MIL problem - anyone with thoughts? Advice?

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135gratitude
135gratitude Posts: 364
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi MFP - looking for a little advice here (or at least a chance to vent!),

I met my goals a few months ago, lost 20 lbs, and now wear a size 6, sometimes an 8. Today, I open a gift from my MIL, and it is a sweater, sized large. About 6 weeks ago she asked what size I wear at this store, and I told her "small". WTH??? To top it all off, she got my SIL, who wears a size 14, a medium of the same sweater!?!?!

Any thoughts? What is she trying to say? That I wear my clothes too tight? That I look larger than I am? After telling her I wear a small, I feel this is a slap in the face. My husband says sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but my feelings are hurt, and I feel like she is trying to send a message.

Phew - thanks for letting me vent.

Merry merry Christmas to all who celebrate and warmest wishes to those who don't!
I'm going to go swath myself in a lovely-too-big sweater!
:flowerforyou: :ohwell:

Replies

  • epoeraven
    epoeraven Posts: 458 Member
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    Any chance she got your sweater and your SIL's sweater mixed up? If not....I would just play innocent/stupid and ask for the receipt because as much as you love it you can't wear it becasue it is too big.

    Another side might be that she simply didn't remember what you told her. My mother is forever screwing up buying me clothes. I asked for black leggings one Christmas and she bought me a mint green jogging suit instead because "it was just so cute". And, she never gets the right size.

    I wouldn't let it get to you. Now if she does the same thing for your birthday....maybe you might have room to wonder.
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    Your mother in law bought you a present?????:noway: Cool!!:love:
  • Georg
    Georg Posts: 1,728 Member
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    Any chance she got your sweater and your SIL's sweater mixed up? If not....I would just play innocent/stupid and ask for the receipt because as much as you love it you can't wear it becasue it is too big.

    Another side might be that she simply didn't remember what you told her. My mother is forever screwing up buying me clothes. I asked for black leggings one Christmas and she bought me a mint green jogging suit instead because "it was just so cute". And, she never gets the right size.

    I wouldn't let it get to you. Now if she does the same thing for your birthday....maybe you might have room to wonder.
    :huh:
    I'm one of those moms.
    :grumble:
    sorry
    :angry:
    I just can't help myself.
    I see something when I'm shopping & must have it for someone's gift but it just looks a little too big or too small, so I buy the other one & then later it didn't fit either, or it's the wrong color, or I bought it at the wrong place, & so it goes...
    :sad:
    Don't hold it against her.
    Some of us just never get it right.
    :embarassed:
  • Tamishumate
    Tamishumate Posts: 1,171 Member
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    I was the only one in my house who DIDNT get anything from my MIL. even my boys, ( who are not her sons) got something. I didnt even get a acknowledgment on the card . I had to vent that, lol

    She may not have believed you when you told her, I think sometimes people think we are still that bigger person, or there is no way we are that size, something like that... I dont think it was to say that you wear your clothes too tight..

    Ask your SIL if you can switch sweaters!
  • MacMadame
    MacMadame Posts: 1,893 Member
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    What it means depends on your relationship with her. And her relationship with food. :laugh:

    So your MIL may just have a mental image of you that is your old size and she hasn't adjusted yet. Or she may be a total ***** who convinced herself that you were lying about being a small to make her daughter or her look bad. Or anything in between.

    I do find that people have a mental image of us and that, when we get smaller or bigger than that image, it gives them "stupid brain". Like a friend of mine whose relatives told her she had stop losing as she looked like a crack *kitten* when her BMI was still over 30. :tongue:
  • xStargazerx
    xStargazerx Posts: 100
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    I know exactly how you feel. But mine was the opposite. I had gained about 95lbs since having my children. My MIL gave me a maternity shirt for Christmas not only was it maternity but it had fur around the collar. ( something I would never wear) and the year before that she gave me an R.L Stine book which is for middle schoolers! I asked her about the sweater and told her it hurt my feelings and she said she was in the store shopping for my SIL and saw it and thought it would be cute on me. WTH! At least this year she did better. So maybe if you tell her in a nice way and ask for the receipt she will get the hint. I couldn't return mine cause I didnt have the receipt. They would only give me store credit.... what was i going to do with that. So sorry for rambling. I would explain nicely why she hurt your feelings and hopefully she gets it.
  • 135gratitude
    135gratitude Posts: 364
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    Thank you all for the kinds words - and some really funny stories about MIL's! I guess I am lucky that she bought me a gift, and a very nice one at that. I shouldn't complain.

