Please help my mom!!

Jay_83

Hey everyone!!
I have been trying to come up with a few pointers for my mom . . . she is having weight problems and I would like to help her, but I think I need to go one step at time with her. What are some key things that mom could change to begin with??? Any ideas?? I know its a long process so I'm trying to keep her motivated. She has a stationary bike that she rides, she drinks lots of water, she walks everywhere she goes, she doesnt cook with salt, her hormones are slightly out of balance at the moment, eats small proportioned meals, and good meals at that, lots of home grown veggies. I asked her how she cooks her fish and chicken and she said roaster in the oven and she doesnt put anything on the meat. She finds that slim fast helps her feel good but hasnt done anything for her weight. I know she is very frustrated and I'm looking for some guidance. . . .
She is coming into the city this weekend so I asked her to make a food journal for the week and we can go over it together when she comes in. Maybe if I see something, pin point something that I could help her with , maybe I could get her on her way. I think I'll post when I find out more and maybe you guys can help out??? She is kinda shy so I dont think shell be goin on here. But I would like to post for her.

Any tips to begin with?? I think I'll know more when I see her food journal . . . I'll keep this updated and hopefully it will be motivation for my mom to see that other people( you guys) care about this journey that she wants to start. So lets get this going!!:bigsmile: :flowerforyou: Thanks guys!

Chenoachem

Sometimes when people say they eat only small portions throughout the day and do all the things you mentioned, the problem is not eating enough calories and gaining weight. As said in some of the beginner posts, it can be difficult to be on that end of things because once you start on the right path you are likely to gain weight until your body can switch gears. If that is the case, my understanging, is that it takes about 3 weeks to start to see "good" results.

Great job for trying to help her out.

Precious_Nissa

One key thing that stuck out with me is that her hormones are out of whack....I was having alot of weight gain due to hormones and i had to get the root of that problem found out so that the fluctuating and all that would cease...I still have to lose the weight now but I had to have a hysterectomy and then I take hormone pills which level all that extra stuff out and I do see a change....So i would suggest she go to her PCP to see if there is an underlying problem that exist.....

sroseber

Do share what you find out from her journal and we'll be sure to help. I think it's so great that you're helping her and that she's allowing you to. I've tried to give helpful hints to my mom (she's fought with her weight as long as i can remember) but I sometimes feel she doesn't want the advise or she's jealous when I'm actually losing the weight.

Just some things that come to mind to look at, sodium intake could cause water retention...you say she eats small portioned meals but how many, how often, are the foods in those small portions high in calories/fat/sodium. If she's doing everything right but having hormone problems maybe she should have her thyroid checked. I found out that was part of my problem.

Good luck to you and your mom, share with us and we'll try and help.

wendylady123

My mom has eating issues. Her problem is that she eats almost nothing or lumps of meals with all sorts of margerine and fat and then drinks TONS of Coca Cola. She claims Diet Soda gives her headaches, which is fine, but then she won't drop the Coke. If I had that much sugar in my system (she starts her DAY out with a soda with breakfast) I would have headaches. And she ended up with Kidney Stones because of her soda addiction. Almost as bad as my sister and smoking.

I've tried to help my mom before. She's stubborn.

I would maybe support her by showing your habit changes. Almost like when I want my kids to eat good food. I set an example. We shouldn't have to baby our parents, but sometimes we can do it sneaky to make them feel like they are making the decisions themselves.

I really hope that your mother is more open than mine. If she is doing well with eating when you look at her food diary, I suggest that she goes to the doc for some actual advice or hormone therapy. Make sure she understands portions and how to eyeball them.

Jay_83

One key thing that stuck out with me is that her hormones are out of whack....I was having alot of weight gain due to hormones and i had to get the root of that problem found out so that the fluctuating and all that would cease...I still have to lose the weight now but I had to have a hysterectomy and then I take hormone pills which level all that extra stuff out and I do see a change....So i would suggest she go to her PCP to see if there is an underlying problem that exist.....

My mom had a hysterectomy when she was about 45 . . . and has been on the same hormone patch ever since. But now recently the patch isnt made anymore so her doctor is helping her search for a different method. He suggest going off the hormone patch/pill all together. That was just last week. She did have weight problems before all this tho, BUT she did say that when she switched hormone methods she gained more weight. So maybe we'll see how her body reacts without any hormones??? Thanks!

needamulligan

Did you plug in her numbers to check her BMR? She may not need fewer calories. My bet is the hormones, though. Also, has she had her thyroid checked?

