Struggling with eating disorders.... again

Wetikaba

Hi there! This post is not only to share a very personal experience but above all, it is to hear back from you. Do not hesitate to share whatever you have to say about the subject below.

I have been struggling with eating disorder (the food obsession/ binging type) from about 14 yo to 23 years old (at various degrees), looked for answers in support groups, psycho therapy, but nothing seemed to really do much.

Then I moved to another country started a new path and they just disappeared. Not magically but slowly, years after years, without doing anything except... just live my life and start to work in the field I wanted to work in. I felt cured.

So what happened? Why am I here, at almost 30 yo, finding myself struggling with full-force eating disorders AGAIN?

I don't quite have the answer but I have hints : I moved back to my home city (that's exactly 3628 miles and one ocean away from where I spent the past 5 years... yeah you heard me), took on a new job that depresses me but that makes me earn more than what I could possibly earn where I was, and I guess....I'm just back to the "crime scene'': back to the place where my eating disorders were born and never got resolved.

This is a very painful and humbling moment, especially because I don't know what to do in these moments. I am extremely angry that they can possibly still exist. I've achieved a lot of things that I didn't think I could do in my life, but just couldn't do anything for my eating disorders except fleeting.I just cant flee again. I can't afford to and it wouldn't do any good anyway. I have to face them and sort them out. But how??

Thanks for reading! I would love to hear from those of you who struggle(d) with any kind of food disorder so please reach out or post back!

Also thanks to MFP for the open minded-ness of the new forum guidelines: "Those seeking support in their recovery from eating disorders are welcome at MyFitnessPal".

fat2fit120

Hey! I don't have any advice, but I can offer my support! I too am addicted to food/emotional over eater/binger. All that wrapped into a package. For me the only way to combat my urges is to quit junk food cold turkey. I am the kind of person who can eat an entire package of oreos because I am stressed at work. I also have severe anxiety and I would eat to calm myself. Anyways I just had to eliminate all junk food! And one thing I figured out, I had to decide for myself it was time to lose weight. My friends and family would bug me about needing to lose weight but it would not sink in. I had to be the one to decide.

So ya, that is all I have. I am slowly getting over my urges but am proud to say I have not eaten junk food since Easter and I am down 31 pounds. I never thought I could do it! Good luck to you

Wetikaba

Hey! fattofit120. Thanks a lot for posting back. Support is great! Your story is pretty encouraging! Congrats for losing 31 pounds and staying away from junk food. So you mean you are still having urges but managed to lose weight? How do you stay motivated?
Thanks again

fat2fit120

Oh ya I am definately still having urges! I think I will always have them. Right now I have a couple of trips I am looking forward to this summer and I will be seeing people there who I want to make jealous. (immature I know!) But it works for me. I actually have a list on my phone of people I am wanting to impress with my weight. And I also have a list of future foods, foods I want to eat when I get to a healthier weight. I add to it when I get an urge. My tips do not work for everyone obviously, but whatever works for you keep doing it! And I am just staying motivated by keeping my goal in mind. And I feel a lot better even having lost only 30 pounds. I feel like I can breathe and I can bend easier lol. I just need to keep going and get to my goal. I hope at my goal I am finally happy

Wetikaba

that's great I guess everyone has to find their tricks but I can totally relate to the immature "make some people jealous" part. Good luck to you as well! Keep in touch.

HeatherChristine1212

i am overcoming bulimia!! i hate it.. i feel being on here is also helping me out so much. im sure its always something we will have to work at, cuz as soon as u feel like u have defeated it, BOOM there it is!

petstorekitty

hey... I dealt with binging and purging on and off throughout my 20s. I've gotten it under control more in the past year (I'm 31)
The best advice I can give is to find out what causes the binge and do whatever you can to change it.
It may be slow, difficult and sad but worth it in the end.
It requires complete honesty with yourself and, if you share your life with someone, honesty with them. (something I did was hide my eating and I certainly tried to hide purging, but that doesn't work as well as I thought)

But it’s most important to be honest with yourself and really listen to your brain and your body.

Also, we think we’re supposed to have it all figured out at 30.
Anyone who says they do is full of crap.

wannabpiper

I've never been classified as having an eating disorder, but I've struggled with depression and anxiety because I couldn't control my appetite for many years. This site is AWESOME for this type of issue because I can address it as many times a day as I need to via the community forums. One thing that I've found that's helping as a result of this site is that I've paid a bit more attention to what types of food I'm eating. Rather than maxing out on carbs, which is what they used to tell us to do, I'm lowering the carbs and maxing out on my protein macros. This seems to be sending some signal to my brain that I don't need to eat as much. I used to sit there in the evenings full of anxiety that if I didn't keep eating before bed that I'd not get to eat again. How crazy is that? This issue is almost completely gone for now.

