Insecure about a lot of things

It sounds like you've got a lot of stuff to deal with. I can relate to quite a bit of what you said-I've always been overweight myself (since the age of 7) and have been bullied quite extensively for it. You mention what your boyfriend thinks about your weight, and what your mum thinks-to be honest, I think that until you finally embrace the idea of losing weight for yourself-because you deserve it, because you want to wear certain clothes, because you want to be healthy, it is always going to be a struggle. Until you decide that you are worth more, that you deserve to be happy within yourself, it's going to feel like a struggle.

That said, I think a lot of what I had difficulty with in the past-never in my life have I achieved this much in one period as am doing currently-is that this time, from the start, I told myself I could, and would, do it. I never say "IF I achieve my goal then blablabla", instead I say to myself "WHEN I achieve my goal I will...." and that attitude has helped me keep going. The other biggest change I've implemented this time around is that, in the past, I've been good for up to a week, then binged, then said "my diet is ruined now" and quit. This time, instead, every day is a new day. How ever bad the previous day might have been (although I am getting better at controlling my binges now with practice), every day I wake up, dust myself off and start again.

You know how in Mean Girls she points out the table in the cafeteria for "girls who eat their feelings"? That used to be me. I think, given that you mentioned the issues you're facing and the impact they are having on your life, you need to deal with those problems whilst you are on this weightloss journey, or they may end up just keeping coming back to haunt you. However you need to do that-talking to a counsellor, just writing them down or just acknowledging them to yourself,-I would seriously advise that you attempt to deal with them. I myself would never have been willing to acknowledge these things about myself just a few months ago, and I truly believe that that's why it was so hard for me to let them go.

It's great that you're giving it another go! There's a quote which inspires me which goes something like "a year from today you'll wish you'd started now" -I know that's true for me, if I quit now I'd always regret it! It's OK to mess up, you don't have to be perfect, but as long as you show the same determination you've already shown, you'll get there eventually! And as for the mental stuff, I know what you mean-I went to an all girl's school for several years, and it sucked being constantly surrounded by girls who were far better looking than me. My advice would be to just turn that negative "I wish I looked like them" into "soon I will-a year from now they'll be asking me for my secret!" - you can and will do this, now's your time (and you've already lost 8 whole pounds, the equivalent of 32 sticks of butter according to something I read on here!) - have faith in yourself, you've got this!!
(I really hope this was helpful )

For what it's worth.....

I'd personally doubt that losing weight will do that much about feelings of jealousy. I don't know about anyone else reading this thread, but for me at least, there will always be someone better looking than me and someone younger and fitter than me. And there's nothing whatever I can do about it. And unless we have any potential supermodels or Hollywood starlets reading this, this goes for you too. Ultimately, it comes down to trust - partners need to be able to trust each other.

I'd also wonder about whether losing weight for someone else is the best approach. It's great to have a supportive partner and enjoy their praise and the feeling of making someone you love happy. But ultimately, you've got to want it for yourself - that's what I think anyway.

A lot of people here talking about fighting and struggling. That's fine - willpower is needed. But I think the key to real and lasting success is about changing habits - slowly winding down old habits and routines, and building up new ones. This is a slow process. But once things become habit, things get easier. On a related note, the other way to make things easier is to either find healthy things that are enjoyable, or learn to enjoy them.

The thing about people who already have healthy habits is that they may not know (or might have forgotten) what the struggle is like to get there. Thus, they're not always good people to take advice from. If I was scared of flying (for example), I'd only want advice from people who are also scared of flying and have overcome that anxiety, or who have developed good ways of dealing with the fear. Someone who loves flying and has never been scared of it can do little to help.