The weekend's coming...

jljshoe1979

I have a problem that happens on the weekend. I am at home most days during the week, while my husband goes to wherever he has to work for the day. I get so much done M-F, especially doing workouts and house cleaning. However, starting Friday afternoon through the weekend, nothing gets done - this is also when I eat my worst/most calories...

It starts with my husband turning on the TV (I don't watch TV during the day/during the week - he turns it on when he comes home every day, in the afternoon - that's his downtime, and I respect that). The weekends are the time we get to spend together - I ask him to go walking with me or go to the gym or go hiking or play Frisbee golf (his answer to anything active is that it's "my thing"), I feel weird leaving him to go do "my thing" because this is the time we get to spend together, but all he wants to do is watch TV...I find myself in this awful pattern of doing nothing every weekend just so I can be with him, watching TV for hours, (I swear it's like the TV drains my energy - does anyone else ever feel that way?) I cook through the week, but more often than we should, I end up ordering food for us to eat on the weekends. By Monday morning, I spend a good 30 minutes just cleaning up from where we did nothing all weekend and feeling "yucky" from sitting around sooo much. I don't blame my husband, I know it's me getting sucked into this, but I don't really know how to break the pattern consistently.

I have tried begging, negotiating, going off on my own (to go shopping or workout), getting upset, asking for a date night or weekend date activity...today is Thursday, and he actually has Friday off (a three day weekend). I'm tired of losing our time together to the TV. Anyone else go through these feelings with a spouse or SO? How did you find balance between doing "your thing" and trying to spend valuable couple time together? With nice weather coming, I really want to take advantage of it (with him).

mahar81

I am fortunate to have a husband that is very supportive. We usually use Google calendar to schedule our weekend "me" and "couple" time. We have a nice balance of doing our own thing and finding couple time. A shared calendar could be helpful. Your husband might need the weekend to zone out so you should give him that time. Acknowledge that but also tell him that you'd like your "us" time to be a little more valuable than watching TV.

Try cooking a new healthy meal together on Saturday night, taking a walk together, etc. That's how we've been able to balance my husband's need to "zone out" and relax and my need to be on full speed on weekends.

jljshoe1979

I am fortunate to have a husband that is very supportive. We usually use Google calendar to schedule our weekend "me" and "couple" time. We have a nice balance of doing our own thing and finding couple time. A shared calendar could be helpful. Your husband might need the weekend to zone out so you should give him that time. Acknowledge that but also tell him that you'd like your "us" time to be a little more valuable than watching TV.

Try cooking a new healthy meal together on Saturday night, taking a walk together, etc. That's how we've been able to balance my husband's need to "zone out" and relax and my need to be on full speed on weekends.

Thanks - I'll mention the calendar and giving him "his time" while I have "my time" and adding in "we time". A while back, I asked about scheduling a date night...he got all huffy about it and said it was stupid, and we wouldn't stick with it. He was so over the top rude about it to me that I haven't brought it up since.
I have asked for him to help me in the kitchen, but it's something he really hates (I think because he doesn't do it enough, he's not comfortable). I try to set up the mood by turning off the TV and turning on some fun/peppy or romantic music, but he says things like "what are you trying to do" and his attitude just turns the whole experience sour. We typically, eat dinner in front of the TV during the week. I tried to get him to sit at the table with me once (for an "at home date", since we moved about 8 months ago - you can guess what happened.

My main concern is trying to get myself to break the habit of doing what he wants to do all weekend in an effort to spend time together....OR getting rid of the guilty feelings which seem to occur in me whenever I do attempt to break the pattern and do something for myself.

mahar81

Don't feel guilty about "me" time. It will make you a happier person and help with the overall well-being of your marriage. Don't feel guilty - we all need me time.

ForMyAngelBaby

I have the exact same problem. My husband works very hard, mostly 50+ hours a week and when he comes home he's done for. This has often resulted in me doing most of the house work and being on my own for anything active. I've had to resign myself the fact that if he doesn't want to do something with me, I'm still going to do it.

I think that I've enabled him by sitting with him by the TV all the time. I notice when I go and do something, he says that he misses me and doesn't want me to leave. Maybe eventually he'll join me.

Remember, you have to do what is right for you.

jljshoe1979

I have the exact same problem. My husband works very hard, mostly 50+ hours a week and when he comes home he's done for. This has often resulted in me doing most of the house work and being on my own for anything active. I've had to resign myself the fact that if he doesn't want to do something with me, I'm still going to do it.

I think that I've enabled him by sitting with him by the TV all the time. I notice when I go and do something, he says that he misses me and doesn't want me to leave. Maybe eventually he'll join me.

Remember, you have to do what is right for you.

I wonder if my husband would miss me (there is a self-doubting part of me that thinks he's happy when I'm gone)...he has shown some jealousy (in the form of passive aggressive remarks, and "man-pouting") when I spend extended amounts of time with my family or shopping and he didn't want to go with me.

My husband is a nice guy; a big part of me just wishes he would sometimes want to spend time with me the way I want to spend time.

Now, before I tangent off, I really need to start coming up with a plan for how to handle this weekend and the weekends going forward...