Surviving a Breakup

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khopkins516
khopkins516 Posts: 63 Member
in Chit-Chat
My fiance (boyfriend before that) of five years suddenly called it quits last night. I am completely devastated and beyond sad. I can't explain the amount of pain that I'm feeling right now.

Does anyone have any advice on how to get through this awful pain that feels like it will never end?

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  • Mama_Mila
    Mama_Mila Posts: 511 Member
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    I hate to say that I don't think anything will make it better but time :( it always feels like it's the end of the world at first but slowly but surely you realize you'll be fine and better than ever!

    Oh, and yes, definately stay busy!! The busier the better...don't you dare sit at home alone!
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,443 Member
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    Best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else. Honestly, sorry to hear about this. It gets better with time, you just have to keep your chin up.
  • kzcortes
    kzcortes Posts: 208 Member
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    What helps me through break ups is spending a lot of time with friends and family. Go out to clubs/bars. See movies. Take day trips out of town. See your folks here and there. It helps you to move on and reminds you that you're surrounded by people who care for you. Sitting alone in your apartment dwelling on it doesn't help at all.

    Might be too early for jokes but... don't forget that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else:)
  • kzcortes
    kzcortes Posts: 208 Member
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    Best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else. Honestly, sorry to hear about this. It gets better with time, you just have to keep your chin up.

    HA. Glad someone else knows that saying
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
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    Wow, I am sorry to hear this. I would just say to give it time, and do things for yourself that you enjoy in the mean time.
  • bushidowoman
    bushidowoman Posts: 1,599 Member
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    It will take time to heal. In the meantime, do the best you can to take care of yourself. Try to not make any rash decsions. I'm so sorry. :heart:
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    I'm so sorry. I had a bf that told me many times that he wanted to marry me suddenly call things off too. It sucks. I think it was the worst pain I've ever experienced. I actually went to some counseling because I didn't know how to deal with it. My advice coming out of that is to face your emotions. Don't try to bury them or distract yourself from them. Feel the pain and the anger, journal about it. If you process through it, it'll keep unresolved issues from popping up later. But know that this pain is a good thing-it means that you have a healthy attachment mechanism.

    It's been 3 months for me, and it still hurts, but it's not as bad as it used to be. I've learned a lot about myself in the process. I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but I believe that you are completely and forever loved by God. "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39. That's been really important to me, that though people will abandon me, God is always present and true and good.
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
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    Grieve it out. Keep friends close, maybe even see if someone is willing to stay with you for a couple of days. Are there any hobbies/workouts you've wanted to try? Now us a good time to try them. Running. Takes up time, gets you outside, sends all sorts of wonderful endorphins into your brain. Don't get involved with anyone until you know how to be by yourself for a while, and actually enjoy it.

    Getting an explanation would be helpful if you didn't get one already, but be careful not to get physically involved with no relationship to go with it. Considering you obviously have feelings for him, it would not end well.
  • ryansgram
    ryansgram Posts: 693 Member
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    Well, i can honestly say i know how you feel. I just got a divorce after being married only 5 years. My ex left me for his secretary. I went through He** for 8 months. Always crying, lost alot of weight. Its really a hard thing to go through. Just take this time to do things for you. Do what makes you happy. Stay busy, cry when you need to, talk to anyone that will listen. And know that things will get better, but it does take time. Hold your head up girl. (((HUGS))))
  • Erisad
    Erisad Posts: 1,580
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    Time and finding distractions work for me. :)
  • CarleyLovesPets
    CarleyLovesPets Posts: 410 Member
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    I went through this in May.
    It helped to go out with friends a lot. My mom and I did a lot of things together.
    I spoiled myself rotten and made myself look and feel great.
    I flirted quite a bit which took my mind off him.
    Plus worked out lots.
  • luvva_luvva
    luvva_luvva Posts: 59
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    take the extra time to pick up new hobbies, and fill your time seeing people as much as possible. Whatever happens, dont call him, because it'll bring everything back up.
  • kzivic
    kzivic Posts: 326 Member
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    Time, and do things that make you feel good!

    Also, was there anything he didn't like that you do? If so, embrace those things! For example, I had an ex who hated when I wore heels because it put us at the same height and that bothered him. When we broke up, I went out and bought several new pairs of shoes, all heels, and rocked them! Made me feel amazing and happy.

    You'll get through this! (((hugs)))!
  • HarleyQuinn_12
    HarleyQuinn_12 Posts: 376 Member
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    Best way to get over someone is to get under somebody else. Honestly, sorry to hear about this. It gets better with time, you just have to keep your chin up.

    Seriously, this may be the best advice I have heard lately!
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    Time heals all wounds. I am sorry he broke your heart like that. Never been through a break up but when my husband went to Iraq in 2009 I hung out with my family and kept my mind off him being gone while helping on my parents goat farm. Spend time with family and friends out shopping or seeing a movie but please don't sit at home alone.
  • spaceygenes
    spaceygenes Posts: 1 Member
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    I had been on my weight loss commitment for just under a year when my husband (who had been my friend since we were in the 6th grade and been my significant other for the past 12 years, of those years my husband 8) left me for his boss. I was devastated too; I had no idea! I have a very close knit family, but they were all away when this happened. I could barely get my self out of bed in the mornings to go to work and sometimes I left work and went home and just cried. I'm not an emotional person like that normally, but it would just come and go during this time; I had no control. I can't tell you what got me through that time. Honestly, I don't remember much about it. I do know that I went out to clubs and guys were interested because they knew he had left, but that didn't make me feel better. You find out who your true friends are during a time like that; keep them and your family close. One thing that really helped me through it though was a Divorce class that a friend invited me to. It was held at her church and we met for several weeks. The one thing that I picked up from the class and STRESS to everyone I meet who is in a break up situation is this... You won't be happy with anybody else until you are happy with yourself! You need time by yourself to learn who you are all over again and you need to learn to be okay that you are by yourself. If you rush into the next relationship and don't deal with the one that just ended you are not helping anyone out.

    A lot of people will tell you it's just time, but the amount of time depends on you. I am not an overly godly person by any means, but I do believe in Him. During this time I prayed more than I have ever prayed in my life. I asked Him to just get me through the day and to calm my mind. If you put your feelings before Him he will deal with them for you! God Bless You!

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