Bernadette60614

Yes...and something which helped me:

I read somewhere that chronic stress is tied to cravings for high carb, simple carb foods. Those foods are the ultimate comfort foods (no one binges on steak that I'm aware of!). I also read that the body will crave carbs when it is sleep deprived. What is true for me is that if I don't keep a good sleep routine (bed every night at 10:30 p.m., up at 6:30, 7 days a week), I'll eat just about anything that will inevitability lead to out of control eating.

Being absolutely fanatical about sleep has been key to me.

In addition, finding an outlet that isn't food for relieving stress. I always keep 1) a good book 2) a good DVD 3) a list of mindless chores which I'll turn to when I just feel overwhelmed.

In some ways, ,I think I'm lucky to have this struggle. It is like a red flag that says I need to sleep more and find ways to manage stress.

GL and take care!

holly1283

My daughter had a problem with bulimia. She did get therapy but still has the urge every now and then. She's been pretty clean the last 10 years. She had to find control by doing something not so destructive. There was a time she was an exercise fanatic, too. You may not be into a relationship with God but that was a big help for her. I have offered many prayers on her behalf and will do so for you even if you don't believe. It certainly can't hurt. One of her escapes was leaving the house, situation, whatever the stimulus. Physically remove yourself from the trigger even if it is only going to the bathroom at work. It can be done. You have come to the right place.

recoveringrox

I'm recovering from anorexia (binge/purge subtype), so I can relate to an extent!

As far as binging, I can't even keep the food in the house. I know if I buy even a pint of ice cream, it'll be gone possibly even before I get home from the store. I can't even buy pre-portioned food to control myself. Also, just being around people! Binging in front of people? Yeah, not gonna happen. So if I stay around people while I eat, I'm less likely to binge than if I keep a tub of almonds by my bed. Everyone's experiences are different though, and what may work for me may not work for you!

Even if some small aspects of your disordered eating patterns stay with you for life, I'm sure I'm not alone in saying it's MUCH better than being consumed by your eating disorder. (Which I know I was!) My recovery has been progressing really well over the last couple months (finally am at the healthy weight threshold again) but every day is still a battle. You just have to be willing to fight it!

Best of luck, I'm always here for support.

singingflutelady

I totally understand. I dealt with Anorexia binge/purge subtype (purge= extreme exercise, laxatives, diuretics) from age 11-28 when I was hospitalized, refeed, etc. I had been weight restored for 9 years but still had restricitng and binging tendencies and have horrible body image but forced myself to eat, etc in order not to be back in the hospital (it was a horrible experience). I can't even buy "junk food" as I will eat it in one sitting. I can't resist binging

Unfortunately, I am trying to be healthy and fit but old habits are coming back and now I'm underweight again BMI 18.4. Part of me wants to gain weight but I don't want to quit working out because it makes me feel amazing and strong. I purposely added more calories and I gained a lb but I freaked out when I got on the scale even though I know I need to gain. UGH EDs are a pain to get over. I don't think I'll ever have a normal relationship with food

meeper123

bump

worldtrekker1

Great for you to deal with the issue!

If I might add something...

I get huge red flags that you do not like your job. In fact, state you are unhappy working there, but do so for the money. I completely understand the need to provide, but I would like to share that I did a job I was unhappy with for too many years (and it wasn't that many - only 4). But I felt I should stay at that position because I said I would, which made me hate just about every other part of my life. I began to withdraw from friends, family and to participate in behaviors that were destructive to my body and my relationships. I wish I had left sooner, but am glad I left when I did, before I did further damage.

While I think it is responsible to complete an obligation and to not quit before having a plan in place, please consider if there is something else you want to do with your life. Working toward a dream goal can often reduce the anxiety that causes destructive behavior (including eating disorders). I feel heaps better now that I am living abroad, working in the same field for about 1/3 less pay and happy. I still struggle with certain food issues, but am so much healthier and hopeful.

I should also add, it is not at all uncommon for women with eating disorders in their teens/early 20's to have them reappear in their 30's, 40's or 50's. You are definitely not alone

Josalinn

I do not have an eating disorder, but I have experienced a job that made me miserable. I had a job that i literally sat in the parking lot and cried for 15 minutes before going in. That lasted for about 2 weeks until I decided to quit and get a new job. I deserved better, I deserved to be happy, and I deserved to have a more enjoyable job. You do too!

I don't know if this is a good suggestion, but would it help if whenever you feel like hungry you write down how you are feeling? Also maybe keeping things you want to binge on out of the house?

I don't pretend to understand what you are going through, but I am here for support if you want some.

Wetikaba

Oh my! Thank you all so much for posting back. It feels really good to have support and to hear about other ways to deal with that struggle.

It is true that my job is probably part of the problem. It's only been a month and a half since I work there full time and here I am... Struggling with bulimia at a degree that was only happening years ago.

It also looks like I will have to revisit bulimia all my life too. uughh. It's so frustrating and saddening. But the good news is that I have lived years at a time without a single binging crisis or without a single thought of wanting to overeat/purge/binge etc... So it is possible. I just don't know HOW to provoke it, but I can only hope that sometimes this happy place will resurface as well (since the unhappy one did....).

Thank you all so much for your posts! And good luck as well!