Emotional Payoff for Staying Fat

amandalynnesmith

Do you think that the emotional payoffs for staying fat can be so strong that they are pretty much impossible to break?

Do you think that being overweight is usually all a mental problem, not a physical one?

To what extent do you think that a good looking, normal weight woman is sabotaged, picked on, or ostracized in society because other women are jealous of her?

How common is it for someone to stay fat just to "fit in" with her fat coworkers or fat friends, or not stand out in a crowd, or not cause others to be jealous of her and therefore hurt her?

BeckyAnne4

Bump! Super curious to see what people think/will say on this one!

1ConcreteGirl

To which university do you intend to submit this paper?

amandalynnesmith

Hi, Not asking for any other reason besides that I am asking myself these very questions, and am curious to know others' thoughts about them. I wonder if anyone else wonders the same, or has found asnswers. These questions plague me.

shadow2soul

1) I felt better about myself and how I looked when I was thinner (and healthy). I am ashamed of how I let myself go. So for me, it I will feel emotionally better when I lose weight.

2) It can be.

3) If by normal weight, you mean within the healthy range of BMI. I honestly don't know. Although, growing up (was healthy weight growing up and until a few years ago) I was teased by friends and family alike (most who are and were on the heavier side). I also had people constantly offering me food, even though I ate a lot as it was. I was just very active and when I got to high school I loved to workout (I ran almost every day, was in marching band and played soccer, loved to go swimming, ect). My weight gain was caused by the fact that I stopped being active, but continued to eat like I was.

4) I don't know. I personally want to be healthy and have never really cared about "fitting in." I'm weird, a little crazy, ditzy and probably a few other things. I'm me and I love being unique. I'm to busy having fun to worry about what other people think. :drinker: **I have other ways to phrase this that I would prefer to use, but they aren't forum appropriate.**

whierd

Um...what?

herblackwings39

Do you think that the emotional payoffs for staying fat can be so strong that they are pretty much impossible to break?

Do you think that being overweight is usually all a mental problem, not a physical one?

To what extent do you think that a good looking, normal weight woman is sabotaged, picked on, or ostracized in society because other women are jealous of her?

How common is it for someone to stay fat just to "fit in" with her fat coworkers or fat friends, or not stand out in a crowd, or not cause others to be jealous of her and therefore hurt her?

What are your thoughts?

friedmsw1

I believe that the emotional payoffs for staying fat can sabotage someone in their weight loss. Definitely! However, I do not believe that they are impossible to break.

I believe that there is an emotional component In being overweight. However, I also feel that it is a physical issue as well. I do not believe that all people who are overweight have some type of mental illness, if that is what you mean. Yet, there can be emotional issues that can contribute to an individual being overweight.

In what way would the normal weight woman be sabotaged?

I live in a state that is one of the leading in obesity. It is hard to see obese people eating something that I would love to while I am drinking my Slim Fast or eating my little salad. Yet, it is all about the choices you make. Every choice we make has a consequence.

I know that these answers may sound simplistic, yet I guess it is probably time for me to go to bed.

LuHox

I know what you mean by there being "emotional payoffs for staying fat," but I know you'd benefit from not looking at it that way. It's important when getting healthy to know that your emotional health is just as important and it's best to keep a positive attitude.

I don't believe for one second that being overweight is a "mental problem". I do believe that we can have mental blocks that can sabotage us and get in the way. It's pretty common to gain weight in a time when you aren't happy with other parts of your life. You should not blame yourself and feel bad about it. It won't help you. It only helps to love yourself the way you are so much that you want to be a better version... someone who is more healthy and happy... because YOU DESERVE IT.

Once you get to that point, your other questions won't really matter to you.

It won't matter if anyone is jealous because you deserve real friends who like you for you. There's nothing to be afraid of

katy_trail

i've not experienced the issues you're referring to regarding other social pressure etc.

for me, it's almost completely mental.
for most people, that is probably true.

if it was really just a physical process,
then losing and keeping it off would be
as simple as the math calculation
of losing it.

sarahg148

i've not experienced the issues you're referring to regarding other social pressure etc.

for me, it's almost completely mental.
for most people, that is probably true.

if it was really just a physical process,
then losing and keeping it off would be
as simple as the math calculation
of losing it.

Agree, 100%!!!

dynamitegalxo

honestly, one of the reasons i've stayed fat is because i feel like it makes me less of a target for assaults, etc. i don't live in the safest area and when i walk to campus (about a mile from my house), i don't feel like anyone is going to try to assault or mug me because i'm not physically appealing.

that's probably pretty awful, but it's true. so to that extent, for me, the emotional/mental payoffs make my weight easier to justify.

jennontheroad

Do you think that the emotional payoffs for staying fat can be so strong that they are pretty much impossible to break?

Do you think that being overweight is usually all a mental problem, not a physical one?

To what extent do you think that a good looking, normal weight woman is sabotaged, picked on, or ostracized in society because other women are jealous of her?

