Nervous newbie, seeking advice.

MsAnnThropy

Hi everyone.

I just signed up, as I've browsed this forum regularly and you guys seem really supportive and provide some really useful information. It looks like a really good sense of community so I finally decided to sign up (don't let the name fool you, I like people, I just wanted to think of something at least mildly amusing).

Sadly, when I signed up I got a calorie intake estimate that seemed WAY wrong, so I'd lik some advice on it if you have the time. The suggestion was 3300 calories per day! I'm sedentary (I work from home at the computer), but I do a very cardio and muscle intensive workout on my crosstrainer 5 times a week (45 mins) and 15 mins of weight training for my abs cos of a spine deformation I have. I'm thinking this number should be about 1800 tops but I'm unsure exactly what. My goal is only a 2kg loss that I can maintain. The reasons are below, and I'm a bit scared of explaining as this stuff has been an issue for me for a long time, but here goes (deep breath).

I'm a 168cm (5"6) woman in my late 30s, and used to struggle to keep my weight at around 54kg (119 pounds). A year or so ago, I had a very traumatic experience and lost 6kg in only a few weeks, and entirely without trying (in fact I did no exercise in those few weeks at all). I used to walk for an hour to 90 minutes a day with my dog, and do the above workout every 2nd day (3 to 4 timse a week). Sadly, part of the trauma involved losing my dog. So, the weight is starting to creep back on and I am expanding again.
Now I'm not foolish, so I know I am slim anyway, but, visually, I have a very bulky frame (very broad shoulders, narrow hips, no waist, and short legs proportionally) so I don't actually look as underweight as my weight suggests. In fact, I actually really like how I looked at 48kg (105lb) as the weightloss made me look more proportional. I managed to keep the weight off just via the crosstrainer for a year, but it is now creeping back on and I am really fighting to stay under 50kg (I only weighed in at 49 today cos its sunday and I slept in, making it a dodgy reading as Im always a kilo or two lighter if I sleep in and don't weigh myself at 7am.
I'm aware of the health risks in terms of nutrition so I do eat well - complex carbs in the morning, then only fruit and veg in the day and a lot of protien. I eat 1800 calories a day at the moment as this was what was suggested by online sources, but think this might be too much. Sadly, I am ravenous all the time if I eat less than that. I've tried rasperry ketone as an appetite supressant but it actually seems to be making me GAIN weight. I also tried a "diet" from Slimmers World based on food combination, but that made me gain weight too. It's really frustrating as I like how I looked at 48kg a lot, and because of the oddities of my frame, the extra weight makes a visual difference especially when I'm doing the life modelling shoots / sessions.

Anyway, thats me, and my background particular to health, fitness and weight. I'm aware it's a bit off kilter, and am really hoping you guys won't react with scorn to this kind of thing, as I have been struggling with body image issues my entire life, and it is the first time I have felt good about the way I look, so would really like to hold onto that.

In any case, your expertise would be of great value to me, as I've seen some very knowledgable and well researched posts on here in the past, and many of you seem far more up with the play on fitness, health and trends in those areas than I am, so thankyou in advance and wishing you luck and success in your own goals too!

Anne