help my stubborn boyfriend

Geekyfatgirl

My boyfriend is 5'10" roughly and about 230 lbs. He is willing to do exercises with me but he just doesnt believe in counting calories and feels that's obsessive. He still eats burgers, fries, beers every now and then and he doesn't always work out, only when I do. I tryto get him to eat hhealthier, but he likes big portions so he can feel full. Does anyone have any advice to what I can do to help him lose weight? He says he wants to and I'd like him to because there is history of high blood pressure, cholesterol and diabetes in his family. So I'll take any advice!

marygee1951

You can cook healthy meals for the two of you. If he wants to eat a lot, bulk his meal up with extra veggies so he'll feel full. And work-out with him. But remember, he has to want it too - you can't pressure him into it.

jimithegreek

Honestly he has to want to do this to be successful.....and eating healthy is most important. I worked out all the time but saw no results until I counted calories and changed my diet. Once I did that, the weight came off. Perhaps if he sees your success it will motivate him. Good luck!

2stepscloser

Encourage him to do both. My husband has been counting calories and regularly exercising since January. He still eats burgers, fries and beer, but is doing it far less than before. Also, he's learned how to make different substitutions based on his caloric intake. If he knows he wants a couple of beers, he eats light that day. I think the first step is counting your calories and realizing how many you consume in a day when you are not paying attention. After you adjust to calorie intake, begin focusing on more clean eating.

froeschli

If he doesn't want it, then he's not ready, and no amount of work on your side will make much difference.

in the end, everyone has to find what works for them. it took me two years of hinting about protein, strength training etc for my husband to catch on. now he's researching into amino acids etc, and whatever regimen he decides on will be so much more advanced than the little hints i ever dropped. just means he's finding his own way. and i am pretty sure it wasn't my nagging that got him 'on the way' - it was someone he is working with, who is in great shape, confirming the things 'he had heard' before...

Crochetluvr

He says he wants to and I'd like him to because there is history of high blood pressure, cholesterol and diabetes in his family.


He still eats burgers, fries, beers every now and then and he doesn't always work out, only when I do. I try to get him to eat healthier, but he likes big portions so he can feel full.

Nope...he DOESN'T want to or he wouldn't be eating exactly as he had before. And, I agree....you cant MAKE him do it. You can cook healthier but if he is going to eat till he is "full", its not going to make any difference. He has to back his words up with action.

ChristinaR720

I hate to say it, but you can't help somebody who doesn't want to help themselves. Your boyfriend has to want it for himself. You can't make it happen for him.

ddky

Just set a good example for him. Include him in your workouts as often as possible. Include as many vegetables and fruits as you can, but in the long run he has to decide for himself. My husband didn't get on board until his doctor threw a hissy fit about his blood pressure. Good luck to you both.

Ready2Rock206

Does he want to lose weight or does he want you to stop giving him a hard time about his weight so he says he wants to lose weight?

He's a grown man you're not likely going to be successful in trying to force him to do things he's not interested in. At least not with good results.

michellekicks

I eat burgers and beers too.

Yeah he's gonna have to count calories before he will believe that, yes, he can still have that stuff.

ken_hogan

If he doesn't want it, then he's not ready, and no amount of work on your side will make much difference.

in the end, everyone has to find what works for them. it took me two years of hinting about protein, strength training etc for my husband to catch on. now he's researching into amino acids etc, and whatever regimen he decides on will be so much more advanced than the little hints i ever dropped. just means he's finding his own way. and i am pretty sure it wasn't my nagging that got him 'on the way' - it was someone he is working with, who is in great shape, confirming the things 'he had heard' before...

This

megsmom2

Well...no...he doesn't have to count calories. But he does need to make better food choices, and knowing about calories and all that stuff makes it easier to make better choices. Maybe he could try counting calories for a couple of weeks, not making any other changes in what hes doing, just to get an idea of the damage hes doing! It can be a real eye opener. After that maybe he wouldn't need to track them, or he might want to. It can seem a bit obsessive....but you cant argue too much with success.

AmazonRDH

People need to want to change themselves, you can't change him for him. (does that make sense?). Do your thing and maybe he'll join in...........

SrJoben

Counting calories isn't obsessive. It's just how you do weight loss.

People who don't count calories are often the ones who are always struggling to lose 5 pounds year after year, never managing it and talking about how hard it is. People who count calories just do it. It takes a few weeks.

If you follow a sensible plan you get results and its easy.

I agree with the others that you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. But if it's just that he doesn't like the idea of counting calories, but doesn't mind dieting or losing weight then perhaps you can propose a challenge. Tell him he should try to eat a little less for a few weeks without counting and see if he can lose weight that way. If it works great. If it doesn't ask him to try tracking, and help him do it, and help him set up a diet that lets him keep some of the beer and burgers he loves.

Geekyfatgirl

I agree with everyone on the fact that he has to want this. He said he does, he just doesn't want to count calories. To me thats part of the first step that helped me, so saying that is like saying he doesn't want to change. I just want him to be healthier.

Geekyfatgirl

. But if it's just that he doesn't like the idea of counting calories, but doesn't mind dieting or losing weight then perhaps you can propose a challenge. Tell him he should try to eat a little less for a few weeks without counting and see if he can lose weight that way. If it works great. If it doesn't ask him to try tracking, and help him do it, and help him set up a diet that lets him keep some of the beer and burgers he loves.

I was actually thinking of doing this.

tequila09

Counting calories isn't obsessive. It's just how you do weight loss.

People who don't count calories are often the ones who are always struggling to lose 5 pounds year after year, never managing it and talking about how hard it is. People who count calories just do it. It takes a few weeks.

