My story, my battle.

Megs081211

Ok so I've never really posted this for a whole lot of people to see and very few people (other than family and friends) have seen these people and even less have heard my story. I feel like if I get it out it will be easier to talk about.

This is me my senior year of high school (7 years ago) I know I'm going way back.



My friend posted this on Facebook not to long ago and I remember when that picture was taken, and I remember thinking how fat I was. Mind you in this picture I was 30 pounds heavier than my freshman year of high school, and once again I remember thinking how fat I was (in a size 1 jean). If you can't guess it by now my battle is with negative self body image and anorexia. I will NEVER say I was anorexic nor will I saw I am, what I do say is I battle it everyday. Everyday I think to myself if I just stop eating I'll be skinny again but I don't.

Well let me fast forward to my freshman year of college, this was februaryish of my freshman year. I weighted 140 when I took this, I had just gotten that tattoo hense the picture. did I mention I'm 5'1. I ate 3 meals a day, I was taking yoga 3 times a week and not to mention the campus itself was a work out.



I once again thought I was fat but now looking back, DAMN I look good and this is where I want to be. About a couple months after this I was in a horrible car wreck that should have ended my life but I walked away with a few scraps and bruises. And in 2008 I got into this terrible TOXIC relationship and had so many things happen, that I thought I could eat my way to happiness. All I managed to do was eat myself to almost 200 lbs. I'm not going to say it was all my eating habits I had been on multiple anti-anxiety pills. Sorry no picture.

I realized how bad the relationship was for me and how bad what I was doing to myself was so I told myself I was going to change things. I tried eating right and exercising. Unfortunately being a broke college student my idea's of eating right had to be changed due to lack of money but I still tried to be healthy. But I still had this issue with emotional eating and thinging about not eating to compensate for the bad things.

Well here I am now (ok well the 1st of this month): when this was taken I was 178 pounds (this morning I was 169-thank stomach flu).





I'm eating right and exercising. I'm trying to get back to that picture I took with that tattoo. I want look like that again. I don't want a size 0 jean I'll be happy with a size 7. I don't want a gap between my thighs (even at my lightest I didn't have it). I'm starting to realize what I need for me. Now my problem comes is this my husband is getting ready to deploy and it's going to derail everything I've done, send me back to emotional eating (or starving myself) just so I have control over something. And I'm secretly afraid I won't be able to do it, I won't be able to be as healthy as I once one.

Is there anyone out there with a similar story or battle? How did you handle it? I know I need to stop turning to food and need to learn some coping skills (I'm going to sign up for therapy soon).

Megs081211

So I apparently don't get how to post pictures. if someone can tell me how I'll fix this.

kailexx

the img in the picture has to be small case, instead of upper case.

anyways,
good for you for what you've accomplished! It takes a lot to get through situations like those, and to talk about them to this day takes a lot of courage that you carry bravely! I have been in a very toxic relationship myself, and it was very hard to overcome, but a huge weight was relieved off my shoulders when I got out of it, I have suffered from anxiety disorders my whole life, and have slowly started to learn coping skills. It's not easy, but it is definitely possible!

vanderlogt1712

johned63

Everywhere there is a capital IMG change them to a img The uppercase IMG does not work on this board. You can also remove everything from the [URL up to where the first [IMG starts as well as the [/URL] at the end. You don't need to remove that part but it will just show up before the picture.

rezn8

I've got a facebook group for to help with accountability and motivation. I have been posting on MFP for 285 days straight and the FB group is coming together very well. I post workouts and daily motivationals along with challenges to keep you going. If you are interested just IM me and I'll let you know how to get in.