy he gets to talk to that shares his financial goals, and has his same mind set about most things. His sons are kinda out there and one of them is a complete leech.

Whenever I start calorie-counting, and trying to get into a healthy mode, he suffers from it. He's 83, retired, and likes to take me to lunch all the time. Which was fine for a little while, but my goals have changed and I don't particularly like the places he wants to go (he's a creature of habit).

He said to me the other day, "boy I sure do miss you when you're dieting". That made me feel pretty sad. I told him I'd go with him, but I probably wouldn't eat anything. He says, "Nah, you do what you need to". He understands, he just misses our daily lunch outings that we use to enjoy.

I wish sometimes I wasn't so obsessive about my food once I start counting...my personality is soooo damn addictive, that I really get wrapped around the wheel so to speak.

Replies

  • rebbylicious
    rebbylicious Posts: 621 Member
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    perhaps he would enjoy going somewhere else with you? does he like to golf (i know older guys can sometimes hit up the putting range or driving range) Or maybe go to the park with a sandwich? What about getting coffee and playing cards? I am sure he has a lot of wisdom to share with good conversation.
  • craigmandu
    craigmandu Posts: 976 Member
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    perhaps he would enjoy going somewhere else with you? does he like to golf (i know older guys can sometimes hit up the putting range or driving range) Or maybe go to the park with a sandwich? What about getting coffee and playing cards? I am sure he has a lot of wisdom to share with good conversation.

    I've suggested that. He likes to go as a group most of the time, and you have to understand his kids...they only eat absolute crap most of the time. They like to go to a BBQ place alot, and I've scoured their whole menu, and nothing on it I would consider eating (unless I wanted to eat well over 2/3 of my calories at lunch).

    I've recommended a couple places...but as you can imagine, the others in the group rarely want to go to the places I do....

    They normally call me when they've already decided where they are going, and then I have to say someting like "not much there I can really eat, or I'll try it with them and find out that I really regret it later in the day, when at 4pm I only have 300 calories left....

    It's weird, it's like I have an on/off switch or something, when I'm "on" I want to be completely entrenched in it.
  • thisismeraw
    thisismeraw Posts: 1,264 Member
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    Why not still go with him but pack up half your meal when it arrives so you aren't eating the whole thing?

    Or ask them to subtstitute some things. Most places will.

    Or order a salad at lunch... dressing on the side. Or a grilled piece of meat with steamed veggies? Lots of ways you can make your meal fit into your day so you can still do the daily lunch with him if you want.
  • lisamarie1780
    lisamarie1780 Posts: 432 Member
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    why can't you go to lunch with him and just have a salad? Or even just have what you used to have and make sure you eat a lighter meal for your dinner and do a bit more exercise that day?
    Why do you and he have to miss out? Seems silly.
  • craigmandu
    craigmandu Posts: 976 Member
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    why can't you go to lunch with him and just have a salad? Or even just have what you used to have and make sure you eat a lighter meal for your dinner and do a bit more exercise that day?
    Why do you and he have to miss out? Seems silly.

    I keep asking myself this...I am trying to reconcile in my mind if it is something else...
    Maybe it's just me not wanting to deal with the crap I know the others will spew when they see me eat say (1/4 of a BBQ sandwich) and let the rest go to waste. The more I search myself, the more I think it isn't really about what I think it was.
  • lisamarie1780
    lisamarie1780 Posts: 432 Member
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    why can't you go to lunch with him and just have a salad? Or even just have what you used to have and make sure you eat a lighter meal for your dinner and do a bit more exercise that day?
    Why do you and he have to miss out? Seems silly.

    I keep asking myself this...I am trying to reconcile in my mind if it is something else...
    Maybe it's just me not wanting to deal with the crap I know the others will spew when they see me eat say (1/4 of a BBQ sandwich) and let the rest go to waste. The more I search myself, the more I think it isn't really about what I think it was.

    Yeah you need to ask yourself what the real issue is and then maybe you will find the answer :)
    And don't let other peoples' attitudes dictate what you do or how you feel, especially when it affects your relationships with others... other people shouldn't have that power
  • craigmandu
    craigmandu Posts: 976 Member
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    why can't you go to lunch with him and just have a salad? Or even just have what you used to have and make sure you eat a lighter meal for your dinner and do a bit more exercise that day?
    Why do you and he have to miss out? Seems silly.

    I keep asking myself this...I am trying to reconcile in my mind if it is something else...
    Maybe it's just me not wanting to deal with the crap I know the others will spew when they see me eat say (1/4 of a BBQ sandwich) and let the rest go to waste. The more I search myself, the more I think it isn't really about what I think it was.

    Yeah you need to ask yourself what the real issue is and then maybe you will find the answer :)
    And don't let other peoples' attitudes dictate what you do or how you feel, especially when it affects your relationships with others... other people shouldn't have that power

    I think I'm just a little scared of sabotaging my own efforts...couple that with not really liking the "kids" who are both way older than me, and I think I'm just removing myself from the situation. I tend to go "all in" so to speak with this stuff, it's why I had to quit drinking altogether, I was well on my way to alcoholism. I have a pretty big character flaw that way.
  • roiLEI1554
    roiLEI1554 Posts: 143
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    Maybe think about the lunches as a good way to practice moderation
    I think a part of changing to healthier eating habits is also learning to love food and exercise, which also includes knowing when to let go a little bit. But hopefully you can reach a compromise with them!
  • lisamarie1780
    lisamarie1780 Posts: 432 Member
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    Maybe think about the lunches as a good way to practice moderation
    I think a part of changing to healthier eating habits is also learning to love food and exercise, which also includes knowing when to let go a little bit. But hopefully you can reach a compromise with them!

    exactly. It sounds like you go to extremes... either completely one way or the other and neither is healthy or easily maintained. You have to be able to relax but within limits. Go out and test yourself :)

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