When your family didnt say anything...

MayaSPapaya
MayaSPapaya Posts: 735 Member
in Motivation and Support
About you being overweight. Don't you wish they had? My friends never really said anything either. I wish they had, because since no one said anything, I didn't think there was anything wrong.

Replies

  • Duck_Puddle
    Duck_Puddle Posts: 3,237 Member
    Nope. I had a scale, a mirror, a doctor, and a closet full of plus sized clothing to tell me something was wrong.
  • iplayoutside19
    iplayoutside19 Posts: 2,304 Member
    Because it's a hard subject to bring up, especially with family members. Not only that, people won't do anything about it until THEY'RE ready to do something about it.
  • xinit0
    xinit0 Posts: 310 Member
    About you being overweight. Don't you wish they had? My friends never really said anything either. I wish they had, because since no one said anything, I didn't think there was anything wrong.

    I don't know about that... my grandmother would come visit and tell me how fat I was all the time. It only made me resent her. Sure, she may have been RIGHT, but that doesn't help a kid.
  • AngelBaby7041
    AngelBaby7041 Posts: 24
    My friends never said anything about my weight. (They had friends overweight too so they were excepting of me. They just called me "a little bigger than them". At least they said "a little") But my family had no problems telling me that I am over weight. They would plain out tell me "your fat" or " you NEED to starve yourself for a few months" that on really hurt. And even if ii do get to my goal weight of 90 pounds as long as I have that memory of all the hurtful things they told me I'll never be skinny enough in their eyes. :(
  • AngelBaby7041
    AngelBaby7041 Posts: 24
    About you being overweight. Don't you wish they had? My friends never really said anything either. I wish they had, because since no one said anything, I didn't think there was anything wrong.

    I don't know about that... my grandmother would come visit and tell me how fat I was all the time. It only made me resent her. Sure, she may have been RIGHT, but that doesn't help a kid.

    Oh thank god I thought I was the only one with a grandmother like that.!! My grandmother says "I"m just trying to get you to realize that if you keep "abusing your body" your gonna end up with diabetes"

    ....HOW?! By pointing out every overweight women to me telling me I'm gonna look like that...stomping on what little self esteem I have left?? Thanks grandma -____-
  • purpleprose78
    purpleprose78 Posts: 40
    You don't want this. My mother did say stuff about me gaining weight. She'd tell other people how much weight I gained. Even when I was a thin teenaager (117 lbs at 5'4 with a medium frame), she would pat my stomach and say "If you'd just lose this, you would be fine." Made me feel fat. At the time, I played tennis a couple hours a day with my brother and I ran track for my high school. I wasn't cut, but I was fine. When I went to college and stopped playing tennis and running track, I put on 20 lbs. I was still well within the accepted range for my height and frame. She would stand in a store and talk with a friend's mom about how fat I'd gotten in front of me and my friends. She'd talk to the rest of our family and my grandma would say "She'll lose the weight." Like I needed to lose the weight. To say that it gave me a distorted body image is to speak mildly. I also developed a horrible relationship with food and spent a lot of time eating my feelings. I tried and failed a lot at dieting and I have a love hate relationship with the scale and my weight because of this experience.

    At nearly 35 years old, I finally have a good relationship with my body. I don't hate myself for being fat anymore. I don't view food as good or bad. I am trying to make good choices (for me) with what I eat and how I exercise. If I lose the weight, that would be wonderful. If I don't lose the weight, I will live in the body that I have. And my body is fabulous. It breathes, it moves, and it gets me from one place to the other. I am trying to make better choices because I want to take care of it. Not because I want my mother's approval or to meet the expectations of outsiders who don't have to live in my body.

    TL:DR Don't be upset that your family and friends didn't tell you that you were fat.
  • melindasuefritz
    melindasuefritz Posts: 3,509 Member
    Nope. I had a scale, a mirror, a doctor, and a closet full of plus sized clothing to tell me something was wrong.
  • kskonkol
    kskonkol Posts: 14 Member
    My family was far too passive aggressive to actually say anything outright.

    It would be things like:

    "Have you ever tried diet soda?"

    or

    (them): "Have you been riding your bike much?"
    (me): "Nope"
    (them):"Why not?"
    (me):"I just really haven't been."
    (them):"Well why not?"

    They think they're "helping".
  • Pearsquared
    Pearsquared Posts: 1,656 Member
    No, I had other people to compare myself with. I think the only time my weight was ever mentioned was when one of my friends told me I had fast feet "for a bigger person." We were playing DDR, lol. I don't think I ever took offense at that, but I dunno.
  • thepetiterunner
    thepetiterunner Posts: 1,238 Member
    No. It's not their job to monitor me, that's MY job.

    Here's the thing: If you're not ready to hear the message (or even SEE it for yourself), what makes you think hearing it from the people you think are supposed to love you as you ARE is going to be any better?

    You have to hear or see the message when you're ready. You can only make changes when you truly believe and are ready to commit. Having people who love you tell you that won't help this. It will only make you resentful or drive wedges in your relationships.

