Time to get serious again - Ministry is Hard

deaterrae

Hello -

There was a time when I went from my current weight (~140) to a nearly gaunt 112. I was 24, had just escaped a relationship, job, and city to start over in a wonderful place (Minneapolis). I found a new job that treated me poorly and ate my soul, but had regular hours that ended at 4:00. I took advantage of that time to go swimming at the Y every day, usually swimming 28-36 laps (36 = 1 mile). I was on a budget and regularly busy in the evening, so I didn't need to track calories to facilitate that loss of more than 25 lbs.

Then I quit the job and went back to seminary. "Freshman Fifteen" applies to graduate school, too. Since then, I have had limited success counting calories here and exercising. I learned that exercising in the morning does not work with my metabolism. While it's convenient in scheduling, it left me exhausted for the remainder of the day. Exercise needs to be a late afternoon thing, which gets trickier.

So, now I've graduated seminary and have been completing my training as a Unitarian Universalist minister. This required me to move 400 miles away from my fiance and friends to spend 10 months serving a congregation as a full-time intern minister. The hours are far from regular. I frequently work 12 hour days. Wednesday is the only day I'm usually able to take off completely. My late afternoon/evening schedule changes week to week depending upon which committees or groups are meeting when. I don't have time to cook, but at least I don't have money to go to restaurants. So, I go for the quick stuff. I'm addicted to candy and sweets, which has become a serious problem because I've taken up stress eating again. Not to mention the potlucks and leftovers in the kitchen/fridge at the church. At this moment, there's about 1/4 of a full sheet cake sitting on the counter begging me to help it disappear.

So, I'm back up around 140. I don't like it. None of my work pants fit, and my congregation always sees me in skirts. Yoga is getting difficult because my belly gets in the way. I'm feeling week. I'm sagging. My energy is shot.

Last Tuesday, as spring has finally made its way into the Midwest, I logged my calories for the first time in months. I was even under my calorie goal. As I hit "complete entry," I thought how proud my MFP and in-real-life friend buudharich would be that I was getting back into this. A few minutes later, I logged into FB and started seeing posts from our seminary friends mourning his loss. He had died of a sudden heart attack that morning at the age of 37. The news didn't help me start eating better.

But, today I'm starting over again, and I'm asking for your help. Buudahrich was an amazing support. He cheered me on and congratulated me for even signing in, knowing that thinking about MFP was at least a step. He would have been proud of my good day, and I would have heard about it. He was always so positive. The last message I received from him was a week and a half ago when I was at a conference and didn't have a chance to sign in. He sent me "*poke**poke* Down the final stretch. You got this." I want to prove him right. If you're willing to be a support, to encourage me and to hold me accountable, I could use your help. If you believe in all of us being gentle with ourselves, help me to accomplish this, too. I will do nothing less than offer the same. You with me? - Deaterrae

PS - This is for Rich. May his memory continue to provide me the support to treat myself gently and be a healthy person.