My mom, my worst enemy

Missysaurus_Rex
Missysaurus_Rex Posts: 21
edited December 26 in Motivation and Support
I'm trying so hard to work on mental fitness, as well as my physical fitness. Growing up i was told I was ugly, fat, stupid, lazy etc, by the one person who should have been showing me the most love. It makes it hard to look at myself in the mirror sometimes without her words echoing in my head. I was never, "the skinny girl," I've always been big. My mom used to tell me I used to be small as a child, but got fat over night. These are not words to tell your child. I do not have any children of my own, therefore I feel like my weight is even more of a disgrace. I've tried so many times on my own to lose the weight, but I never had a support system. I now live over an hour away from my family, and have little contact with them, and I think it's for the best. Now I turn to MFP family for guidance, and support. Everybody's words of kindness on here are motivational, and touching. I don't know what I would do without this site. Thank you all. Strangers and friends a like.
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Replies

  • BeingAwesome247
    BeingAwesome247 Posts: 1,171 Member
    I'm sorry darlin. I can kinda relate to your situation.
    There are some good people here and while yes, it is still the internet so there are the occasional *kitten*-holeo....just steer clear of them.
    Best of luck
  • Missysaurus_Rex
    Missysaurus_Rex Posts: 21
    Yeah, jerks are everywhere, that's why awesome people (such as ourselves) need to stick together! :)
  • senyosmom
    senyosmom Posts: 613 Member
    Honey, they are your family so you can never fully escape them. However, you can stop letting the years of verbal abuse hurt you. You can make the strides (and clearly you are) needed to improve your health and your happiness and show them your worth and your strength.

    I wish you the best of luck!
  • stepharega
    stepharega Posts: 211 Member
    ((hugs))!!

    mom's can be so cruel.. i totally understand. keep your chin up darling! :flowerforyou:
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I don't know what makes some mothers act that way, moms are supposed to be about unconditional love. I am so sorry that you were brought up with such verbal abuse. Good for you for wanting to do things for yourself. You deserve it!
  • badhairday22001
    badhairday22001 Posts: 7 Member
    We can't pick our fmaily members, that's why we get to pick our friends. They are the "family" that aren't blood related! Do what you have to do for yourself. You are #1!! :happy:
  • Jhillian
    Jhillian Posts: 185 Member
    I could never say those things to my children, I will always support them no matter what. And if I thought they could afford to lose some weight I would change my own meals plans to help and do it together! Right now my kids are 4 and 2 but I already keep them involved. goodluck and hope you find happiness in your life.
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
    My father was the exact same way. Therapy would be a good option along with cognitive behavioral therapy (which you can do on your own) to try and mend up or at least move past all of it to put yourself in a better mindset for the physical stuff. And just because they're your parents doesn't mean you have to accept the way they treat you or supposedly loved you, you don't owe them anything when they do these things.

    What you have to remember is you're a wonderful person who deserves happiness and those that will love you, fat or thin. If there are people that won't, you don't need to be around them because you weren't born into this world with a "kick me" sign attached to your back.
  • IntoTheSky
    IntoTheSky Posts: 390 Member
    I know this pain as well. I did the same. I now have distance and just don't share with them how I am doing in that respect and when they see me on holidays, I just show up smaller each time. Most recently, I got "I really didn't think you would EVER be small". It brought me great joy to say "I know YOU didn't, but I did, and that's all that matters".
  • k8ermarie
    k8ermarie Posts: 204
    I just want to say, I looked at your Profile photos and you are absolutely too cute! :) Can't think of a reason in the world someone would say those mean things to you! :)

