Having trouble....

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ashesfromfire
ashesfromfire Posts: 867 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
So I'm going to begin by saying that I am doing this for me. I'm eating right and working out so I can have my body the way I want it. However, I would be lying if I said I didn't care at all about my boyfriend's opinion. He's seen me at a dozen different weights, I was about 170to180 when we started dating, got down to 150to160, and at my heaviest I was just under 240 (yikes!!!!!). I'm about 220 right now and quite literally working my *kitten* off trying to get in shape. Here's the problem I'm running into. My boyfriend who I lean on the most for emotional support isn't being very supportive. Though he's never insulted me by any means, it's clear he does not think I have the ideal body right now (he likes me around 170) but he's totally turned off by the idea of me dieting - telling me calories don't matter to eat more and more and he gives me a hard time even when I'm just being impractical (like eating 2 slices of pizza instead of 4!) I'm strong-willed enough but I wish he understood (hell, I wish I understood why he was so opposed to me dieting). any advice how to work through this?

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  • Assassins_Angel
    Assassins_Angel Posts: 329
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    Hey!
    I'm sorry your boyfriend isn't being supportive, maybe sit him down and discuss with him on WHY he is not being supportive of your lifestyle choice (not "diet"), Then take steps in how you can include him in your journey!

    Like cooking together, taking walks in the evening together or biking together etc,

    Feel free to add me and Good luck :) x
  • gjulie
    gjulie Posts: 391
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    Hi Best of luck with your weight loss,you dont say how long you are together but if he is looking at yet another diet he is probably thinking here we go again now obviously I dont know him why not stop leaning on him for support for a time dont even mention weightloss rely on your friends dont ask his opinion and see in time if he comments,could be worth a try,if he offers you the next slice of pizza say sorry have had enough I would be worried if he tried to force it on you that would be a different story but Id say he is bored with the diet thing girlfriends understand better,hope it goes well.
  • ronnio_ron
    ronnio_ron Posts: 61
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    You know what - maybe just maybe, I dont think he is being un-supportive.

    I also ask (perter) my wife to lose weight, but when it comes to meal times, I am the one who is making her eat the most....Cummon i dont care if i cant eat but she and my daughter have to eat well (really really well)...i know its hard on sum1 who is on a diet and stuff...

    but this is probably him being more carefuly of you than being unsupprotive...

    I may be very worng here..but my 2 cents...
    I suggest you talk to him, as all say and try to get him to understand the benfits of what you are trying to rather than oppose his thoughts...have a group-think rathern than push your ideas stright thru...might help...
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
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    Sometimes people can get fearful when the other person in a relationship starts changing. They think that the person changing is going to move away from them. Maybe you can enlit hi help to reasure him that he is still needed. I don't know - it's ort of pop psychology tosay that.
  • mirandamayhem
    mirandamayhem Posts: 772
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    Hi Best of luck with your weight loss,you dont say how long you are together but if he is looking at yet another diet he is probably thinking here we go again now obviously I dont know him why not stop leaning on him for support for a time dont even mention weightloss rely on your friends dont ask his opinion and see in time if he comments,could be worth a try,if he offers you the next slice of pizza say sorry have had enough I would be worried if he tried to force it on you that would be a different story but Id say he is bored with the diet thing girlfriends understand better,hope it goes well.

    This

    My husband just lets me get on with it. I know he loves me regardless, but i think he will fancy me more when I'm more toned and trim. He hates me dieting if i get evil and crotchety, and understandably so, but as far as support goes, he is silently there. BUT it's friends and this website that are the most supportive for me. He's great when I go out exercising, but I don't need to ask him to help food wise etc. But then we've been together 10 years, have 3 kids. I guess things change over time any way
  • crazygracee
    crazygracee Posts: 34 Member
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    Me and hubby are in the same scenario, not that he isn't supportive, he just doesn't believe in "dieting", he calls it eating right and exercising. So I don't use the word "diet" anymore or else we will just be arguing. lol

    What I did was just to keep doing what I have started doing and when I needed to walk, I invite him to go walking with me. When we eat out, I would order what is right for me, but I wouldnt stop him from ordering what he wants. Although at home, if I am cooking, I have lessen our meal portions without telling him and he doesnt even notice.

    I think what I am saying is just do what you have to do, tregardless of what he says or think.

    Good luck!
  • asystolern
    asystolern Posts: 21 Member
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    maybe he thinks if you lose all this weight you will leave him? sit down and talk with him. communication is always the key. and try to do things together to "get healthy" versus "being on a diet"?? best of luck
  • whiskeycharged
    whiskeycharged Posts: 400 Member
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    Hey!
    I'm sorry your boyfriend isn't being supportive, maybe sit him down and discuss with him on WHY he is not being supportive of your lifestyle choice (not "diet"), Then take steps in how you can include him in your journey!

    Like cooking together, taking walks in the evening together or biking together etc,

    Feel free to add me and Good luck :) x
    Oh please don't do that to him.

    If your boyfriend has been with you from 150lbs to 240, maybe he has been desensitized by your weight fluctuations. Since you said you are doing this for you, keep at it. I'm sure he will come around when he sees what it means to you.
    (hell, I wish I understood why he was so opposed to me dieting)

    He may be insecure himself. You could lose all this weight, look super hot and find someone else. Some guys think like that.
  • jackieatx
    jackieatx Posts: 578 Member
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    I think ronnio has a point... I have been dieting for three months and my husband is getting a little perturbed. I am being healthy, but he has been worrying more and more. I think you might be in a similar situation. My guy tries to help, tonight he put breadsticks in front of me and said, eat something! In my mind that gave me permission, and as a former binger I ate more than half and blew my calories for the day. I'm trying to look at it as a diet refeed, lol. He is probably just a bit worried, and it also means change for him if you are trying out a new routine. He won't have a partner in crime anymore! Change is not a bad thing, but it may take some adjusting for him to get used to.
  • clarabellesimmo82
    clarabellesimmo82 Posts: 16
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    Yup I had this too.

    Rolling of eyes and sighing as I checked packets in the supermarket, glaring when I said I'd rather not go into Burger King.

    We split up, and whilst I'm not saying you will, I was then able to ask him as a friend why he did it.

    His answer was that he was scared of losing me, he felt threatened by me being so in control and it was a massive shift in our relationship. It was difficult to get away from at the time, because we lived together, but I would explain that this is something you have to do but you won't bore him with it, then find a supportive family member or friend to help you on your journey.
  • Sqwo13
    Sqwo13 Posts: 2
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    I completely understand. My boyfriend doesn't tell me I'm fat or anything, but he wants me to be healthier. He is super skinny (too skinny honestly, he is under weight, but can't seem to gain any) and has no issues. He'll go buy chips (my favorite thing in the world) and eat pizza all day.

    I think you should sit him down and figure out if he wants to be a part of all this for you or not. If he isn't interested, then don't force him to be. Ask for support from friends and family.

    I hope this helps and good luck on your healthy journey!
  • kann09
    kann09 Posts: 12
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    I know what you are saying. I think this comes from fear on his part. My ex-husband was the same way, he liked to keep me fat. When I lost 40lbs he was worried I was going to pick up men. In my experience I have noticed that when it comes to dieting people do not want you to succeed. Just stay on track, Ask why does he care how much you eat? Why is he watching what you eat anyway? He has a motive for making comments so, you need to find out what they are. Just stay the course and he will give up on the comments. Stay strong

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