The Fake Sugar that causes me Gym Stress!!

The Fake Sugar that causes me Gym Stress!!

Sucralose…. You suck.

WOW… How embarrassing. That is how to put mildly my experience at the gym on recently. (It was more of an OMFG, to the high heavens what did I do to deserve this punishment! I am more embarrassed than every time I cry in the years I’ve spent in therapy.)

BackStory: I’ve been trying to eat lower sugar. Thus I’ve been hitting the low sugar things. A couple of my items has this artificial sugar called Sucralose in it. I should be called “Succubus Sinful You Will be Punished for eating me Fake Sugar”. I have no idea why exactly (I’m a computer nerd not a chemist), but it just destroys my stomach. By destroying my stomach I mean gas/farts that sound like I’m creating my own dubstep track. They end up smelling worse than a can of cat food in a public toilet! Regardless I ate some sugar free icecream and didn’t notice that Sucralose was the fake sugar in it. (I was craving ice cream and I was in a hurry.) I ate about 1 cup total of it.

Well a couple hours later I head to the gym and pick heavy things up. (Sometimes lighter things just many times) Well in the middle of doing some squats my stomach starts rumbling and I’m like uh oh.. Anyways I think maybe it’s just a quick one. So I barking spider one out and keep on squatting. I go up and think hmm, doesn’t smell victory! Then I squat down and my eyes water and I smell something horrendous. I pumped out a couple more quick squats and decided I better move on to the next exercise. I had a couple more issues with gas but it seemed like it was going away and luckily no one was in the weight room portion. So I finished up and I head to the treadmills.

On the treadmills it must have been the moving but it got BAD. It felt like a 6.0 earthquake going off in my stomach and I tried my best to hold them in but a couple snuck out. They were quiet but they were horrible. I felt so bad, but it took the cake when someone 3 treadmills down started coughing. I quit immediately and just went home. Thank the heavens it wasn't the hot chick with a red thong that works out!

How I hate fake sugars. They all seem to upset my stomach. (Oh and I know some of you will have snoody comments… It’s okay you weren’t loved enough as a child. (There got that out of the way. ))


I would like to end in a song..


Yo, VIP, let's kick it!

D2football baby
D2football baby
All right stop
Collaborate and listen
JR is back with my brand new rendition
Something grabs a hold of me tightly
Then I flow with a harpoon of farts daily and nightly
Will it ever stop?
Yo, I don't know
Turn off the lights and I'll go
To the extreme I stink up a gym like a vandal
Stink up a room and need to a light up a candle

Dance
Bum rush the sucralose that booms
I'm killin' your brain like a poisonous mushroom
Deadly, when I play a fart melody
Anything less that the best is a felony
Love it or leave it
You better gain way
You better hit bull's eye
The kid don't play
If there was a problem
Yo, I'll solve it
Check out the smell while my Sucralose revolves it

Now that the party is stinking
With the bass kicked in, the farts are rumblin'
Quick to the point, to the point no faking
I'm cooking MC's like a pound of bacon
Burning them if they're not quick and nimble
I go crazy when I hear a cymbal
And a hi hat with a souped up tempo
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo
Rollin in my 5.0

KICK IT YO!