Need advice? ruining my spirit!

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Krystal7786
Krystal7786 Posts: 103 Member
in Motivation and Support
My bf and i have been dating since march 2010. we have been going really slow no i love you or anything. but hes not a speaking feelings type person. The last 6 months we were seeing each other all the time and getting serious. Hes never been in that type of relationship. then two thursdays ago he said he didnt think we cld last long term because our families are different and we wld talk face to face when he got back from his vacation. last night he got back we talked turns out he was scared. Although he wants to make more friends and hang out with more people especially these two women and get to know what type of people they are? shld i be scared? nervous? last night he also said he loved me for the first time :) i dont know what to think or do. both of these women know we r dating. IDEAS?
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Replies

  • TayPat24
    TayPat24 Posts: 131
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    I wouldn't be nervous about him hanging out with girls, some people find it easier to hang out with people of the opposite sex. I get along with guys more then girls, and have ever since I was really young. As for your families being different I can relate to that, his family hates me because I'm not Italian and they kept telling him to break up with me. We have been dating since May 2010 and have been living together since August 2011. I may only be 19 but when his family told him to pick either me or then and he chose me, I think that meant something. Good luck and don't stress about it if he loves you (which he said he did) I think he means it.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,962 Member
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    You've been dating for over two years, and he only says "I love you" at the same time he wants to get to know other women? Um. No.

    First, it seems a bit odd that the two of you haven't defined your relationship before now.

    Second - if he wants to see other women, don't let your emotions be tied to him. See other guys.
  • ahedrick99
    ahedrick99 Posts: 68 Member
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    I would be nervous as well and I agree with the person that posted before me you should check out your options! Good luck no matter what you choose!
  • NWCountryGal
    NWCountryGal Posts: 1,992 Member
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    Focus on yourself and the things you like or love to do. The more you do to love yourself the less insecure or fearful you will be. It is also very attractive to others. Make having people(including men or a man)in your life a "want" not a "need".

    denise

    My bf and i have been dating since march 2010. we have been going really slow no i love you or anything. but hes not a speaking feelings type person. The last 6 months we were seeing each other all the time and getting serious. Hes never been in that type of relationship. then two thursdays ago he said he didnt think we cld last long term because our families are different and we wld talk face to face when he got back from his vacation. last night he got back we talked turns out he was scared. Although he wants to make more friends and hang out with more people especially these two women and get to know what type of people they are? shld i be scared? nervous? last night he also said he loved me for the first time :) i dont know what to think or do. both of these women know we r dating. IDEAS?
  • tiffanyvc
    tiffanyvc Posts: 99
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    I'm with Riverside, here.... if I'd been "dating" someone for over two years and not really defined it and not said I love you, I would be questioning it. Maybe he's not for you, honestly.

    And believe me, families can make or break a relationship. Your situation may be different than others, but if you two get more serious and move into marriage, you're also marrying his family, and he's marrying yours. You will have those families for the rest of your life.

    And about him seeing other girls....that's a red flag. If he's so "in love" with you, why does he feel the need to see what else is out there?

    You deserve the VERY BEST person, and I believe there is a someone out there that fits that description for EVERYONE.

    Don't settle for someone just because you think he might be the only one. You'll KNOW when you find the right one.
  • darlilama
    darlilama Posts: 794 Member
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    Ditto with other posters. If he can't figure out and then tell someone that he loves them before two years…chances are he really doesn't. Sounds to me like you two have probably been "cruising" in a relationship that may be more habit than true relationship. I think it sounds like he's ready to move on and most likely you are too, you just don't see it yet. Whichever way it goes, I wish you the best of luck!
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
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    You've been dating for over two years, and he only says "I love you" at the same time he wants to get to know other women? Um. No.

    First, it seems a bit odd that the two of you haven't defined your relationship before now.

    Second - if he wants to see other women, don't let your emotions be tied to him. See other guys.

    I am prone to agree. My hubby and I have been married for almost 8 years, and I don't "hang out" or try to get to know guys alone. And he does not "hang out" or try to get to know girls alone. Seems a bit odd. If he sees fit to get to know other women, then there should be no issue with you getting to know other guys :p
  • hkevans724
    hkevans724 Posts: 241 Member
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    You've been dating for over two years, and he only says "I love you" at the same time he wants to get to know other women? Um. No.

    First, it seems a bit odd that the two of you haven't defined your relationship before now.

    Second - if he wants to see other women, don't let your emotions be tied to him. See other guys.

    I think I am going to to agree here. If he gets to see other people then so do you. It's taken two years to decide that he loves you? Sounds to me like it's not fear it's just keeping his options open.
  • AJ_Pete
    AJ_Pete Posts: 863 Member
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    Honestly, it sounds to me like he wants to see other people but said 'I love you' only to keep you on a leash, just in case.

    There's nothing wrong with being friends with the opposite sex, at all. However... he was acting funny, said he wants to get to know these other girls and I love you (FOR THE FIRST TIME) all in the same convo. Smells fishy to me, but that's just me and I don't know your situation fully.

