The Power of Thinking Positively (but Realistically)?

TiasF

Hi!

So I have a few mind issues that I'm trying to combat. I'm sure I'm not alone in this, so I was wondering if any of my MFPers would be able to provide some help in thinking of things a little differently.

I am a hot/cold thinker as far as my weight & weight loss goes... It's either "you're not that bad- you can still exercise, you don't look that out of shape, etc" or "you're a complete wreck, you're obese, can't climb a flight of stairs, etc". Each of the thoughts has truth to it, but the former one pushes me to inactivity (procrastination) and the latter pushes me to depression (and inactivity due to that)... I need to think more positively, but realistically about my weight... I am obese, but I'm a lot more active and able than people who weight a lot less than me. I think it's also because I'm young and I have not had any health problems, though I'm obese. But I also have a HUGE amount of weight to lose (over 100 pounds) and in my mind I feel like once I "start" (consistently) it'll all fall off, but then I realistically realize I have an extremely long journey ahead of me that will take months of commitment & hard work...

So if you could weigh in (lol) on some ways to think about this in a healthier way, so that I can be motivated to work, while thinking about this realistically without sugar coating it or bashing myself that'd be greatly appreciated. I'm sure i'm not the only one struggling with this way of thinking....

kahyee

I would suggest walk your journey by focusing on mini-goals as opposed to looking at the whole 100 pounds. Try to change some not so good habits and work on the first 10 pounds, and so on. You can do this. Things in life aren't always all or nothing, especially weight loss. You can do this. Good luck.

rosebarnalice

One thing to think about is to build on that positive self-image you have (the part of you that says, "I may be fat, but I'm not so bad!") and turn it into a positive attitude that tells the cold part of you you "hey! we can do this, and we're worth it!"

You don't have to do it all at once-- even losing 10% of your current weight can improve your health statistics-- so maybe take it 10% at a time. So make that a goal-- and when you get there, celebrate that goal! Then, set a new goal for the next 10%.

The HOT you CAN beat the COLD you!

AshCash803

We're in the same boat as far as goals go. I agree with Kahyee--you have to make weekly/monthly goals. It's much easier to tackle hills than mountains. The biggest thing I've learned is that all of the weight won't come off in a month, or two, or three, or even four. We didn't get this heavy in a short amount of time, and we won't lose it in a short amount. I will say this: Once you become consistent with a healthier lifestyle, it becomes so much easier. It takes time, but you'll get there IF you commit to the lifestyle change. Also, STAY POSITIVE. Do not beat up on yourself when you hit the inevitable wall(s) and plateau(s). All of this is a part of the journey of weight loss.

larryc0923

Agree with the comments on smaller weight target goals and also non-weight related goals. For example:
Non-weight goals
1. Log every day for at least a month. Log good days and bad, this is critical. You will want to log everyday after that as well but start at a month.
2. Workout on average 4 times a week for a month. More is always better but if after a month you do it then go on to the next month.
3. Be under your daily net calorie target on average 6 of the 7 days in a week for 4 straight weeks.
4. Lose 1 inch from your waist.

Weight goals
My goal is to lose the next 5 lbs. I started at 284 and wanted to get to 279 then to 274 then to 269, etc. I am now only about 2 - five pound increments from hitting my target.

Hope that helps and we know you can have a successful journey.

vixtris

Mini goals, like said before, is a great way to look at your journey in a more short-term kind of way. Every time you lose 10 lbs, do something special for yourself (non food wise). Also, try not to look at it like a long road ahead, because in reality you will need to keep exercise in your life long after you have lost the weight. Another thing that helps is to set realistic short term goals. For example, 4th of July (if you are American) is 2 months from now, so if you want to show off to your family, set a mini goal for that date, but nothing unrealistic or too high that will disappoint you.

AshCash803

Agree with the comments on smaller weight target goals and also non-weight related goals. For example:
Non-weight goals
1. Log every day for at least a month. Log good days and bad, this is critical. You will want to log everyday after that as well but start at a month.
2. Workout on average 4 times a week for a month. More is always better but if after a month you do it then go on to the next month.
3. Be under your daily net calorie target on average 6 of the 7 days in a week for 4 straight weeks.
4. Lose 1 inch from your waist.

Weight goals
My goal is to lose the next 5 lbs. I started at 284 and wanted to get to 279 then to 274 then to 269, etc. I am now only about 2 - five pound increments from hitting my target.

Hope that helps and we know you can have a successful journey.

Larry, you look amazing! Great advice, too.

