Emotional Eaters

brigit628

I need to stop listening to the voices in my head. the ones that tell me, go ahead, eat it. I swear my subconscious thinks I enjoy being fat.
I lost almost 60 pounds 4 years ago. Unhealthy marriage, i used to escape to the gym and semi-starve myself. i would spend an hour on the elliptical and fill myself full of caramel rice cakes. I lived on slim fast shakes and lean cuisine. i lost a lot of weight, but I was flabby and not fit. Then I got divorced, and didn't eat much of anything, and grieved, not for the end of my marriage but the end of what i thought my life was all about. I patched myself up emotionally. and started to enjoy life again. I started going out to dinner with friends, and ate fried everything. I met a wonderful guy. Who loves me, respects me, and treats me well. He has been the same weight since high school, one of those people that can't gain weight. He eats half a cookie and says he's good. He doesn't like chocolate! He likes to go out to eat, and boy do i eat. And the weight came back, bad. I am almost up to where I was when I originally lost weight.
And that still doesn't stop me from reaching for the cookies. For the fudge. For the lovely chocolates that keep appearing in the break room. i can't get out of my head. I don't know if anyone has anything constructive to say. But I'm really nopt happy in my skin. I'm out of breath climbing a flight of stairs. And he doesn't say anything, but I know he's worried that i have put on almost 40 pounds since we met. But the voices don't stop. Eat, eat, eat. And that feeling, when you are so full, and so ashamed. That's the worse thing in the world. I'm sick of it.

salladeve

I really wonder if the new relationship scares you in some way, and the food/weight is creating a barrier for you, to not be hurt again. I've been there and done that, and through therapy have learned that I am only hurting myself. When I feel that urge to eat for no reason, I try to busy myself with something else. It's still a fight, but a least recognize it and try to turn to something other then food.

apothecarist

I'm not a therapist but there's obviously an underlying reason why you're reaching for food so often. Since it's not hunger that's causing it you may want to talk to a professional who can help you get to the bottom of why you keep thinking about food. Also, are you enjoying the foods you eat or are you just stuffing yourself to avoid feeling emotions you maybe don't want to feel? Many of us, including myself, have used food to "deal with" stress, unhappiness, and even happiness. If you're able to speak w/a nutritionist that would be very beneficial too.

HollisGrant

Many years ago I quit smoking (after 17 years of trying). I was able to quit for the final time when I told myself I was an addict and realized that everything -- including my guilt and my shame -- was part of the addiction mentality. I'm not an expert about weight loss, but facing my emotional eating reminds me of when I refused to smoke anymore.

I also worked through grief a few years ago, turned to food, and gained a lot of weight. However, I know what is going on this time, so that's a plus. I know I don't like to cook, I'm busy (a job and college), and I'm a junk food queen with a sweet tooth, so I have the score on myself.

I hope some of this is helpful:
--- The guilt and shame will get you nowhere. Stop today. You matter, you count, you are loved, and you are a food addict. Enough. Imagine you are two people. Part of you is flailing around, so the rest of you has to step in and take over.
---- Stop eating junk food and sweets and the cravings for them will go away. Stay out of the break room. Use psychological tricks (imagine the food has hair in it or someone didn't wash their hands).
---- I make sure I am never hungry. I cannot leave the house hungry. I cannot go to social events hungry.
---- I buy food that is easy to cook and doesn't require recipe making or a lot of time to prepare (because I hate cooking).
---- There is always at least one meal or ingredients for one easy meal in the fridge, so if my schedule changes I can just grab it and heat it up and I won't be tempted to go to the McDonald's near my house.
---- Water curbs my appetite. I bought a 32 oz sport bottle and fill it with water and lemon slices. I know I have to drink 2 of those a day.
---- You can do this! You can. Choose today to be positive. Choose to pat yourself on the back for something you did right today.

Janelle77

I too know exactly how you are feeling! I am a HUGE emotional and stress eater! Since I met my husband 5 years ago, I have put on an amount of weight that even I am not comfortable admitting. I used to be a marathon runner and hit the gym 6 days a week for about 2-3hrs. That changed when I became more involved with him, and went back to school. Since then, I have had a baby, and my sister died and my mom is battling stage 4 cancer. I tend to reach for food for the comfort instead of for its nutritional value. It is a hard habit to break, and I did it once before (lost 110 lbs) but I am struggling this time around. Having someone to hold you accountable is a huge help and keeps you on track. Maybe set a day for you and your guy to cook meals for the week, or sit down and plan what you are going to cook that way you are more prepared and less tempted to go out. Trying new recipes can be fun.

pspetralia

I used to be an emotional eater, too. For me there really wasn't a big why....it made me *temporarily* feel better and then became a habit. It was an automatic response for me- if I got stressed I immediately reached for crap. I decided to go after the bad habit the way I would any other one. At first I made a rule for myself that I had to take a 20 minute walk before eating when I was upset. Then I added either more time or two things before I would eat. I wasn't saying I couldn't have whatever crap food I wanted, just that I had to get this done first. After a few months I realized that it was no longer my habit- that exercise was my new go to stress reliever.
Hope it helps...and makes sense! Good luck!! :happy:

HollisGrant

I used to be an emotional eater, too. For me there really wasn't a big why....it made me *temporarily* feel better and then became a habit. It was an automatic response for me- if I got stressed I immediately reached for crap. I decided to go after the bad habit the way I would any other one. At first I made a rule for myself that I had to take a 20 minute walk before eating when I was upset. Then I added either more time or two things before I would eat. I wasn't saying I couldn't have whatever crap food I wanted, just that I had to get this done first. After a few months I realized that it was no longer my habit- that exercise was my new go to stress reliever.
Hope it helps...and makes sense! Good luck!! :happy:

This is a great suggestion!

innocenceportrayed

Do you want my psychological answer? (Not licensed, YET. ^_^ )

Let's assume you do.
You have an unhealthy relationship with food and you have self image issues. Other than that, I don't know you enough to say much else.

