"Friends" Who Sabotage!

papillon71

I have discovered something interesting since starting my weight loss on January 4th this year (28lbs gone yay!) and that is this:

Some friends and family really don't want you to succeed!

It's true, I have been out to lunch with friends who have pushed and pushed me to order something high fat, high calorie just because they are ordering it, they say "it won't hurt" "you can treat yourself" well actually no IT WILL HURT and I can still look for something healthy on the menu and love it just as much, but really, the willpower to withstand some of this sabotage is a lot, I think a lot of people would cave under it.

Then there are the friends and family who can't even say "wow you look great" after you have lost 2 stone in 4 months, jealous? bitter? I have no idea - but I bet there are others out there who have loved ones around them who try to sabotage, perhaps to justify their own eating habits or just because.

STAY STRONG - stand your ground! It will be worth it in the end. And real friends, will cheer you on whilst making you a low fat tossed salad for your visit to their house, instead of bringing out the cream cake. :-)

ckish

What you say is so true. For me it comes down to deciding what I WANT and not what someone else wants me to eat. Although my hubby is very supportive...when we were dating he was uncomfortable with the fact that I ALWAYS ordered water as my beverage in restaurants. He thought all sorts of crazy thoughts of why I did it and what the waiters may think. After he understood I actually like water he was much better. The other day I met a good friend for lunch who was appalled that I did not take advantage of the $0.99 pastry that came with my meal (all 500 - 1200 calories) so I told her to pick one out for herself instead. She also had a $0.99 pastry with her order since we were going dutch. She is on Jenny Craig and is always surprised that I'm actually losing weight and she just goes up and down without progress. I've tried to "educate" her but she does not want to be confused with facts. She tries to get me to induldge with her but since I know that accepting a dinner invitaion with her will include the pressure I am prepared for it. I prelogged my food and used the lame excuse that I didn;t want to have to readjust my food diary.

AJinBirmingham

I learned a great way to deal with food pushers when my (heavy) auntie was relentlessly trying to entice me into eating dessert at a family gathering. She kept offering different dessert options, saying that holiday calories don't count, and even implied that I was somehow not participating in the festivities and being rude if I didn't eat pie, cake, or cookies.

Finally, when she said, "I can't believe you're going to sit there and refuse to enjoy a dessert." I smiled sweetly and replied, "You go ahead. I'm enjoying being a size 4."

She doesn't do that any more.

Shan790

Luckily my best friend and I are both watching what we eat, she is doing weight watchers, I"m just trying to make a lifestyle change but we can support each other. Co-workers though like to point out that I don't need to lose weight since I'm lighter than they are. I may be lighter than them but I am far from where I want to be. I do not deprive myself of treats, I do reward myself but I like to choose what that will be, stale grocery store cake in the office is not my choice for a splurge. I just have to stick to my guns and politely refuse.

sarahann513

I know exactly what you mean... I have a hard time getting people to understand that one day can ruin an entire week for me if I'm not careful.

papillon71

Nice comeback from the Aunt Sabotage AJ!

needtoslimnow

My problem is my partner.

Although he 'supports' my weightloss attempts (in a, "sure, you do what you like, but don't let it affect me" sort of way), it's really really, really hard to eat sensibly when he's sat there with his pizzas and takeaways, and doughnuts and pastries and giant packets of crisps.

Additionally he's always asking me 'so what are you having for dinner tonight', or 'what shall we have for dinner', or 'I fancy a takeaway, shall we get one' and it's incredibly hard to always be saying no (especially since I know he'll be having something nice, and then I'll feel deprived).

It's also difficult to workout, since he works shifts, and I work a standard 9-5 (plus the 3hr commute), I only get access to the tv for home work-out dvds on a Tuesday night, but if I go to the gym at the weekend or after work he plays all hurt that he never sees me.

:grumble: /endrant

It's just hard to have any success when there's a constant devil on your shoulder saying "go on!"

Snatched614

LMAO... poor Auntie! SMDH...

I learned a great way to deal with food pushers when my (heavy) auntie was relentlessly trying to entice me into eating dessert at a family gathering. She kept offering different dessert options, saying that holiday calories don't count, and even implied that I was somehow not participating in the festivities and being rude if I didn't eat pie, cake, or cookies.

Finally, when she said, "I can't believe you're going to sit there and refuse to enjoy a dessert." I smiled sweetly and replied, "You go ahead. I'm enjoying being a size 4."

She doesn't do that any more.

amilynnM

I've been on both sides of this - the one being pressured to split a slice of cheesecake and the one who wants to indulge sometimes - and I think that it is very important to stand your ground with regards to your diet but it's also important to do it in a way that isn't condescending, judgmental or outright rude. I know that sometimes friends and family can put A LOT of pressure on you to eat more (my boyfriend's mother is always trying to give me sweets and extra portions), but most of the time you should be able to just say you aren't that hungry right now, you had a big breakfast/lunch/dinner/whatever, or even outright say that you're trying to change your eating habits. There is no reason to then comment on THEIR eating habits unless they've expressed some interest in changing and are asking your advice. Live and let live.

daisymae850

I agree with this so much! I work for a 911 center so we are a pretty close knit group and they all know i'm changing my eating pattern. Its really annoying when they come to me on a daily basis and say "come on just this once will be ok" or "its just tacos, their's veggies on it". I also have a friend that isn't happy that I had lost 11 pounds in 2 weeks, yes I know it's supposed to come off slower than that but sometimes when you shock the hell out of your system like I did then it will come off a little quicker in the first month or so!

I want to tell them all to mind their own business and stop pushing food, I am making these changes for me and I am quite happy doing it thank you!!

Coyoteldy

Many people don't like change even if it is you that is changing. When I decided I was not going to drink.. the reaction from family and friends was astounding...offers of wine or beer every time we went out..puzzlement as to why I stopped since I did not have an issue with it to begin with and so forth. My response was always the same.. this is my choice.. I am having a great time I just don't want to drink... took MONTHS before they stopped pushing.
Its the same with food...people somehow feel threatened by someone else eating healthy . I actually find it amusing at times, when someone does the "oh one time won't hurt" thing. My response to that is always the same too.. " no thank you, I have cheat days but this is not one of them"...

But go easy on those that try and sabotage, they do not truly wish you harm but are more likely afraid of changing their own lives...it rattles the comfort zone...and for THEM its frightening... for us its exciting...