TiasF

Thanks so much! Yall make me feel so much better about my life!
I think that breaking it down is a great way to think about it, & I try to with goal weights, but then I think about the larger goal & it's discouraging

Willowana

The mind is a beautifully, terrible thing. You are absolutely right in your assessment of how you feel. I think many of us suffer from this tug-of-war between the positive and negative. I can only tell you how I've progressed, mentally, and maybe that will be useful to you.

My highest weight, I was 282 lbs, but I started back in January at 266. I was recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, premature arthritis, and a host of other ailments came to light. High blood pressure, cholesterol, and all my blood tests were horrible. I'm only 30 years old. I should be in the prime of my life.

My doctor put me on diet pills and told me to eat 1200 calories a day. I dropped 15 lbs. and then stopped. I still had a terrible time binge eating, even though the pills were supposed to curb appetite. I kept faltering, feeling discouraged, and feeling pretty much like I always have in life.....a failure.

I don't know when it happened exactly or even why, but one day back in January....something just clicked all of a sudden. I simply...let go. I let go of all the mental bashing and blame games. I let go of my feelings of inferiority and and the pressures of dropping the weight RIGHT NOW. At that moment...none of that mattered anymore. I knew for once in my life that this wasn't a race. Life isn't a 50 yard dash to the finish line. As long as I found a way that worked for ME, I would be alright.

I increased my protein, which greatly stopped my binges. I sat down and figured out my TDEE and what my calorie deficit should be. That brought me up to 1600 calories. Eating more stopped my feelings of depravity and being "on a diet". I was eating enough and able to eat the things I enjoyed. My sanity was restored and I began seeing this whole thing in a completely different light.

Why do I care how long it takes me to lose the weight? I've been obese for nearly my entire life. As long as the weight comes off, even at a snail's pace, it means I'm still moving in the right direction. If I binge or go over in calories one day, so what?? I can make sure tomorrow is better.

The subtle realization that THIS...IS...LIFE had finally sunk in. Life happens. A healthy life is like a road riddled with potholes, detours, and scenic routes. It's not straight and narrow, and it shouldn't be....or else we aren't living! I stopped beating myself up for that 650 calorie cupcake on St. Patty's Day, or that unknown amount of calories celebrating Easter (with chocolate cake) at the retirement home with my grandmother. Why? Because I wouldn't trade those calories in for the memories I made. That isn't failing. THAT is simply a life well lived. I realized that what is important is taking each day as it comes, and doing the very best you can to make the RIGHT choices. Moderation is key, and occasional indulgence is necessary.

Around the same time, I realized something else: I don't need motivation. It doesn't take motivation to log all my food (good or bad). It doesn't take motivation to bargain with myself by adding and subtracting things out of my preplanned diary to make room for the things I do want. It takes HABIT. Lifestyle changes are nothing more than small, good, everyday changes that you make. The ones you can live with. Keep editing your life by making positive changes here and there, and after some time....they become habit. All those little, accumulated good habits are what create a lifestyle change. It doesn't require an overnight major overhaul of one's entire life. It just requires the desire to keep doing it.

I realized that if my mind is fighting all the changes I put in place, then I am essentially at a stale mate. If I'm holding myself back.... who is pushing me forward? It was only when I got my mind onboard that I stopped floundering. I take full responsibility for my actions. I'm the only one that wields the fork. If I blame everyone, everything, and every environmental factor on my obesity, then what will I learn? This is my life and my health. I am the only one responsible for that.

So my advice to you? Let go. Just let go of all the negativity, blame, and hopelessness. Log your food, keep a calorie deficit, and try to be more active. Weight loss is that simple. Once that weight starts to accumulate, motivation will come from within. You don't need external sources anymore, and that will propel you further. Starting really is the hardest part. After that, it's simply a slow, snowball effect.

I weighed 219.6 lbs. as of this morning. I was 225 lbs. when I was 24 years old. My 31st birthday is May 28th. By the end of this month, I will probably weigh 50+ lbs LESS than the last birthday I celebrated. I now have 99 lbs. to reach my goal weight of 120 lbs....give or take. And there's only about 20 lbs. standing in my way of seeing 199 lbs. on my scale. "ONEderland" is just on the horizon, but I'm not running towards it. I'm meandering...and that's the kind of pace that works for me. Find what works for you. :flowerforyou:

Edit to mention, I stopped the diet pills back in January when I increased my calories. I no longer felt like I needed them.

AmyBecky74

my thing I had to overcome was setting long term goals for myself but then this would happen: I would be good all week then had one bad day I felt like "I just ruined my whole week" state of mind. I have an "all or nothing" thinking problem. So I had to scale it way back and do day to day goals. I find it easier for me because I'm not looking for far ahead and worring about what may or may not happen. I still struggle but it's not as hard as those long term goals were for me. finding your 'comfort zone" with the mind is very tricky but worth it. Hang in there and I hope you win this battle.