Jay_83

Thanks guys for your comments!
I have seen that my mom has needed help for awhile, but you cant force her to do things that she doesnt want to do. I think she sees how I have lost weight and that IT IS POSSIBLE. She is somewhat stubborn and I am willing to deal with that b/c she's my mom and I'm stubborn too. I turn it into a joking thing for her to make a food journal, then maybe it doenst sound so bad. I am being quite sneaky with some suggestions.

ITs hard to tell what mom's version of a small portion size is i guess, I will see more this weekend. When I do eat with her, I feel like she isnt eating enough sometimes . . .
I know it is hard for my mom sometimes to get fresh groceries, my parents live in a small town and they're lucky if the food isnt passed the experation date.

Jay_83

Did you plug in her numbers to check her BMR? She may not need fewer calories. My bet is the hormones, though. Also, has she had her thyroid checked?

I dont think shes had her thyroid checked, I'll mention that to her. I'll do her BMR this weekend. Thanks for the suggestions guys!! keep em comin!:bigsmile:

Jay_83

How do you suggest healthiness to your mom??

wendylady123

Same as you. My mom actually will point out when I've gained weight and then she'll be quiet when I lose it. So, that's when I start talking out loud. "Oh shoot, I need to have a small snack or my sugar levels will go down and then I won't be able to work out later. Where's an apple or rice cakes?"

It's a lot harder now that I live further away from her. I used to live just down the street and we'd visit all the time. BUT, I can drop the kids off for her to watch them while I work out at the YMCA which is right near her house. I fill up my water at her house or walk in with a bottle, drinking out of it.

I gotta be careful with my mom though, my dad is actually more in her face about things so it annoys her and hurts her feelings. My dad has yet to figure this out.

sroseber

When I was at my heaviest (trying to get over post-partum depression, I gained more weight after having my daughter than when I was pregnant!!!) my mom would make comments about my weight which made me so angry. She's had weight problems since her and my dad got married and I couldn't believe she would say things to me about my weight when I already was so down. When I first start losing weight she might say something (that she's noticed) and ask what I'm doing but sometimes I feel like once I lose quite a bit then she, I don't know, maybe she's jealous but her attitude changes again. I lost 21lbs the last time I tried to lose weight but gained it all back and then some. This time I want to complete the journey (got just over halfway last time) and keep it off, for me and my girls but also to show her that it is possible to lose it AND keep it off.

We're going to her house this weekend for a cookout. I called her the other day to see if she minded if I brought some turkey dogs/burger and wheat buns and a healthy side. She was fine with that and thought it was a great idea. I told her my eating plan this time around (I'm trying to eat in a way that I can do for the rest of my life, not for a temporary diet) and she seemed positive and completely open to me bringing something healthy to the cookout. Maybe this is my chance to show her how I'm doing it and that it's not that bad to stick to (appropriate portioned meals and small snacks, eating every 2-3 hours) and it's something she could/should try. I tried giving her a food diary and calorie counting book last year to encourage her to start tracking, she didn't seem offended (I prefaced giving it to her with not wanting to offend her and only caring about her health), but I don't think she's used it either. Tracking is SO important, I don't think any of us had any idea how many calories we were eating until we started tracking, I know I was shocked the first time I recorded what I was eating!

DarcieC2389

I agree with the person suggesting a thyroid check. I have a low thyroid and take a hormone replacement medication. I know that the thyroid can throw a lot of things out of whack, which can include weight gain or trouble losing weight. It looks like your mom is doing a lot of the right things as far as diet and fitness.

amk44

Don't know if it helps, but my husband and I try to eat heavier meals for either breakfast or lunch, and then have a salad every evening (and we try to stop eating about 8pm). This change seems to have made a difference for both of us. It sounds like your mom is doing a lot of good stuff already, so maybe check with her about "when" she eats the most.

alphaip

Jay - I'm going to cut and paste a bit from a post I made earlier, but I think it applies here too. I think eating too few calories and/or not spreading out meals is going to be a biggie for her. Anytime I see slim fast I go "Oh No" cause I've been there and going on the slim fast plan in 1993 (I wanted to lose 10 pounds), I went from 212 to 207 in a month. WIthin 3 months of going back to normal eating I went to 234. Slim Fast fried my metabolism.

