Scared to be thin

Yes, I've definitely had anxiety as I get smaller. There are still a lot of days where the voice at the back of my head is telling me to get fat again, because it's safer. People didn't notice me when I was fat and it was easier in some ways.

It's been hard, but if I could go back in time I think I'd do it all again the same way (except for that two month plateau in Feb/March, of course).

My anxiety is not about getting smaller. I am looking forward to that. My anxiety is about being able to keep it off versus returning to my old bad habits. We'll all do OK...but anytime there is change, it's a scary thing!

That's where my anxiety lies - especially the food part.

I so want to be healthy, but I completely understand what you mean. I also have been obese since before I started school. The first time I was ever called a fat a** was in kindergarten. But since that is the case, I have gotten used to that being normal...not being noticed, feeling I was "less than" others, just existing, etc. I still feel like that so when someone says something about me "looking great" or whatever, my face turns red. That just doesn't happen to me. I think maybe it has taken me this long because I don't like change....and what we are doing is a HUGE CHANGE! Good luck, Hun!

My scaredy-catness comes from not knowing how I'm going to maintain it...or what happens if I break my legs and I have to cut way back on eating and I can't do it....the what ifs!

mostly maintaining...I'll need professional answers on that when I get there.

Oh I am VERY afraid, especially when it will come to social interactions. I have no idea how I'll be able to handle it. Hopefully I am going to be ok, LOL. Other than that, I'm pretty excited. It's a weird feeling.

I hear ya- I've always struggled to be small, and even losing the small amount I have thus far makes me proud but nervous about maintaining and continuing to lose as I go.

What also makes me nervous is the attention I've started getting- mostly from women I work with. "Oh my gosh, how have you lost so much already? What are you doing? Do you ever eat?"

Especially when it's birthday-cake day (1x/month). I always turn the cake down because by break time I've eaten my snack, am full again and am not interested in the empty calories in cake/frosting. Then they really lay it on thick, "Oh don't pass it to Dana, she doesn't eat ANYTHING bad." (I then think to myself, "yeah I got this big from eating right and exercising...")

We can reach our goals, and feel we deserve to look good and feel healthy!

I'm with ya on this. I've sabotaged myself many times throughout the years once I reached the 200 lb mark b/c that's close to what i weighed with my last pregnancy. Almost my entire adult life really, up & down but never below that. I finally busted through my mental block a couple of weeks ago. How? I didn't think about it. I put myself on autopilot for a few weeks, clean eating, exercise, weekly weigh-ins, kept myself busy & tried not to think about the numbers but rather the healthy aspect of it all I was very pleasantly surprised when I saw the number on the scale at 194. I'm getting a lot more attention than previously and it was scary at first. I just keep reminding myself how hard I've worked to accomplish what I have so far and I have an incredibly high respect level of myself for doing this. I used to feel as though if people were close to me, they appreciated me for ME and that I would have to question their sincerity if I was thin. I realized this is wrong, very, very wrong thinking. We need to change the way we think, about ourselves and others. Most importantly, the perception that really counts is our own perception of ourselves. Have a heart-to-heart conversation with yourself. Learn to appreciate you for who you really are, with expanded fat cells or not. You'll find the answers within. Best of luck to you.

I am right there with you. I've been heavy for pretty much my whole life. I have no idea what I would look like otherwise, and the attention I've received from past weight loss attempts always made me a little bit uncomfortable.

I want to be healthy, definitely. But I also want to reach that level of mental comfort with my new body (when it comes), ya know?

I totally understand! Every time that I get down like 10, 15lbs, whatever...I kinda sabotage myself, and I then I allow myself to eat that donut, or drink that coffee a few days in a row, or weeks in a row, cause it's ok, I already lost like 15lbs...when in reality I still have lots to go, and the weight will slowly creep back on...I really do have to take it day by day, and just make it through..but ya..I am a little scared..mostly because I've been this same weight-ish..since I was 13, give or take 20 lbs here and there....Totally get it!

I was completely overwhelmed the first time I lost weight. Suddenly the attention and the way people treated me and looked at me was alien after years of being overweight.
I think I lost weight far too quickly, and didn't allow the changes to happen gradually. Consequently I regained absolutely everything.
You sound like you're losing weight at a really sensible rate, and you are giving yourself time to adapt to the changes. As soon as you start to feel anxious, slow it down.
Maybe write down your fears, find a good naturally slim friend and chat about them?
You'll do brilliantly.

