unsuppostive fiancee
lalaland82
Posts: 176 Member
Does anyone else on here have people who don't support them with their diet and exercise? How do you deal with it.??
My fiancee keeps laughing at me for weighing my food and keeping track of what I eat. He keeps buying me food he knows I find hard to resist, then eating it in front of me, and wont leave me alone to do my aerobics (no way I'm doing that in front of anyone!!!).
He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is - but I don't - I gained 2 stone last 18 months or so and am over half way to getting rid of it - but I'm finding it increasingly hard to ignore his comments.
My fiancee keeps laughing at me for weighing my food and keeping track of what I eat. He keeps buying me food he knows I find hard to resist, then eating it in front of me, and wont leave me alone to do my aerobics (no way I'm doing that in front of anyone!!!).
He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is - but I don't - I gained 2 stone last 18 months or so and am over half way to getting rid of it - but I'm finding it increasingly hard to ignore his comments.
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Replies
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I don't put up with people like that in my life.
You support me or you don't.
You need to tell him he has to change his attitude.
My boyfriend isn't trying to lose weight right now, but he wouldn't dare make fun of me.0 -
Have you told him that this stuff bugs you?
We men are pretty dense, and sometimes we don't think about what we do affecting someone else.0 -
If he isn't supporting the lifestyle you have chosen, then he isn't supporting you as a mutual partner.
Love is accepting in all forms.
You need to be bluntly honest with him. Guys don't pick up on hidden emotions or hints (most times).0 -
Honestly that'd be troublesome behavior from the man I planned to marry. I'd say the engagement phase is partly meant to hopefully iron out these type issues (or else . . .
).
Is he willing to talk this out sensibly with you? And come to an agreement that he should respect your choices as you will his?0 -
you need to just say no, and not eat the food he has bought
it will be really hard at first, but eventually he will get it. he hasn't yet, but he will. couples can drag eachother down. he is probably bummed deep down that he is losing his unhealthy buddy.0 -
I'd talk to him and explain how you feel about it and why it matters to you. If that doesnt get through to him then IDK why... My EX Husband did that to me and my response was 'this is for me, if you don't support me here you wont support me ever so gtfo.' (we had other issues but still)
As far as aerobics.. just do them, if he see's your serious he'll prob start to leave you alone or join.0 -
My boyfriend isnt quite that bad - but I feel your pain, he laughs at me for eating healthy and going to bed earlier, he also wants me to make him bacon and eggs, cheeseburgers, burritos, etc. when I'm cooking healthy food for me. We both really need to lose weight and he just isnt on the band wagon yet - in a strange way tho the resistance is really motivating. I'm doing this for myself, all by myself, and no ones gonna stop me. I know once he starts seeing a difference in my health he'll get on board and I'll get to take credit for all my hard work
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I think you really need to sit down and talk to your fiancee communication and respect are important in every relationship. share your reasons for wanting to lose weight and dont just say you want to look better on the outside but also want to have more energy and be healthy. If he loves you he should want you to feel good about yourself . He can even join you in an outdoor exercise that you both enjoy. talk now before you get married. good luck valey12340
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Sounds like he has a dominant personality and you have a submissive one. Some guys can't handle it when their ladies start showing some backbone and it sounds to me like he is testing the waters to see how far these boundaries go. He sees a change in you and he is trying to figure out where he stands in relation to that change. It could be described as a security thing for him, he probably feels insecure about your lifestyle change.
Try taking the dominant position for a while, show him by your actions that his are not acceptable, a few well placed comments about his body-weight or health might do the trick. NOTE!!!!!! Not mean spirited comments, I mean observations, something like "Honey, I think it would be sexy if you could come run with me someday". Or something like that, look to the future and the possibilities it holds, focus on the positive things, but be firm about your boundaries.
A great book for you to read would be Dr. Henry Cloud's "Boundaries"0 -
Have you asked him WHY he doesn't support you becoming healthy? It's not just about losing weight, it's about getting healthy. Are there other areas your fiancé won't support you, e.g., when you want to go out and/or do something on the weekends? I can't shake the feeling that this isn't the only problem you have in your relationship.
Is he expecting you to support him in something? If so, then you can ask the same of him.
If he asks you to cook something unhealthy for him while you're cooking healthy foods, tell him to either eat what you're cooking or cook the unhealthy stuff himself. (even though it was another commenter that said so, it might apply to you, too.)
If he refuses to take you and your quest serious, then you might need to reconsider your relationship. What good does it do to be married to a man who doesn't care about you and your health?0 -
Sounds like he has a dominant personality and you have a submissive one. Some guys can't handle it when their ladies start showing some backbone and it sounds to me like he is testing the waters to see how far these boundaries go. He sees a change in you and he is trying to figure out where he stands in relation to that change. It could be described as a security thing for him, he probably feels insecure about your lifestyle change.