    Merry Christmas to all of you - I am now totally stuffed from Christmas dinner - I will have to go to bed hungry tomorrow night to balance things out!
  • jam0525
    jam0525 Posts: 1,681 Member
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    My MIL has bought me the wrong size clothes for years now. They are either too big or too small. Sooner or later I've been able to wear them all. The ones that are too big I wear to clean the horse pen and do yard work.

    Now that I can finally wear the smaller sizes I must say it was nice to go to the closet and have some new clothes in there as I loose weight.

    She also checks every year on what size I am that year.

    What your situation means depends on other factors of your relationship. Either way, don't let it get to you and just vent it out here on MFP.

    JAM

    PS: This year she got me a Better Homes and Garden cookbook on 30 minute meals that contains all of the nutritional information! I can't wait to start trying recipies on my family.
  • vhuber
    vhuber Posts: 8,779 Member
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    At least you got a gift! I did NOT get a card nor a gift from EITHER of my mom's!! My mom has major issues and my MIL is just tight! Oh well I did get my POLAR F11 from my youngest son!!!!
  • wks7777
    wks7777 Posts: 230
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    Girl dont feel bad, they do it to me too,all my inlaws got me clothes, jammies whatever and for the past few years have bought me larges in the missy department...im 25...i shop in jrs...it really hurts my feelings every time they do it. so i understand.
  • mssandik62
    mssandik62 Posts: 4
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    Just wanted to weigh in (no pun intended..just a figure of speech) and say that as a MIL myself I would never attempt to purchase any type of clothes for my DIL. I love her dearly and always try to buy inexpensive things that I think she woud never buy for herself because she is so thoughtful of others and never thinks of herself. Sometimes being a MIL is a really trying job when it comes to gift giving. Just be happy that she buys you something and keep a special place in your heart for her. We all need to vent sometimes and I think you had a reason to do so and hope you feel better. Be happy and stay well. Sandi:flowerforyou:
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    NOTE to self: When sons get married, buy gift cards!!

    :laugh: :heart:
  • 135gratitude
    135gratitude Posts: 364
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    Geez - sorry to hear about those who's MIL give them nothing! I shouldn't complain.

    Buying clothes for someone, unless you are certain of their size, is always dicey. Too big, and you've insulted them, too small, and it makes them feel too big. True - you can't win.

    Arewethereyet - GREAT idea with the gift cards!
    :)
  • amymeenieminymo
    amymeenieminymo Posts: 2,394 Member
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    Perhaps the small looked waaaay small to her, and the large (despite what the tag said, just looked like it would fit? I got several shirts for xmas, most are mediums and fit great, but another one I got is an XL because a medium was just soooo tiny. So sometimes stores size things weird and two shirts look the same size, but one can actually be sized way bigger or smaller.

    If it makes you feel any better, I bought MYSELF a MATERNITY dress for christmas! It was on the regular clearance rack at Target, I had no idea, and nothing about it screams maternity, it's just one of those knit dresses that would grow with you. My dad joked that he was hoping I was trying to tell him something (he is dying for grandkids). So if I could miss the huge maternity label, perhaps your MIL mistakenly bought the wrong size, or mixed up yours and the one for your SIL.
  • 135gratitude
    135gratitude Posts: 364
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    Amy - that is hilarious about the maternity top! Most tops right now have a baby doll look, or a loose fit, so it makes perfect sense!

    Thanks for all the kind words.

    I saw my in laws for dinner last night, and she is the sweetest lady. I was way too sensitive, and you guys were right - I think she still sees me as a size 10 or 12, as I've been since having kids, and the weight loss has not sunk in for her. Last night she even commented on how slim I looked.

    Happy holidays to everyone out there!!!!
    Betty
    :)

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