Please do me a favor and invest $4 on a used book "Larry North's Slimdown For Life". He sells NO supplements - He sells NO gadgets. If you go to amazon.com, you can read the first 20 pages or so right online and see what I'm talking about. I did a exercise class at our Gym 5 days a week - 1 hour a day - and lost 9 pounds in 90 days (way to slow for me) while eating a 1700 calorie a day diet (I'm 6 foot 3 and was 265 pounds). What you're mom will love is this: Workout where you are, with what you are wearing. No Gym. And Walk. No running - just walking. And you get to eat a lot of good food - tons of flexibility.

Now that I've started the program (not a diet), I've lost 15 pounds in 45 days (still exercising). Here's a typical eating day (just an example:

7AM: LowFat/LowSugar yogurt (variety of flavors) - mixed with oatmeal and a few fresh berries and some 2 pieces of Canadian bacon (or instead of the bacon I can have scrambled egg whites with one yolk, or just plain hard boiled egg whites which most people don't like but I do). If you don't like yougurt, you can make the oatmeal with skim milk, splenda or truvia, and cinnamon. If you don't like oatmeal you can have rice - or some other good carb.

11:00 AM: Blackened Chicken Breast on a bed of whole grain rice and pinto beans flavored with a 3 pepper and onion stir fry and some diced tomatoes (or I have the marinated chicken breast with 1/2 a baked potato with butter buds and fat free sour cream) (I make this mixture in batches to last a few days)

2:30 PM: Turkey Sandwich and some baked lays or a rice cake

6:00 PM: Chili Made with 98% Lean Free Range Grass-Fed Longhorn Beef (I think you could use Bison)

8:30 PM: Carrots or Celery with some scrambled egg whites (4 whites/ 1 yolk) or some other protein (like 1/2 a chicken bread or a Pepper Turkey wrap - just the meat rolled up) and then a sugar free jello or some other frozen treat.

I should be eating more fibrous veggies - but I'm trying to work those in.

If someone has a birthday, I have some birthday cake and ice cream. If we go out to celebrate our daughter's high school graduation, I have steak. Is it realistic to go out on a birthday celebration and eat a salad? Not for me. If I want a fruit pie two or three times a month, I get one.

This is not a diet - it's an eating program - where you find realistic ways to make foods you like in a better way - instead of eating 3 meals and then snacking (or fighting the urge to snack) - you break up your day into 5 meals - but no snacking. So you don't get famished and then want that sugar/fat fix.

I did invest $15 in some "good sense" tupperware - that way I make bigger batches of healthy food about twice a week. I try all sorts of different marinades and rubs for my chicken breasts to make them the way I like them - it's not realistic for me to eat food that I don't love for the rest of my life. So I make a big pot of rice/bean/veggie mix - scoop in 1 cup of the mixture into the bowl and throw a small marinated or blackened chicken breast on top (or you can even buy the pre-cooked chicken fajita strips that come frozen in a bag and use about 1/2 of the 8oz bag.) then I put on the lid and I have 5 of those over the next 3 to 4 days.

It's been nice that we are near a Tom Thumb supermarket and they carry the Springerhill ranch 98% Lean free range grass fed beef. It's about $4.99 a pound. I can get it on sale for $3.99 and stock up - that's comparable to wal-marts 96/4 beef price at $3.50 a pound. Adding in a hamburger patty or meat loaf or chili breaks up the chicken monotony.

In the program, there are tons and tons of food choices - I just found out what I liked and worked ways to prepare it differently and plan ahead just a little. Since were tight on cash, I have to stock up on chicken breast and beef when it 's on sale - but I was spending $5 a day on lunch and most of my meals average around $2 to $3.

Best wishes...

weaklink109

One key thing that stuck out with me is that her hormones are out of whack....I was having alot of weight gain due to hormones and i had to get the root of that problem found out so that the fluctuating and all that would cease...I still have to lose the weight now but I had to have a hysterectomy and then I take hormone pills which level all that extra stuff out and I do see a change....So i would suggest she go to her PCP to see if there is an underlying problem that exist.....

