Abusive relationship?

adoreabella

I was in one for six years. Best thing I ever did was leave. It's been a year and I can't believe how much happier I am and how I have changed for the better and how amazing my life is. Feel free to add or PM me.

Bownzi

I have seen many abused... and they seem to stay... when they should run the other way... the over whelming desire to be a part of something that some call love... while others call abuse. Love does not hurt or leave marks on you... it does not put you in the hospital... You should love you self enough to find someone else...

TheStephil

I've been in an abusive relationship and it was my first relationship. It look me a long time to get out and it wasn't easy but I am so happy I finally did it. It's hard because you will talk yourself into trying to work it out or stay.. but if you define the relationship as abusive you should leave. Therapy is especially helpful in dealing with these things.

runzalot81

A wise man knows what is right and true and does it.

A foolish man knows what is right and true and doesn't do it.

Amie_Girl

If you don't think you are worthy of respect, why should anyone else. A healthy relationship starts with you.

michellechawner

Been there, done that.

Let's see, when I was 19 I dated a guy (didn't know him too well in the beginning). Moved in, learned he was in prison twice for trespassing and burglary (no weapon). He would belittle me and berate me constantly. I still lived there for a year. He choked me, hit me, pushed me through a plate glass window (thankfully only 12 stitches needed in whole!)

I worked nights and one night I came home and there was another woman in our apartment. I moved out.

3 months later he cried and begged, and I (stupidly) went back.

3 months after that I sucked it up and moved back home with my parents after finding yet another woman in our apartment after I came home from work.

The relationship never gets better. What you learn after them is amazing. My next serious boyfriend took such good care of me I thought something was up and he was trying to hide something. I had never been treated so well. Although we were together 2.5 years, we ended on good terms and are still good friends. I had dinner with him last week.

My current boyfriend and I are celebrating 30 months next week (2.5 years). He's already gotten my engagement ring (it was passed down, originally my grandmothers), but is keeping the "when" a surprise. He is also my best friend, and it's so amazing how even if I'm upset with him for something, I can't stay mad long. We are truly best friends and talk about EVERYTHING. He's been the greatest support with my weight loss, although sometimes he thinks i go overboard calorie counting, but he says if i'm happy, he's happy. I had a lot of medical problems and infections over the past 2 years and he has come to every appoint, every hospital stay, every medication follow up...

If you had told me 9 years ago when I was going through the abuse that those last 2 boyfriends would be in my future, i would have laughed you off.

I've been there. Low self esteem, no confidence in myself, thought my world was ending, contemplated suicide quite a few time. I promise darling, it does get better. If you need support, emotionally, please add me. I would hate to see someone go through the same things I have, when I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will be ok. Even if you don't think so right now.

Not lying, I am almost in tears for you. No one should have to go through an abusive relationship. But it helps us grow in the end.

hedgiie

file a devorce

clairabellle

I have been out of an abusive marriage for 6 years now, was married for 20 and 10 of those years were extremely abusive. I finally got the courage to leave and he was convicted and sent to prison. At the time I hit rock bottom and you really find out who your friends are including family.
Stay strong, take one day at a time, even if it's one hour at a time and use the time on your self. This is most important!

End result for me is meeting a wonderful new partner and we are due to be married.

I am here for you if you need a friend so please feel free to add me, and good luck on your journey.

demonlullaby

i sent you an extremely long message! please read it!

Snatched614

Anyone here gone though one? I'm really struggling to just...wrap my mind around this. We've been off and on for four years and I'm pretty sure that we are not getting back together after this but I can't stop hurting over him..

Time heals all. Everything happens for a reason...

KxCoyote

I've been in a couple abusive relationships, one of which took my closest friends from me and left me struggling with mental illness that were triggered 'on' since. The really bad one I didn't even realize what he was doing, it was all mental he used me for sex and made me believe i wanted it when I didn't. I was young and naive.
I also had a friend, my last friend after that to be precise, who touched me and threatened to rape me, he too used psychological methods, such as threatening suicide if I left and such.

Get out now, even if you don't 'see' all of it while you're in the relationship, you will once you're out. The first guy, I never realized how bad he was abusing me until he left me. Hit me like a brick, I had grown up with abuse both physical and mental but it wasn't until after the severity of his that I realized, "Hey! this isn't normal." Please, get out now, before it gets worse, these people DO NOT change, no matter how much they promise, it's just an excuse to make you stay. They may change in the short run, but in the long run they always regress into the abusive behavior.

oregonzoo

Been there, done that. Get out while you can.
Take care of yourself. Sometimes the after effects can take forever to get over.

auroranflash

It only gets progressively worse and you won't even realize how crazy your situation was until you're out of it. It's like stepping out of a haze. You'll go over all the details in your head and wonder how you thought it was normal.

