Sick of negativity and people laughing at me!
shivles
Posts: 468 Member
Certain members of my family (the larger ones funnily enough) feel the need to tell me off constantly for watching what I eat, saying I'm skinny. I'm slim, not skinny and I'm not trying to loose weight, I'm trying to get fit, but they won't listen! At the weekend everyone goes to my nans for sunday dinner, after my dinner she offered us cheesecake and when I asked if I could read the box before deciding there was uproar! Then for the rest of the day jokes like 'dont sit too close to the biscuits, you might breathe in the calories!'. When my aunt said 'dont eat that, it will make you fat' and laughed at me I lost it and said 'well I'll always be thinner than you.' which promptly shut them all up. Even when I mention my training for my half marathon (which I'm doing to raise money for the hospital that tried to save my Grandad from cancer) I get things like 'you're mental.' 'dont you think you're over doing it?' 'when are you going to stop?'. I'm pretty sure it's jealousy but it still gets on my nerves! *rant over*
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You can't let it get to you, you can't control what other people do or say
This. You can only control your own reaction.0 -
Whilst this must be super annoying and difficult to deal with, don't let it get to you. You're the one taking control of your body and your health, and some of us have to work harder and be stronger than others.
Maybe you're healthy attitude will begin to rub off on them, who knows?
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I doesn't make it right for them to do it, or better for you but this sort of thing is pretty common. You are challenging the status quo and their own attitudes towards themselves and their food intake/exercise. This will be uncomfortable for them and rather than act gracefully they have resorted to mocking and deriding you.
Stand firm, stick to your goal and your plans and let their negativity be something that gives you strength rather than take it away. But, to be realistic and honest, you can expect these types of comments from lots of people.
Best wishes and well done on the 1/2 mara challenge.0 -
I creeped your diary before I replied. You're doing great. They're insecure. Be teflon and let the words slide right off you. You're doing this for you, not them. It's easier for them to drag you into their way of life then for them to go through the effort of improving theirs. That being said, remember that they are family and mean well but probably don't know how to express it very good. Family can be frustrating sometimes.
Also, I'd take a minute alone with your aunt to let her know how you feel when she makes fun of your efforts. Do it calmly and clearly. Offer to explain the nutritional reasons behind your choices. Chances are she'll tone down the harassment and respect the fact that you approached her. Best of luck. 0 -
Firstly, well done for getting fit and joining in the marathon!
They are only jealous I'm sure. Have they even sponsored you at all?!
Don't let them get to you, as you seem to be happy as you are, if you weren't bothered about your wellbeing, you wouldn't let it get to you as much
You are an easy target for them as you are the skinny, fit one of the family and they must feel some shame but its far easier for them to gang up on you rather than them doing something about being overweight perhaps....
Perhaps when you're around them and at dinner at your nans, just eat what they eat for the day and carry on the rest of the week as normal, as you may well be offending your nan by asking to read packets of her food (Its like you're saying it not good enough for you) - Just my opinion, Im sure others won't feel this way
All the best in your marathon, I'm sure your Grandad would be proud of you
:flowerforyou:0 -
I get this a lot, especially 'don't you think you've done enough?' comments as though it's a temporary thing and you're just going to go back and switch everything off. My mum is the worst for it and I personally think it's jealousy too. She wants to lose weight but doesn't want to change anything and blames my Dad for it (despite him saying the food I cook often looks and smells really nice!). I imagine it's partly denial about their own weight and don't like to see you being 'different' to the rest of the family 'image'.
Whatever you do, just keep going. You're doing it for you and the half marathon is for an excellent cause. Keep it up and don't let them put you down 0 -
They are insecure and jealous that they do not have your willpower. Keep up what you are doing and in no time, they will either jump on the bandwagon and join your efforts and look to you as a strong role model orrrrr they will stay fat and unhealthy0
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I get this reaction from my mum, constantly. I've stopped being upset by it. Just leave it with them - it's their issue, not yours.0
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you are entitled to be mad as you are aware there is seriuos underlieing jelousy here,I had the same thing for years from my mother who would sit at the table and eat 4-5 buns without thinking when I objected to her indoctrination of these eating habits with my children I was told I was mean and starving them but I won through keep up the good work rise above it all its plain jelousy no matter what way you look at it0
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It's hard enough to watch what you eat without people commenting on it and trying to get you to eat things you'd like but don't need, I know. But they are your family and they love you - regardless of how they express it. They could have been speaking out of real concern that you don't eat enough (it's very easy to start worrying that someone you love has an eating disorder, even when they don't) and it could be out of their own insecurities and as you suggest, jealousy, or a combination. Regardless, this is a topic no doubt as sensitive to them as it is to you.
