Feelings Kinda Hurt

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2

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  • jealous_loser
    jealous_loser Posts: 395
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    I had a friend on my list who was complaining she was such a whale at a size 6/105 lbs/5'3". I took her off my friends list. Not just because her comment upset me, but because I don't need the negativity. Focus on the positive :)
  • rumor23
    rumor23 Posts: 21 Member
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    I know how you feel. I have had people, even that I have worked with for years ask me when "I'm due". Well, my daughter is 20 years old, I am on the back side of my 40's so....never! I am usually mortified when I get this question and my usual answer is simply this, I am not now, nor will I be "due" in the future, I am simply just fat!. When it comes to weight or anything weight related, I think people should just not say a thing. Either this person was just being mean to you or she was just that insecure about herself that she thought she would try to upset your day.
  • ourwickedlies
    ourwickedlies Posts: 46 Member
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    She has body dysmorphia.
    Wow, that's quite a leap.

    Agreed. Some people are just insensitive or don't think before they speak. You know that weight looks different on different people. Comparing yourself to anyone else in the planet will get you no where. So shake it off. Chalk it up to her being insensitive and keep working towards your goal.

    I wouldn't say she's insensitive or not thinking before she's speaking. When someone is talking about their weight and their body, that's exactly what they're talking about, people just read into it too much. How someone sees themselves usually doesn't reflect on how they see other people. I've struggled with my body image my entire life. I've always seen myself as chubby/fat no matter what weight I am, but if I were to see a girl the same size or bigger than me, I'd probably think she has a great body and wish to look like her. And like someone else has said in this topic, no one looks the same even if it's the same weight anyway. Every body is different.
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 13,081 Member
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    If you feel her comments are being said to be hurtful, address it with her directly.

    If you feel her comments come from a place of insecurity or worse, let it go... she's hurting herself, not you.

    Either way, don't allow her the power to hurt you.
  • deadmittens
    deadmittens Posts: 536 Member
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    People like that are just fishing for compliments. Ignore them.
  • SocWkrBee
    SocWkrBee Posts: 374
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    She has body dysmorphia. And doesn't realize she is projecting that issue onto other people. Just bring it up next time and say that it hurt your feelings that she made you feel fat. Especially after her "You had 4 children." comment. Mother doesn't = fat.

    She needs to keep it to herself or be more considerate.

    You can't just go around diagnosing people all willy nilly! She does not have bdd. She has "fishing for compliments NOS".

    Edit: Shoot I didn't read all of the post, just the first couple. Yeah what she said right above me!
  • matroma
    matroma Posts: 24
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    Sounds like she wants attention or to slight you to make herself feel better. Her issues are her issues. Focus on you, your goals. I wouldn't have gotten anywhere in life had I taken to heart all the things various people had said to me, in an effort to make me feel like crap!
  • tennisbabe94
    tennisbabe94 Posts: 444 Member
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    Disregard her comments. I see how that's offensive, I'd feel the same way. That was insensitive of her but you look awesome, you're focusing on your health, keep up the good work and forget her. :smile:
  • babydollash
    babydollash Posts: 15
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    People like that are just fishing for compliments. Ignore them.

    Not always, I'm much thinner than all my friends but I still feel big at my CW. I don't say it out loud and if I do it's only after I've eat a big meal.....then I think it's ok to say.
  • nalfavi
    nalfavi Posts: 174 Member
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    So someone I know was saying how fat she is at 130lbs. She's 5'7"....not fat. I said you most definitely are not. Then she says how she used to be SUPER HUGE at 155 :/ I said...oh wow, I'm 153. Lol. Not thinking anything. Then she said, Oh, its ok for you. You've had 4 kids. Ok, first off, I am not super huge. I'm very muscular. I guess it honestly kind of offended me. I've worked really hard to get this far. I was 182lbs. Then she just continued to spout out stuff. This stuff normally doesn't faze me but I've been hearing so much negative lately. I don't want to say anything mean in return, that's not me. I guess I'm just venting. Sometimes its kind of hard to stay positive when there's so much negative.

    Just tell her there are people out there my size, so you're doing damn good for yourself ;)
  • ourwickedlies
    ourwickedlies Posts: 46 Member
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    People like that are just fishing for compliments. Ignore them.