How common is it for someone to stay fat just to "fit in" with her fat coworkers or fat friends, or not stand out in a crowd, or not cause others to be jealous of her and therefore hurt her?

I can't comment on your first question cause I have not had that problem. I think most overweight people do want to lose weight.

I think there is a big mental component to being obese. Actually, most people have some body issues, no matter what size they are, that are all part of the mental/emotional aspect.

I am a good looking, normal weight woman, who dresses well - I never ever feel picked on or ostracized in society. I do not ever feel that other women are jealous of me.

I don't know the reasons why someone would choose to "stay" fat other than the fact that weight loss is difficult and it is difficult to change your patterns.

matt2442

I would rather be physically able to do anything and everything I want with ease. I would hate to be slowed down because I am over weight, out of shape, and prone to injury. So no, I would not stay fat to fit in. I'd rather get in shape so I can eat whatever I want and have no shame.

herblackwings39

honestly, one of the reasons i've stayed fat is because i feel like it makes me less of a target for assaults, etc. i don't live in the safest area and when i walk to campus (about a mile from my house), i don't feel like anyone is going to try to assault or mug me because i'm not physically appealing.

that's probably pretty awful, but it's true. so to that extent, for me, the emotional/mental payoffs make my weight easier to justify.

I tend to lean in the other direction. I'd be a super easy target to mug. I doubt I could out run or evade someone intent on taking what I have. Assault, especially in terms of rape, is more about power than appearance I think. The Rape Crisis Center back home gave presentations discussing some of the reasoning behind it. Rape isn't about how hot you look or if you're wearing something "slutty" it's opportunity, whether or not someone thinks they can get you away somewhere quiet/how much of a fight you might put up, and the sense of power they feel. This is, of course, just my opinion.

kindasortachewy

I'm not 100% sure I understand the questions but I'll give my 2cents

Do you think that the emotional payoffs for staying fat can be so strong that they are pretty much impossible to break?

I have thought to myself at time it would be worth it to stay fat because I feel better when I am eating fatty food and laying on my couch, but those thoughts went away when I realized, I do can love getting out and moving and it too can make me feel good.


Do you think that being overweight is usually all a mental problem, not a physical one?

I think 90% of the time its a mental issue, we are mentally addicted to food and we are not thinking about what we are doing.

To what extent do you think that a good looking, normal weight woman is sabotaged, picked on, or ostracized in society because other women are jealous of her?

In highschool, people assume you are a b-ch if you are good looking, not much changes when we all 'grow up"

How common is it for someone to stay fat just to "fit in" with her fat coworkers or fat friends, or not stand out in a crowd, or not cause others to be jealous of her and therefore hurt her?

I would say as common as it is for people to try and get skinny to 'fit in' where they are, if you don't like to stand out you will do whatever to blend in

Xiaolongbao

honestly, one of the reasons i've stayed fat is because i feel like it makes me less of a target for assaults, etc. i don't live in the safest area and when i walk to campus (about a mile from my house), i don't feel like anyone is going to try to assault or mug me because i'm not physically appealing.

that's probably pretty awful, but it's true. so to that extent, for me, the emotional/mental payoffs make my weight easier to justify.

I hope you realise that this is just not true. I know that it's possible to think really illogical things but I hope you realise that that's what this is.

Because the next step from this type of thinking is blaming the women who do get attacked for the way they look.

All sorts of women get mugged/raped/assaulted. The way you look. The clothes you wear. The people you choose to sleep with. None of these things determine whether or not you'll be assaulted.

Overweight is definitely more mental than physical in many ways. Just like quitting smoking or giving up heroin would be. After all it's our brains that allow us to make all the poor choices and excuses.

Bonny619

I have become 100x more insecure since losing 70+ pounds. I often feel like I was so fat before that I wasn't even looked at or judged because it just didn't even matter. But now when you put me in a room with other good looking women, internally, I become a wreck. I almost always feel inferior to every other woman around me.

I know that's all messed up but that's the truth for myself.

dynamitegalxo

oh goodness no, i am the furthest from a victim blamer there is. i guess i phrased things badly.

Lupercalia

1) No.

2) No, it is not an either/or problem for anyone.

3) "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful" is ridiculous. I think it's been studied and at least somewhat agreed upon that more attractive people have an easier go of things, at the very least. In many cases they have the advantage.

4) I would be very surprised if this was common behaviour.

Do you think that the emotional payoffs for staying fat can be so strong that they are pretty much impossible to break?

Do you think that being overweight is usually all a mental problem, not a physical one?

To what extent do you think that a good looking, normal weight woman is sabotaged, picked on, or ostracized in society because other women are jealous of her?

How common is it for someone to stay fat just to "fit in" with her fat coworkers or fat friends, or not stand out in a crowd, or not cause others to be jealous of her and therefore hurt her?

Maidofmer

I don't think I get any payoffs for being fat, but I do have a weird fear. every time I lose a pound, I get the urge to eat everything in sight. don't know why

noctilumina

In response to Dynamitegal's comment: I do feel a little more physically vulnerable at my current weight. I am not quite 5'3" no matter what weight I am, but I felt more physically imposing when I was heavier. Of course the reality is that I'm healthier and more fit now, and thus better able to run away or defend myself from an attacker, but the feeling persists.