Wish you the best of luck. Be strong and do what you have to do.

JustAboutDelicious_wechanged

Get out.

Will it hurt? YES. Will it be hard? YES. Will you miss him? YES.

Will you in the long run regret it ever? NOOOOOOOOOO

BinaryPulsar

Don't go back to an abuser. If you feel attached to him there is a very good book that I found helpful to me (healing from being abused by my stepfather), and helped me to attempt to help family members that struggle with ongoing abusive relationships. The book is called, "The Betrayal Bond" By Patrick J. Carnes.

I'm not sure where you are, but there are hotlines you can call if you need help and support to not go back to the abuser. Hotlines such as The National Domestic Violence Hotline.

doronajay

It only gets progressively worse and you won't even realize how crazy your situation was until you're out of it. It's like stepping out of a haze. You'll go over all the details in your head and wonder how you thought it was normal.

Wish you the best of luck. Be strong and do what you have to do.

I couldn't have said it any better.

Do whatever you have to do to leave. Even if you have to do it alone and give up everything you think you have to do it (I did).

Trechechus

I have. He's now a dark piece of my past. *kitten* him.

drvvork

You deserve to be treated so much better. Get out - you are more than likely feeling the instilled mental part of the abuse. It's like an old pair of shoes. You don't want to get rid of them but they give you blisters. This relationship could kill you spiritually, emotionally, and physically. I've been in a couple. Nose broken, spirit broken, and now - I don't even want to get close to having a relationship with anyone. So please... give yourself a life and allow yourself the privilege of a good relationship. A healthy relationship.

aeg176

get out (or stay out) while you can. The biggest hold to keep you in that type of situation is uncertanty and fear of the unknown don't let that hold you back, no one deserves to be abused. it breaks my heart to see a friend of mine in the same shoes you are in only she wasn't/isn't strong enough to leave and she has 3 children to think about. Do yourself a favor and Run don't walk away.

Tiff050709

Abuse whether mental, verbal or physical is NOT OKAY. Love does not hurt. I hope that you will be safe and that you have the strength to move forward. Do you have friends or family that you can talk to or that can help you?
I was in an abusive relationship, luckily I had a friend that helped pull me out of that situation or who knows where I would be today. I can tell you that it never gets better, it only gets worse.

BrennLinn

Get out and stay out. I can personally tell you your life will become 100 times better.

fitfreakymom

you may feel the way you do because he made you feel like you needed him and that you were nothing with out him.

You do not need him and you are everything without him, your life will be so much happier and better with out him .
The relationship is over and make sure it stays that way.

Beckboo0912

Yes! Get out! We all have our own reasons for not for the longest time but tel yourself yes and mean it and tell him that. You will feel so much relief! I know it sounds crazy but you will, do it for yourself and kids if you have them. Don't stay in it, it won't get better or go away.

LuHox

Think of the woman you know, no matter how well you know her, who has seemingly the BEST husband/boyfriend/partner. He always treats her with respect and seems to be unrealistically sweet to her. Can you think of someone? Perhaps at some point you and/or others have felt a little jealous or even joked that she had him "whipped".

Realize that you are capable and deserving of finding someone who will treat you that way, or even better. Now don't accept any less, and certainly never look back to your past relationship.

In the mean time, realize that you're going to have to be the one to treat yourself right for a while. Take care of yourself, get counseling if you can, and transform your way of thinking to one where you know 100% that you'd rather be single forever than treated without the respect you deserve.

ellenkilpatrick

Be careful!!! Yes you should leave but be very intelligent about it. Make sure you have friends and backup for support. Abusers do not like to fail...so know your enemy and stay in a safe place always.... you will heal and you will be a better stronger woman because of this!!!

Jakess1971

If it's abusive get out but be clever about it, good luck.

Incidentally Ive called time on a relationship today after many months of deliberation, theres a brighter future out there, you just have to grab it.

JohnNull

Yep. Seven years right when I got out of high school. Leaving is unpleasant, and possibly difficult. Staying is far, far worse. You're welcome to contact me if you wish.

Follow_me

Get out and stay out.

I couldn't imagine treating my woman any way other than the Princess she is!

TheRoadDog

Anyone here gone though one? I'm really struggling to just...wrap my mind around this. We've been off and on for four years and I'm pretty sure that we are not getting back together after this but I can't stop hurting over him..

You are 20. You are not old enough to be in any kind of relationship for 4 years. Get over it and move on. You're setting yourself up for a series of abusive relationships.

Don't settle for anything less than a partner that treats you with respect.

captain_reckless

keep it an off again amd move on for the right one