Try taking the dominant position for a while, show him by your actions that his are not acceptable, a few well placed comments about his body-weight or health might do the trick. NOTE!!!!!! Not mean spirited comments, I mean observations, something like "Honey, I think it would be sexy if you could come run with me someday". Or something like that, look to the future and the possibilities it holds, focus on the positive things, but be firm about your boundaries.
A great book for you to read would be Dr. Henry Cloud's "Boundaries"
While that sounds nice, there is no guy I know, myself included that puts that much thought into it.0 -
My partner and I are both trying to live healthier lifestyles, so there's no negativity there, but it's becoming more and more of a hassle to visit my parents (both of which are a little heavy set.) I'm sure they think their comments are benign, but they'll make loud and pointed remarks about how it's "unnatural" that we've lost so much weight in the last year ("so much weight" being about 50lbs each), and we look like we're "wasting away". This is usually accompanied by them trying to force not-so-good-for-you foods on us in outrageously large proportions.0
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ask him to mend his ways or else dump him :bigsmile:0
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Looking at the positive - you made the decision to eat healthy because you want to which means you'll succeed. Standing up for this just reinforces your commitment.
There's no reason you can't respect each others eating decisions while being together. There's so many options out there that this shouldn't even be a problem. Just convey how important this is to you (I'm sure you already have), and if you don't get respect then you've done all you can. The choice then is what you need to do.0 -
I don't put up with people like that in my life.
You support me or you don't.
You need to tell him he has to change his attitude.
My boyfriend isn't trying to lose weight right now, but he wouldn't dare make fun of me.
INDEED! Love this response! I do not keep people like that in my life. My fiance is not currently trying to lose weight either but he would not make fun of me AND he is very supportive! I am sorry you are dealing with this but I am almost sure it comes from his own insecurity! He probably feels like if you lose weight and look HOT that other guys will pay more attention to you and that he will lose you! Talk to him about it! Good luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
Thank-you - genuinely didn't know there was a difference between the two fiancees :blushing: however I am surprised you didn't pick up on the the unsupportive being a massive typo :happy:0
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my husband was like that. he kept telling me he didn't notice the 70 pound weight difference, that I was fine, and he lived off soda, fast food, and crap. he wouldn't leave me to do aerobics either. then I had a heart attack. combination of crap, stress, high blood pressure. sad that that is what got him on board with me. he threw out all of his food, and is supportive of me now. hopefully it wont come to that with you. good luck and just do what you do.0
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While that sounds nice, there is no guy I know, myself included that puts that much thought into it.
Of course not, if these things were represented in the conscious mind then we would realize how idiotic they are, these things are deeper than the surface. I would bet he can't tell her why he feels the way he does, or if he does give a reason then it's probably something shallow and inconsequential, most of human action is motivated by hidden thoughts, fears, and desires because we are higher thinking beings. Only the most primal decisions (what to eat, when to sleep, etc) are based on conscious reasoning, and that only applies to psychologically healthy individuals.0 -
Have you tried talking to him about it?...0
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He's supportive, just not in a way that is immediately appropriate.He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is...0 -
Does anyone else on here have people who don't support them with their diet and exercise? How do you deal with it.??
My fiancee keeps laughing at me for weighing my food and keeping track of what I eat. He keeps buying me food he knows I find hard to resist, then eating it in front of me, and wont leave me alone to do my aerobics (no way I'm doing that in front of anyone!!!).
He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is - but I don't - I gained 2 stone last 18 months or so and am over half way to getting rid of it - but I'm finding it increasingly hard to ignore his comments.
You need to talk to him and find out why he is doing this. My gues is he is just trying to make you happy and he thinks that is the way to do it. You have to re train him, 0 -
An important thing to give a lot of thought to: if you feel he's not supportive is he the person you want for a life partner? Will he be supportive if you lose your job? Will he be supportive in the delivery room when you give birth? Is he just playfully teasing you or is he serious? Please carefully consider if this man should really be your life partner.0
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It is likely done out of fear. Change is unknown, and whether he admits or not he likely thinks you are changing and he does not know what that will mean for him and your future. He wants things to stay the way they were because it is comfortable and not out of the comfort zone.
I say give it time, he will come around. Have a good talk re-assure him that you making changes for yourself that will benefit you, but it will not change how you feel about him or your life plans.
I am speaking from experience here... hang in there.
I wouldn't throw in the towel as that seems to be the first thing people jump to, just be honest and kind. This is forever, good or bad, don't bail because he is having a tough time with this.0 -
If the person you're going to marry is a man the word is "fiancé." "Fiancée" describes an engaged woman.
Really? I didn't know this website was "MyGrammarPal" :indifferent:
LOL^^^ Ditto0 -
Have you sat down and had a conversation with him about what your goals with your weight loss are and why you want to achieve them?
Since you mentioned weighing food, I do have a story on that one. Although my boyfriend is very supportive of my attempts to improve my health, he definitely laughed when I was weighing food the first couple times. So I gave him a spoon and told him to scoop out one serving of peanut butter, then showed him what it weighed and what the calorie difference was. I explained that the scale is helping me learn what a portion really looks like and keeping my calorie counts accurate. Once he realized how easy it is to overestimate what you are eating, he was totally supportive of the scale!0 -
Just break up......
....can't believe no one's said that yet!0 -
An important thing to give a lot of thought to: if you feel he's not supportive is he the person you want for a life partner? Will he be supportive if you lose your job? Will he be supportive in the delivery room when you give birth? Is he just playfully teasing you or is he serious? Please carefully consider if this man should really be your life partner.
I personally wouldn't immediately start to question my relationship that hard.
I've been married for 17 years, it has taken many years for me to "learn" what my wife considers "important" to her and what she doesn't.
I've said and done many things over 17 years that have really pissed her off. Some of it was me being an idiot, some of it was simply not knowing she felt that "strongly" about something. If she "re-evaluated" our marriage every time I did something dumb, we'd have been divorced long ago. Relationships don't start with each person fully undersanding the other, that is built over time.
I have the best relationship in the world now, we know each other well and we are direct with each other, unafraid to tell each other when something bothers us about the other person. It didn't start off that way.0 -
I agree with the previous poster... Guys really don't pick up on hints very well. If my husband were doing that to me I would flat out tell him I don't want to talk to him unless he has something nice and supportive to say. Maybe he's uncomfortable with your weight loss. If he is a little overweight himself maybe he's afraid of what changes will come to your relationship if you lose weight and he doesn't. (maybe none, but he doesn't know this for sure). I have tried and tried to get my husband to download an app or something to track his food and lose with me. He could stand to lose 20 lbs or so. We both gained after marriage and then I had 2 babies. I really want to get on track again and he doesn't really care about his appearance right now. I'm really hoping that by me feeling a lot better about myself he will become motivated to do this with me.0
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Does anyone else on here have people who don't support them with their diet and exercise? How do you deal with it.??
My fiancee keeps laughing at me for weighing my food and keeping track of what I eat. He keeps buying me food he knows I find hard to resist, then eating it in front of me, and wont leave me alone to do my aerobics (no way I'm doing that in front of anyone!!!).
He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is - but I don't - I gained 2 stone last 18 months or so and am over half way to getting rid of it - but I'm finding it increasingly hard to ignore his comments.
It takes a long time to change habits, and while you have been thinking about how you look and what you need to do to feel better about yourself, he has only thought about how much he likes you. Now you want to change something he really likes, and you do it by taking away one of the ways he has had to make you happy.
We all like to share the things we like with those we love. He has made the effort to learn what you like, and has been in the habit of bringing it to you. Now he no longer knows what you like, and he doesn't know how to bring you something that will make you happy. It's sad, but you need to educate him while you are educating yourself. It can be done though. My husband, who loves to spoil me any way he can, has learned to bring fruit, tiny slices of dark chocolate, very dry wine, fresh and fragrant tea and the occasional gluten free cake - after checking if I can eat it. It took 5 years to teach him what to get and what to avoid, though. After all, he can eat anything he likes, and not gain a gram, while I only need to sniff the wrong thing and I swell up. He isn't the one who feels the difference on his body, he has to learn by patient example.
The laughing at your workouts is a little bit more problematic though, that isn't nice of him. But what kind of dynamic do you have? If you are to marry this man, you should be able to do a lot of undignified things in front of him. You'll most likely be sick, pregnant, drunk, fall off chairs in stupid ways, do things you have never done before and do clumsily, work with things which make you dirty and also crawl under the kitchen sink, contorting in stupid and silly positions. If you can't do exercizes in front of him, how can you plan to stink up the bathroom you share with him during a stomach flu?
So, jump at it with both feet, tell him what you would like him to bring and what you would like to eat. Ignore him eating the stuff he likes (and you like) (you will most likely have to get used to living with a person with a different diet anyway), and eat the stuff that makes you feel good. And work out while he is there. When he realises you mean it, he'll get used to it. When he sees that it works, he'll learn to respect it, and be impressed.
Good luck!0 -
His teasing and generally unacceptable behavior might be because he is self conscious of the way he looks and he is afraid that he will lose you if you lose a lot of weight0
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