Yes I am too but have set my goal to chubby rather than fat and hope I'll be happy there rather than becoming someone I've never been. I also figure my skin will fit me better if I don't try to go all the way!

I am so with you - although I have only managed to lose 29 with MFP I have lost 50 in total. I have been helping my mother out alot and every time I see her she keeps saying that she can not believe I am losing so much weight. I know she is trying to encourage me but I hear something different. I know that I do the same thing as well with the sabotage. I have wanted to be under 210 lbs for such a long time that when I finally did get under 210 lbs I have been eating like crazy ever since and I have gained again. Very discouraging and frustrating at the same time. I just can not seem to stop sabotaging myself.

I keep hoping that this time it will be different. My goal for today is to just get through without eating over my calories and for the rest I will try to deal with that tomorrow.

i've gotten down to just above 200# twice in the past few years (having been about 175# & 5'10 previously) and both times sabotaged myself into gaining back 30-40# each time.....soooooooooo not cool. its bc i see how good i look/feel and only want attention on my call. i take a short break from my workouts/eating right then it becomes never.

this is the first time i've sought help for weight loss and i'm really glad i did bc i finally feel like i have a support system and tools at my disposal and i'm realizing when i emotionally eat and splurge too much. i usually work 2 jobs back to back and never have time for friends/family so whenever i do have free time i see each interaction as a reason to celebrate--which means making bad eating choices. so no more. being aware of my actions and their consequences is really helpful.

so thank you MFP and everyone else on here who is opening up and sharing, it really does help me and i feel different this time around loosing weight and taking control of my life.

i self sabotage as soon as people notice me / my weight loss. i have something inside me that doesnt believe i can be attractive or that i don't deserve to be

so at least once a week i try this:

today. i am going to enjoy my awesomeness! (this is my challenge for the day)
I put on nice clothes ( that i couldn't fit into previously. I do my hair and put on make up and i am going to feel fab all day. it doesn't matter if someone comments or not because today it's all about me!
if they have a compliment I am going to smile and say thanks as meaning fully as possible and then I am going to make sure that i accept that compliment i my head! I am going to accept it not get embarrassed by it
and if no one makes a comment that's great to because the people around me a accepting the new me and it has become normal - this is the new me and it's not going to change!

and i'm doing this because i AM going to get healthy i AM going to get toned and I deserve to think that i am attractive ( irrelevant of other peoples opinions) and be happy with myself- i AM NOT going to sabotage myself again. so i have to change, shut up that inner voice that tells me i can't or there is no point or to give up.

every time i get self doubts i am trying to find one thing I like about the new me! i.e. i can touch my toes, i can hang upside down of a poledancing pole etc. nothing to do with how i look but something GOOD!
or i just tell myself to shut up and do something i enjoy ( phone a firend, get a manicure, whatever)

i am still not good at this: i have been loosing the same 10lb for 2 years, but i have lost it and this time i am going to work on the next 10 even though i am starting to get comment s on the street!

today. i am going to enjoy my awesomeness! (this is my challenge for the day)
I have put on nice clothes ( that i couldn't fit into previously. I have done my hair and put on make up and i am going to feel fab all day. it doesn't matter if someone comments or not because today it's all about me!
if they have a compliment I am going to smile and say thanks as meaning fully as possible and then I am going to make sure that i accept that compliment i my head! I am going to accept it not get embarrassed by it
and if no one makes a comment that's great to because the people around me a accepting the new me and it has become normal - this is the new me and it's not going to change!

and i'm doing this because i AM going to get healthy i AM going to get toned and I deserve to think that i am attractive ( irrelevant of other peoples opinions) and be happy with myself- i AM NOT going to sabotage myself again. so i have to change, shut up that inner voice that tells me i can't or there is no point or to give up.

i am not married, and i am just offering some thoughts
but you could sign up for a challenge such as a 5k and get him to support you and then have a healthy picnic together after.

it sounds very un-romantic but schedule things - so if you work out Wednesday after work ask if it's ok to have a late dinner so you can eat together or have wednight as fitness/ your won time and have thursday as date night and do something you wouldn't normally do even if it's just sitting on the porch and watching the stars

maybe you could find an exercise he could do - swimming or cycling may not be that hard on his knees and if you start gradually together - obviously i don't know here what the issue is but maybe you could talk to a doctor and get some exercises you can do together ?
the final thing and possibly the hardest ( for me anyway)
have you talked to him about your fears?