Please Don't Judge

iAMsmiling

What do you think when someone asks you not to judge?
I'm asking because, for me, it goes to the heart of what it means to be "supportive" or "helpful."

If I post a picture of my progress, a food plan, an exercise plan and ask for your feedback, am I not asking you to judge me and my plans?
How will you help me if you don't judge the path I'm on and decide that you believe I should do this or that differently, or even that I'm doing everything right?

Isn't "judgement" essential?

darkguardian419

oh you, and your logic...

BeachIron

Most of the time when people say don't judge it means that they're going to be too defensive to listen to good answers that aren't packaged in rainbows and glitter.

Alex_is_Hawks

I think judgement is essential....

but i think like "critique" it's been assumed that all judgement is negative and thus to be avoided.

the negative is necessary, it keeps us honest and makes us work harder.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Logic be damned!!

HotCuppaJo

Most of the time when people say don't judge it means that they're going to be too defensive to listen to good answers that aren't packaged in rainbows and glitter.

I love when men talk about rainbows and glitter....

IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym

I think they are really saying "don't tell me what I DON'T want to hear."

closenre

Most of the time when people say don't judge it means that they're going to be too defensive to listen to good answers that aren't packaged in rainbows and glitter.

I love when men talk about rainbows and glitter....

HEHE!!

BeTheFire

What do you think when someone asks you not to judge?
I'm asking because, for me, it goes to the heart of what it means to be "supportive" or "helpful."

If I post a picture of my progress, a food plan, an exercise plan and ask for your feedback, am I not asking you to judge me and my plans?
How will you help me if you don't judge the path I'm on and decide that you believe I should do this or that differently, or even that I'm doing everything right?

Isn't "judgement" essential?

I believe to give useful advice some judgement needs to be made. But not to chastise a person's efforts or character is what is important. Post your pics and menu, get critiques, and know its coming from sources of support.

jzammetti

I think they are really saying "don't tell me what I DON'T want to hear."

i agree this is true for most.

1ConcreteGirl

I think it means, "if you give any useful but critical information to me, it must be packaged in a box with a bow on it that is my exact favorite color or I won't open it."

shirleygirl910

When I see "Please don't Judge" I think automatically they only want happy positive comments. If you post on MFP you should be open minded and be asking for other people's experiences. I know 99.9% of these people are not doctors. Be open minded people. You want to know the good and the bad of something and then research it more yourself and make your own decisions. If you want coddling and only "happy" feelings, go read Joel Olsten.

VryIrishGirl76

Most of the time when people say don't judge it means that they're going to be too defensive to listen to good answers that aren't packaged in rainbows and glitter.

love this answer.

TeaBea

Most of the time when people say don't judge it means that they're going to be too defensive to listen to good answers that aren't packaged in rainbows and glitter.

Ooooh! "rainbows & glitter" ... this is so true.

Calliope610

This topic reminds me of one of my favorite quotes -

“We find comfort among those who agree with us-- growth among those who don't.” Frank A Clark

Which, I think, pretty much says it all.

PlayerHatinDogooder

I think it means, "if you give any useful but critical information to me, it must be packaged in a box with a bow on it that is my exact favorite color or I won't open it."

Yep. Pretty much.

Also my immediate thought is if you're so worried about other people's judgements perhaps internet forums aren't the place for you.

Jennloella

I think it means tell me how I can improve, suggest how I can do it better, remind me of what I've already accomplished. that would be supportive and encouraging and helpful. I think judging would be saying what they are doing is stupid, a myth, acting like you are better or smarter than them because you have different ideas, etc talking down to them. I don't think it's that hard to tell the difference is it? of course on these boards that is asking for a miracle.

EmilyOfTheSun

What do you think when someone asks you not to judge?

In my experience, that statement is usually followed by a really slutty story.

lilRicki

I normally say "don't judge" when I do something stupid lol

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

HotCuppaJo

What do you think when someone asks you not to judge?

In my experience, that statement is usually followed by a really slutty story.

Lol....those are the best! And....I never judge. :drinker:

EatClean_WashUrNuts

I'm not here to help you, unless you ask.
I'm not here to judge you, unless you ask me to compare my perceptions about you and what you do to that of myself.


Yes, Perception is the greatest evil....Judgement is not necessary.

operation_cute

Critiquing someone and judging them are two entirely different things... I think its wrong to judge (because are you so perfect you can judge someone else?), but constructive criticisim is what helps us grow and get better!

HealthWoke0ish

I distinguish between the judgement that is assesses, i.e., formulating data to be considered when making a subsequent decision, and judgement that condemns, i.e., estimates a measurement of value and condescendingly administers punishment (whether that punishment be physical, mental, etc.).

PhattiPhat

I already know when someone prefaces their statement with "please don't judge but....." I already know I'll be judging away. Just like when someone says "No offense but...." I get that punching-head urge.

HealthWoke0ish

What do you think when someone asks you not to judge?

In my experience, that statement is usually followed by a really slutty story.

Lol....those are the best! And....I never judge. :drinker:

If I DO judge those...it's usually with two thumbs up. :drinker:

Crankstr

Most of the time when people say don't judge it means that they're going to be too defensive to listen to good answers that aren't packaged in rainbows and glitter.

yep

kitka82

oh you, and your logic...

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmm.

Judgment is often mistaken for condescension. The definition of judgment is the evaluation of evidence to make a decision (according to Wikipedia -- yes I went there LOL). Doesn't seem so bad.

If you are unable to accept constructive criticism, I don't see how you can experience as much personal growth. But what do I know?

watchhillgirl

I think they are really saying "don't tell me what I DON'T want to hear."

This!

boothekm

Judgement is necessary, and on MFP, in the form of constructive criticism or praise for a job well done. However, you shouldn't judge hipocritically. Don't tell a person "PUT THE CANDY DOWN!" when you gorge yourself with candy everyday!

_SABOTEUR_

We judge everything. It's how we stay alive. For instance:

Can I jump this gap?

Can I lift this weight?

Will I survive on these calories?