My Motivation isn't Mentally Healthy

MyPaperBleedsInk
MyPaperBleedsInk Posts: 240 Member
in Motivation and Support
I guess I just needed to post this as a rant and in hopes to make myself see how poor my thoughts are.

As of a few days ago, my motivation to lose weight turned from wanting to look and feel good for me into wanting to look good for my boyfriend. He's a bit of a lady's man and sometimes too overly flirty. I've told him I don't like this, but it still seems to happen, granted at a significantly reduced rate than it used to. Which still makes me feel... not good enough.

I should be doing this for me, not for anyone else. Me. I hope I can fully come to terms with that soon.

Thanks for listening.

Replies

  • Capt_Inzane
    Capt_Inzane Posts: 733 Member
    Why would you be with someone who makes you feel bad?

    Eh I dunno, just saying you may want to think about that.

    Your right you should be getting yourself better for yourself but you shouldn't be around people that make you feel anything less than awesome.
  • lilpoindexter
    lilpoindexter Posts: 1,122 Member
    If you do it for someone else you are pretty much guaranteed to fail.
    And why do you stay with him, if his behavior isn't what you would like?
    Either it's not a problem, and stop worrying about it, or dump him and move on.
  • lizlkbg
    lizlkbg Posts: 566
    Just...I'm 44 and I know some things...

    Dump him.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
    I'll let you decide. Let you balance the good and the bad. I won't say: dump him, based on one data point. You decide. Based on your holistic look at your relationship, and importantly on how YOU feel with and without the person.

    That said: I wish you the best of luck on your weight loss journey, and your journey with yourself. At 48, I know my journey has been nothing if not varied. For me, the key has been: being healthy for me. Alone, or with someone. External motivations haven't worked for me, either way.

    Best of luck, and be happy!

    cheers!
  • Verohh
    Verohh Posts: 24
    I used to feel the same way you do, wanted to lose weight for everyone else (especially for a boyfriend, or husband), but it didn't work because I learned that when your boyfriend (or husband) flirts around, it's not about you, it's about him. And then I started realizing that it doesn't matter what we look like if a man we love doesn't want to be in a relationship... look at any beautiful, famous woman who has lost a husband or boyfriend to other women.... it's not about you girl! So you might as well learn to do healthy things for yourself where looking good is just "icing on the cake" when you have yourself to thank for your health... that's a lesson I learned the hard way, just look at my picture today! Took me a long time to come to that conclusion, but unfortunately, I've done a lot of damage to my body in the process.
  • Jackson4590
    Jackson4590 Posts: 145 Member
    I think it's good you're willing to improve yourself for him. People on this site will tell you that's bad but anything you can do to improve your life and health is good in my book. Perhaps the relationship won't work out but in the end you'll find yourself on a path towards feeling better about yourself.
  • beatlebomb
    beatlebomb Posts: 80
    I have found on here that most people do this for someone else. Then later on decide its really for themselves. Either way if your motivation is someone else go for it. If your motivation changes throughout your journey wonderful. But being with a flirtatious guy no matter how wonderful you look it will never be enough. Find someone who only has eyes for you!!! You are worth it!!!!!
  • callmekatrina
    callmekatrina Posts: 2
    I agree with Jackson4590.
    Keep improving your self. If you are happy in the relationship, well go on you. If not, you will be healthy and thin and beautiful and you can thank your partner for his negative support........and move on to another who loves you anyway.
    Either way you win!!
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
    Sometimes when we are jealous it is just a reflection of how we do not feel happy in our own bodies...

    Keep working on you FOR YOU. Your success will have huge impact if self esteem is your issue (as it is/was for MANY of us)
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
    There are a few things here. Your insecurity about yourself. Your boyfriends flirting. And your jealousy about his flirting.

    You need to figure out if your jealousy is caused more by his flirting or by your insecurities. He may just be a flirty person, some people just are. But if you cannot come to terms with that, then no matter how good you look, you will still be threatened and jealous.

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