If you follow a sensible plan you get results and its easy.

I agree with the others that you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. But if it's just that he doesn't like the idea of counting calories, but doesn't mind dieting or losing weight then perhaps you can propose a challenge. Tell him he should try to eat a little less for a few weeks without counting and see if he can lose weight that way. If it works great. If it doesn't ask him to try tracking, and help him do it, and help him set up a diet that lets him keep some of the beer and burgers he loves.

This!

chinakat72

I think that at first, counting calories can sound obsessive to a lot of people. That is, until they start to see how many calories they are really eating. It's easy to live in denial and say, "Sure I ate a cheeseburger and fries, but I worked out today so it cancels it out". But challenge him to just keep track of what he eats for a day or two, and then tally up his calories with/for him so he can see it in black and white. A little education goes a long way! I remember when I learned how many calores most exercise burns, and then compared it to what I was eating. I could walk on a treadmill for an hour and only burn off one snickers bar! And when I realized that I wasn't just eating bad, or eating too much, but I was eating thousands of calories more than I burned over the course of a week, that's when I started tracking my food.

If he won't track even for a day, make him a list of just fat and calorie counts for his favorite foods so he can see exactly what he's eating. It might be enough to motivate him. But you can also make a list of foods that are more healthy and filling, so he doesn't feel like he has to give up everything he loves.

spaghetti93

maybe you could scare him straight? make him realize the path he's headed on. I don't ever want to make fun of someone or ridicule them for how they eat, but you could find an example (pictures or something) of what he's going to look like in 10 years, or what sort of health complications he's risking getting. I don't think he's going to accept counting calories as a reasonable thing to do until he realizes that there is fundamentally a problem with the way a majority of people eat (whatever they want, whenever they want it...) Good luck!

mahanaibu

Though I count calories, it isn't necessary for many people. In your boyfriend's case it would be pretty easy to lose weight without calorie-counting--chicken and fish instead of beef, filling up on veggies instead of calorie-dense foods.

But I think what you're really hearing here is that he doesn't want to change anything he's doing. He doesn't want to count calories, doesn't want to eat less volume...well, we don't lose weight by wishing for it, we only lose it by changing at least some of our behaviors.

There's a part of me that says yeah, he has to come to this on his own. But at one point, I signed my husband and me up for a weight-loss program. It happened to have a particularly good nutritionist who ran classes. And my husband got the message. He'd listen to her about things he wouldn't listen to me about. Used to plead with the man to cook something other than steak. The house would be full of food and he'd complain that there was nothing to eat--as in nothing fast and easy like chips. He lost 50 pounds. can't even remember the last time I saw him digging into red meat. He's an apple fanatic. Walks every day. Has kept the weight off for two years. Got so slim, he'd steal clothes from our 20-year-old son. So there's hope....maybe you'd have some luck finding a program, too. Good luck!

shadow2soul

I think that at first, counting calories can sound obsessive to a lot of people. That is, until they start to see how many calories they are really eating. It's easy to live in denial and say, "Sure I ate a cheeseburger and fries, but I worked out today so it cancels it out". But challenge him to just keep track of what he eats for a day or two, and then tally up his calories with/for him so he can see it in black and white. A little education goes a long way! I remember when I learned how many calores most exercise burns, and then compared it to what I was eating. I could walk on a treadmill for an hour and only burn off one snickers bar! And when I realized that I wasn't just eating bad, or eating too much, but I was eating thousands of calories more than I burned over the course of a week, that's when I started tracking my food.

I have to agree with this.

Last year, I went from 260lbs in Feb to 196.6lbs in August. My husband went from 245lbs to 205lbs in that same time period. I did the grocery shopping and didn't let my husband pick anything. So from Feb to August, we only had chicken breasts, salad, and various fruits/veggies in the house. We both still ate fast food 4-5 times a week. I wasn't counting calories then, but I had limited our food intake at home to stuff that was all pretty low calorie. We were also working out 5-6 days a week. I got tired of the "diet," and went back to doing normal shopping. I did manage to maintain my weight of 196 until about November(also when I first discovered this site) when all the holidays hit and I stopped exercising. Over the holidays me and my husband both managed to get back up to 225lbs.

This year, mid Feb, I started exercising again. I also just started bring healthier options into the house, still wasn't counting calories, but I swapped things for healthier choices. (example I buy whole wheat bread instead of white bread) I got back down to 218lbs by mid March. In mid March, I decided that I'd try calorie counting and see how things progressed. I was never really found of the idea before. I'm now down to 195.4lbs. My husband on the other hand, started working out again in Feb and doesn't want to calorie count. He is still fluctuating between 224lbs and 226lbs. He is slowly warming up to the idea, but still not quite there yet. He bought me a fitbit as a surprise and gave it to me April 26 (he didn't know what it was, but had heard me talk about wanting one). Now he wants to get a fitbit for himself just so he can see approximately how many calories he burns in a day. When he told me, the conversation went something like this:

Him: I think I want to get me one of those things I got you.
Me: What thing?
Him: The one that you wear and tells you about how many calories you burn a day.
Me: Oh, a fitbit. Why do you want one?
Him: So I can see about what I burn in a day.
Me: Why do you want to know that if your not counting calories?
Him: I just do.
Me: .... (Thinking to myself. Oh you must be warming up to the idea of calorie counting.)

He is also starting to look at labels and see how many calories are in the foods. The other day he even asked how many calories are in the sub he always gets when we go to subway. So although he isn't quite calorie counting yet, he is becoming more aware of what he eats.


So the point of all this is to say, don't give up hope. Lead by example. If he truly wants this (is mentally ready) he will most likely start slowly picking up things you are doing.