You will have to completely hit rock bottom before you will truly see the need for change. If you are truly positive in your mind that your new boyfriend loves you, then him being able to basically eat whatever he wants and not gain any weight wouldn't bother you or influence your eating. You need to come to realize that to lose weight at a healthy pace and to tone muscles and get to the fitness level you want to be at, that you have to stop blaming anyone and everyone and that nobody can do this journey for you, but we can cheer you on. It's true, that old quote, it's not going to be easy, but in the end, it'll be worth it. It's going to take hard work especially because your food intake is tied to your emotion. I was an emotional eater too and I put a quote on my fridge that said "walk away and get a glass of water, you're not hungry". You have to retrain your brain in order to make this work. There really is a true feeling to hunger and most people find thirst is "hunger" and it's not obviously. You have to have the will power to walk away from the cabinets and fridge when you're sad, happy, angry, depressed, hurt, whatever. To me, for this, I hung up my old bathing suit, I live in Florida and it's not that it doesn't fit, but it doesn't fit how I want it to, this helps remind me that A. I have the willpower to stay away from the junk food cravings and B. I CAN do this.

Like I said, this is your journey and nobody can walk it for you, but instead, you have to find the true inner strength to change and y'know what, you have it. But don't get discouraged, it'll take time to re-train your brain (yes I'm saying it like that stupid virgin mobile commercial) . Also, start small, make a new goal for the week. For me, this week is absolutely NO sweets except for honey, I've come to the realization that it has enough sugar to curb my ice cream/cake/cookie cravings and yet not enough calories to blow my day (I can't honestly live without it). So start small, maybe say week 1 you will go for a 30 minute walk every morning or night. Week two you will give up fast food and week three you will give up pop/coffee. Start small and work your way up.

Feel free to add me. You'll see I still struggle with emotional eating (and was a binge eater for years). We're here for you.

brigit628

You guys are amazing! I really appreciate all the positive feedback. It's so nice to know I'm not alone. i will be saving these suggestions and using them to help. i think my big problem is I can be really hard on myself. For instance, I slip and use that as an excuse to blow the rest of the day, instead of moving past and getting back on track.
Thanks for keeping me accountable for my own actions. I needed that.

gr8xpectationz

I was always an emotional eater as well. But a few things have helped:

1) Being on MFP reminds me that I am accountable for the choices I make, and that each choice is a part of a bigger picture. I used to sneak food and imagine that it wouldn't "count". Now I know that whether it's good or bad, "secret" or carefully chosen or totally public, it will be recorded because it DOES "count".

2) A little mantra I try to use to remind myself: "If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the answer." If you're eating to satisfy an emotional need, you'll never feel full because you weren't hungry in the first place.

3) Most importantly for me, I’m avoiding all-or-nothing thinking. If I give in to my emotions and eat something that will put me over my daily goals, I get over it. Eating ice cream doesn’t mean I’ve blown my diet, and isn’t an excuse to slide into terrible habits that ruin all the progress I’ve made. Historically, one "bad" choice would excuse the next and the next in a slippery slope to failure. Now, I can have a treat every now and then. And it's okay!

4) I've been REALLY trying to stop moralizing food. A carrot stick isn't "good". A piece of cake isn't "bad". If I'm in a "f***-the-world" mood or an "I'm such a loser" mood, I'll have to find a better way to express it than to eat "bad" food, because there is no such thing. There are healthier choices and less healthy choices, but it's all food...none of it is in any way either virtuous or immoral. As long as I log it on MFP, I'm good.

And don't forget options like journaling your emotions, meditating, or seeing a counselor, all of which can be really helpful!

Anyway, I wish you luck with the challenges.

98777

For some people, like myself, there is just a compulsive urge to eat lots of things when you aren't hungry. When it's like this, you just have to be strong enough and willing enough to fight that frequent urge. After eating a meal, you want to go back and get ice cream and something else and something else.....forever. You just have to train yourself to step in rationally and think..."Okay, first of all, am I really hungry? Am I hungry enough to eat an apple or some raw carrots?" If not, then you aren't hungry. You just WANT to eat something or are craving it. Train yourself to step away and move on with life. That is how I am coping with it and changing myself.

It also helps to think that my body does not NEED this extra stuff. That's how I got overweight in the first place. In order to get a different, thinner, healthier body, I need to stop overfeeding it. Try to use rationality rather than the urge to binge in your decision making, as if you are giving advice to someone else.

Also keep in mind that if you want something, there's always tomorrow to eat it, when you won't go over on calories. Being moderate helps a lot. Just don't give up and believe you can learn to control this and I know you can do it.