Losing weight can be depressing

pamelak5

He does encourage me too. We talk on the phone and he tells me how proud he is. And texts me all the time, with things too. And has is own special ways of helping me. But he didn't say that he wouldn't marry me cause im overweight. He knows how long i have been wanting to marry him. So he used it as a leverage for me to lose weight. He said " he would buy the dress, Anyone I want, But he gets to pick the size. He told me I would look great in a 14 or 16. So it's not like he wants me at a 8 or anything like that. And he wants me to be healthy, Hes a nurse and it killed him watching me be 254 pregnant with our daughter. It was not healthy and I totally agree. But he doesn't always have an openmind. And he's never been overweight. So sometimes I need help from other people that are or have been in the same boat.

This is not the man you want to spend your life with,. he's passive aggressive which will not be healthy for you or your child.

You need to do this for you, and only for you. Forget what he wants. It's not about him. At all. it's about you. And don't buy into his BS of he'll pick the dress size. if he loved you, he'd love you the way you are and not be holding things he knows you want over your head. That is not the way to start a life together.

I have to say I agree with this. Picking your wedding dress size is BS. Marriage is not a carrot you use to get someone to change their behavior. When you get married, you are not marrying the person in front of you, you are marrying the person that person is going to become, for better or for worse. That is why it is such a huge committment. He is already saying he wants to marry you only when you get to a certain size. What happens if/when you have size fluctuations after you get married? Pregnancy, health problems, hormonal changes will cause your body to change. What then?

I have lost a lot of weight in the past couple of years. My husband has not ONCE criticized my body. He makes sure I have plenty of time to go to the gym, if I want to go - he takes over morning duty every day because I like to work out first thing in the morning.

And - why aren't you married already? He knows you've been waiting "so long" to marry him. Why? The fact that he has a child with you, wants another but won't marry you without strings is troubling. I strongly suggest seeing a relationship counselor to figure out what's going on, either with him or by yourself. You deserve a terrific relationship and someone who is supportive in a meaningful way.

5ftnFun

Now he wants me to lose it to, so we can get married. I know that sounds bad, but he knows this is something I REALLY have been wanting, so he used it as a leverage against me! Frustrating but I understand how he means well!

This part of your post troubles me. Think really long and hard about marriage with this guy. It's one thing when someone who loves you is concerned about your health and well being, that's wonderful. But to use it as "leverage"? No.

beautifulmama11

He does encourage me too. We talk on the phone and he tells me how proud he is. And texts me all the time, with things too. And has is own special ways of helping me. But he didn't say that he wouldn't marry me cause im overweight. He knows how long i have been wanting to marry him. So he used it as a leverage for me to lose weight. He said " he would buy the dress, Anyone I want, But he gets to pick the size. He told me I would look great in a 14 or 16. So it's not like he wants me at a 8 or anything like that. And he wants me to be healthy, Hes a nurse and it killed him watching me be 254 pregnant with our daughter. It was not healthy and I totally agree. But he doesn't always have an openmind. And he's never been overweight. So sometimes I need help from other people that are or have been in the same boat.

This is not the man you want to spend your life with,. he's passive aggressive which will not be healthy for you or your child.

You need to do this for you, and only for you. Forget what he wants. It's not about him. At all. it's about you. And don't buy into his BS of he'll pick the dress size. if he loved you, he'd love you the way you are and not be holding things he knows you want over your head. That is not the way to start a life together.

I have to say I agree with this. Picking your wedding dress size is BS. Marriage is not a carrot you use to get someone to change their behavior. When you get married, you are not marrying the person in front of you, you are marrying the person that person is going to become, for better or for worse. That is why it is such a huge committment. He is already saying he wants to marry you only when you get to a certain size. What happens if/when you have size fluctuations after you get married? Pregnancy, health problems, hormonal changes will cause your body to change. What then?

I have lost a lot of weight in the past couple of years. My husband has not ONCE criticized my body. He makes sure I have plenty of time to go to the gym, if I want to go - he takes over morning duty every day because I like to work out first thing in the morning.

And - why aren't you married already? He knows you've been waiting "so long" to marry him. Why? The fact that he has a child with you, wants another but won't marry you without strings is troubling. I strongly suggest seeing a relationship counselor to figure out what's going on, either with him or by yourself. You deserve a terrific relationship and someone who is supportive in a meaningful way.

He was finishing is MBA before we get married. I wanted to stay near my family so WE decided that I would stay with our daughter while he finished is MBA. Now is got excepted for a Executive position that he is in training for. We don't want to get married being over 700 miles apart. And he has not EVER said that he hates my body or that he wont marry me. We are still getting married the end of this year. But he was trying to find a way to help me reach a goal. I am very bull headed and little things don't faze me. I need something Huge. I guess my posting kinda made him look like a jerk. But he's not. He loves me no matter how i look. He just wants me to get healthy for myself and for our future family!!

Annerk1

He was finishing is MBA before we get married. I wanted to stay near my family so WE decided that I would stay with our daughter while he finished is MBA. Now is got excepted for a Executive position that he is in training for. We don't want to get married being over 700 miles apart. And he has not EVER said that he hates my body or that he wont marry me. We are still getting married the end of this year. But he was trying to find a way to help me reach a goal. I am very bull headed and little things don't faze me. I need something Huge. I guess my posting kinda made him look like a jerk. But he's not. He loves me no matter how i look. He just wants me to get healthy for myself and for our future family!!

The previous advice suggesting relationship counseling was very sage. I'd go now--without him at first, and then bring him into the conversation. Please don't get married unless you do this first. (This is advice I give all couples--my husband and I did this before we got married even though we had a great and very healthy relationship with a lot of respect. It taught us coping mechanisms to get through when things weren't great.