Emotional Eater....miserable me

vedra_b

It took 4 years to go from chubby and cute to fat and yuck. then two years ago I decided to change my life. I spend every day walking and watching what I ate I lost 20 pounds in the first couple of months then things slowed down. I wasn’t worried because I was and had changed things and I was happy. Then my life shattered when a police officer informed me my 19 year old son was dead. My world crumbled and everything I ever believed in shattered. I spend 3 months drinking myself into oblivion, crying and sleeping the only activities I did. Then my daughter 5 at the time asked me if I would be sick forever. I stopped drinking and took up eating. From that day I pushed to show my children that no matter what life moves on and you stay strong and steady. From that day on I started hording food and binging in the night I slowly gained 30+ pounds. I ate when I thought of my son I ate when I cried I woke up in the middle of the night to eat a bag of chips, I drank soda every night. I learned to eat anytime my heart felt a tug of sadness and I ate a lot bags of chips, family size candy bars, ½ a pizza what every I could shovel into my mouth I did . it would fill the sad hole . I bet you say how could food fill up your son’s place I am not saying that what I am saying is that to cope I ate and I ate and I ate. I can’t tell you why I finally wanted to make a change I can’t tell you why I decided to stop eating the amounts of food. I can tell you that I still have those moments where I will eat a bag of chips and I will hide candy in my room. Today I want to begin again today I want to learn to deal with this lose in a healthy way today I want to learn to live for my children who love me so very much and who’s children I want to hold. Today I don’t want to be miserable.

1234suroor

First of all, I am sorry that this happened in your life. Secondly I commend you for sharing your heart wrenching story with us. Having been through family issues in the past which have led to emotional eating during the past year, I can relate to falling in the vicious cycle of emotional eating. I am also starting my journey now to regain control.

Think of it this way, if you were able to curb drinking and replace it with something (anything... even compulsive eating) then you will be able to replace compulsive eating with SOMETHING else (exercise? a new project? talent?) and filling the void more constructively.

Good luck on your journey. I am sure in a few months you will be on the success stories board!

What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger!

MelsAuntie

I hope you are seeing a therapist to help you get past this. I think this site isn't going to be enough help.

DaniH826

I'm so sorry. I believe you when you say that your world shattered. Mine would too! You were just sick with grief! I know your brain knows that no amount of food is going to help heal the loss, but the depth of grief can very easily override logic and reason. What you need is support, and lots of it. I hope you have access to such support? Maybe getting together with other parents who have lost children may help? You and your husband grieving together, and your children also? Isolation is the worst. You're certainly not alone in what you're going through, and grief is something that has to take its course. Talk about how you feel. Maybe start a journal. Get your emotions out of your system and allow yourself to feel them and validate them rather than stuffing them. Life does go on, but grieving and mourning is not a sign of weakness; it's simply a process we are given to deal with loss. I've lost loved ones that 20 years later I still cry about because I miss them. It's fine.

vedra_b

Not sure why i shared this other then to share my story. I do go to a therapist both alone and with my husband also to a bereavment group. i am talking care of my emotional health not i am here to take care of my physical health. I know there are others out there who share the same thoughts hurts.

nickalow11

I think that reaching out for support and telling your story takes a lot of courage. Good for you! If we can support and lean on each other now and then, we'll all see happier, healthier futures!

38kelz

I'm really sorry to hear about your son. As a parent of an 18 year old I can only imagine the heart break. But I too commend you for sharing.

I too am an emotional eater. When I begin to get stressed and overwhelmed with the everyday challenges set before me I turn to food. I work a lot so therefore, I believe I deserve something. And often times that something is food. I've got to find a way to deal with this.

Defren

I think that reaching out for support and telling your story takes a lot of courage. Good for you! If we can support and lean on each other now and then, we'll all see happier, healthier futures!

I agree with this. Your courage is astounding, and your pain can only be guessed but you have decided to grab the nettle. Let your therapist help you with the emotional issues, and MFP could be a tool to help you with the health/weight issue.

Take things slowly, your whole being needs to heal, I am sure there are few here who wouldn't help you begin this new chapter of your journey.

My thoughts and best wishes are with you. You CAN do this. :-)

Coyoteldy

My heart goes out to you, you and your family have suffered a great loss, the unimaginable. I hope you do not beat yourself up for your reaction and learn to love you and care for you as you restart this journey. Please take it one day at a time, and care for you along the way. Grieving is a natural process and each person does it on their own timetable. I am glad you are seeing a counselor it will help. I am sure each person here will help in their own way as you restart. Hang in there, we are all with you!

marygee1951

God bless you Vedra. Your life has changed forever and you've suffered a loss you will never totally recover from. But with God's help you'll be happy again. And you can share your love with your husband and beautiful daughter.

vedra_b

i am still battling this i often wonder why cant i be one of those people that stop eating nope not me eat eat eat.