Why not try and turn the situation around next time, rather than putting them down? No, cheesecake isn't super healthy, and yes, it is good to know what goes into your body. But if you were to accept a small slice without checking the packet, it wouldn't be the disastrous to your healthy eating and it would be much more polite and loving to your family. Who knows? By being gracious and careful, you may encourage your family to healthier habits - reducing the cancer risk (and many other health risks) for all of them.
If you can show the people around you positivity, it may take time, but eventually it will start reflecting back. All the best in your journey to better health, and your half marathon!0 -
Thanks everyone, I just needed to vent. As for having the sunday as my day off, I don't like having a full day off, I'd rather split a few small treats over the week. It's other things too like calling my sister (size 12) fat when they are nearly twice her size, my nan still tells me I have a big *kitten* but I know I certainly don't! It's just frustrating that the people who should be supporting me the most are actually making fun of me.0
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You are running a half marathon to raise money for an hospital, they are doing nothing.
Go on with your life and don't let their comments get to you, I am sure thare are many positive people in your life that will support you the way you deserve
What you are doing for the hospital is amazing, by the way!0 -
Sometimes people think comments like that are a compliment. And sometimes it is a lovedone's way of trying to say they love you the way you are and you dont need to change. Occasionally it's just someone being an @sshat. Whichever it is, I think life is too short to spend time in company you don't enjoy, so I see 2 choices for you:
If you don't care for the company or situation, don't go, problem solved.
If you do want the company but not the mocking, then tell them you are really tired of their constant mocking. If that doesn't stop it, get rid of them and start a new family that you like. Try to make it look like an accident. Hahaha. ;-P
Best wishes. Xx0 -
I like the teflon comment! :laugh:
You just cannot make people think your thoughts. I have tried and at 51 I know for a fact that even if a red apple is right there on the table, 3 out of 5 people sitting at said table will say that damn thing is an orange:noway:
It is funny because the very people who said this to me 2 yrs ago are now saying "Oh did you give up?" now that I gained back 15 lbs (lost 5 of those WOOHOO!) To which I nod and do the teflon dance.
So let us learn this together:
The words come in
the words go out
we bump with the teflon
and shake our bum about
we do the teflon da ance and it makes us wanna shout,
that's what it's all about......WOO
:laugh: Silly me0 -
I don't know you personally but I thought I would write to support you.
You are in the right place for support as far as online. Like all unsupportive people in our lifes, family or friends, negativity can wear us down. Are there any groups in your town based on your interests you can join for support and friends? The groups could be exercise or hobby groups. Do you have friends you think would enjoy exercising too? A YMCA? You may be able to find groups too at www.meetup.com. They have thousands of all types of groups all over the United States. Just some ideas.
As far as the teasing, you may be able to start by practicing something that I've used that works for me--smile and say thanks the next time. Completely unexpected! I have multiple sclerosis and I remember being harassed whenever I would park in the handicap parking at the college that I attended. One day I had had enough and the parking attendant, one more time, saying to me, ":You don't look handicapped", and I smiled and said "Thank you" with a smile instead of being upset. It worked for me and took the pressure off me.
I don't know what will work with your family (family can be harder to deal with than friends or strangers) but you are young and maybe they feel upset or sad that they can't do what you're doing. I give you credit for your courage. Keep up the good work! Taking care of yourself is the right thing to do and you are doing it.0 -
I like your answer about the teflon dance! Woo Hoo! Keep up the great work too!0
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I would certainly be trying to hurt them with my reaction like they are doing by theirs. Try insulting them about their bigger size or potential health conditions next time they say something. It may take a short while but I assure you they will stop (and start thinking about their own situation).
Don't let them deter you or they win. Reach your goal no matter what.
Good luck xx0 -
But they are your family and they love you - regardless of how they express it. They could have been speaking out of real concern that you don't eat enough (it's very easy to start worrying that someone you love has an eating disorder, even when they don't) and it could be out of their own insecurities and as you suggest, jealousy, or a combination. Regardless, this is a topic no doubt as sensitive to them as it is to you.
If they really truly loved her, they wouldnt be this malicious about it.... Shame on the family ... serious, shame on them.0 -
I agree with what everyone else has said.....I would encourage you to sit down with your mom or whoever you are closest with and tell them how you feel. I think some discussion would be helpful. I did see in your profile that you are recovering from an eating disorder; I wonder if their reaction may also be an underlying concern for you? I am not saying that there is anything wrong with what you are currently doing, but maybe they don't understand and are worried for you. Maybe a discussion will help. And if it is just pure jealousy on their part, then you have to do your best to ignore it. YOU know that you are making good choices. All you can control is your reaction to their bad behavior...I would personally feel sorry for them!0
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Don't stoop to their level. Just keep doing what you are doing. You are doing fantastic. Raising money for a cause is wonderful.
