Bulimia - my worst enemy

Sid1988

I used to be in denial about my eating disorder for many years, it's only recently that i have started to face the truth.

I have struggled with bulima on and off since i was 16 (i am now 25) sometimes i would purge every day and sometimes once a month, either way, i still did it and the problem is, i still sometimes do it.

I have really good days where i am eating my calorie recomendation and working really hard at the gym and then something possess my brain that is telling me to fill up a massive bowl of cereal and eat it, or eat a whole bag of cookies or sweets, then afterwards i feel a huge sense of guilt and throw it all up because i'm terrfied that in that sitting of eating (where i probably only eat about 500 cals extra, not 1000+ like majority of bingers do) will cause me to put on weight.

I don't do this all the time, i am getting more controlled, but it is still there and i am learning to over come it but i have my days where it will take over.

i have such a sense of dissapointment in myself after i have eaten the food and then also once i'm sick, i feel like it's still in my system and the pounds will be piled on the next day.

Has anyone else suffered from the same thing? I say averagly in a month i do this anything from 3-10 times, in an ideal world i'd love to be able to have control over my thoughts and cravings which will then result me in to not doing what i do. I'm also worried that has completely messed up my metabolism.