Fair Fight Rules

EKarma

I thought this was interesting... It was actually a handout in my Communications class..

FIGHT RULES
THESE COULD SAVE A PARTNERSHIP!

1. Fights are held in order to reach a solution, not to gain a victory.

2. The basic outline of a fight is:
•a) State your complaint
•b) Suggest some alternatives
•c) Ask for feedback
•d) Reach a solution

3. State your gripe in the form of a positive request or a specific need. An angry demand will be more likely to prolong the fight.

4. When someone who is important to you presents a complaint or a gripe, you cannot refuse to participate in finding a solution. Adhere to all other fight rules and this one won't be so hard to follow.

5. Fight about one thing at a time.

6. If the fight is a question of facts, then it is the duty of the participants to get the facts.

7. If the fight is a matter of opinion, you must recognize it as such and realize that others have rights to their opinions. Your solution must reflect this truth.

8. DON'T PLAY PSYCHOLOGIST. Don't tell others what they are thinking or why they are doing something, disregarding their explanation of their motives. Basic rule at play here: Don=t assume.

9. Don't try to mind read. It's impossible, so ask instead.

10. Don't play archeologist. Don't dig things out of the past; fight about your present gripes.

11. Don't make speeches. State your gripe; then let the other person answer.

12. If your opponent states a point, you must respond to it before you can make a new one. Answer questions directly!

13. No name calling.

14. No emotional blackmail: "If you really love me, you would....*

15. State your gripes about behavior, not being. * In other words,
Your gripe is:
"Last night you said you'd be home at 11 o'clock and you didn't get home until 2 A.M. I'm upset that you were late."

Your gripe is not:
"You're never on time; you don't care about anybody but yourself and I'm sick of you."

16. Go back to rule #1 and never forget it. Fights are held in order to reach a solution, not to gain a victory!

shellee9tj

You have no idea how appropriate that is in my life right at this moment!! Thx for the info!

Breckgirl

Might I add that it is acceptable to state your feelings as long as it is done properly.

Right way :

"When you yell at me about not picking up around the house I feel scared and sad."

Not right:

"You make me feel scared and sad when you yell at me about not picking up around the house."

The difference is suttle. The first one states a fact, the second one places blame, which makes the person being blamed defensive and doesn't lead to productive "Fighting".