unsuppostive fiancee

lalaland82

Does anyone else on here have people who don't support them with their diet and exercise? How do you deal with it.??

My fiancee keeps laughing at me for weighing my food and keeping track of what I eat. He keeps buying me food he knows I find hard to resist, then eating it in front of me, and wont leave me alone to do my aerobics (no way I'm doing that in front of anyone!!!).
He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is - but I don't - I gained 2 stone last 18 months or so and am over half way to getting rid of it - but I'm finding it increasingly hard to ignore his comments.

MorgueBabe

I don't put up with people like that in my life.
You support me or you don't.
You need to tell him he has to change his attitude.

My boyfriend isn't trying to lose weight right now, but he wouldn't dare make fun of me.

craigmandu

Have you told him that this stuff bugs you?

We men are pretty dense, and sometimes we don't think about what we do affecting someone else.

chels0722

If he isn't supporting the lifestyle you have chosen, then he isn't supporting you as a mutual partner.

Love is accepting in all forms.

You need to be bluntly honest with him. Guys don't pick up on hidden emotions or hints (most times).

rosemaryhon

Honestly that'd be troublesome behavior from the man I planned to marry. I'd say the engagement phase is partly meant to hopefully iron out these type issues (or else . . . ).

Is he willing to talk this out sensibly with you? And come to an agreement that he should respect your choices as you will his?

bearkisses

you need to just say no, and not eat the food he has bought

it will be really hard at first, but eventually he will get it. he hasn't yet, but he will. couples can drag eachother down. he is probably bummed deep down that he is losing his unhealthy buddy.

xsmilexforxmex

I'd talk to him and explain how you feel about it and why it matters to you. If that doesnt get through to him then IDK why... My EX Husband did that to me and my response was 'this is for me, if you don't support me here you wont support me ever so gtfo.' (we had other issues but still)
As far as aerobics.. just do them, if he see's your serious he'll prob start to leave you alone or join.

nrz242

My boyfriend isnt quite that bad - but I feel your pain, he laughs at me for eating healthy and going to bed earlier, he also wants me to make him bacon and eggs, cheeseburgers, burritos, etc. when I'm cooking healthy food for me. We both really need to lose weight and he just isnt on the band wagon yet - in a strange way tho the resistance is really motivating. I'm doing this for myself, all by myself, and no ones gonna stop me. I know once he starts seeing a difference in my health he'll get on board and I'll get to take credit for all my hard work

valey1234

I think you really need to sit down and talk to your fiancee communication and respect are important in every relationship. share your reasons for wanting to lose weight and dont just say you want to look better on the outside but also want to have more energy and be healthy. If he loves you he should want you to feel good about yourself . He can even join you in an outdoor exercise that you both enjoy. talk now before you get married. good luck valey1234

cchamil1985

Sounds like he has a dominant personality and you have a submissive one. Some guys can't handle it when their ladies start showing some backbone and it sounds to me like he is testing the waters to see how far these boundaries go. He sees a change in you and he is trying to figure out where he stands in relation to that change. It could be described as a security thing for him, he probably feels insecure about your lifestyle change.

Try taking the dominant position for a while, show him by your actions that his are not acceptable, a few well placed comments about his body-weight or health might do the trick. NOTE!!!!!! Not mean spirited comments, I mean observations, something like "Honey, I think it would be sexy if you could come run with me someday". Or something like that, look to the future and the possibilities it holds, focus on the positive things, but be firm about your boundaries.

A great book for you to read would be Dr. Henry Cloud's "Boundaries"

Antlady69

Have you asked him WHY he doesn't support you becoming healthy? It's not just about losing weight, it's about getting healthy. Are there other areas your fiancé won't support you, e.g., when you want to go out and/or do something on the weekends? I can't shake the feeling that this isn't the only problem you have in your relationship.

Is he expecting you to support him in something? If so, then you can ask the same of him.