    You are beautiful and proving you are strong every day! :)
  • TheNewo
    TheNewo Posts: 239 Member
    I'm really, really sorry to read this... it breaks my heart.
    Please know that there's something in your mom's life that causes her to say hurtful things that has nothing to do with you.
    Hold your head up high and keep striving. You'll get to where you want to be.
  • marthathebear
    marthathebear Posts: 498
    When you were a child your mother was in charge. You could not do anything about it. She did not do a good job of encouragement but you sound like you turned out very well in spite of this. Now you and she are both adults and it is time to take charge of how she treats you. The next time there are any negative remarks sent your way tell her how it made you feel as a child, how it makes you fee now and that you will not listen to it anymore. Tell her you want to be surrounded by encouragement and love. If you are on the phone, hang up. If you are there in person, leave. Keep doing this until she changes. I am a mother of a daughter and I can't image treating her like that . You deserve better. I'll be your friend, if you want me to. I love to have and receive encouraging talks.
  • 13inchestogo
    13inchestogo Posts: 296 Member
    She may have given birth to you, but from what she sounds like as a person she doesn't seem to deserve the title of 'mother'... Not sure why she had to be so bitter towards you instead of help you but I hope that you have someone in your life that you find supports you and loves you like they should!!! She sounds like she has a lot of problems herself and is lashing out her issues on you :( That is so not acceptable as you already know and I hope you access your inner strength to pull through the negitivity and into the happiness that is within you :heart: :heart: :smile:

    I think sometimes TV makes people feel like 'family is the most important support system' but really a good friend or someone outside the family who loves you is just as important and influential , I'm happy you found this site and wish you all the best !! :smile:
  • upsidedownpear
    upsidedownpear Posts: 101 Member
    I love my mom and she is an amazing woman but she never knew she was hurtful. I was a talented child but my mom kept saying that if I changed one thing in me - my weight - I would be perfect. I also ended up as an angry child because of insecurities so I was fat, angry, lazy etc. I grew up hearing that. My mom even took me to a therapist which I think was unnecessary because I was pretty normal. She was worried how I would ever get married. (I was 170 lbs for 5'6) When I did she was worried if my husband will stick around. She even told me that it was okay to be fat if I had a proportional body but since I had most of my weight on my hips, I looked odd. All this was very natural to me and I accepted it and beat myself down. But now I have realized that she was the one without the right attitude. It IS hard especially when it comes from parents. We believe them more than anyone else. But know yourself well. Your mom's opinion doesn't define who you are. It is hard but it will come to you. Try to be your own mother if it makes any sense. You need to change that belief in yourself. I am still working on it but I am getting better and I know you can do it too!

    Editing to add this:
    cognitive behavior therapy - yes this helps. Read books on it, google it or if you are willing, start therapy.
  • scruffykaz
    scruffykaz Posts: 317 Member
    I have every confidence in you. You can do this!
  • TheArmadillo
    TheArmadillo Posts: 299 Member
    I second the suggestiong for CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) was pretty much a lifesaver for me. I have no contact with my family now. Its better and safer for me and my kids that way unfortunately.

    I hear my mother's voice in my head - I can cope when I am failing (I too have constantly been told how lazy I am amongst other things). Its when I'm doing well with the weight loss that my mood crashes as I don't feel that I should have or I haven't properly
    earnt it. I've heard similar from others in a similar position, who, like me, constantly have to be on their guard against self-sabotage.

    I try to live by the motto what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. It can be **** but use the upset and anger to drive you and prove to yourself how you can achieve whatever you set to.

    Keep photos and measurements as 'proof' sometimes what your mind tells you and what you know to be actually true can be two different things. It sometimes helps to keep something that shows you what you have achieved.
  • EirePetal
    EirePetal Posts: 54 Member
    My mom didn't realize that her "concern" drove me to my eating disorder and encouraged an unhealthy relationship with food. I am not blaming her for the way I am now, I am an adult and I make my stupid decision about what I eat, but the point is that a bad and very hurtful foundation was laid. Her "helpful" criticism made me feel like I was never good enough, skinny enough, feminine enough, and on.

    While I have not gone through what you went through exactly, I think that many of us can understand the direction you are coming from. We are products of our backgrounds.

    I want to throw my support in for counseling. I am there and learning about who I am, not what other people think I am, has been really helpful.

    Good Luck! We can support each other.
  • Missysaurus_Rex
    Missysaurus_Rex Posts: 21
    Thank you so much, your support means so much to me :)
  • Missysaurus_Rex
    Missysaurus_Rex Posts: 21
    Thank you to everyone of you, I will get right to checking out the CBT! In a way I feel I should thank her and my father. If they hadn't shown me how awful people could be, i don't think I would have turned out to be the responsible, caring, polar opposite person I am today. You are all such wonderful people, thank you for sharing in my journey :heart:
  • lebear94
    lebear94 Posts: 5 Member
    I'm still going through this even though I only have a few more weeks living at home. I grew up with the family nickname fatness and get a little anxious eating in front of others because no matter how much I work out or count calories I'm still criticized when I'm seen with food in my hand at home. Any advice on how to deal with it? Most people that I know my age who have been able to lose a significant amount of weight have had supportive families which make it as easy as possible on them. I did join a gym myself and I'm trying to work on a more natural diet but its not something I always have access to.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    I now live over an hour away from my family, and have little contact with them, and I think it's for the best. Now I turn to MFP family for guidance, and support. Everybody's words of kindness on here are motivational, and touching. I don't know what I would do without this site. Thank you all. Strangers and friends a like.

