Anyone suffered with Low Self-Esteem?

BeinAwesome247

Therapy is really a good thing!

I have this problem dating I've realized. Terribly insecure to the extent I just don't want to do it
This along with some other personal things have had me consider finding a therapist....again.... to talk to

IronMikeFox

Hey MrsGraves. Please friend me if you like. After growing up being bullied and ridiculed at school and being abused mentally and physically at home, I lost any self-esteem I may have had. Chronic depression (among other MH issues) doesn't help matters. I try to crack away at it every day, but it's a life-long struggle. I would definitely recommend therapy if is adversely affecting your relationships. I know that it has sabotaged many aspects of my life. When I was younger I made the decision that the best way to stop being the freak that people make fun of was to become the monster that they are afraid of. This obviously lead to some self-destructive behavior that I would not recommend. If you ever need to vent, feel free to IM me at any time. I'm still a train wreck so I am not a great person to give advice, but I AM a great person to listen and empathize.

glovepuppet

therapy. therapy, therapy, therapy.

if you love your man you'll get some therapy, because the way you're treating him is abusive. i'm not saying that with an angry face, because i can see that it's coming from a place of pain, but it's a serious problem that you need to fix.

if your problem has reached the point of you hurting others then it's time to get professional help.

oX_Vanessa_Xo

Im pretty sure everyone on MFP has some sort of low self esteem

Calliope610

Im pretty sure everyone on MFP has some sort of low self esteem

Speak for yourself please. I have wonderful self esteem. My physical condition has absolutely no bearing on I feel about myself. I love myself, not based on the package I come in, but based on the contents of the package.

As I mentioned before, self esteem is what I think about myself. I know I am a good person, I'm worthy and valuable. If others look at me and only see a fat old lady, that is about them, not me, and has no bearing on my self esteem.

glovepuppet

Im pretty sure everyone on MFP has some sort of low self esteem

why would you make that assumption?

knitwit0704

Bump. Me as well, I will post some maybe details later.

SoViLicious

I am so sorry you are suffering from low self-esteem. I know I have my days when I am hard on myself. But I have never had low self-esteem. I am a very confidant person. Growing up I was raised by an out going confident mother. She showed me to love myself and take pride in my appearance. As a mother I make sure that both my children hear how much they are loved and are special to me. I tell them daily that they are wonderful. I want them to grow up thinking these thoughts about themselves. One day someone will challenge them and try to change their minds. I want them to know deep down no matter what any one says, their mother has attested to them that they are beautiful, intelligent and loved.

Also,

You need to fake it until you make it dear. I know you have something you love about you. We all do. Fixate on it. Display it, talk about it. Flaunt it. Then remember to love yourself.

glovepuppet

Im pretty sure everyone on MFP has some sort of low self esteem

Speak for yourself please. I have wonderful self esteem. My physical condition has absolutely no bearing on I feel about myself. I love myself, not based on the package I come in, but based on the contents of the package.

i'm somewhat perplexed by this, too.

membership of this site doesn't automatically mean everyone has lower self esteem than the general population.

ConleighS

I used to look in the mirror and tell myself EVERY DAY until my mid 30's that I was fat and ugly and nobody cared. One day came to to realization - how can I expect anyone else to care about me if I didn't care! It has been a long battle to get to where I feel like a "normal" person and look in the mirror and can say I look great, or I look like crap depending on the day. I agree with Barb... writing affirmations and putting them on your mirrors works great...and having a husband that loves you for YOU both help - you have to BELIEVE it.

You will get there, and talking about it and asking for help is a great first step. Don't be afraid to tell your husband how you are feeling.

JulesAlloggio

I've been there...

Everyone has their struggles... Its easier said than done to overcome struggles. I hope things start looking up for ya. Low self esteem is so hard to deal with. I hope you get better sweetie. With time and patience things will turn around.

SoViLicious

Im pretty sure everyone on MFP has some sort of low self esteem

Speak for yourself please. I have wonderful self esteem. My physical condition has absolutely no bearing on I feel about myself. I love myself, not based on the package I come in, but based on the contents of the package.

i'm somewhat perplexed by this, too.

membership of this site doesn't automatically mean everyone has lower self esteem than the general population.

That is true. Wanting to get in shape and be more healthy does not equal self hate.

BeachIron

OP, you've taken a big step by recognizing what is going on and how it's affecting your relationship. Spend 10 minutes here in the forums and you'll see how far ahead you really are. I would suggest spending some time reflecting on the why and then doing what makes you feel better about yourself. Self esteem doesn't exist in a vacuum, it comes from achieving those goals that you set for yourself. And those goals are incredibly personal. Good luck!

javajunco

A) Find some other criteria on which to judge yourself.
If someone told you they judge people based solely on how they look, you'd think they were a jerk. Well, that's what you say you are doing when you judge yourself. Stop being a jerk!