My mom had a hysterectomy when she was about 45 . . . and has been on the same hormone patch ever since. But now recently the patch isnt made anymore so her doctor is helping her search for a different method. He suggest going off the hormone patch/pill all together. That was just last week. She did have weight problems before all this tho, BUT she did say that when she switched hormone methods she gained more weight. So maybe we'll see how her body reacts without any hormones??? Thanks!

Your mom's dr. is out of the loop as far as the latest info on HRT (hormone replacement therapy). Since you said "he" that doesn't surprise me. My (female) OB-GYN, who was also the surgeon that did my hysterectomy in January 2009, showed me the latest research data on HRT when I was deciding whether to go thru w/the surgery or do an oblation. Cutting back on the dosage could be an option, but the people most likely to have issues w/HRT are either those who didn't start it right after losing their ovaries, or those who stopped it all at once.

As for the patch, that could be part of the problem, as the dosage on them is a bit higher. The best move I made for myself was to go off the patch within a month of starting and opt for a good old fashioned once a day pill. I have since cut that dose in 1/2, w/my dr.'s approval, so I now take .5 mg per day. Weight loss for me became much easier once I didn't feel like hell for 10 days out of 30.

I agree that a thyroid check would be in order, but if the dr. she is seeing just suggested going off HRT without exploring the other med options that are out there, maybe it is time for a new doctor as well.

Good luck to your mom. You said she was "too shy" to come to MFP. If she is pc saavy, at least get her to start using the food diary. She doesn't have to participate in the message boards, but using the tools would really help her, and if she set up her diary so you could see it w/ a password, she could retain her privacy and you would still be able to see what she was doing and offer help.

lovetodance

You didn't give the age of your mom. I think that she does need to get her thyroid checked if she hasn't . I have been taking thyroid meds for about 8 years and it has made a lot of different for me. If that's not it, then your mom probably has not gotten used to the lowered metabolism that we have to go through (unfortunately) as we get older. I have found that exercise can increase the metabolism and make us feel a lot better. I had been writing in a food journal and estimating the calories that I consumed. Apparently, it wasn't accurate because I stayed at a standstill in my weight loss efforts. When I started using MFP, I became accountable for what I was eating along with the calories that I had burned. I lost the needed 15 pounds that I was carrying around that was physically dragging me down. She can do it but she has to make that decision. Encourage her. Thank you for being a good daughter.

sroseber

How did the weekend go with your mom? I hope you were able to help her get started.

I did good at the cookout at my mom's house, but I only ended up eating the foods I brought. Not sure if my mom noticed but when we were leaving she was trying to push some her au graten potatoes off on us to take home. I told her my girls wouldn't eat it (they're picky eaters) and I couldn't because it didn't fit into my eating plan so it was up to my husband if he wanted some, I guess he didn't so we didn't bring any home. She seemed a little aggravated that we weren't taking any, like her food wasn't good enough for me. I hate that it makes her feel like that but I told her all about my eating plan and that I was trying to lose weight again days before the cookout. If she doesn't want to make food that fits into my life and eating plan then that's fine but don't try and make me feel guilty for not eating it. I'm taking responsibility for my health which she's never done. She's not going to make me feel bad about taking care of myself and doing whatever it takes to do that, even if that means bringing all my own food to her cookout.

She frustrated me the night before the cookout I called to let her know what I was planning on bringing and see if she needed anything and she told me not to bring hot dogs and buns that she had plenty. I told her that was what I'd called her about a couple days before to see if she minded if I brought my own (healthier) hot dogs and wheat buns and a veggie side. She claimed she didn't know that's what I was asking when I called before but she did.

