Confronting My Fears

Hello All,

my name is Michelle and I'm new here. I am 23 years old and I have a wonderful husband ( who wears a size 34 because he sucks) and 2 beautiful children. Jayson is my son from a previous relationship and Maddie is his daughter from a previous relationship. Both children are 4 years old.

When I met my husband, I was a size 9 and 190 pounds. I am now 274 and a size 20. Needless to say, I am a mess.

My goal is to lose 101 pounds in one year. Today is day one.

One of my biggest fears is that I want another child so badly that it hurts when I see babies. Seriously, my ovaries ache!

My husband and I agree that we are going to wait 1-3 more years for another baby. However, I have this fear that I will lose all of this weight and then end up pregnant and gain it all back. What is the point in working so hard to lose it all if I'm just going to get pregnant.

And I know - healthier pregnancy, change in life style, you won't gain so much, you can lose it back faster after the baby - if you don't lose the weight you'll just gain more with pregnancy - I know it all, I've said it all to myself before.

I actually have a fear that I will lose this weight and then change my mind about wanting another baby.

However, in the mean time, I am not living my life. Turning down invites to go out to dinner with my friends and family because I'm ashamed to eat in front of people, turning down invites to go to the amusement park because I'm afraid that I'm too big for the rides.

So here I am today - ready to confront my fears