    Not everyone who has a bad self-image is automatically fishing for compliments. Some people, yes, but no so much for other people.
    Sometimes I vent about how I feel towards my body, but I'm never looking for compliments, just someone to listen. It's usually only to my mom and best friend.
  • LifestyleChange33
    LifestyleChange33 Posts: 169 Member
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    That is her issue, not yours. Try not to take other people's issues on as your own- you are lovely and a woman with a purpose... hang in there. Your opinion is the one that counts!!
  • lumina0o0
    lumina0o0 Posts: 498 Member
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    you, look awesome...I'd hate to see what she thinks of me being 5'7" and over 200lbs. People have different frame sizes and can look a lot thinner at different weights plus you probably have more muscle then her
  • mushroomcup
    mushroomcup Posts: 145 Member
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    It's hard to tell exactly what this girl was thinking when she said these things. She might have been trying to make you feel bad in a perverse sort of way, but I think that's unlikely. She was probably just feeling bad about herself and hoping you'd make her feel better or commiserate with her without even realizing you might take it like an insult.

    Either way, I think the best solution is to avoid health/weight related topics with this friend.

    And by the way, I'm glad you weren't snarky in return, b/c if you're anything like me, you'd just feel even worse about the whole thing later. You can hold your head up high and know that you don't need to take someone else down to make yourself feel better. Not to mention that you've done a great job so far and you look lovely. Keep positive and put your health and happiness first.
  • mminor77
    mminor77 Posts: 313
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    So someone I know was saying how fat she is at 130lbs. She's 5'7"....not fat. I said you most definitely are not. Then she says how she used to be SUPER HUGE at 155 :/ I said...oh wow, I'm 153. Lol. Not thinking anything. Then she said, Oh, its ok for you. You've had 4 kids. Ok, first off, I am not super huge. I'm very muscular. I guess it honestly kind of offended me. I've worked really hard to get this far. I was 182lbs. Then she just continued to spout out stuff. This stuff normally doesn't faze me but I've been hearing so much negative lately. I don't want to say anything mean in return, that's not me. I guess I'm just venting. Sometimes its kind of hard to stay positive when there's so much negative.

    There are many dirty pirate hookers out there that have problems with verbally expressing themselves adequately. You look awesome, ignore the negative comments from dirty pirate hookers. Most of the time they have no idea what they're even talking about. LOL! In all seriousness, you look great. Don't sweat comments like hers.
  • kms1104
    kms1104 Posts: 110 Member
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    I just looked at your pics and I would kill for a body like that! You've come a LONG way and you should be very proud no matter what!

    I've said that I thought I was fat when I was 50 lbs less than I am now, infront of my friend who is close to 300 lbs. I honestly didn't think anything of it at the time, but looking back, that comment may have upset her like it did you.. I'm not sure, but I do know that I didn't mean to offend HER, that was just honestly how I felt about myself at the time. I've always had a poor self image.

    I've realized AFTER I lived with my old roommate that I did this, too. She weighed probably close to 300 as well, and I either complained about my weight or talked about how I had to go work out. At the time I weighed about 20 lbs less than I do now, and looked pretty darn good. I was self-centered young, and had a negative self image from living in South Florida my whole young adult life. I thought SHE was beautiful the way she was. When I realized I did this I felt bad.
  • AngelAtkins61
    AngelAtkins61 Posts: 52 Member
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    Ignore ignorance! Sounds like she has a bit of an eating issue/self image issue if she thinks she is big at that weight. She could use some professional help honestly.
    I am just shy of 5'4" and I started out at 199.8. I am now at 157. But, like with you and many others out here, I do not look it due to exercising.
    Yes I know I have a ways to go. My goal is 125-130 as I know I am ok at that weight if I am toned. And yes skinny people say that crap all the time. My daughter included! she is even skinny 9 months pregnant right now!
    If she says it to you again maybe recommend she see a doc for her self image. I bet she keeps her mouth shut from then on! LOL
    Keep up the good work!!!!
  • kaseysospacey
    kaseysospacey Posts: 499 Member
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    In high school I got super depressed because most of my friends were 100-120 lbs and constantly complaining about how fat they were. It was terrible.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    I think one's perspective on numbers can be distorted depending on what your weight history is like. I was 125 lbs for years and when I got up to 130, I felt fat. Now, after being at 150, 130 sounds wonderful! Actually, I feel pretty good now at 140. I look in the mirror and see a slimmer, fitter me. But that would have sounded tremendous five years ago.
  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
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    Most likely, she did not intend it the way it sounded... Sounds like a good case of foot-in-mouth disorder....You know the progress you have made and the hard work you have put in. Keep working on it and try to overlook her brain fart. Like the other type, these usually stink but that is about as far as it goes. Congrats on your progress.

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