You say that your low self esteem is caused by how uncomfortable you are with how you look. That is probably backwards. You feel uncomfortable about how you look because you have low self esteem.

C) People tend to allow themselves to wallow in negative feelings, and to shut out or stop short when it comes to the positive. When you find yourself having negative thoughts about yourself, and you recognize that's what you are doing, stop and think of something you LIKE about yourself, and dwell on that for at least an equal amount of time.

D) It might feel superficial at first, but believe me, it starts feeling more and more natural. Tell yourself you are beautiful. Tell yourself you are kind. Tell yourself you are smart. It's true, after all. (My mantra, at least a couple of times a day, "I look great. I feel great. I AM great.") It's amazing, but telling yourself nice things about yourself works just like telling yourself negative things about yourself. You start to believe it if you keep it up long enough, and it starts to become true.

E) Your thoughts belong to you, and you are the only person who can control them. Take charge!

xxoo

oX_Vanessa_Xo

Im pretty sure everyone on MFP has some sort of low self esteem

why would you make that assumption?

Maybe low self esteem wasn't the correct term to use. What I meant is pretty much everyone here has something they'd like to improve. Whether it be losing weight, getting toned up, gaining more muscle, gaining weight, learning how to eat more healthy ect...
IMO people are here because there is SOMETHING they don't like about themselves and they are trying to improve it.

And also I didn't actually mean every single person, I meant the majority of members on MFP

glovepuppet

Im pretty sure everyone on MFP has some sort of low self esteem

why would you make that assumption?

Maybe low self esteem wasn't the correct term to use. What I meant is pretty much everyone here has something they'd like to improve. Whether it be losing weight, getting toned up, gaining more muscle, gaining weight, learning how to eat more healthy ect...
IMO people are here because there is SOMETHING they don't like about themselves and they are trying to improve it.

And also I didn't actually mean every single person, I meant the majority of members on MFP

that's not accurate either. i'm not here for any of those reasons.

there are plenty of people who are happy with how they are and intend to keep it that way.
there are people with conditions that require certain diets and limitations on certain food types.
there are people who started logging just to test a theory about the hormone cycle and it's impact on appetite, because mfp has a rather neato tool that lets you see a graph showing the rises & falls over several months.

you make too many assumptions about other people's motivations.

oX_Vanessa_Xo

Im pretty sure everyone on MFP has some sort of low self esteem

why would you make that assumption?

Maybe low self esteem wasn't the correct term to use. What I meant is pretty much everyone here has something they'd like to improve. Whether it be losing weight, getting toned up, gaining more muscle, gaining weight, learning how to eat more healthy ect...
IMO people are here because there is SOMETHING they don't like about themselves and they are trying to improve it.

And also I didn't actually mean every single person, I meant the majority of members on MFP

that's not accurate either. i'm not here for any of those reasons.

there are plenty of people who are happy with how they are and intend to keep it that way.
there are people with conditions that require certain diets and limitations on certain food types.
there are people who started logging just to test a theory about the hormone cycle and it's impact on appetite, because mfp has a rather neato tool that lets you see a graph showing the rises & falls over several months.

you make too many assumptions about other people's motivations.

And that is why I said "the majority of members" not every single member...

glovepuppet

if you say so.

lilwaif

Hello MrsGraves87, I'd like to make a suggestion here and hope you don't take it wrong. You say your self esteem is low because your on the heavy side, well how about this. When you feel that low feeling coming on or the green eyed monster rearing it's ugly head, don't say a word and just go for a walk or run or swim or some sort of physcial activity to get your heart rate up and picture yourself on the beach looking fantastic with your husband fawning all over you. Then when you get back just give him kisses all over his face and then tell him that was just because, then walk away. The exercise will do you good and help you toward your goal of loosing weight and when you kiss him like that and say it's just because and walk away, he'll wonder why. I hope that didn't sound silly but take lemons and make lemonade. :-) By the way I'm 57 and I am 100 lbs overweight and when I met my husband I was 140 lbs. I am back at the gym and working ( hopfully ) my tail off. Good luck sweetie and just remember it's you that has to live with yourself no one else.

Timshel_

I've been downt hat rode before. I still deal with self-doubt and such, but I face it more head on now.

What I found was, confidence and beleiving in myself came from my actions. When I was afraid to speak publically I made sure I did not back down from opportunities to do so. I may have been scared, but I had more fear of feeling paralyized by that fear than getting up and doing it. And then, I felt AMAZING afterword.

So whatever it is you fear or that drives your low self-esteem, fight it. Do things to build confidence and realize that fear is NOT you! You CAn do anything and you can be strong.