Oh well, I did good, my biggest problem was not eating enough or often enough (my eating plan I need to eat every 2-3 hours) but it all worked out pretty well. I hope your mom is more receptive and I hope my mom will be as my journey progresses and she starts seeing the results. I can't even start the conversation with my mom about her health and weight issues if she can't even support what I'm doing for me. I'm not stressing over it. I've always worried about others and put everyone else first and this time I'm being selfish and it's about me. If someone is offended because I'm not eating their unhealthy food then that's their problem. I do not intend to offend them but I do intend to take care of myself before I worry about their feelings. I do hope an opportune time comes when my efforts show and inspire my mom to do something and by all means I hope she asks what I do and I will gladly share but I feel like she's not in the mindset to want to do anything about it. She's still in the mindset she's always in of making excuses as to why she can't instead of taking responsibility for her life and health. I look forward to that day but for now I'm taking care of me and I survived a holiday weekend including eating out a couple times and a family get-together and I don't feel guilty about any of it. :bigsmile:

Jay_83

The weekend went very well with my mom.:bigsmile: She brought in papers upon papers of her food journal for the week which I was soooooo happy about. I never did get around to looking at it ironically enough. lol. ( I had my half marathon this past weekend) But she did say that she would type it up for me at home and then send it to me. We talked lots about food and exercise this weekend. I think mom gets the key things about healthy living, I think its her hormones that are keeping her from reaching her goals. I think her metabolism isnt being kind to her either. But after all of it, I got her signed up for MFP!!!!! I weighed her in, and measured her height and got her started. She needs some help around the sight but thats not a problem to help her out with.
SHe has actually lost weight since she has gone off her hormone patch, and she was super happy about it!!! So I am glad that things are looking up. We even went splitz on a restaurant stir fry when we went out for supper, and order lemon water like her daughter!!! :laugh: she's learning!!!!
Must go eat supper myself, but I'll post more later.
Thanks for everyone's support!!! Mom really appreciates all your posts and ideas!:bigsmile:

sroseber

The weekend went very well with my mom.:bigsmile: She brought in papers upon papers of her food journal for the week which I was soooooo happy about. I never did get around to looking at it ironically enough. lol. ( I had my half marathon this past weekend) But she did say that she would type it up for me at home and then send it to me. We talked lots about food and exercise this weekend. I think mom gets the key things about healthy living, I think its her hormones that are keeping her from reaching her goals. I think her metabolism isnt being kind to her either. But after all of it, I got her signed up for MFP!!!!! I weighed her in, and measured her height and got her started. She needs some help around the sight but thats not a problem to help her out with.
SHe has actually lost weight since she has gone off her hormone patch, and she was super happy about it!!! So I am glad that things are looking up. We even went splitz on a restaurant stir fry when we went out for supper, and order lemon water like her daughter!!! :laugh: she's learning!!!!
Must go eat supper myself, but I'll post more later.
Thanks for everyone's support!!! Mom really appreciates all your posts and ideas!:bigsmile:

Glad things went so well! So happy for you and your mom. If she needs anything on here she can always add us as friends, that's what we're hear for, to help each other out. Hope someday my mom will be willing to talk about healthy eating/living choices too. Unitl then, best wishes to you and your mom on both of your journeys. Congrats to your mom on the weight loss since going off the hormone patch.

HealthyChanges2010

The weekend went very well with my mom.:bigsmile: She brought in papers upon papers of her food journal for the week which I was soooooo happy about. I never did get around to looking at it ironically enough. lol. ( I had my half marathon this past weekend) But she did say that she would type it up for me at home and then send it to me. We talked lots about food and exercise this weekend. I think mom gets the key things about healthy living, I think its her hormones that are keeping her from reaching her goals. I think her metabolism isnt being kind to her either. But after all of it, I got her signed up for MFP!!!!! I weighed her in, and measured her height and got her started. She needs some help around the sight but thats not a problem to help her out with.
SHe has actually lost weight since she has gone off her hormone patch, and she was super happy about it!!! So I am glad that things are looking up. We even went splitz on a restaurant stir fry when we went out for supper, and order lemon water like her daughter!!! :laugh: she's learning!!!!
Must go eat supper myself, but I'll post more later.
Thanks for everyone's support!!! Mom really appreciates all your posts and ideas!:bigsmile:

Hi,
I'm been pretty much keeping up with this thread and so glad you could spend time with your Mom this weekend and that she's feeling positive and hopeful! Is she able to become a member of MFP? Or is a computer person (sorry if I missed something earlier regarding this)? If she could that would really help her SO much with motivation, friendships, all the tools, save her tons of paper:laugh: and be helpful for you to check in with her if she's got questions like this last time, you'll simply be able to look at her food and excercise diaries.

What a cool kid:drinker:

Plus CONGRATS on the 1/2 Marathon:drinker: :drinker: