Hurt and discouraged...

MSeel1984
MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
in Motivation and Support
So I brought in some treats to my friends at work to thank them for the bridal shower that they gave me a couple weeks ago.

A nurse tells me "See-I don't think you look like you've gained weight. You've lost weight...I overheard a few people saying you look like you've gained weight."

...What am I supposed to say to that? In actuality I have lost a little bit (which is SHOCKING seeing as I was on vacation for my wedding the past couple weeks).

As you can see from my profile pic (which was taken a couple saturdays ago at my wedding), I'm not a large individual. I didn't join this site to lose weight, but to get good control of my Type I diabetes...

Why is it that people say such unneccesarry things?

PS: I'm not looking for people to come on here and tell me what I'm doing wrong. Seeing as I am actually crying in my little shack of an office, encouragement is needed more than criticism.
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Replies

  • KTlew54
    KTlew54 Posts: 23
    People are mean. Screw them and just keep on trying to get to the healthy place you want to be. Their opinions don't matter, only yours. You're lovely and you should be very proud of yourself for wanting to get as healthy as you possibly can since diabetes is a ***** to fight anyway. Good on you, and bad karma to them.

    Chin up, love. You're doing just fine.
  • harrisaman
    harrisaman Posts: 24
    People do this to feel better about themselves....Lack of confidence on the other side of the table I would say! Take that comment and turn it around as a positive for you...Use it as motivation and then in the back of your mind tell them to go screw themselves..LOL Cheer up, you are a beautiful person! :)
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    People are mean. Screw them and just keep on trying to get to the healthy place you want to be. Their opinions don't matter, only yours. You're lovely and you should be very proud of yourself for wanting to get as healthy as you possibly can since diabetes is a ***** to fight anyway. Good on you, and bad karma to them.

    Chin up, love. You're doing just fine.

    Thank you for the kind words...I hate crying at work...I have a patient education to do and my eyes are red and puffy.

    It meant a lot-one stranger to another.

    Good karma to you for being kind. :)
  • katicasi82
    katicasi82 Posts: 121 Member
    People are jealous, you're young, beautiful and in love...I hate you a little myself :)
  • Merrychrissmith
    Merrychrissmith Posts: 231 Member
    The nurse (I am inhealthcare too) was at best clumsy with a compliment. Probably nobody said you looked like you gained, she just said that to make her compliment (?) appear better than it was.

    As my Dad says " You are still breathing and not bleeding.....life is good." Lol, and it is good! You are doing good to control your body and your life. Yea for you!
  • Loulady
    Loulady Posts: 511 Member
    Bless her stupid heart. That nurse was itching to be a catty b*tch without actually taking responsibility for it.
  • SyStEmPhReAk
    SyStEmPhReAk Posts: 330 Member
    Don't cry, over-analyze what was said, or give it another thought. People will see you losing weight or getting healthier and two things will inevitably happen: (1) those who are secure in themselves will congratulate you and even ask you for advice and (2) those who are insecure with their appearance or overall lifestlye/diet choices will feel threatened and be negative... And you just happened to catch a glimpse of the latter. Negativity will be out there ALWAYS. Do NOT let it get to you - says easy and does hard, i know - instead just act like you didn't hear it. The insecure people who have watched me get more cut and defined in the last few months always say things like "you're too skinny" or "you're not eating". I used to let it get to me, but now i realize that those are the insecure and jealous ones. Why waste your time (or tears) on people like that.

    If you're happy with yourself, then that is ALL that matters...

    P.S. Whenever i get down, i jus look at my abs in the mirror... :laugh: jk
  • sergior986
    sergior986 Posts: 12 Member
    Live your life and forget about what others say!
  • valeriebpdx
    valeriebpdx Posts: 497 Member
    I also hate crying at work, but alas, some of us are just wired that way. Sweetie, you are a lovely newlywed within 10 lbs. of your goal weight. Life is good (but for that type 1 DM, but it sounds like you've made your peace with that). It matters not a bit whether you gained a few or lost a few on your honeymoon. Sometimes thoughtless morons say things, even thoughtless morons who are your friends. Breathe deeply and let it go.
  • RhoRocks
    RhoRocks Posts: 28 Member
    Who knows what made her say such a thoughtless thing. When I was hurt by anything in life, Mom would always say, "Make like a duck... and let it slide off of you". You know? LIke water on a duck's back?

    So you beautiful girl... I would say to you... MAKE LIKE A DUCK!
  • MrDude_1
    MrDude_1 Posts: 2,510 Member
    Just say 'well bless your heart'.
  • vcorbin01
    vcorbin01 Posts: 130 Member
    Don't get discouraged! Honestly you look great!

    Here are some points to be made: #1 People are jealous and they envy others who look better than they do, #2 They will say hurtful things to make themselves feel better.

    You know what you do? You want around with your head held high in accomplishment and stick it in their face. They will see you are not hurt and that you are proud of YOU. Eventually it may make them re-evaluate themselves and take a reality check in the mirror. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of and personally by looking at pictures women would love to have your body frame. Kill these workers with a smile and continue to do what makes you happy.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    Who knows what made her say such a thoughtless thing. When I was hurt by anything in life, Mom would always say, "Make like a duck... and let it slide off of you". You know? LIke water on a duck's back?

    So you beautiful girl... I would say to you... MAKE LIKE A DUCK!

    LoL-new favorite quote..."Make like a duck".

    Thank you very much...it can be hard to not be hurt when you hear things like that...but as long as I am happy with what I see in the mirror, there's no reason to let someone else (thin fat or otherwise) say something that upsets me like that.

    What was the quote- "No one has the right to make you feel inferior except you." Eleanor Roosevelt...one of my favorite quotes along with "Well behaved women rarely make history."
  • marmar2903
    marmar2903 Posts: 13 Member
    I have worked with women mainly and they can be so cruel. I would question the motives of the person that told me that. I have worked with a few women that (I hate to say lie) but really don't tell the whole truth- there is always something twisted. You have to take any story that they tell you and know that it is slanted to make themselves look good. We call them S**t stirrers and that is what they do well. I can't see anything else she was wanting to accomplish. But regardless, they have the problem not you. Your pictures are lovely and you look really good. I would be beyond proud to be near your size. :)

    Smile- it seems you have a really lot to be happy about. Life is too short to waste on idiots.
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    Thank you everyone for the kind words. Mission accomplished and I'm much more cheerful and motivated-strange how nice words from strangers almost mean more than those from people you know well.

    I decided to take a running tally of things to be happy about:

    1.) I have an AMAZING new husband that thinks I'm sexy and amazing (he is too-but no need to go down that bunny trail).
    2.) I'm still sticking with the 5AM routine and feeling good.
    3.) I have a solid job which helps me afford my lifestyle.
    4.) I have a dog that loves me and has no opinions of weight whatsoever
    5.) I have my health. My blood sugars have been infinitely better since I started working out daily.

    Thanks again for the encouraging words.
  • chocl8girl
    chocl8girl Posts: 1,968 Member
    *sigh* I do NOT understand this need that some people have to police other people's bodies, or to scrutinize everything about them, just LOOKING for something negative to say, and if they can't find anything, flat-out inventing things.

    You are absolutely beautiful. *(*(*hugs*)*)* :flowerforyou:
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    Girl, take it from someone who works in a whole office of catty females...people only say things like that make themselves feel better! Don't let them get you down!
  • zealousmissjj_wechange
    zealousmissjj_wechange Posts: 445
    Awww...sweetypie don't cry! I had a look at your pics but you look amazing! Beautiful!! And I don't know WHAT the hell those people were talking about, honestly!!

    Cheer up buttercup - it's a whole load of crap from people that probably don't mean bad but just envy you!

    X!
  • opuntia
    opuntia Posts: 860 Member
    Maybe it was a clumsy way of trying to get on your good side. A colleague of mine once did something similar to our manager - he told her that even though no one else liked her, he liked her and thought she was a good boss. Needless to say, it didn't have the effect he'd hoped for - she replied very deliberately 'Oh, I wasn't aware that everyone disliked me. I'm quite saddened to hear that. Are you really telling me that everyone dislikes me?' At which he became awkward and umm-ed and ahh-ed and tried to retract what he'd said!
  • zealousmissjj_wechange
    zealousmissjj_wechange Posts: 445
    P.S. Whenever i get down, i jus look at my abs in the mirror... :laugh: jk

    Maybe we should all look at your abs when we feel sad! :wink:
  • Dxleas
    Dxleas Posts: 1
    She Eleanor Roosevelt also said "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission". So don't give your power away. Office gossip is horrible. Women here also comment on a newlywed woman's body taking bets when the woman is going to get pregnant. It's horrible. Haters will be hatin'! Go get 'em!
  • apedeb09
    apedeb09 Posts: 805 Member
    They're just jealous of your beauty! Who wouldnt be? You are gorgeous! Dont let those b*tches ruin your day. :)
  • postrockandcats
    postrockandcats Posts: 1,145 Member
    Wow, what a backhanded compliment!

    People ARE mean. What she said was not only mean, but totally uncalled for. You're doing just fine. If you know you're doing what you're supposed to be doing and are happy with that, then her opinion means jack squat. You look lovely!
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    Maybe it was a clumsy way of trying to get on your good side. A colleague of mine once did something similar to our manager - he told her that even though no one else liked her, he liked her and thought she was a good boss. Needless to say, it didn't have the effect he'd hoped for - she replied very deliberately 'Oh, I wasn't aware that everyone disliked me. I'm quite saddened to hear that. Are you really telling me that everyone dislikes me?' At which he became awkward and umm-ed and ahh-ed and tried to retract what he'd said!

    Oh my gosh that is so sad-I feel so bad for her :(

    I just wish I could go home and curl up in front of a movie with my dog...that usually makes me feel better.

    At least my workout is out of the way today so I can go slack off...actually I'm planning to buy my ballet outfit after work. My hubby got me ballet lessons for my birthday and I finally found a studio! I've always wanted to learn.
  • Carol_L
    Carol_L Posts: 296 Member
    Its one of those unfortunate realities that there are people out there who, unhappy with their own lives, don't want to see others be happy or successful. Coming in all glowing after your honeymoon was probably more than this sad individual could stand, and they most likely wanted to bring you back to their level. That's their problem.

    The one thing I learned in life is that I can't control other people's actions or feelings, I can only control my reactions to them. You're taking control of the things you can control, which is awesome! As Opuntia pointed out, learning some verbal jujitsu (turning statements back around at folks to get to the heart of their motivation) can be a powerful skill.

    You're doing great - its the other person who has the issues. Don't let them rain on your parade : )
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    Whether or not anyone in your work area actually said that, she was being a ***** by even repeating (or making that up). It was a hurtful thing for her to say. You look incredible, and should just rock that. Forget what they have to say about it. Enjoy the start to your new life with your husband and ignore them!
  • haylz247
    haylz247 Posts: 435
    i hate how mean some people are sometimes.

    i would just ignore them! you know you are doing well and people are jealous, that's all. people are horrible to others because they feel crap about the way they look.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    here is a hug. sometimes you dont know why people have a skewed perception of you or if one person just wanted to let you think that because they like to take people down a peg. sort of the whole - youre not as dumb as everyone says you are! kind of insult.

    squeeze

    dont worry.
    you are so beautiful.
    and you look quite fit.

    :flowerforyou:
  • illbetravelin
    illbetravelin Posts: 27 Member
    screw em, you are beautiful
  • MSeel1984
    MSeel1984 Posts: 2,297 Member
    here is a hug. sometimes you dont know why people have a skewed perception of you or if one person just wanted to let you think that because they like to take people down a peg. sort of the whole - youre not as dumb as everyone says you are! kind of insult.

    squeeze

    dont worry.
    you are so beautiful.
    and you look quite fit.

    :flowerforyou:

    Thank you, yoovie...I've been working like a dog. The week of my wedding I still went hiking or walking daily for an hour....

    And now that I'm home I'm back to the 5AM routine...so hearing that kind of comment when I'm working hard is hurtful...but you're right. This particular person just probably meant it as a compliment and it came out wrong...or it's a backhanded compliment and she wants me to feel like crap.

    Either way, I can't let other people's opinions affect my personal goals. I didn't start this journey for them anyway-it's for me!

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