NSV's?? Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

So, I've come a long, long way from my old wardrobe. I've had to buy clothes and turn around and donate them before we hardly knew each other. Needless to say, my current wardrobe is lacking. I'm working on it. My job is casual - jeans and polo shirt kind of stuff. So, I've focused on that.

Well, this Friday is one of several "events" coming up over then next month that will need something a little more stodgy, though not formal. So, after work I headed out to pick up a sports coat and a nice looking button up. The slacks I already have. I walked the mall through Macy's and Nordstroms and even JC Penneys. Stores just don't keep people around anymore that can measure a guy for a jacket or a suit. Well, Hell, I have no clue what size I am now.

With dread I headed to the store that specializes in THAT kind of clothes. Parked the car thinking that inside the store is a dozen guys with perfectly fitted suits and tape measures who will descend upon me the moment I walk through the door like zombies from a George Romero.

I walk in and instantly this guy is coming over. Perfectly fitted suit. Perfect hair. No tape measure. Hmmmmm

"What can I do for you?"

"I need a jacket and I don't know what size I am."

He looks at me like his brain is saying, "WTH?" Then he says, "Um.... How tall are you?"

"Five ten and a half. I've lost over a hundred pounds. I have no idea what size I am now," I explain.

Wide eyes. Firm handshake. "Oh my God, that's incredible! Good for you!" A tape measure appears seemingly out of his palm like web from Spiderman.

NSV #1

He measures me. "Thirty-Eight Regular," he says. "Not a lot of guys your height come around at that size."

NSV #2

He walks around and picks up several jackets and I try them on. I like them all. I rarely dress that way so I don't see the little misfits he sees. Finally, the last one works. I like it. He likes it. Sold!

"Shirt?" he asks.

"Can you measure my neck?"

He does and sweeps me off to look at shirts. I pick out two since there's a "deal" on.

"Do you know what kind of shirt this is?" he asks.

"Fitted?"

"Slim Fitted. That's a size smaller. The only thing smaller is Ultra Slim Fitted. But, I've never sold one of those." (So, I guess those are the Flamenco dancers with 9 inch hips.)

NSV #3

We go off. He rings it up still congratulating me on my weight loss. "Welcome back to "Off the rack"", he says. I grin and swipe my debit card. Then I happily take my new stuff and go get in the car.

Then it hits me.

Holy Hell. I just dropped $400 on about 10 yards of fabric and some buttons. NSV-toxicity is REALLY expensive!