    And if your family and friends are willing to dictate to you what your weight would be, wouldn't they be the same in other aspects of your life? Would you really want to hear about that sort of judgment all the time? I sure wouldn't.
  • jaja76
    jaja76 Posts: 31 Member
    No, because I knew. My friends & family love me for who I am but I could see myself in the mirror and knew. I just didn't want to accept it.
  • Gmtribble90
    Gmtribble90 Posts: 463 Member
    Well, I WAS told and when I got clothes for Christmas, my dad would always buy me stuff from the plus-size women's section and it was WAY too big for me. When I got stuff that fit and everyone else told me I looked good, my dad and stepmom told me I was too big to wear that stuff and I shouldn't show off my body (even though it fit well and showed off my curves in a good way). Also, if I put on makeup and got my hair done to feel better about myself, I was told I looked like a *kitten* and shouldn't ever wear makeup (even just light eyeliner, mascara, and lipgloss).

    My real mom, however, was ok with me dressing in clothes that fit and wearing makeup/doing my hair. The issue I had then was growing up with sisters who have always been smaller. My little sister is a size 0/1 and my older has gained a little, but at most, has been a 7.
  • cityjaneLondon
    cityjaneLondon Posts: 12,714 Member
    My family are mostly big so nobody said anything. Even my husband kept his mouth shut, although I could see his frustration sometimes when I couldn't do things. He carried on loving me though.
    HOWEVER, I feel really let down that my doctor never said a word to me. Why not? Isn't that what they are there for? I had high blood pressure, bad knees, lymphodema, swollen ankles, breathlessness, snoring, mobility issues - the list goes on. Never once did she say that losing some weight might help. I think if she had spelt out exactly what all the benefits would be I might have started sooner. I saw 'Obese' written on the computer notes by accident. It was a shock and spurred me into action. Why did she not say anything? Why did the lymphodema nurse not say anything? Why didn't the physio say anything?
    All of the above problems are gone. - 43 lbs later. Just a few lbs to go to normal BMI.
    I sincerely would have started sooner if they had spelt it out to me. The results now feel like a miracle.
  • Scorchy
    Scorchy Posts: 12
    Well, I WAS told and when I got clothes for Christmas, my dad would always buy me stuff from the plus-size women's section and it was WAY too big for me. When I got stuff that fit and everyone else told me I looked good, my dad and stepmom told me I was too big to wear that stuff and I shouldn't show off my body (even though it fit well and showed off my curves in a good way). Also, if I put on makeup and got my hair done to feel better about myself, I was told I looked like a *kitten* and shouldn't ever wear makeup (even just light eyeliner, mascara, and lipgloss).

    Wow, what *kitten*! People like that don't deserve to be in your life.
  • Siege_Tank
    Siege_Tank Posts: 781 Member
    Prepare yourself, they also don't say anything on the way down in weight, or anything positive when you hit your goal. I went home for Christmas 45 pounds lighter, and out of 30 people in the house, no one said a word...

    So just prepare yourself, this is for you. You'll know that you're a hot ripped badass, youll know what you're capable of and how you conquered something that over 60% of us struggle with. You are your own cheerleader, your own best friend, and you can achieve it all...
  • lcfairbairn74
    lcfairbairn74 Posts: 412 Member
    Did you honestly think that nothing was wrong? Or were you just burying your head in the sand? I knew I was obese....my clothes, my mirror and the scales all told me that! But until I was ready and motivated to do something about it, it wasn't going to change.

    Be glad your family and friends didn't say anything. My experience, like those of other posters on this thread, is horrible. Growing up in a family who say anything horrible they can about your weight is not motivational, believe me! :noway:
  • jennifershoo
    jennifershoo Posts: 3,198 Member
    How can someone not know they are overweight?
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
    Well if you didn't see it yourself I doubt them saying something would've helped.
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
    Mine has said nothing about me losing it. In fact several members all on facebook have said not one word of 'well done'. No wonder I don't speak to them and actually removed them from my life. Actually did that years ago but felt sorry for them this year & added them, took them off when they *****ed to me again.

    If they didn't say anything when I was fat, who gives a crap what they say now?
  • SZY0006
    SZY0006 Posts: 23
    Honestly, I WISH they hadn't said anything. I have a lot of self-esteem issues left over from high school because my dad would say things like "You'd be so pretty if you just lost weight."
  • pinkraynedropjacki
    pinkraynedropjacki Posts: 3,027 Member
    How can someone not know they are overweight?


    DENIAL.

    It's an easy thing to do. I didn't realize I was overweight till I saw that photo that started me here, very next day I was working out & eating right. Till that point I just saw myself as a skinny girl (despite being 95kg) and my mind took over. It's not hard to put yourself into that frame of mind & stay there.
  • tnsumner
    tnsumner Posts: 283 Member
    I think it's even harder when you lose all the weight you put on and they still don't say anything. Not a single "Good job" or "You look great" or "You've worked so hard." Nothing.
  • twinkiemon
    twinkiemon Posts: 216 Member
    My mom wouldn't shut up about my weight - so, no, I wish actually she'd said nothing about it because it was nonstop and I'd hide food and eat and every time she said something it just made me want to eat more.

    My dad and brother never said much but they're overweight too so it's not like they have room to talk.
  • Maris_Swan
    Maris_Swan Posts: 197 Member
    My Mom was just straight up worried about me, would really tell me she feared for my life (which at the time I was like "oh my god, stop being so dramatic!" when it reality I could have dropped dead at 374lbs). I think I knew I was in dire straits with my health but I was in denial for a long, long time.

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