Out of control

CLL1001

Hi I'm 32 years old and 173 lbs. With the exception of weighing 206 at 9 months pregnant this is the heaviest I've ever been. My daughter is almost 20 months old and ever since she was born I've been off and on weight watchers online...I've had some success but then my bingeing urges take over and I completely lose control and end up gaining all the weight and then some back. I finally just cancelled my WW membership a couple days ago, no point in paying for it if I'm barely using it! I just have to do something...I'm miserable with the way I look and feel...I just don't know how to stop bingeing, the urges feel so uncontrollable...I want to go to counseling but I'm afraid and embarrassed to talk to anyone about it...I'm in tears right now and having a very hard time even typing this, I've now typed and deleted this paragraph 3 times. My husband doesn't even know...he obviously knows that I'm having issues with my weight and having trouble staying motivated but I binge in secret...I look forward to when he has to work overtime night shifts...I go to the convenience store and get my cheese curls, ice cream, candy bars, cookies, and whatever else looks good I hide them in places where I know he won't go for anything and as soon as he leaves for the night and the baby is in bed I just go crazy and eat all of it...I'm just out of control and I don't know how to get it under control. For the last 2 weeks I've had some motivation to exercise so I've been doing some short ondemand work outs and I just ordered Shaun T's Rockin Body, just waiting for it to get here but I know none of the exercising is going to help if I don't get the eating under control. I guess I just really need some support and motivation, I'm sure I can't be the only one going through this?

closenre

My suggestion is to think about food differently. I used to eat a bunch of different crap as much as I could like I was gonna miss my chance. The biggest thing for me was to understand that none of the foods I enjoy are going anywhere. If my wife buys or makes brownies and I dont eat any, when I decide I want one Ill get more. It took a while for me to realize that it wasnt the last pack of brownies on the face of the earth. For me, understanding that I can have anything I want whenever I want helped. Its just like underage drinking, underage, you feel excited and want to drink because you are not sure when you will get the chance again, when you are of age, it is no longer exciting because you can get it whenever you want. Again,. for me, changing my mindset help tremendously. Also, look for appitite suppressants. They worked wonders for me. The one I used that ultimitly helped me lose 70 lbs was Oxyelite Pro. Good luck!

wanttolose62

Hi CLL,

You've started. That's important. Writing or speaking what you've been hiding is very difficult and I understand (I had a different situation that I hid for years) how much effort, embarrassment, and agony you've been going through.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

We all have things we hide and feel guilty about. We all obsess about food. Yes, to different degrees, but the fact is we are here becuase we are admitting our problems. Sometimes to ourselves, but mostly in this forum we can maintain a sense of anonimity.

If, as you say you really do binge on the food, then the thing for me to say is yes, you need to get to a professional and talk about it. Yes, it will be the most difficult thing for you to do. But you need someone more experienced than any of us are to get resolution to the base problem. There is some underlying issue that you may not even realize that is driving your binges. Once you find out what that is, you can start to take your life and the control back.

Being here, getting the support from people on this site will help. You can vent, cry. laugh, rage, or any other emotion you want to display. Some on here will be experiencing the same thing and will let you know that you took this first step as they have and will be there (well, online anyway) with you for the next one.

Go ahead and cry. It's been building too long and a good cry washes a lot of anxiety and frustration out of you with each tear.

And although I really do believe that most men are pretty much clueless when it comes to women, don't be surprised if your husband knows that something is bothering you. Talk to him. Part of this out of control feeling is because it's a secret. Open the door and the guilt of that secret goes away.

Take care