However I will suggest that next time don't ask to see the box to make your decision. Ask if it's FROM a box and then promptly say no thanks.
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Don't take their comments personal, it sounds like that is the way they treat everyone. Pointing out the faults in others prevents us from having to look at our own faults... Sounds like it is easier for them to take shots at those around them then to look at their own "program." Hang in there and listen to the positive voices. BTW- dont be surprised if one of them eventually asks you for advice after they see your fitness improve (may be a while though ) 0
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I am so sorry your family is not supportive of you.
Good for you for taking charge of your health in spite of their treatment of you and not giving in to what they want.
Sometimes people are not comfortable seeing a change in YOU because they don't want to make a change themselves.
Keep doing what you are doing and don't let them get you down!0 -
The more you focus on the HEALTH factor, the more people will begin (slowly...and not everyone will EVER catch up)
to realize your journey isn't about *vanity* (although seriously....what's *wrong* with that as well?)
it's about taking control of your health.
However, I'd like to point out something you wrote:When my aunt said 'dont eat that, it will make you fat' and laughed at me I lost it and said 'well I'll always be thinner than you.' which promptly shut them all up.
Words shot back out of anger/frustration often expose *some* elements of truth.
There's an element of haughtiness/pride/superiority that came out of you with that retort.
If you're trying to *win* them over to your side, that didn't help.
An apology for a barbed comment from YOU will speak volumes to them- and perhaps
show them you aren't doing this to prove your own superiority to them who don't show support NOW.
Just my two cents.
I'm a strong advocate for seeing conflicts resolved- and it ALWAYS begins with ourselves
and checking/adjusting our own attitudes FIRST.
BEST WISHES to you!0 -
I did see in your profile that you are recovering from an eating disorder; I wonder if their reaction may also be an underlying concern for you? I am not saying that there is anything wrong with what you are currently doing, but maybe they don't understand and are worried for you. Maybe a discussion will help.
^This.
But after your discussion you have only 2 choices.. either:
#1. You need to put your foot down about it. You are no longer a child and even though they are your family their 'job' as your family is to support you and not tear you down and insult you. If they can not control themselves I would suggest removing yourself from the situation for a while. Firmly explain that you are not visiting them so that you can be insulted and if they insist on doing so they will have to find another punching bag.
#2. Ignore it. Be the Teflon.. Don't even reply or acknowledge them.
My personal choice has always been to remove myself from the situation. Life is too short to have to be constantly trying to teach adult people proper manners and failing that watching your reaction so that you don't offend them when ignorant crap spews from their lips. I have no patience for those with such obvious mental deficiencies that prevent them from being considerate human beings so I just leave and go on with my life 0 -
I think it is jelaousy, just smile and let it go....it won't stop, because closer and closer you get to your goal the more comments there will be. This weekend I was told by someone who has been fit all her life and now vomits after every meal to take it easy with weight loss....wanted to punch her in the face. People who have never struggled with things you might be will never understand it, therefore I feel it is a waste of time to try and school them on the subject. Just smile and do your thing
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It's certainly jealousy, people will often focus negatively on another's faults, or what they perceive to be faults, because they feel badly abou themselves. If there is just one relative you could get to start exercising with you or to start eating a little more healthfully, perhaps you get break the barrier between you and them and show that's it's a healthy lifestyle you are leading-you aren't just trying to be Barbie and deny yourself everything to be skinny.
Have you been able to sit down with any of them and tell them how it makes you feel when they act like this? Sometimes people do things without thinking. I used to have a Great Aunt who would greet me after not seeing me for months or years with "My you've gotten fat!" and then proceed to act insulted when I didn't want her baked goods and fattening foods. Family is just weird sometimes, they feel they know us and what's good for us-but sometimes we need to clue them in.0 -
I'm in the place you are right now. People look at me and say "oh you dont need to loose weight" but I'm overweight for my height and I'm clearly out of proportion (I'm quite short). Some people have been quite rude and some have even suggested that the reason I'm not changing shape is because I am ... wait for it.... going to the gym.
"If you just watch what you eat and dont go to the gym you'll slim down, all the gym does is bulk you up an make you eat more"
I've found the best reproach is to thank them for their kind advice, but "I must politely decline". My family (who frequently say I have a massive *kitten*) get told that if they dont have anything nice to say then not to say it, and I have started to decline invites to family parties to avoid the confrontation.
However, you are in the best place HERE for support and encouragement. No matter who is supporting you, its the support that matters and you have it here.
I wish you all the best, and I do hope that your family start to respect your life choice to become healthier and fitter.0 -
HATERS BE HATIN.....0
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