It's like living on a hamster wheel

Samantha112586

Hi everyone,

I've been using myfitnesspal for quite some time but just now in an all too familiar and constant state of pity I realized there's a feature for connecting with other users. I'm hoping that added benefit will help me jump start my efforts here and gain some much needed support from people who understand. Sometimes I just need a place to ***** and complain and repeat myself and know its ok. No place to do that then with other people who understand!

My story is basically this...I've always been overweight, tall thankfully, but overweight none the less. The first time I started dieting was around the age of 11 after hearing my mother tell me too many times I needed to diet. It was hard being a young teenage girl, not only to feel like I was missing out on wearing the clothes I wanted but feeling self conscious about my weight and knowing other people saw it too. That's when my obsession with my body started. That time included, I've lost significant weight twice in my life. The first during high school where I did weight watchers and slowly lost over 40 pounds just eating better and this was the time when I started my introduction to exercise for the purpose of weight loss. I was so happy when the weight came off and loved being able to wear what I wanted but after about a year the weight came back and it continued to stay there throughout college, where I went thru the ups and downs of loss and gain while trying to be a regular college kid. The second time I list weight was a few years ago when I got into running with a friend of mine. It was u intentional and something I never thought I'd do but through that I lost another round of significant weight and again felt great. Unfortunately my unhealthy mindset was still enact and a day when I wouldn't run would become guilt and shame and so slowly I pulled back as something that at first made me feel great and accomplished became another game of watching my weight.

Now here I am, 26, back at my highest weight trying again to lose. My biggest struggle is trying to make it a lifestyle rather than a diet in order to be healthy and try and not let my old habits and negative thoughts taint my efforts. But again I struggle. The guilt is still there, the shame pokes through and even though its clear I feel better when eating better and being active I still will have my binge times that totally set me back. I gorge on things that don't even satisfy me but yet I still do it....that's the hardest part because I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel. Two steps forward and 5 steps back. I long to be healthy and fit but struggle with it having to be such a hard road. I've been up and down with the same 5 pounds because when I get ahead I think I can slack off. I just wonder...can I become a healthy person and not always have the focus be the obsessive thoughts and feelings that fluctuate with my weight and setbacks because sometimes I don't know.

I just want to find what will work for me. I don't want to feel like I'm grasping at straws anymore. And I don't want to be stuck on this wheel anymore!

autumnrunning

I know what you mean about taking two steps forward and five steps back. I've been doing this since early teens also.

What i've learned is this: the only way you can lose weight and make it stay is if you exercise and eat clean. It must be a lifestyle not a crash diet. And only you can do something about it, you may seek support and people to talk to(it helps a lot), but it's up to you to "put on your running shoes and step outside".

I've lost a ton of weight many times and gained back twice as much thanks to my own stupidity. now i have weight/eating problems and stretch marks.

I cope with it by running and eating healthy stuff. It makes me full of energy and motivation. I pretty much just started and i've already lost quite much, at first it was about weight, but now it's more about physical fitness and stamina/strength.

I hope you get on the right track and stay on it! Also you can add me for some support!

boberrymom

I hope this helps but this is what i did. I've been a yo-yo dieter for the longest time. I've been a runner who got injured and cannot run anymore and was at my wits end and depressed about gaining weight back. I worked full time, i'm a mom to 4 kids, and found it very difficult to incorporate healthy things and always gave up so easily because i had an all or nothing attitude. If I couldn't lose 10 lbs in one week well forget it i'm not even going to try so i've started, stopped, started, stopped many many times. I got lots of inspiration from the Biggest Loser competitions but just could not stay motivated myself to do anything about it.

Then I reached a breaking point....i had gained back almost all of the 30 lbs that i lost and was so mad at myself. I decided enough was enough. The first step: 1) make the decision to do it, make a plan, decide what you want to change and why - remember this is what YOU want, not anyone else, once you know your why, you are already done the first step.
2) make small goals that you will work on every week - so for example, one week you will try to get 8 glasses of water a day for at least 5 days of the week, no huge goals, just small goals, that are attainable.
3) put those goals on a list and check them off as you reach them....this will help you see what you set out to do this week and what you accomplished as well as what you need to work on
4) make a meal plan for a week and if you can't do this, journal your meals so that you can see patterns in eating to head off binging or to see a pattern of your hunger
5) make an exercise plan, literally make a calendar and mark every single day off that you exercise - if you are strapped for time this calendar will help you figure out where and when you can fit it in, if you can't, go back to old school and do what kids do, and play! You will have more fun doing it and will burn calories.
6) DO NOT be mad at yourself if you slip up on eating or whatever your plan is, know that you are human and jump back on it again. Do not give up no matter what!! So what you ate the cookie, let it go and move on and eat better the next time.
7) Arm yourself with as much health information as possible. Arm yourself with some inspirational quotes that you take strength from.
8) Whatever you do, DO NOT diet! If you have in your mind that you are "dieting" it will not help you, because you aren't "dieting" you are making a healthier lifestyle for yourself. Make healthier choices for your meal plans. This will help you ease into it more, there are so many recipes available too, and before you know it, you will have a repetoire of healthy recipes that you have mastered with your own ingredient choices.

I have so many more things that i do for myself and i can tell you after years and years of yo yoing i have finally found it! I have used all of these to make it healthy, this time it's so very different, for the better.
Remember that things won't change overnight, it takes AT LEAST 3 weeks to make something a habit, just keep staying on the wagon and if you fall off, so what, get back on it. It took a while to put the weight back on so it will take just as long to get rid of it, so do not get discouraged when you don't see results right away, in fact most people don't see results until about 3 weeks later.
I hope this helps and if you have questions, PM me, or add me. Goodluck

I have so many more tips, i just can't remember them all because they are now second nature for me. Hope this helps.

Jess

boberrymom

Oh and I forgot the very most important thing that helped me especially at first.....take it day by day, hour by hour if you have to. I know when I made the decision to get healthy i had to take it hour by hour because of my obsession with food But it was the best way to deal with it for me, just hour by hour and then day by day. I always plan my next meal as i am eating my current meal, i don't even mealplan.

I needed to add this because it is very very important.