    you are right, it is for the best. family or not, if they are toxic and don't support you, they have no room in your life.
  • cindys0417
    cindys0417 Posts: 1,279 Member
    Im so sorry Missy..You are a beautiful person. We are here for you and I can understand your frustrations but you are going to do it this time for your health and to be that beautiful blushing bride whenever you get married to that lucky guy and we all wanna get invited! Please add me as a friend if you want. Have a great day!
  • wingsoffire
    wingsoffire Posts: 9
    I would take an opportunity to do something great for yourself. But no matter what your mother has ever said to you I am telling you now, you can do this. Do it for you because you deserve it. If you need encouragement add me. You can do this.Just surround yourself with encouraging people from here. I found MFP after I lost 112 pounds. I had no idea what I was doing in the beginning and I know that is a terrible place to be.
  • blondie60613
    blondie60613 Posts: 12
    I am so sorry. The best thing you can do for yourself is put some distance and separation in your relationship with her. I had to do this myself several years ago and my Mom and I have a much better relationship now. Good luck!
  • AuddAlise
    AuddAlise Posts: 723 Member
    Honey, they are your family so you can never fully escape them. However, you can stop letting the years of verbal abuse hurt you. You can make the strides (and clearly you are) needed to improve your health and your happiness and show them your worth and your strength.

    I wish you the best of luck!

    I completely disagree. She should cut those people out of her life like a cencerous tumor and never look back. Who does that to thir OWN child??!!?!?
  • randomnennie
    randomnennie Posts: 84 Member
    I'm sorry you had to go through all that.

    Try to use her BS as motivation to prove her wrong and that she couldn't keep you down. No matter how hard she tried.
  • ShandiH
    ShandiH Posts: 232 Member
    Oh dear god, it just pains me to hear this!

    As a newer mommy (my son is 3 and my daughter will be born later this year) it terrifies me that one day my children might not have the best opinion of me, my worst fear is that it'll be for something that I honestly was trying to help. I try so hard to be encouraging and show my unconditional love but it's really difficult to see that "helpful" comments are doing the exact opposite. My mother too would make comments about my weight. She'd sew a new dress for me and make no comment then but a few days later (after she had two helpings of dessert after dinner) she'd come to me with concern for how surprised she is that I was so chubby. Recently, I heard that how you talk to your children is what their own inner-voice will become . . . if anything, please make a note of this so that you can decide what inner-voice your children (if you indeed do want kiddos) will have.

    Anyway, the point is that you are not alone . . . never, ever are you alone. You are smart to look for support elsewhere; good luck to you!! :flowerforyou:
  • degausser234
    degausser234 Posts: 157 Member
    I think I can somewhat relate to your story with me and my mom, but I've realized now since her passing that she was only doing what she did because she didn't want to see me suffer from my weight the way that she did and that maybe she just didn't know how to correctly go about the situation.
    I wish you the best of luck with your journey and feel free to add me if you want.
  • KrazyAsianNic
    KrazyAsianNic Posts: 1,227 Member
    That is mean and really does suck. I know how you feel though because my dad was the same way. He was never around when I was growing up because of his business and thought that teasing me would motivate me to change. Instead, it pushed me to be a emotional eater who binged when no one was looking. Feel free to add me if you need the support.
  • SBlost
    SBlost Posts: 90
    Oh my, I am so sorry to hear that.
    Please feel free to add me.
    I was never really told anything like that but I got looks from people and I wasnt happy with how I looked, so i have decided to make a change. I dont really have the support, other than my friends on here.
    I have 125lbs to lose.
    good luck on becoming a healthier you and I hope you are never treated like that again!! People are so mean and judgemental. Your family should be happy for you and support you 100%.
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