    Good luck.
  • mama78loosinWeight
    mama78loosinWeight Posts: 130 Member
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    You've been dating for over two years, and he only says "I love you" at the same time he wants to get to know other women? Um. No.

    First, it seems a bit odd that the two of you haven't defined your relationship before now.

    Second - if he wants to see other women, don't let your emotions be tied to him. See other guys.
    ^^^^ Afraid I agree with all points above. It is never good when someone "needs to talk" after they get back from vacation and it's about seeing other women. Sounds like he's already done some perusing. Don't be a sucker just because he threw an "I love you" your way.
  • kuzurichan
    kuzurichan Posts: 134
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    You've been dating for over two years, and he only says "I love you" at the same time he wants to get to know other women? Um. No.

    This.
    And ask him just what he's looking for in a relationship, and if he intends to take the two of you seriously. If you're not okay with him seeing other women, tell him he has to make a choice. That you won't accept him fooling around with other girls when YOU are supposed to be his girlfriend. He's just hoping he can do what he wants, and still have you on the side.

    Any guy who hasn't said "I love you" after two years (or only does so because he wants something), and wants to see other women, is not boyfriend material, and definitely not worth your time.

    I'm so sorry though... this makes me so mad. Nobody should put anyone - let alone someone they supposedly love - through something like this...
  • EmilyBoots
    EmilyBoots Posts: 15 Member
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    Don't waste your youth on a guy who doesn't make your heart sing. It is nowhere near as difficult to find somebody who makes you ecstatically happy as you think it is - just get out there and find somebody new. I spent five years (in my mid-twenties) in a relationship that was terrible for me. I wasn't unhappy - that's what made it tricky. I just wasn't *HAPPY*. I wasn't abused or neglected or miserable, and those relationships are the hardest to leave.
    I had the time of my life dating everybody who came along - bad dates, great dates, weird or awkward ones - after a while, you stop asking "will this guy like me enough?" and start asking "hey! what makes you worth my attention?" Three years after that breakup, I'm married to my prince charming. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life.

    You will never regret leaving a relationship that doesn't thrill you. Give it a try :)
  • hkevans724
    hkevans724 Posts: 241 Member
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    Also, my family and my husbands family are complete opposites and we are doing great... your families have nothing to do with your long term relationship. My dad has only met his dad one time and that was last year on my birthday. there is no reason why you can't be with someone whose family is different than yours
  • KrysGettinFit
    KrysGettinFit Posts: 131 Member
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    Hmm. It sounds like he's just trying to keep you around. You have dated for two years, yet he just now said he loves you?and wouldn't define a relationship with you? My husband doesn't express his feelings verbally often, but he often tells me he loves me. Also, I'd say that if he wants to get to know these other two women right after he tells you he loves you, it sounds like he's playing you. Sorry but that's just how it sounds.
  • Raynne413
    Raynne413 Posts: 1,527 Member
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    I agree with the other posters. He's just trying to keep you in the background in case it doesn't work out with the other new girls he wants to "get to know". What he means is he wants to date them. If he was just interested in being friends with them, why would he have to end things with you?

    I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, he said he loved me after six months, and we've now been together for five years. I DO still hang out with other males, but they are guys I was friends with BEFORE I met and started dating my boyfriend.
  • aqm22
    aqm22 Posts: 153 Member
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    Sounds sketchy. Sounds like he's stringing you along. He's checking out his options and wants you as a reserve. Sounds harsh, but that's what it seems like to me. A lot of my guy friends tell me that guys dont always mean when they say "I love you" especially if he's talking about other girls.
  • azalais7
    azalais7 Posts: 187 Member
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    Honestly, it sounds to me like he wants to see other people but said 'I love you' only to keep you on a leash, just in case.

    There's nothing wrong with being friends with the opposite sex, at all. However... he was acting funny, said he wants to get to know these other girls and I love you (FOR THE FIRST TIME) all in the same convo. Smells fishy to me, but that's just me and I don't know your situation fully.

    Good luck.

    ^^Yep.

    Everyone is different, so I won't make generalizations, but FOR ME, I would be uncomfortable in a relationship which didn't include free and frank verbal sharing of feelings for one another. That your BF is suddenly proclaiming his love for you now in the midst of seeking companionship from other women is a red flag. I have no problem with my OH having female friends, and he's not bothered by my male friends, but we also have a strong relationship based on trust and communication. In your case, these things happening at the same time doesn't sound good to me.
  • Krystal7786
    Krystal7786 Posts: 103 Member
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    he wants more friends, hes not going o fool around with anyone. I haven't said i love you either we were taking it slow because of my previous relationship I have never felt this way about anyone. i know he cares now and he said "we will see where this goes it hink we can both try" im just nervous abt another girl stealing him
  • susjan
    susjan Posts: 105
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    My first thought after reading this was... two years 'dating' and the only "I love you" was after he said he wanted to get to know other people (ie girls) and it seems that most of the others who have responded were thinking the same thing. From an outside observer, I would say this isn't ideal...
  • menletti
    menletti Posts: 96 Member
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    I don't make time for anyone who doesn't have time for me. Sounds to me like he wants to make sure you stick around just in case these other gals don't work out. That being said, I don't have a great track record with relationships.

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