Reading Bonny's comment made me realize that I also feel like I get more attention now from strangers and people I've just met. For the most part people are just being friendly, but I'm still a little uncomfortable with it at times.

darwinwoodka

For me some of it is physical security, but because of illness. I think what I fear most about being thinner is not having the reserves to fight off a serious illness. Don't know why this has always been an issue for me, but it's always in the back of my head. Maybe seeing my dad going through cancer and chemo.

1Kristine1

Hm, from my own experience there was no positive emotional payoffs for being 30+lbs overweight. I had a list of negatives though:
1. Nothing in style looked nice on me, ever. If I was going out it took me forever to dress because I wasnt happy with anything I saw in the mirror.
2. Muffin top
3. Tired all the time
4. Anxiety/Depression, feeling like I was being judged every second.
5. More sweaty

I say dont let others stop you from making yourself healthier, fitter and happier. Use it as fuel. It hurts at first but angry workouts are good workouts in my opinion.

Edit: I am a healthcare worker and I see illnesses and think to myself, thank god I realized I needed to change. Heart disease, cancer, diabetes. They are all nasty nasty diseases I wouldn't wish onto anyone. If I can avoid being sick for as long as possible, that in itself makes this all worth it.

Though I will admit, vanity also fuels me. Its nice to get attention now and then from people, makes you feel good.

peachfigs

Yes, but I don't think it's always a case of 'fitting in'. Some people don't improve their lives (assuming here that losing weight would do so) because they feel they don't deserve better, don't want to stand out, no one else is doing it, etc.

"Staying fat" isn't the only form of resistance people have. They do jobs they hate, put up with negative friends, stay in abusive relationships, push their creativity to the back of their minds, etc.

BinaryPulsar

oh goodness no, i am the furthest from a victim blamer there is. i guess i phrased things badly.

I don't think you were victim blaming. You just expressed your honest feelings about it, and you are not alone, I have heard other people say the same things. Sexual assault is a complex issue in many ways and for many reasons. It is about power, but it can also be about sex (for the rapist). That does not mean it is the victim's fault. It is always the rapists fault for committing a heinous crime against a human being.

LuHox

oh goodness no, i am the furthest from a victim blamer there is. i guess i phrased things badly.

There are many women who feel being overweight protects them like a security blanket. I've heard it's common for those who have experienced some kind of assault in the past
Sometimes I feel like my fat is an invisibility cloak.
Just saying, I see where you're coming from and don't think you're a victim blamer.

marcon125

Do you think that the emotional payoffs for staying fat can be so strong that they are pretty much impossible to break?

Do you think that being overweight is usually all a mental problem, not a physical one?

To what extent do you think that a good looking, normal weight woman is sabotaged, picked on, or ostracized in society because other women are jealous of her?

How common is it for someone to stay fat just to "fit in" with her fat coworkers or fat friends, or not stand out in a crowd, or not cause others to be jealous of her and therefore hurt her?

I can't answer the first as I have never really been "overweight" it has only been in the past couple of years that I have felt muscle loss and some slight weight gain. (the joys of being over forty!)

I do however come from a family of morbidly obese people and I do believe there are mental/ emotional issues that go along with being overweight, and those that can make a person overweight. I imagine the whole process can seem overwhelming, but not impossible to break. You will need however, a good network of people who will support you through it.

as for the third point, as the "skinny cousin" in a family of overweight people, I did get picked on, name calling (just joking of course, wink wink) by my family as well as others in high school, college, and even sometimes now. As a kid, people were constantly pushing food on me, "you are just bones, etc..."

I do have overweight friends and for the most part, weight is not an issue. But it can be awkward going shopping together, and I can't complain about my weight issues because I'm only talking about 10 - 15 lbs. I will get eye rolling from them if I do.

But all I can say, is that we all have body issues regardless of what others see. And we can be our own harshest critics. Love yourself and love others in your life and take joy and give support in any positive changes they make.

khall86790

Do you think that the emotional payoffs for staying fat can be so strong that they are pretty much impossible to break?

No. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many successful people here.

Do you think that being overweight is usually all a mental problem, not a physical one?

I think it's all mental, as you eat when your body isn't hungry or give your body the wrong amount of nutrients which is all a mental decision, not a physical one.

To what extent do you think that a good looking, normal weight woman is sabotaged, picked on, or ostracized in society because other women are jealous of her?

In my history, I have found more women who are attractive and naturally petite be treated awfully through jealousy of other women. Most of the time, people will not say these nasty things to an ugly/overweight woman because they know it will offend. People don't realise how offended women on the opposite end of the scale get. I've seen it first hand with several of my friends.

How common is it for someone to stay fat just to "fit in" with her fat coworkers or fat friends, or not stand out in a crowd, or not cause others to be jealous of her and therefore hurt her?

This one is just ridiculous. This has to be for a study, surely?