If he asks you to cook something unhealthy for him while you're cooking healthy foods, tell him to either eat what you're cooking or cook the unhealthy stuff himself. (even though it was another commenter that said so, it might apply to you, too.)

If he refuses to take you and your quest serious, then you might need to reconsider your relationship. What good does it do to be married to a man who doesn't care about you and your health?

craigmandu

Sounds like he has a dominant personality and you have a submissive one. Some guys can't handle it when their ladies start showing some backbone and it sounds to me like he is testing the waters to see how far these boundaries go. He sees a change in you and he is trying to figure out where he stands in relation to that change. It could be described as a security thing for him, he probably feels insecure about your lifestyle change.

Try taking the dominant position for a while, show him by your actions that his are not acceptable, a few well placed comments about his body-weight or health might do the trick. NOTE!!!!!! Not mean spirited comments, I mean observations, something like "Honey, I think it would be sexy if you could come run with me someday". Or something like that, look to the future and the possibilities it holds, focus on the positive things, but be firm about your boundaries.

A great book for you to read would be Dr. Henry Cloud's "Boundaries"

While that sounds nice, there is no guy I know, myself included that puts that much thought into it.

Holstering

My partner and I are both trying to live healthier lifestyles, so there's no negativity there, but it's becoming more and more of a hassle to visit my parents (both of which are a little heavy set.) I'm sure they think their comments are benign, but they'll make loud and pointed remarks about how it's "unnatural" that we've lost so much weight in the last year ("so much weight" being about 50lbs each), and we look like we're "wasting away". This is usually accompanied by them trying to force not-so-good-for-you foods on us in outrageously large proportions.

abheshek

ask him to mend his ways or else dump him :bigsmile:

dfonte

Looking at the positive - you made the decision to eat healthy because you want to which means you'll succeed. Standing up for this just reinforces your commitment.

There's no reason you can't respect each others eating decisions while being together. There's so many options out there that this shouldn't even be a problem. Just convey how important this is to you (I'm sure you already have), and if you don't get respect then you've done all you can. The choice then is what you need to do.

christina0089

I don't put up with people like that in my life.
You support me or you don't.
You need to tell him he has to change his attitude.

My boyfriend isn't trying to lose weight right now, but he wouldn't dare make fun of me.

INDEED! Love this response! I do not keep people like that in my life. My fiance is not currently trying to lose weight either but he would not make fun of me AND he is very supportive! I am sorry you are dealing with this but I am almost sure it comes from his own insecurity! He probably feels like if you lose weight and look HOT that other guys will pay more attention to you and that he will lose you! Talk to him about it! Good luck! :flowerforyou:

lalaland82

Thank-you - genuinely didn't know there was a difference between the two fiancees :blushing: however I am surprised you didn't pick up on the the unsupportive being a massive typo :happy:

Maidofmer

my husband was like that. he kept telling me he didn't notice the 70 pound weight difference, that I was fine, and he lived off soda, fast food, and crap. he wouldn't leave me to do aerobics either. then I had a heart attack. combination of crap, stress, high blood pressure. sad that that is what got him on board with me. he threw out all of his food, and is supportive of me now. hopefully it wont come to that with you. good luck and just do what you do.

cchamil1985

While that sounds nice, there is no guy I know, myself included that puts that much thought into it.

Of course not, if these things were represented in the conscious mind then we would realize how idiotic they are, these things are deeper than the surface. I would bet he can't tell her why he feels the way he does, or if he does give a reason then it's probably something shallow and inconsequential, most of human action is motivated by hidden thoughts, fears, and desires because we are higher thinking beings. Only the most primal decisions (what to eat, when to sleep, etc) are based on conscious reasoning, and that only applies to psychologically healthy individuals.

lwagnitz

Have you tried talking to him about it?...

Deipneus

He says I don't need to lose any weight and that he loves my figure as it is...

He's supportive, just not in a way that is immediately appropriate.